Hey, Don't Be Such A Prissybutt
Odd, straining, and semi-incoherent op-ed by author Karen Stabiner in the LA Times about how horrible it is that people greet people with "Hey":
"Hey" can sound dismissive; in the long ago, it's what people yelled to get the attention of someone they didn't know or care to know, as in, "Hey, you." I remember an adult, possibly my fourth-grade teacher, muttering, "Straw is cheaper and grass is for nothing" when a child said, "Hey." It was a sloppy place holder. Along with its descendants -- "like" and "y'know," or the dread combo, "like y'know" -- it indicated a lazy mind.That's a lot of freight for a little word to have to carry, and I don't mean to give it too hard a time. I'd just like to suggest that we hesitate before we turn our backs on the salutational past and rush blindly off the linguistic cliff, like so many texting lemmings.
To its credit, "hey" aspires to be democracy in action, the same short syllable for everyone regardless of status or class, which has a certain egalitarian appeal; it makes sense if, like me, you're a devout believer in earned, not presumed, respect. A partisan could even argue that we should all start at "hey" and then win the right to be called "sir" or "madam," "dean" or "doctor."
Still, I worry about deeper meaning. There's a prevalent disdain for all authority these days, which seems healthy when we're talking about Congress' behavior but not so smart when the topic is prohibiting the use of cellphones while driving. We need to be able to distinguish, to maintain standards with case-specific vocabulary, and "hey" inadvertently wipes out judgment -- what feels like fair is really just vague.
Is this the most ridiculous thing you've read in recent memory?
I like people who are warm and friendly, and whatever they say to greet me, if it's warm and friendly, that's fine by me.
Comments
Not sure. I think this thing I read a minute or two ago is on a par:
"Internet Is First Stop for Many Ill People, Study Finds"
http://mashable.com/2013/01/15/internet-first-stop-ill
Posted by: jerry at January 14, 2013 10:43 PM
If you replace "hey" with marijuana, and all the other linguistic travesties with cocaine, heroin, etc., than this reads like most anti-drug flyers I've seen posted on bathroom stalls. It was very moving.
Posted by: Meloni at January 14, 2013 10:56 PM
"bathroom stalls. It was very moving."
Mission accomplished!
Posted by: jerry at January 14, 2013 11:56 PM
"I worry about deeper meaning. . There's a prevalent disdain for all authority these days..."
Kids these days. I tell ya, no respect. Is there any generation that has not thought exactly that?
Posted by: a_random_guy at January 15, 2013 2:31 AM
PART II- Shortening Goodbye into Bye and implications on the decline of the American intellect.
Posted by: Purplepen at January 15, 2013 2:31 AM
"I like people who are warm and friendly, and whatever they say to greet me, if it's warm and friendly, that's fine by me."
Well, I'd say, "Hello, Sugar Tits!" if I met you in person, but you've been advising us all to cut down on carbs!
Posted by: Radwaste at January 15, 2013 4:55 AM
PART II- Shortening Goodbye into Bye and implications on the decline of the American intellect.
Perfect, Purplepen!
Posted by: Amy Alkon 
at January 15, 2013 5:02 AM
These days, if I receive an email titled "Hey", odds are 99% that it's spam.
Posted by: Cousin Dave at January 15, 2013 6:54 AM
I do hope Ms. Stabiner never finds herself in Philadelphia, where people really do greet one another with "Yo!" She'd plotz.
Posted by: Boldly Beth at January 15, 2013 7:14 AM
She'd plotz.
Perhaps we're supposed to rephrase that "She'd become extremely discombobulated."
Posted by: Amy Alkon
at January 15, 2013 7:16 AM
The start of the essay:
If you bristle ever so slightly at the presumed familiarity of that salutation, you're almost surely over 40, and you likely grew up well north of the Mason-Dixon line.
If you say "hey" back, the demographic possibilities are a lot broader. Everyone from anywhere who was born after 1980 seems to have adopted this onetime Southern regionalism, as have over-40s who work in a business that uses "trending" as a verb and requires them to stay forever young.
And Karen Stabiner's problem with Southern regionalisms is what, exactly? In some parts of the country, people really do talk that way. So, she starts off subtly looking down her nose at Southerners (and that is what she's doing), then departs completely from human sensibility with "I say, have a little fun. Make a conscious choice. Be a true rebel, tied neither to the old nor the new." Or why don't you just make stuff up for the hell of it.
How about "excuse me, ma'am," or "excuse me, sir?" Timeless classics like these often work best.
Posted by: Old RPM Daddy (OldRPMDaddy at GMail dot com) at January 15, 2013 7:44 AM
How about "excuse me, ma'am," or "excuse me, sir?" Timeless classics like these often work best.
My Virginian husband has been dressed down more than once for using ma'am and sir. Seems some people take offense to deferential forms of address. Women in particular complain it makes them feel old.
Posted by: Boldly Beth at January 15, 2013 8:02 AM
"Perhaps we're supposed to rephrase that 'She'd become extremely discombobulated.'"
Extremely discombobulated, the prim oikophobe plotzed.
Discombobulated. That's a fun word to say.
Posted by: Old RPM Daddy (OldRPMDaddy at GMail dot com) at January 15, 2013 8:03 AM
So, she starts off subtly looking down her nose at Southerners
...and finishes by blatantly looking down her nose at Philadelphians.
Posted by: Boldly Beth at January 15, 2013 8:09 AM
How about "excuse me, ma'am," or "excuse me, sir?"
Women in particular complain it makes them feel old.
I used to work in a coffee shop, and a woman in her forties got angry that the (18 yr old) man helping her addressed her as "ma'am." She was even angrier after she asked 24 yr old me if I was okay being called ma'am, as though it would prove her point. I told her point blank I was about to be married and expecting a child, and I was therefore old enough to be called ma'am as opposed to miss.
It has never bothered me, regardless. I always saw ma'am as a term of respect, not as someone maliciously calling me old.
Same thing with being greeted with, "hey." Why should it matter, as long as the greeter is polite?
Posted by: Jazzhands at January 15, 2013 8:47 AM
"Hey" is alright with friends and acquaintances, but otherwise I use "sir" or "ma'am".
Posted by: lsomber at January 15, 2013 8:49 AM
Geez, whatever happened to howdy?
Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at January 15, 2013 9:17 AM
My Virginian husband has been dressed down more than once for using ma'am and sir. Seems some people take offense to deferential forms of address. Women in particular complain it makes them feel old.
And I tell those old harridans that I address every woman above the age of 12 as ma'am. Yes, ma'am, please, ma'am, thank you, ma'am.
I'm thinking I may tack on a but if you want, I can use the current vernacular and call you bitchez or hoes.
Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at January 15, 2013 9:22 AM
Years ago I was eating lunch with my mom, nana, and great-aunt. The waitress said "are you guys ready to order", and immediately received a tongue-lashing from my aunt, for the crime of referring to a table of ladies as guys. I understood her argument, but as a teenager I was embarrassed at the severity of her tone and the length of the lecture.
This morning I scrolled through Facebook and experienced what I suspect is similar outrage at the number of people who conclude their arguments with "just sayin'".
I guess we all have our line in the sand.
Posted by: Meloni at January 15, 2013 9:29 AM
"You guys" is a midwesternism.
If somebody isn't calling you "Hey, fuckhead," maybe you should just focus on the tone of their address, especially if it's nice, kind, and friendly.
I'm working feverishly now on my next book, "Good Manners For Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck," for St. Martin's, and I'm pleased to say it is entirely free of the prissy stuff like how to hold your fork when taking upskirt photos of The Queen (or at any other time).
Posted by: Amy Alkon
at January 15, 2013 9:33 AM
>If somebody isn't calling you "Hey, fuckhead," maybe you should just focus on the tone of their address, especially if it's nice, kind, and friendly.
Um, I do.
I use "hey guys" pretty frequently, and just because I don't agree with the tongue-lashing my aunt delivered doesn't mean I can't understand where she's coming from. She'd be in her nineties today, and she came from a different era. Big deal.
Posted by: Meloni at January 15, 2013 9:44 AM
*Not a big deal.
Posted by: Meloni at January 15, 2013 9:45 AM
I speak differently to older people -- more slowly, louder (if it seems necessary), and more properly. But, I think you really have to be a wildly ill-raised ass to go up to somebody's Grandmother and say, "Yo, whattup dude?" Somebody's grandfather, on the other hand, might find it funny. (I like old people, especially adorable old men, and flirt with them and joke around.)
Posted by: Amy Alkon
at January 15, 2013 9:49 AM
In the comments for a different post a few months back, people said it's a disgrace that people don't dress up nicely when they travel on planes anymore. Why does their clothing matter, as long as they're polite air travelers?
Why is THAT the opinion of people with "self respect," but this is the opinion of someone "prissy"?
Posted by: Insufficient Poison at January 15, 2013 10:16 AM
Should we grumble about text abbreviations like "u r nice" as long as the person is polite? If so, how can we sneer at someone for objecting to "Hey"?
Posted by: Insufficient Poison at January 15, 2013 10:20 AM
"And Karen Stabiner's problem with Southern regionalisms is what, exactly? "
I don't even know how she figures that "hey" is particularly Southern. I never noticed it being used much prior to the mid-'90s. She'd have more of a case if she was talking about "Howdy, y'all" or "Yoo-hoo!".
Posted by: Cousin Dave at January 15, 2013 11:00 AM
"Outrage" and/or "self-righteous indignation" seem to be the default human settings these days. Maybe it's always been this way and I'm just now noticing. Getting hard anymore to even walk out the door in the morning without getting yelled at. Dammit, yer all messin' with my serenity! Knock it off!! ;)
Posted by: bkmale at January 15, 2013 12:16 PM
@Cousin Dave:
I don't even know how she figures that "hey" is particularly Southern. I never noticed it being used much prior to the mid-'90s. She'd have more of a case if she was talking about "Howdy, y'all" or "Yoo-hoo!".
How about "Shee-yit" or "Day-umm?"
Posted by: Old RPM Daddy (OldRPMDaddy at GMail dot com) at January 15, 2013 12:56 PM
How about "Shee-yit" or "Day-umm?"
I use those when I think I can get people to mistake me for Samuel L. Jackson.
Posted by: Amy Alkon
at January 15, 2013 4:52 PM
"Hey" is the way a lot of adult men greet their friends these days, which is fine.
But I don't think I'd like my doctor or a restaurant server to greet me with "hey" -- the doctor can use my last name (giving me the chance to say "Please, call me Kevin"), and a server can dispense with names entirely ("Good afternoon" and "Hello" are fine). When the shoe is on the other foot, I'll tend to go with someone's last name or just "sir" or "ma'am."
There's the intermediate form of address between some children and adults with whom they know -- "Mr. Kevin" or "Ms. Amy" -- which I find a great solution but which grates on some people's nerves.
Not long ago a coworker had to bring her dog into work for a couple of hours before a vet appointment. It was a well-behaved, friendly dog and I stopped in her office to pet it a couple of times.
On the way to the vet appointment, my coworker stopped and said to the dog, reflexively, "Say goodbye to Mr. Kevin." I laughed.
Posted by: Kevin at January 15, 2013 11:30 PM
Also, an old joke:
A proper Southern woman is introduced to a group of women at a party, and says cheerfully, "So nice to meet you; where y'all from?"
After a moment of silence, a woman tells her, "We're FROM a place where we don't end a sentence with a preposition."
The Southern woman touches her chest and says, "Oh, I am so sorry. Please accept my apologies. Where y'all from -- BITCH?"
Posted by: Kevin at January 15, 2013 11:33 PM
This is like the whole ebonics debate. Slang and other dialects are fine, but you're not doing anyone any favors if you don't teach them proper English.
Posted by: NicoleK at January 16, 2013 12:19 AM
I don't like being called "Miss". I'm carrying my kid around with me, people! Think about what you're implying.
Having said that, yeah, "Ma'am" does sound kind of old. "Madame" sounds much nicer.
Posted by: NicoleK at January 16, 2013 12:26 AM
Though I guess in English "Madame" has brothel connotations so maybe not...
Posted by: NicoleK at January 16, 2013 12:27 AM
I don't even know how she figures that "hey" is particularly Southern. I never noticed it being used much prior to the mid-'90s.
It's the only greeting we ever used when I was growing up in the South ... well before the mid-'90s.
Posted by: Conan the Grammarian at January 16, 2013 3:34 PM
I do hope Ms. Stabiner never finds herself in Philadelphia, where people really do greet one another with "Yo!"
You just reminded me... Rocky was on TV a few months ago. I'd forgotten how much Stallone's character says "Yo Adrian" in the film.
Posted by: JD at January 16, 2013 5:38 PM
Holy Crap!
I'm apparently the rudest person I've ever met. When I'm addressing someone new, I always address them as Sweetie, until I get the name stored. Excluding of course, anyone over 35 or professional contacts. In that case, I usually say "sorry, I am a retard, what is your name again please?" or fall back on the ol Ma'am or Sir for anyone over 35.
It might be because I'm a woman, but nobody seems to care.
Posted by: wtf at January 16, 2013 6:43 PM
I agree with Old RPM daddy. "Hey there" is a southern regional expression, but it is an old one.
My mother, an Army brat, was born in Montana but lived all over. Her dad happened to be in Columbia South Carolina during WWII, and my mother went to college there. Her parents went back west to Denver to retire, and she stayed behind to finish school. My mother said she developed a real southern drawl, and when she would shout "Hey there" and wave at her friends, in Denver, everone looked at her like she was nuts.
Posted by: Isab at January 16, 2013 6:45 PM
Amy;
One thing my husband brought up that I think the author may have failed to consider is that all languages in the last 100 years have all had to change in that 100 years ago thousands of terms had never existed.
Eg. fax machines, telephones, trains, speakers, air conditioning, indoor plumbing, flush, television, automobile, rubber, computer, plastic,cardboard, fiber optic, condom, tampon, I could keep going but you get the idea.
And she's worried about Hey? As in hey you frackin retard?
Posted by: wtf at January 16, 2013 7:19 PM
Also;
Most terms in the English language have changed in the last 100 years, as in f*ggot, (Sorry guys I loathe the term myself but it did used to mean cigarette)or gay. Logically, this would transfer to other languages as well.
In that same vein, the same words in different countries mean different things. Especially in the case of French. If you try to speak Quebec French to a Native Parisian, you're instantly morphed into Larry the Cable guy's equivalent.
And if you go to Australia, they have their own special language that to any other allied country is complete friggin gibberish!
And Hey is a problem?
Posted by: wtf at January 16, 2013 7:33 PM
Amy, "You guys" is also common in the Mid Atlantic states. Anyhoo, when I was a kid, we always got or said " Hey is fo horses, straw is for cows, milk is for babies to shut their mouths. "
Posted by: Mr Teflon at January 16, 2013 7:41 PM
all languages in the last 100 years have all had to change
A guy who actually has intelligent things to say about language, David Yontz, who copy edits my column, understands that language changes.
http://www.alphabroadcast.com/shows/view/stop-grammar-time.html
Posted by: Amy Alkon
at January 16, 2013 7:42 PM
Typically I have my personal cell phone in a shirt pocket and a Bluetooth headset in my ear. I've adapted to answer a call as "Hey there".
I have no idea if it will be friend, relative or my boss. Just fucking deal with it.
Posted by: Jim P. at January 16, 2013 9:24 PM
Gregg answers the phone in funny ways when it's me -- and once it wasn't me!
Posted by: Amy Alkon
at January 16, 2013 10:12 PM
