Cannibalism Is Bad!
Publicity hound Gloria Allred takes a stand against herself -- no, wait, she's actually talking about the Florida face-eater. Fred Grimm writes for the Miami Herald:
Finally, someone -- someone right here in Miami -- had the courage to take a stand against the great scourge of our time.
Oh... not that scourge. Not child obesity or one-percenters or sexually transmitted diseases or radical Islam or Citizens United or greedy bankers or Burmese pythons or Greek tax evaders or Iranian nukes or unmanned drones or union busters or feral pigs or Facebook IPOs or destination casinos or Boston Celtics or illicit voters or even Donald Trump.
No. Gloria Allred came to town Wednesday to warn us -- those of us who might have been wavering in our resolve -- that "cannibalism is a serious issue and is very dangerous to the health and the well-being of the cannibal and the victim."
Not necessarily in that order.
Allred once presented a journalism prize I won in the LA Press Club Awards. All the other judges talked about the entry they were giving out. Allred skipped the part about me and my work and talked about Allred, what a shocker.