Advice Goddess Radio: 7-8pm PT, 10-11pm ET -- Dr. Carol Tavris
Advice Goddess Radio -- "Nerd Your Way To A Better Life!" with the best brains in therapy and research.
My guest this week is social psychologist Dr. Carol Tavris, talking about how we deceive ourselves in the face of mistakes or errors in judgment we've made. We do this in order to prop up our self-worth -- but end up making an even greater mess of our lives, relationships, and social relationships.
Understanding cognitive dissonance and the self-justification we use to mop up after it is the best way to avoid behaving in ways that are dumb, painful and even morally wrong. And that's what we'll be discussing on this show.
Her book, co-authored with Dr. Elliot Aronson, is one of my favorites: Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me): Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts
Listen live at 7pm Pacific and 7pm Eastern at this link or download the podcast afterward:
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/amyalkon/2012/08/27/advice-goddess-radio-amy-alkon
And don't miss last week's show with therapist Dr. B. Janet Hibbs on love and fairness -- how being fair to each other is the key to happy relationships (and saving relationships in trouble).
Her very wise, very helpful book: Try to See it My Way: Being Fair in Love and Marriage
Listen online or download the podcast:
http://www.blogtalkradio.com/amyalkon/2012/08/20/advice-goddess-radio-amy-alkon/
Listen to all my fascinating guests every Sunday, 7-8pm Pacific, 10-11pm Eastern, with podcasts available afterward, at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/amyalkon
What exactly is going on in this country?
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at August 26, 2012 10:10 AM
When you actually see the photo, it's poignant as Hell.
Sometimes you might think the problem with America is that women in this country are out-of-their-mind pussycowards... That so many of them have been raised without loving men in their homes that they regard an afternoon's worth of beard stubble and the odor of a mostly-drained beer can as the equivalent of gang rape and a beating... That lives of isolation and naivete from single mothers have left them with no compass to guide them towards love and comfort.
Well, I'd like to discourage you from making those kinds of judgment about these women.
I'd really, really like to.
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at August 26, 2012 10:27 AM
I'd like to know what you two think of Dan Ariely's work on this subject. He holds that self-deception is more common than we think, and that it's actually healthy.
bs123 at August 26, 2012 11:57 AM
Goat
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at August 26, 2012 12:42 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/08/26/advice_goddess_73.html#comment-3315247">comment from Crid [CridComment at gmail]Just watched the goat! Diana Hsieh linked to it.
Re: Ariely, I mean to ask him on my show, but haven't done it yet -- need to get the new book. And "self-deception" is a broad topic -- one I discussed with David diSalvo and Robert Trivers on my radio show (as well as with other guests).
Regarding tonight's topic, some cognitive dissonance is good -- we'll lay it out on the show. But, often, in the letters I get, it causes people to keep investing in a lost cause and behave in other less-than-ideal ways. If you can identify it easily and maybe even look for it, and are mindful when you experience it, maybe you can avoid being tripped up by it and behaving in ways that ultimately don't serve you.
Amy Alkon
at August 26, 2012 1:34 PM
Dog
Gave DA Ted
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at August 26, 2012 1:51 PM
Amy- just got back with Dayton from a 4 mile hike with a 1,000 foot elevation. On the trail was a woman walking a dog that looked exactly like Lucy. I asked her if she carried the dog, and she said that the dog would walk the entire trail.
PS- it was a good thing the dog was on a leash, because there are about a dozen bird species here that would consider her a light snack.
Crid- I used to have an Akita that looked just like your dog photo, except she was black and white. Cool shirt! The photo of the guy and the child I thought was innocent and joyful.
Oh well, whatever, nevermind...
Eric at August 26, 2012 2:09 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/08/26/advice_goddess_73.html#comment-3315268">comment from EricLucy would've in her younger days, and dragged Gregg all over much of the right bank when we were there for a month one summer. And when she was little, I couldn't let her out in my wee yard for the same reason -- tasty morsel for a hawk.
Now she's a little old lady and she mostly naps. My job is to move her velvet pillow from sunspot to sunspot as the sun changes in my living room. She also sits on a velvet pillow on my lap.
Amy Alkon
at August 26, 2012 3:06 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/08/26/advice_goddess_73.html#comment-3315269">comment from Amy AlkonHow's Dayton doing, by the way?
Amy Alkon
at August 26, 2012 3:07 PM
8 years old, Bear Scouts start Tuesday, doing great in school and has the best temperment of any child I've ever known. I couldn't be prouder of him. He makes me want to adopt every abused child in the world, but I know I just need to concentrate on him.
Eric at August 26, 2012 3:21 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/08/26/advice_goddess_73.html#comment-3315309">comment from EricI just saw pix, and heard about what he and Eric talk about. If they could make Eric Dads in a factory, they should. Kudos.
Amy Alkon
at August 26, 2012 6:31 PM
Parts are too valuable. We'll never get Erics from an assembly line.
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at August 26, 2012 7:37 PM
I used to think my family was fragmented by hurtful sibling energies.
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at August 26, 2012 7:39 PM
Game on, Amy.
(It's tough... I'm not sure there are three Christians who I give a lot of thought to, even with admiration.)
Answers due Tuesday morning— No cheating, no brushing this off.
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at August 26, 2012 7:54 PM
Ah, I got two already with forty-one hours to go! Douthat & Barnett. (I don't know that either of them is more honest, but would be a fool to doubt it.)
Anyone else want a piece of this contest? All entries be received by 9am PST 28 Aug 2012.
Prizes include a blog-comment reputation of even-handed humility and a new car provided by Conan the Grammarian.
Crid [CridComment at gmail] at August 26, 2012 10:02 PM
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