I Suspect A Man's Self-Image Is More Harley Than Tricycle
Perhaps that's just a prejudice on my part, that this is entirely the wrong gift to give your husband.
But, a tricycle for a man (who isn't 96)?
Emasculation, anyone?
One message I think it sends: "Ladies, I keep his balls in a drawer with the Christmas ornaments, and take them out and let him play with them once a year -- if he's lucky."
The best was the subject line from the friend who sent this to me: "Mamapundit castrates husband for Christmas." (I think she might have meant "emasculates," but then again...)
Ugh.
I liked the fact that she didn't understand his "cryptic smile".
Hint: it was the smile of a man who's suddenly seen the light and is now weighing murder versus suicide versus divorce.
TJIC at December 27, 2012 2:53 PM
I knew, before clicking the link, that at some point this contraption was going to be described by a chronological adult as "awesome."
What I didn't realize was that it was by one of the country's leading advocates of "attachment parenting," but that wasn't a particular surprise, either.
"Gee, thanks, honey -- but my testicles have descended."
Kevin at December 27, 2012 3:02 PM
OMFG! This reminds me of a formal dinner party I went to once where the couple brought up the subject that one of the conditions she had to marry him was that he had agree to pee sitting down from then on. And then he admitted that in public he waits for a stall!
(The most disturbing thing now that I think of it is he's a gun nut with a concealed carry license...)
Eric at December 27, 2012 3:02 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/12/27/i_suspect_a_man.html#comment-3532463">comment from Ericone of the conditions she had to marry him was that he had agree to pee sitting down from then on
Wow.
Any man I could set a condition like that for is not man enough to be with me.
Not that I would ever, ever ask such a thing. Ever, ever, ever.
Amy Alkon at December 27, 2012 3:06 PM
Seriously, she's going to make him say it? His tight smile and inability to even muster fake enthusiasm aren't enough of a tell?
Boldly Beth at December 27, 2012 3:08 PM
Ok I wasn't going to say anything because it's off-topic but it bugs the shit out of me that she makes her 15- and 17-year-old wear helmets and felt the need to defend herself for posting a photo of one of her teenagers sitting still on a tricycle without a helmet.
Boldly Beth at December 27, 2012 3:11 PM
"And that was 12 hours ago now. It’s after 10 pm, and I STILL have no clue what my husband thinks of the Schwinn Meridian, now locked up on our porch for the night."
If this lady truly has no clue what her husband thinks of the gift, she's either an idiot, or extremely self-absorbed. I wonder if she would be so thrilled if he gifted her a vacation to fat camp? (Just trying to think of a not-likely-to-be-appreciated gift from a guy, feel free to insert a better example).
She seems more interested in being lavished with praise for her unique gift-giving ideas, regardless of whether or not the gift is suitable, and less interested in finding something her husband would truly appreciate. Sad.
Meloni at December 27, 2012 4:03 PM
Her husband doesn't look thrilled, but so what. Trikes are a urban hip "green"bike style and she was trying to be unique, but failed. They'll probably get a divorce no matter what she gave him -- even if she tricked the bike out with lights and put a twelver of Coors in the basket.
Jason S. at December 27, 2012 4:34 PM
He doesn't like it. If he liked it, he would have enthused about it immediately.
Fave part of the post was the review she quoted:
"I recently had shoulder surgery and wanted to go to Burning Man. This trike was the answer to my dreams." Well, I guess we all have dreams, don't we? Sometimes they're best left unexplained.
As for Katie Allison Granju, if she wants to be MegaMom and MegaWife, she might want to remember that actions speak louder than words.
From Meloni: "I wonder if she would be so thrilled if he gifted her a vacation to fat camp?" I'm glad you said that. What do you think about the idea that some couples' gifts to each other are really veiled shit-tests?
Old RPM Daddy (OldRPMDaddy at GMail dot com) at December 27, 2012 4:35 PM
"...even if she tricked the bike out with lights and put a twelver of Coors in the basket."
Well, at least he'd have some beers.
Old RPM Daddy (OldRPMDaddy at GMail dot com) at December 27, 2012 4:36 PM
If he still has ANY balls, she'll get appliances for her birthday, Valentines day and Christmas next year.
And divorce papers.
I wouldn't hold my breath, though.
Frank at December 27, 2012 5:20 PM
"If he says he’s still mulling over what he thinks of my wacky gift, because it came as such a big surprise, then that’s exactly what he means. "
Can someone explain to her "still processing" from a guy means he hates it. Very laid back guys say that when they don't want to hurt your feelings. Because they like being nice to you, especially since you are a woman. What up with wacky gifts? Sure my male friends do that to each other, but umm...as jokes.
Like one filled a washing machine with garbage and put it in front of his buddy's door soo it wouldnt open. They laughed and laughed as guys do. If one guy gave a tricycle to another guy it'd be as a joke gift and they'd call each other "faggots" afterwards.
Purplepen at December 27, 2012 6:08 PM
While I wouldn't exactly call this a divorce worthy gift, it definitely belongs in the WTF made you buy this for me category. I think she really wanted it for herself.
Assholio at December 27, 2012 6:21 PM
Gag gifts should be of the "under 25 dollar"variety.
Why would someone spend several hundred dollars on a POS tricycle, without assertaining if the receiver actually wanted it or not?
My husband actually has a trike but it is a recumbent tadpole, not a granny trike. It is great for commuting in windy icy hilly places, where a regular bike would probably got your 50 year old ass seriously broken.
Isab at December 27, 2012 6:29 PM
Mommybloggers will do anything for page views. Poor guy.
KateC at December 27, 2012 6:43 PM
Is she for real? I can't think of a man under the age of 90 who would go for this. (Come to think of it, I can't think of a man OVER 90, either).
Way to fail trying to be edgy, dear.
Daghain at December 27, 2012 7:15 PM
If it was some type of modernistic new trike, an incumbent, or neat trike -- yeah. But a standard old style -- hell no.
If I were him -- it would be on eBay© or Craiglist™ by now.
Jim P. at December 27, 2012 7:19 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/12/27/i_suspect_a_man.html#comment-3532635">comment from IsabA guy who's a dad is already "tamed" in so many ways, just by virtue of what that requires. I think the way to go would be giving gifts that make a guy feel "still dangerous" (not that he necessarily ever was or seemed so).
Amy Alkon at December 27, 2012 7:40 PM
This reminds me of that Simpsons episode where Homer got Marge a bowling ball for her birthday.
The blog was worth the laugh though. What a delusional woman.
Sio at December 27, 2012 9:34 PM
I'd have to agree it's a shit-test.
And, she blogs the whole thing, so he seems like a bastard for not liking the old lady trike, given to a guy who runs.
It's one of those gifts given by a woman who knows exactly what would be good for you, no matter what you want or need.
It's 10 pairs of boxers (that irritate the amigos) as a present to replace all your underwear that she threw out. Because she thinks they're "sexy". (true story, and a fight)
The guy will never leave, though. Can you imagine the child support for 5 kids?
No, his better bet is to take it shopping for organic tofu, and let it roll in front of a bus... with or without him on it.
She says they can put it on craigslist, but this is the same woman that can't tell what a frozen half smile and crossed arms means. Or she refuses to know...
It means "she doesen't know me at all, and she doesn't care."
It's a sad realization.
SwissArmyD at December 28, 2012 12:49 AM
I disagree with you Miss Alkon.
A man whose a dad is not necessarily tamed by his role or what it requires.
As I am fond of saying, "Innocent angelic little girls, have demons for fathers."
My youngest daughter is at that age where she's scared of the dark.
She's not scared of it anymore. Why? I told her that if any monsters did exist, they were using the dark to hide from her dadu.
She sleeps soundly.
A good father is one who offers greatest safety, and greatest discipline, in the eyes of his children.
Even on the other side of the world, my wife has only to say to my children, "Wait till I tell your father" and whatever mischief they were in the process of making, ends immediately. I cannot imagine my wife doing this to me.
Yes, like every woman I've ever met, she does the "shit test", frankly, I don't think there is even anything wrong with a woman doing that, as I'm fond of saying, "Steel untested, is steel untrusted." But she's never pulled anything like "THAT".
Robert at December 28, 2012 2:14 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/12/27/i_suspect_a_man.html#comment-3533088">comment from RobertA man whose a dad is not necessarily tamed by his role or what it requires.
Actually, this is true even biologically. Testosterone goes down upon fatherhood, Robert:
http://www.livescience.com/16017-fatherhood-lowers-manly-hormone-dad-home.html
Amy Alkon at December 28, 2012 6:03 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/12/27/i_suspect_a_man.html#comment-3533090">comment from SwissArmyDBeing good to your partner means being good for him in the way he needs and likes -- whether gifting them, encouraging them, or pushing them (which I do on health issues). It's also telling them, kindly, when they're being an ass.
Amy Alkon at December 28, 2012 6:09 AM
Just trying to think of a not-likely-to-be-appreciated gift from a guy, feel free to insert a better example
Vacuum cleaner, kitchen appliance or doo-dad, something practical.
one of the conditions she had to marry him was that he had agree to pee sitting down from then on
That vajayjay had better be platinum. And plentiful. I could see a time when I was young and dumb maybe falling for that, but now I'd be like oh, hey, the shop where I bought the ring is still open, I can return it, can you get home on your own? and when you do, lose my number because I'm taking your request seriously and I don't ever want to hear from you again.
I R A Darth Aggie at December 28, 2012 6:49 AM
I'm really surprised that she doesn't know what no comment or I'm processing it means, however, I would love kitchen appliances for a gift ( unless it means that I could grt kitchen appliances And a gift) it just means knowing your partner.
Jen at December 28, 2012 7:42 AM
"Wackadoodle!" "Crazypants!" "Zingy!"
This is a very annoying person.
Ahw at December 28, 2012 9:44 AM
From SwissArmyD: "No, his better bet is to take it shopping for organic tofu, and let it roll in front of a bus... with or without him on it".
Holy shit I laughed so hard at this. Thanks.
From OldRPMDaddy: What do you think about the idea that some couples' gifts to each other are really veiled shit-tests?
Is a shit-test where a person baits their partner into an argument and then makes that person out to be the asshole?
Okay I looked up shit-test. If I'm reading correctly, it's when a girl tests your worthiness?At the risk of advertising my short-bus status to all, I'm going to have to read more on this because I'm not sure I understand it.
Regarding couples gifting to one another: I don't know if they're shit tests, but I see a lot of cruel gifting between couples. In my opinion, a gift should be a gesture of appreciation and love for the recipient. And context matters (e.g. some women fucking love kitchen gadgets, or maybe the couple has an inside joke that makes her hand knit socks a wildly appropriate gift to the husband).
Meloni at December 28, 2012 10:13 AM
Oh, I think of it as more of a test of dominance and submission. The female example would be making him pee sitting down, or sending him out for feminine hygiene products. But men can shit-test women, too.
Totally agree with you. One year, as a joke, my mom gave my dad some wildly gaudy cufflinks with green plastic "jewels" in them. Pop loved 'em, and wore them all the time!
Old RPM Daddy (OldRPMDaddy at GMail dot com) at December 28, 2012 10:43 AM
Oh, I think of it as more of a test of dominance and submission. The female example would be making him pee sitting down, or sending him out for feminine hygiene products. But men can shit-test women, too.
Totally agree with you. One year, as a joke, my mom gave my dad some wildly gaudy cufflinks with green plastic "jewels" in them. Pop loved 'em, and wore them all the time!
Old RPM Daddy (OldRPMDaddy at GMail dot com) at December 28, 2012 10:58 AM
Oops! Sorry about the double post. Please delete my last one (and this one) when convenient!
Old RPM Daddy (Old RPM Daddy at GMail dot com) at December 28, 2012 11:00 AM
Wow, poor guy. There's not even a real way to process this gift, unlike other horrible gifts. An Ed Hardy shirt would be horrible for a man of Jon's type (I'm guessing) but he would get the picture---Oh, she wants me to be young and (what she considers) cool. Okay. A snazzy suit for a casual guy means "Oh, she wants me to dress up more." A treadmill for a couch potato is obvious, and so are symphony tickets for a Larry The Cable Guy fan---Regardless of what you actually want, I think you should want this because I think you should be more active/hip/cultured/whatever. But what the hell are you saying with a tricycle? I think you should want this because I think you should....what? Sell tamales at the bus depot (that's how such basket-equipped tricycles were used in my hometown)? So, revenge gifts shouldn't be easily-understood zingers like a vacuum (which I would love, honestly, I hate shopping for those suckers) or fat camp or a "For Dummies" book. He needs to get her something that has just a whiff of Old-Person-Or-Insufferable-Hipster but is mostly just inscrutable.
But, you know, it's possible that she just sucks at gift-giving and while she really messed up this time, she's not always emasculating the poor guy. My poor husband bought me a Snuggie one year. "But...it's pink! You love pink! And you're always cold and...you know what, never mind."
Jenny Had A Chance at December 28, 2012 11:00 AM
Here's the trike she should have bought him:
http://www.gogocycles.com/1965-harley-davidson-45-trike-for-sale.html
Steve Daniels at December 28, 2012 11:38 AM
"Oh, I think of it as more of a test of dominance and submission. The female example would be making him pee sitting down, or sending him out for feminine hygiene products. But men can shit-test women, too."
That definition makes more sense to me, although it's strange to me that any woman would find pleasure in forcing a man to pee while sitting. Maybe I was picking the wrong links to read. Would a woman leaving her things at a man's house (prior to it being mutually agreed upon) be a good example of a shit-test?
RE Mommy Blogger and the trike: I can't figure out if she's cruel or clueless, or perhaps both? She obviously spent a lot of time identifying a gift for him. If he were to just outright say he hates it, knowing how much effort she expended, does that make him the asshole for not appreciating her effort?
I don't know the dynamic of their relationship, but it could be funny if she were to acknowledge her misguided efforts and hang a pair of those steel testicles on the back of the trike. Along with a For Sale sign, of course.
Meloni at December 28, 2012 12:50 PM
Oh and I love little story tid-bits, like your dad's cufflinks.
Meloni at December 28, 2012 12:55 PM
Whole Foods is one of my pickup venues. That thing might actually get play with the right little veganette.
Callback to a post from a year or so ago: Grocery stores ares shitty venues.
smurfy at December 28, 2012 1:18 PM
I dunno maybe some guys are into trikes.if they are,why does that make them "not a man"?
Nicolek at December 31, 2012 6:07 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2012/12/27/i_suspect_a_man.html#comment-3536676">comment from NicolekSome guys who are not 96 and wobbly may be into trikes. Best to not assume that unless an interest in trikes has been expressed.
Amy Alkon at December 31, 2012 7:47 AM
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