Amy On Dr. Drew (On How To Keep Your Relationship Alive)
I taped the show yesterday and it aired last night. Here's a little clip HLN posted:
This is Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky's research that I'm talking about: "Variety is the Spice of Happiness: The Hedonic Adaptation Prevention (HAP) Model." Her coauthors are Dr. Kennon M. Sheldon and Dr. Julia Boehm.
On my radio show, she discussed how she and her husband will get grandma to stay with the kids for a couple days and go off to a downtown hotel. Just shaking things up in small ways makes a difference.
A quote from their paper:
Varying how one does a "positive" activity may be crucial in determining whether that activity continues to have enhancing effects on peoples' well-being. Again, a key assumption of the HAP model is that an ongoing stream of fresh positive events and positive emotions are necessary to maintain a person in the upper end of his or her "set range." Hedonic adaptation is a powerful counterweight to this possibility, and in order to overcome it, one must continue to vary the positive experiences one has.
Her book, which I recommend, is The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want
I don't know Dr. Drew very well but I am aware that he's very good friends with Adam Carolla.
Great stuff, Amy!!!
Robert W. (Vancouver) at August 23, 2012 9:35 AM
I saw the whole segment. You were great and looked great too! It was very informative.
April at August 23, 2012 9:47 AM
Haven't watched the clip yet (stupid internet), but you look amazing. Will you please share why your arms look so amazing?
Meloni at August 23, 2012 9:50 AM
You did good Amy.
Dr. Drew parroted that old line of how much better off men are when they marry. I wish people wouldn't do that. I don't think they are better off because of the marriage, I think they are better off and live longer for the same reason they are married... because they had their acts together to begin with. Besides, the "live longer" is based on men who die today, which are if they "live longer" means it was men who married over 50 years ago under a different culture of marriage.
That said, I was pleased to hear everyone assert that it takes work. Too many people are hung up on the fairy tale fantasy that good relationships are good outside one's efforts.
Trust at August 23, 2012 11:01 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/08/23/amy_on_dr_drew.html#comment-3312796">comment from TrustThanks so much, Trust. And I haven't read the research on this; I'm just guessing. But, women in healthy relationships tend to show a lot of concern for men's health. I am not one of those women who nags and pushes a man around. I wouldn't respect a man I could do that to. Where I do intervene is about Gregg's health. I don't make demands, but I ask him to do things because I love him and I want him to be healthy and stick around. He's been great about sticking to a healthy diet -- which isn't so hard when your girlfriend is asking you to eat bacon and cheeseburgers instead of kelp steaks. And he's done other things to positively affect his health, like getting an important test (calcium channel -- I talked about it on my show with cardiologist Dr. William Davis:
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/amyalkon/2012/08/13/advice-goddess-radio-amy-alkon
If you get this, get one on an EBT scanner, which has far less radiation. You may have to travel a ways to do this. Dr. Eades bought one, although I'm not sure he's open for business yet, and there's one somewhere in Torrance. I can look it up if you need me to.
Amy Alkon
at August 23, 2012 11:28 AM
Quite a number of studies have indicated that wives do tend to make their husbands go to the doctor and what not. (Well, that was the conclusion they made I didn't read the study's data). I have seen that in acquaintance's lives too. I suspect the affect you mention also plays a part.
I did read a study that showed that the claim married people are generally happier - while true - was not because of the marriage (after the honey moon period). Happy people are more likely to get married and stay married. The marriage was more of an effect than a cause. And stability also played in the happiness. E.g. People who didn't date much were generally happier than people who did have many short relationships.
The Former Banker at August 23, 2012 12:38 PM
Great segment! You looked great Amy and sounded good too! Here's another tip ladies... if your child(ren) don't have a bed time, establish one and stick to it no matter how old they are! My dd is 12 and she goes upstairs at 8:30 because that is our time every day. During the summer she is allowed to stay up until 9:00 pm and during school she is in bed at 8:30.
sheepmommy at August 23, 2012 2:24 PM
Amen to early bedtimes. Kids need sleep and couples need adult time. Too bad my DH went and got a second shift job so he's gone then. But bedtimes, definately!
momof4 at August 23, 2012 3:13 PM
Another thing that is not mentioned in the date night discussion is that there should not be pressure, from either side, to necessarily have sex.
There was more than once I'd make it to Friday with 45-50 hours behind me plus the night-to-night stuff that I could have made it home at 6:30 Friday, plopped on the couch and put in a DVD, and fallen asleep with my lady in my arms and been very happy. I was glad to make it up on Saturday night by going out to party.
But the clip was good, especially as a last minute call.
Jim P. at August 23, 2012 8:32 PM
My honey shot me a funny look from across the room while I was watching this clip.
"No, no! I'm just watching it to see Amy Alkon!"
Insufficient Poison at August 24, 2012 10:58 AM
Looking fabbity-fab as always, Amy!
You DO have to make time for your spouse. Lying around in your jammies looking like last week's trash is not going to help. Of course, that knife cuts both ways.
I'm constantly amazed by people who get married, have a couple kids, and then just give up. You have to put your SPOUSE first, or the whole thing is going to hell in a handbasket.
More people need to know this.
Daghain at August 24, 2012 8:56 PM
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