Americans Stick Head Up Ass, Pull Out Letters, Name Babies
American baby names are getting worse, blogs Drew Magary at DeadSpin. For example:
The extra Y in there makes it 10 percent sharper. And don't fuck with Blayde's brother, Nyfe.
"I'd like my son to sound like a shirt. Can you do that?"
That's right. JaydIen. Don't forget that I. That I is what sets young Jaydien apart from the mere Jaydens of the world. Now don't you people who named your kid Jayden feel behind the times? You bought the beta version of that name. It's like buying an iPad too early. Six years from now, the name will have morphed into Jayydizzosoian, and then you'll really feel like a sucker.
If you name your child Sketch, you should be arrested. At that point, you're just basically looking around the delivery room, coming up with nouns as names. "Oh, fuck it. Call him Monitor."
Joined by brother Schwymmir
• Brook'Lynn The abuse of apostrophes in names has to end. A reasonable person should be able to know, by looking at a name, when one syllable ends and another begins. But no, dumbfucks all over the country have to be like "I'll name him Raw'Bert." You stop that. Give me some credit for being able to read even if you can't.
• Fallyn "I'd like my daughter to sound like a dystopian young adult novel, please."
You know what people will Harvest from your daughter? Her V-card.
Classic hybrid name. It joins the likes of Emichelle, Eliza'Betty, and Jessikate.
Why not add that third x and fulfill her destiny? That's what you want, right? You want little Luxx to grow up, move to the Valley and earn $60 a week getting jet spraykakke'd for a series of Brazzers short films, yes? There's no other reason to name your child Luxx.
This is a character from High School Musical. It's also a breed of dog. Why stop there? Name your child Dobyrman.
Worst names you've encountered?