The Monaco Grand Prix is this weekend.

If you find yourself wondering why some geeky Swiss kid might want to moonlight as a driver while working as a bank teller in Geneva, or why a goofy Japanese kid might want to take a break from working as chef at his Dad's sushi restaurant in Kobe to see what he can do behind the wheel, then you should probably tune in for some clues.

Catholic Church Eradicates Polio In India

A Man's Age, as Determined by a Trip to Home Depot:

You are in the middle of some kind of project around the house --.
Mowing the lawn, putting in a new fence, painting the living room or whatever.
You are hot and sweaty, covered in dust, lawn clippings, dirt or paint.
You have your old work clothes on.
You know the outfit -- shorts with the hole in the crotch, old T-shirt with a stain from who-knows-what and an old pair of tennis shoes.

Right in the middle of this great home improvement project you realize you need to run to Home Depot to get something to help complete the job.

Depending on your age you might do the following:

In your 20's:
Stop what you are doing. Shave, take a shower, blow dry your hair, brush your teeth, floss and put on clean clothes.
Check yourself in the mirror and flex.
Add a dab of your favorite cologne because you never know, you just might meet some hot chick while standing in the checkout lane. And you went to school with the pretty girl running the register.

In your 30's:
Stop what you are doing, put on clean shorts and shirt. Change shoes.
You married the hot chick so no need for much else. Wash your hands and comb your hair.
Check yourself in the mirror. Still got it. Add a shot of your favorite cologne to cover the smell.
The cute girl running the register is the kid sister to someone you went to school with.

In your 40's:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a sweatshirt that is long enough to cover the hole in the crotch of your shorts.
Put on different shoes and a hat. Wash your hands.
Your bottle of Brute Cologne is almost empty so you don't want to waste any of it on a trip to Home Depot.
Check yourself in the mirror and do more sucking in than flexing.
The hot young thing running the register is your daughter's age and you feel weird thinking she is spicy.

In your 50's:
Stop what you are doing. Put on a hat; wipe the dirt off your hands onto your shirt.
Change shoes because you don't want to get dog crap in your new sports car.
Check yourself in the mirror and you swear not to wear that shirt anymore because it makes you look fat.
The Cutie running the register smiles when she sees you coming and you think you still have it.
Then you remember the hat you have on is from Bubba's Bait & Beer Bar and it says, 'I Got Worms.'

In your 60's:
Stop what you are doing. No need for a hat anymore.
Hose the dog crap off your shoes. The mirror was shattered when you were in your 50's.
You hope you have underwear on so nothing hangs out the hole in your pants.
The girl running the register may be cute, but you don't have your glasses on so you are not sure.

In your 70's:
Stop what you are doing. Wait to go to Home Depot until the drug store has your prescriptions ready, too.
Don't even notice the dog crap on your shoes.
The young thing at the register stares at you and you realize your balls are hanging out the hole in your crotch.

In your 80's:
Stop what you are doing. Start again. Then stop again.
Now you remember you need to go to Home Depot.
Go to Wal-Mart instead and wander around trying to think what it is you are looking for.
Fart out loud and you think someone called out your name.
You went to school with the old lady who greeted you at the front door.

In your 90's & beyond:
What's a home deep hoe? Something for my garden?
Where am I? Who am I? Why am I reading this?
Did I send it? Did you? Who farted?

If you crash into bikers while video-recording them on your cell phone as you're driving, maybe you deserve a butt-kicking.

http://sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com/2012/05/20/teen-driver-attacked-by-motorcyclists-after-belmont-crash/

Loved it Flynne. Actually I don't mind the horse manure or dog shit on the floor of my truck. All I make sure to do is to make sure I check my zipper as I walk in the door. I need to find out what is is that makes an old man leave his zipper down.

I need to find out what is is that makes an old man leave his zipper down. -- Dave B at May 22, 2012 11:01 AM

Cause they need to hit the can so often that zipping gets in the way. ;-) The prostate is a bitch.

I rear ended a midget with my car today.

He got out and said "I am not happy."

Then I said, well than which dwarf are you?
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I hired a midget hooker last night. I gave her 8 dollars to go up on me.
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Midget cowboy complained to doctor about excruciating pain in his balls. Doc looked him over, pulled out a huge set of scissors. Midget says you ain't cutting my balls off. Doc said, no, I'm cutting the tops off your new boots.
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Q: Why can't midget wear tampons?
A: Because they keep stepping on the string.....
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My wife walked in on me having sex with a Midget, she started screaming at me, telling me how I promised to stop cheating, So I looked down and said "Look honey, I'm cutting down......."
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When do you kick a midget?
When he tells you your hair smells nice.