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ho,ho,ho

From the John Files....

WOMAN'S LOVE POEM

Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong,
One who loves to listen long.
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?"
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

MAN'S LOVE POEM

I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with
Huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,
And loves to send me fishing and hunting. This
Doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit

"at last I've found the perfect girl,I'll never want for more. She's deaf and dumb and oversexed; and owns a liquor store."

Hah, love that, John Paulson

Hee haw, huh? Here's a great moment in Hee Haw History - a scene from the show:

Junior and Granpaw are lying on the front porch of the shack napping, facing opposite directions, when one of the Hee Haw Honeys walks by on the road.

Granpaw says, "Hoo-ee, Junior! That sure is a purty gal there walkin' by!"

Junior: "Sure wish I was facin' thataway."

I'll say nothing about this, except check the idea for Baby Alive.

I can say no more.

This biker had been clattering across the Nevada desert all day, and he was hot, thirsty and lonely by the end of it. So when the Mustang Ranch hove into view, he knew exactly what he wanted.

He stomped in the door, and having been deafened by the wind and his chopper, shouted at the madam, "I want a cold beer, a room and the toughest girl you got!"

The madam slapped a cold bottle in his hand and pointed at a doorway. "There you go!"

When he walks in the door and slams it behind him, the hooker takes one look at him, then turns around and braces herself on the wall.

"Hey, what are you doing?" he says. "I don't want it that way!"

"Oh, I know," she replied. "I thought you might wanna open that bottle first!"

Seen on the back of an 18 wheeler in the dust today.

OBAMA

NISIA

EGSSM

   TE

   AR

   KI

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Wish I could have gotten a picture.

A man's perfect Breakfast
You're sitting at the breakfast table and:
You're on the cover of Forbes.
Your son is on the box of Wheaties.
Your daughter's story is on page 1 of the WSJ.
Your mistress is on the cover of Playboy.
Your wife is on the back of the milk carton.