How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

I'm going to take a wild guess at this question and say: Just two, but how they got in there beats me.

Posted by: Jim P. at January 31, 2013 5:03 AM

Old guy runs the village store -- sells everything -- getting old, needs an assistant. The village idiot, being the only applicant, is hired.

Old Guy: Watch me and see if you can get the hang of salesmanship.

1st customer: A packet of grass seed, please

OG: Certainly, sir. We have Bahia, Bermuda, or Fescue, or a mixture. They come in 2 oz or 8 oz packets.

1C: Oh, a 2 oz Fescue should do it.

OG: You know, that's a fast-growing grass. I have a special offer on lawn mowers today, if you're interested

So 1C gets talked into buying a $100 mower as well as a $2 seed packet. VI tries the next customer.

2C: Packet of Tampax please

VI: Certainly, sir. We have regular or super-absorbency. Packs of 12 or 24

2C: Hmmm, I guess a 12-pack regular.

VI: Can I interest you in a lawn mower?

2C: WHAAAAA??? Why would I need that?

VI: Well sir, your weekend's obviously ruined, you might as well mow the fucking lawn.

Posted by: Martin Blaise at January 31, 2013 8:24 AM

Jim, that reminds me of an old musicians' joke:

Q: How many drummers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: Drummers don't screw in light bulbs. Drummers screw on top of the mixing desk.

Posted by: Cousin Dave at January 31, 2013 8:53 AM

What good news will the Los Angeles Times bring to your home next?

Posted by: Crid [CridComment at Gmail] at January 31, 2013 9:15 AM

I just loved that one. Luckily, I only get the paper on Sunday, so it's hard to tell how long I'll be away for if it's not more than a week.

Posted by: Amy Alkon at January 31, 2013 9:19 AM

I cant say I'm shocked, I mean the catholic chuch has never been big on ethical behavior. Never apologizing for or disbanding the Inquisition, protecting pedophiles, restructuring their financial structure to limit payout for protecting pedophiles, waiting until the 1960's to admit the earth does in fact revolve around the sun, 'warning' the african adherents that condoms spread AIDS, and also telling them not to talk to reporters about pedophile priests.

Like I said hardly ethical behavior

But now they are claiming life does not begin at conception but at live birth. I wonder if pro choice groups can now sue to force them to provide BC and abortion services

http://www.cnn.com/2013/01/26/us/colorado-fetus-lawsuit/index.html?iref=obnetwork

Posted by: lujlp at January 31, 2013 11:16 AM

I hate govt

Posted by: Crid [CridComment at Gmail] at January 31, 2013 11:29 AM

I don't see the issue with the Catholic hospital's response. Yes, the Church says life begins at conception. But the law in Colorado says it does not. Either the Church has to adhere to the law, or the Church does not. You don't get to say "life begins legally at conception only for the Catholic church, only for purposes of wrongful death suits. If a non-catholic doctor performs an abortion, it's not murder because the fetus is NOT a human, though".

Posted by: momof4 at January 31, 2013 3:08 PM

A farmer walked into a drug store and said to the Pharmacist, "I want me one of them thar condoms with pesticides on it. Where do I find 'em?"

The pharmacist replied, "Oh sir, you must mean that you want the condoms with SPERMICIDE, not pesticide. They're on aisle 4."

"No, no, I want me them thar condoms with PESTICIDE on it," growled the farmer.

"Sir," said the pharmacist, exasperated from explaining, "PESTICIDE is for killing insects, SPERMICIDE is for killing sperm. I'm sure that you mean spermicide instead of pesticide."

"Listen here, " argued the farmer, "I want condoms with PESTICIDE on them. My wife's got a bug up her ass, and I aim to kill it.

Posted by: Jim P. at January 31, 2013 9:05 PM

The word "scandal" just took on a new depth of meaning. Like, three new pages of explication, with charts and diagrams and maps. Merriam & Webster are, like, on the phone to Washington state lumberjacks, demanding pulp. Updated editions for Fall Semester 2013 — They got product to move.

Posted by: Crid [CridComment at gmail] at January 31, 2013 9:17 PM

Blogpeeps, promise me you won't be impressed with this.

They're peckerwood fuckballs, absolute trash. All these "unprecedented sanctions" they're levying on each other are just smoke and mirrors. They helped each other torture children, and then they lied about it.

Fuck 'em.

Posted by: Crid [CridComment at gmail] at January 31, 2013 9:21 PM

Either the Church has to adhere to the law, or the Church does not.

Ahhh, but momof4 the catholic church then can not argue that life begins at conception as the basis for their religious convictions in avoiding providing birth control and abortion services in their health care plans. Cant have it both ways dearie

Posted by: lujlp at January 31, 2013 11:15 PM