How To Feed Your Children, By The French
As I wrote in I See Rude People, French parents give their children a choice at dinner time. No, not children's meal or what the adults are eating. There's only one meal, the one everyone gets, and the kids' choice? Eat or starve.
Judith Woods writes for The Telegraph/UK of a chef with the right idea:
Children, stop throwing bread rolls, fold your napkins and prepare for the shock of your cosseted little lives. Parents, put down that second carafe of house red (yes, you can have it back later), and hark: can you detect something terrifying yet exhilarating in the air?As of today, chef will be unveiling a new Kids' Menu, comprising Tough Love Linguine, I Don't Care if you Sulk Saltimbocca and Take It or Leave It Tiramisu, all served up with a tantalising whiff of cordite.
Esteemed Italian chef Antonio Carluccio, better known for his risotto con porcini than his revolutionary fervour, is fomenting rebellion among the nation's restaurateurs. He is urging them to ditch children's menus, chuck the chips and thus force Britain's offspring to eat baked mussels and Tuscan wild boar stew, just like Suri Cruise on a night out with Tom and Katie. Probably.
It seems Daddy is too downtrodden and Mummy too mellow on vino rosso (mea culpa) to resist our infants' imperious and shrieky demands for fries and reconstituted chicken dippers as, actually, we came out to have a nice time.
The only solution, according to Carluccio, is to go cold turkey, and cut off their supply of junk food. Faced with an empty tummy or calf's liver with onions, kids will have no choice but to order - their own body weight in garlic bread, I predict.
Still, it's a fine opening salvo in the battle to wrest back power to parents.
Economist Veronique de Rugy explains at The Corner how it works here in America, where she lives, and how it worked in France, where she grew up:
Excessive catering of American parents to their kids' food preferences also explains how American food got bad. Argentinian parents feed their kids kidney, Mexicans feed theirs spices, and Germans feed their kids strong-tasting breads. But American parents feed their kids chicken nuggets and other bland foods. Also, while in other countries, parents often impose their tastes on their children, somehow the reverse happens in the U.S.Growing up, my parents would mostly ignore my wishes when it came to food -- or anything else for that matter. I wasn't forced to eat blue cheese at every meal, but I had to try it once in a while, like I had to try every new food they put on the table. My mom fixed one meal for the whole family and if you didn't like it, well, tough luck because that's what was on the menu that night. As a result, my sister and I ate very diverse meals (most of them without particular enjoyment). This practice may not guarantee that children will grow into adults who can eat anything but it certainly makes it easier for parents (Having tried both ways with my children, I can confirm that point too!).
Oh, those people are so much more civilized than the dreary Americans....
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at April 23, 2012 12:05 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/04/23/how_to_feed_you.html#comment-3154445">comment from Crid [CridComment at gmail]I'm very American and this is how I was raised. There was dinner on the table and that was that.
Amy Alkon at April 23, 2012 12:08 AM
My uncle told me that as a boy helping out on a relative's farm, they were served liver for dinner. He complained. "Then I guess your meal is over," said his uncle. And it was.
Growing up, we didn't have much choice, either. And we were expected to eat at least one serving of vegetables. We were not, as I recall, required to like them, which would have been insulting; we just had to choke them down. I could manage Brussels sprouts if I washed them down with milk. Others I learned to tolerate. But to my Mom's credit, I don't remember seeing more than once stuff I actually gagged on, like that disgusting salad made of green beans, wax beans, and kidney beans, mixed with vinegar.
Old RPM Daddy at April 23, 2012 4:45 AM
I"m getting a little tired of "french are better!" meme here. Plenty of US parents don't cater to their kids food whims. PLENTY. I'd even venture to say most.
momof4 at April 23, 2012 5:38 AM
Where does Veronique de Rugy live? Here in Texas, we have Americans of Mexican and German descent (living here for many generations, not just recent immigrants) and their kids definitely eat spicy Mexican food and strong-tasting German bread. Why wouldn't they? They eat chicken nuggets, too, but not every day. Kids in Louisiana eat the cuisine of that area, as well as chicken nuggets (my niece eats hers with Louisiana hot sauce).
The point of having chicken nuggets on the kids' menu in a restaurant is for the kids to have that as a choice *that* night, when it's a treat/special occasion, while Mom and Dad are also indulging their own culinary whims. Most parents do serve the food and offer the "eat or go hungry" choice most nights.
Jenny Had A Chance at April 23, 2012 6:17 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/04/23/how_to_feed_you.html#comment-3155114">comment from momof4I"m getting a little tired of "french are better!" meme here.
The French do plenty of things worse -- anything economic, for example. But, they're better on diet and a good many seem to raise children the way children used to be raised here. Should we not admit that?
Amy Alkon at April 23, 2012 6:18 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/04/23/how_to_feed_you.html#comment-3155120">comment from Amy AlkonWas this one of these "French are better!" posts?
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/03/03/how_to_make_all.html
Amy Alkon at April 23, 2012 6:20 AM
This was the way it was when I grew up. Large family, and there was always something someone would not like. Tough luck for them, or me, depending on the meal.
Compared to nearly anyone today, we were poor. Not food stamp poor, and we had regular dental care, but black and white TV, with three channels, and you had to wait a whole week to watch Walt Disney on Sunday evening.
Maybe I was French before being French was cool.
MarkD at April 23, 2012 6:22 AM
Heh. I think MarkD and I grew up in the same neighbourhood. And era for that matter. We ate what was on our plate or we went hungry. Most nights we ate. I can remember too, being not so well off that my mom would try to put one over on us kids, mixing powdered milk with regular milk. She got over that pretty quick, though, cause we could always tell when she did it. She eventually saved the powdered stuff for dad's coffee.
And my girls are not fussy eaters either. I've always given them a variety, and taught them that even if they don't think they like what's being served, it's impolite to refuse it without first trying it. Things that they really didn't like were few and far between, and not such an important part of their diet that I ever had to force them to eat anything. Very rarely would they refuse something, and if they did, I wouldn't make a big deal out of it. But they do ear a good variety, and they only have fast food with their father.
Flynne at April 23, 2012 7:03 AM
Maybe American just don't cook their food as well as the French do. If the food tasted better, I'm sure the children would complain less.
Snoopy at April 23, 2012 7:23 AM
De Rugy:
Nope.
It's lazy adults unwilling to cook.
Two working spouses = chicken nuggets, takeout, and microwave stalwarts - all of them "food-scienced" into mediocrity.
Ben David at April 23, 2012 7:30 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/04/23/how_to_feed_you.html#comment-3155251">comment from Ben DavidNope. It's lazy adults unwilling to cook. Two working spouses = chicken nuggets, takeout, and microwave stalwarts - all of them "food-scienced" into mediocrity.
Gotta love the Israeli guy pontificating on the American diet -- and as usual, Ben David brings in his prejudices and generalizes them into a broad statement knocking working mothers.
And you're wrong.
Parents who are gourmet cooks cater to their children's dietary wishes like they're servants in a palace bowing to the wishes of the king.
Oh, and I don't cook; I heat. And I eat plenty healthy. It's possible to make food fast and easily that is very nutritious.
Amy Alkon at April 23, 2012 7:41 AM
Foods I hated as a child but now I like:
Lima beans
Cooked carrots
Broccoli
Tuna Fish
Oatmeal
Strawberries
Foods I hated as a child and still hate:
Tomatoes (the fruit itself - catsup, tomato sauce, tomato soup, tomato juice I've always liked)
Raisins
Liver
Beer (Like any dad mine gave me a sip when I was curious. Hated it ever since. Tried it again during college like any college kid. Still hated it.)
Foods I hated as a child and still don't like but can tolerate if circumstances warrant:
Cantaloupe
Watermelon
Melon
hadsil at April 23, 2012 9:34 AM
Oh, one more thing I hated as a child and still hate:
Peanut butter and jelly sandwich cut into triangles.
If not cut into rectangles, it's garbage! :)
hadsil at April 23, 2012 9:37 AM
Somewhat guilty, but not feeling bad about it.
For example, when I make lasagna, there's a section without onions for the boy and another section without noodles for me while hubby gets "normal" lasagna.
When I make burger's, I pull out some of the hamburger before I mix in the onions & green peppers so I can make "plain" patties for the boy.
When I make pad thai, there's one pan with chicken, shrimp and noodles in it for them, and my own pan that's just chicken & bean sprouts.
I wouldn't insist an adult eat things that make them gag and adjust dishes to suit the adults in our home, so I don't have an issue doing it for our son either. Making small modifications to portions of a meal isn't an issue when there's just three of us. And he does re-try things from time to time as he's realized himself that his taste's change.
But some things you never learn to like...I keep trying shell fish and still can't understand how people eat it. Looks great...tastes blech!
Niki at April 23, 2012 9:48 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/04/23/how_to_feed_you.html#comment-3155515">comment from hadsilFoods I hated as a child: Everything my mother ever made.
(Susan Goldsmith, a wonderful journalist I encountered later in life, who knew us when we were growing up, used to see me at journo events and say, "Does your mom still make you eat bulgar wheat?" Eek. Dietary torture. Mom meant well, for what it's worth.)
Amy Alkon at April 23, 2012 9:57 AM
I ate what I was fed, too, and this included liver, spinach, broccoli, squash, all sorts of things my step turned up his nose at.
But it wasn't long before I noticed that young mothers in Socal were feeding their kids whatever. Usually these were teen moms, in the early 60s..I couldn't believe it but I think it was due to not ever going hungry. My mom was a kid in the depression, and you ate whatever you could get, the cheapest meats and whatever produce Uncle Joe hauled in from the Imperial Valley. That's just how it was.
carol at April 23, 2012 9:59 AM
My two-year-old eats almost everything- salmon, steak, eggs, various pastas, raw and cooked veggies, all types of cheese including bleu, salsa and guacamole at Mexican restaurants, sausage, chicken, etc. Husband and his friends hunt, so she's had "weird" stuff like feral hog, red stag, sandhill crane, oryx, and even kangaroo. We tell her all of that's "steak," though. Her favorite food is avocado. She did think the parmesan-crusted talapia I made last week was "yucky." We have the standard kid snacks, but I keep a kiddie-lock on that cabinet so she can't just help herself to a bunch of goldfish before dinner.
My mother was an awful cook. Everything we ate came out of the pantry. A standard dinner was: a hamburger-helper-ish concoction with ground beef, an onion, tomato paste, and noodles, with a side of canned green beans or corn, plus buttered white toast. Mom was a finicky eater with a very limited pallet, and she didn't make anything she didn't like. I did not have fresh spinach, artichoke, or asparagus until I was an adult. I've learned to cook things over the last 10 years by watching my husband. I think a lot of parents are serving their kids bland stuff because that's what THEY (the parents) want. I know grown men who refuse to eat any type of seafood, garlic, or exotic cheese, so of course their children aren't ever exposed to those foods.
ahw at April 23, 2012 10:11 AM
At least for eating out there is another VERY important reason to have the kid's menu.
D'ya want to spend $25 bucks on a steak for your kid that could care less? or is a $5 burger better?
True enough, if you can get a larger meal and share it with them, it's good, it just depends...
Now that my kids aren't anymore [the youngest being 12] I don't take them out as much because it's 2x as expensive. That's over and above their odd dietary restrictions.
If we can get a family dinner set up, or smaller portions that are cheaper for kids, fabu...
SwissArmyD at April 23, 2012 10:34 AM
We all go into parenting thinking we have the magic formula to get them to:
Eat anything!
Never have tantrums!
Sleep perfectly!
Ace the SATs!
Oy, just got back from the pediatrician and she's dropped from 50th percentile weight and height to 10th... getting her to eat anything is NOT easy.
I tried the whole not feeding her other options thing, but she's very content to not eat anything. We had this problem with nursing in the beginning, and now we have it with food.
So I'm resorting to trickery. Veggies, beans, or whatever we want her to eat more of in the tomato sauce, nuts in the yoghurt for dessert, etc.
Interestingly, she likes things like tapenade and sundried tomatos, pakoras, papadum, and pesto.
As for goldfish, sweets and stuff like that, I am happy to give her a treat AFTER she's eaten a real meal. Not instead of.
But we will give her a meal she likes, and we're doing more of that starting today, and gradually easing her in to new foods.
Her favorite meal is cream of spinach soup which I make at the beginning of the week and dole out into mini tupperwares. She used to hate it, but we put it on her pasta and introduced it that way. We will be doing more of that and less just hoping she's hungry enough to try something new.
Sorry theoretical French folks, kids gotta eat.
NicoleK at April 23, 2012 11:46 AM
I grew up in Southern California with parents who were raised in WWII England, and I wasn't allowed to leave the table until I had eaten everything on my plate. My mother gave me very small portions when she knew I didn't like something, but there were many evenings I was still sitting at the dining table at bedtime, staring at a plate of (now cold and congealed) food.
I always hated red meat (still do), and I remember once bursting into tears when my mother announced, "Meatloaf tonight!" And her experimental eggplant moussaka sent me over the edge. (How totally insulting to my mother's fine cooking!)
I don't really agree with forcing a kid to clean their plate, however I did learn the fine art of how to politely eat shit you don't like (comes in handy at dinner parties).
Lesley at April 23, 2012 12:06 PM
We DO let Baby A have a seperate dinner on a regular basis- but it's because Husband and I sometimes eat after 9pm. So, she'll either have leftovers, or something easy like an avocado and some bacon, or some sliced turkey and little chunks of cheese, or mac-n-cheese. No big deal- she still eats "grown-up" food when I give it to her. (Well, she tries it, anyway.)
ahw at April 23, 2012 12:17 PM
My middle daughter, now 21, would eat just about anything I put in front of her. She started eating steak once she had teeth. When she was 2, I would have to order a full-sized steak meal for her when dining out. It got damn expensive feeding her, I longed for her to just sit there and share off my plate, or to order a damn burger from the kids menu.
I never allowed the finicky eating BS...if I cooked it, they ate it, or they went hungry. But when we went out to eat, they could pick what they wanted from the menu. Afterall, we were dining out as a treat.
sara at April 23, 2012 12:17 PM
My kid eats anything I make. Always has. He loves artichokes and pad thai and carnitas and tikka masala. He adores cauliflower and broccoli. Not a huge fan of lettuce salad, but then neither am I. He'll eat it if I make it. I never make him special meals. If anything, I separate out enough for him and me and then spice the rest for hubby, who likes it uber-spicy.
Son can also fend for himself just fine. He always loves "scavenge night" when he can fix anything he can find in the fridge, freezer or pantry. He enjoys frying up an egg sandwich, too. We have hens so a fresh egg fried in butter is nearly perfect food.
And I agree with momof4 that the French do everything better theme is getting old.
LauraGr at April 23, 2012 2:57 PM
I don't really agree with forcing a kid to clean their plate, however I did learn the fine art of how to politely eat shit you don't like (comes in handy at dinner parties).
Posted by: Lesley at April 23, 2012 12:06 PM
___________________________
What exactly IS wrong with that, provided the parent, like yours, is sensible enough to put only tiny portions on the plates? One can't blame childhood obesity on that. If poor parents are allowed to order kids not to waste food, what's wrong with more affluent parents doing that?
It's all a matter of acting polite and grateful to your host. The fact that the host is usually the parent should make no difference.
lenona at April 23, 2012 5:16 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/04/23/how_to_feed_you.html#comment-3156326">comment from lenonaI don't really agree with forcing a kid to clean their plate,
My parents did this -- I think it's bad. Trained us to eat beyond the point of being hungry.
I don't waste food now -- but I take it home instead of stuffing myself if we're out to eat, and when Gregg makes steak, he eats his all at once and I eat mine for two or three meals.
Amy Alkon at April 23, 2012 5:26 PM
People actually cook separate meals for their children? Sounds like a giant PITA and a way to raise a picky eater.
Mike Hunter at April 23, 2012 5:29 PM
When I go home on leave, I take my kids to McDonalds regularly. I get them a small happy meal each, and take them outside to the play area for as long as they want to play and run around. Sometimes I'll even join her as the character:
Zombie daddy who must eat their brains...
Super Daddy! who swoops in and saves the princess from the evil covenant hunter played by her big brother.
The hug monster, who must give squishy hugs to upside down kids.
'lol' Being dad is fun when the kids behave, wish I could do it more often.
Anyway, point is that while they're allowed these little treats of a cheeseburger or nuggets with a shake or a small soda, even twice a week when I'm home, any negatives from it they've run right out of their system with hours of outdoor play. And when I'm not joining in, I'm working on my Ipad developing software or getting other grown up things done.
It doesn't take a huge and constant amount of time to keep kids healthy and get work done, it just takes a little thought to work out the best opportunities.
Some weekends I'll take them by bus down to the theater to see a kids movie, then we'll walk the 3 miles home, and stop in all the shops along the way to look around. If they're really good, they might get a few dollars to spend too. Then just before home, I stop at redbox and get them each a movie to watch together. When they get allllll the way home, they are ready to collapse, drink water, and watch their movies for a few hours, leaving adults to have some grown up time.
Robert at April 23, 2012 5:45 PM
But what the heck do you do if your toddler won't eat ANYTHING??? I don't want to resort to pasta all the time but shit!
NicoleK at April 23, 2012 11:38 PM
I was (am) one of those "difficult" kids. I actually grew OUT of many of the foods I used to tolerate. As an adult, I've figured out that I'm actually allergic to most of them. Most of the others I'm "sensitive" to (meaning that if I'm having any other sort of immune response, I'll have an allergic response to it, so if it's pollen season or I'm coming down with a cold, some foods will give me hives or cause an eczema flare-up).
That's not to say that there aren't foods I dislike but will eat if they are served to me (e.g. peas, lima beans).
My parents insisted on veggies, and typically only one meal was to be had, but simple changes were allowed. For instance, if it was tuna-noodle casserole night, noodles could be set aside before going into the casserole. Similarly, we could have a burger without a bun or skip the sauce on spaghetti.
As for my kids, we did nothing different between the two, but one is quite sensitive and the other rather adventurous (favorite food at 18 months was pistachios). I don't think we can put it to parenting differences, since we tried to do the same thing with both.
Shannon M. Howell at April 24, 2012 5:24 AM
But what the heck do you do if your toddler won't eat ANYTHING??? I don't want to resort to pasta all the time but shit!
My friends' kid has this problem. The little girl, now 5, has always been one of the pickiest eaters I've ever seen. They visited Japan for two weeks and had to ship her food ahead of time. She would vomit back up things she didn't like. For the longest time, people, including the couple, thought it was a behavioral issue. People would advise her to let the girl eat what was served or go hungry, but she was content to not eat for days at a time.
It turned out the girl has a somewhat rare neurological condition that makes her extremely sensitive to the textures and flavors of food. When she puked her food, it was because it really made her sick, not because she was being a brat. And knowing that unfamiliar foods had a good chance of making her sick made her extremely reluctant to try new things.
With the help of a physical therapist, they have expanded her ability to tolerate foods and are continuing to work on it.
I'm not saying your kid is anything like this, but sometimes it's worth looking into medical issues when behavioral interventions don't work. Sometimes it's as simple as finding out the kid has a food sensitivity or several.
MonicaP at April 24, 2012 10:16 AM
I'm a very picky eater and am told was so from the day I was born. My kids are generally the same, so I suspect a strong genetic component at play, though my three-year-old granddaughter eats more different things than her aunts and uncles.
When I cook, I accommodate my kids (all 16 and older) to a point, such as not putting any toppings but cheese on my 18-year-old side of the pizza.
But for the meal in general, I cook what I cook and if they don't like it there's cereal in the cupboard and bread on the counter.
* * *
When I was growing up my mother was one of the better cooks in the neighborhood. Turns out she wasn't a very good cook, just that the other moms were mostly terrible. On the other hand, my mother baked amazing breads. My ex wasn't a great cook, but can make the best cookies on the planet. I am much better cook better than both, but am more hit and miss on the cookies, good with breads and excellent with the pizza (having been making it almost every week for going on forty years.)
Then there's my oldest sister, who may be the worse cook/baker on the planet.
Joe at April 24, 2012 2:23 PM
Thanks MonicaP,
She doesn't vomit things, though she will sometimes spit them out... usually things with a rough texture, I think they may be difficult to swallow.
The pediatrician wasn't overly concerned, he's said he's seen this before, sometimes kids will stagnate over several months, and made our next check-up in 6 months. At that point it will be clear if it is a real issue or not.
Ugh, such a frustrating breakfast, she hardly ate anything!
I think it's because she's more interested in doing other things, like running around or coloring, and she doesn't want to waste time eating.
NicoleK at April 25, 2012 12:03 AM
If it's any consolation Nicole, my three-year-old granddaughter will hardly eat anything and then suddenly wolf down everything fed to her. When her mother was a year old, she ate maybe two or three kinds of baby food. Now, my oldest daughter is the least picky eaters in the family, so who knows?
Try different foods and see which she likes. Every now and then try something new. Turns out my granddaughter likes uncooked carrots and broccoli, so you never know.
Joe at April 25, 2012 7:11 AM
Nicole, I have an underweight no-eater too. I plan my food offerings around her. It's not nuggets and fries, it's avacado hunks with lemon-pepper and beans, etc.
Some kids like really strong tastes. I found putting a strong spice on something helped mine like it. She "doens't like" almonds, but roast them with garlic and salt them a bit, and she devours them.
It's not my parenting. My younger 2 will eat anything and the baby truly thinks brocolli is a treat while the older 2 will actually gag on it and puke it up. Some kids are just like that. The fact that I do take her likelihood of eating into consideration doens't make me a bad parent, it makes me a good one. (if her preferences were gummy bears and pudding, then maybe I'd be a bad one).
momof4 at April 25, 2012 3:13 PM
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