Debunking The Notion That Men Are The Domestic Abusers And Women Are The Abused
From PRWeb, women perpetrate physical and emotional partner abuse and engage in controlling behaviors at rates comparable to those behaviors in men:
The most comprehensive review of the scholarly domestic violence research literature ever conducted concludes, among other things, that women perpetrate physical and emotional abuse, as well as engage in control behaviors, at comparable rates to men. The Partner Abuse State of Knowledge project, or PASK, whose final installment was just published in the journal Partner Abuse, is an unparalleled three-year research project, conducted by 42 scholars at 20 universities and research centers, and including information on 17 areas of domestic violence research....Among PASK's findings are that, except for sexual coercion, men and women perpetrate physical and non-physical forms of abuse at comparable rates, most domestic violence is mutual, women are as controlling as men, domestic violence by men and women is correlated with essentially the same risk factors, and male and female perpetrators are motivated for similar reasons.
"Although research confirms that women are more impacted by domestic violence," stated Hamel, "these findings recommend important intervention and policy changes, including a need to pay more attention to female-perpetrated violence, mutual abuse, and the needs of male victims."
Hamel also argues that men are not only disproportionately arrested in domestic violence cases, but sometimes arrested for arbitrary reasons, citing, for example, that police often arrest the bigger and stronger party in cases where the perpetrator is unclear. "Such policies are not only ineffective but violate people's civil rights," Hamel concludes. "People in the domestic violence field say that 'it's all about the victims.' Well, the victim is not always the one hit, but sometimes the one arrested."
via ifeminists
The problem is, also, we have different standards as to what constitutes abuse toward men than we do toward women.
Society doesn't think anything of a woman who might lightly to mildly smack her husband on the back of the head, but if he did the same thing to her, we'd be calling 911.
Patrick at May 26, 2013 1:38 AM
I really feel sorry for the police in these situations. They have no way to determine who is the perpetrator and who is the victim so they guess.
I blame the politicians who have criminalized everything to the point that a wrongful arrest is enough for the courts to deprive you of some of your civil rights including your Second Ammendment rights.
The draconian punishments for merely being a suspect in a minor crime is what has to end.
Isab at May 26, 2013 3:34 AM
They have no way to determine who is the perpetrator and who is the victim so they guess.
No they don't. Usually they have explicit department policies to arrest the male.
dee nile at May 26, 2013 4:23 AM
I've seen both sides of this. My mother would scream at and hit my father, sometimes with a weapon. He was a big, gentle man. Occasionally, he would stand up for himself (and prevent his own murder perhaps) by doing something such as pulling the shovel that she was swinging at him out of her hand. In doing so, she was injured more severely than he ever was. Luckily (or maybe not) it never went to the police. I don't think that my father ever thought of himself as a victim.
On the other hand, I married a man that used to be abusive. Ironically, he felt abused. I didn'tisten to him. I didn't do things right. I neglected him. If I read before bed, wanted to eat something that he did not, wanted to take a nap, see a friend, etc. , etc., I was abusing him and he was just fighting for our marriage.
I think in most cases, abuses "feel" like victims. My mother was raped as a very young girl and my husband was whipped so badly by his mother that the neighbors that he ran to thought that he had been hit by a car. These former victims may see their own abuse as a way to protect themselves.
Jen at May 26, 2013 6:02 AM
Yay Equality!!
Abby at May 26, 2013 6:13 AM
Did any one pay attention to the studies that attempted to survey the rates of domestic violence among lesbian couples? Apparently not, as the rates were very similar to those of straight couples.
And dee nile is right: if you have dangly bits and the police decided that someone needs to go to jail, it will be you. Unless your girlfriend is Jodie Arias.
I R A Darth Aggie at May 26, 2013 9:34 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2013/05/26/debunking_the_n.html#comment-3721421">comment from I R A Darth AggieAnd then it obviously won't matter because you'll be too dead to go to jail.
Amy Alkon at May 26, 2013 9:37 AM
"Yesterday, instead of calling on Muslims to shelve the doctrine of armed jihad, predictably, the Muslim Council of Britain (MCB) issued a quick press release claiming the "barbaric" attack has "no basis in Islam.""
Um... isn't saying that psycho violence has no basis in Islam effectively the same as saying, "Don't do it"? Sounds like they ARE calling on Muslims to shelve the doctrine. Which is not to say they'll necessarily listen, but it is being said.
NicoleK at May 26, 2013 10:52 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2013/05/26/debunking_the_n.html#comment-3721500">comment from NicoleKissued a quick press release claiming the "barbaric" attack has "no basis in Islam.""
It's bullshit -- and they know it. Westerners want to believe this, and lap it up.
It's taquiyya, lying to protect Islam's best interests, and it's directed at people who'd think ill of Islam for knowing the truth -- it's a violence-demanding totalitarian system masquerading as a religion.
They aren't calling out to Muslims to tell them to ignore the barbarianism-demanding parts of the Quran. Of course, that could get them slaughtered.
Amy Alkon at May 26, 2013 11:18 AM
Despite the evidence, some women will continue with the belief that only men can perpetuate domestic violence. My ex-wife is one of those. When I took away my stepdaughter's cell phone as a punishment, the teenager grabbed a knife and tried to stab me. The act of restraining her and taking the knife was the only domestic violence my wife saw, and she tried to get me arrested over it. Fortunately, the local police were quite familiar with my stepdaughter and refused to go along with my wife's delusions.
Ogre at May 26, 2013 4:53 PM
Sometimes, even when the woman is clearly the abuser, she is treated very differently from an abusive man. For example, my ex-wife was pretty fucking abusive. Fortunately for me, she was also physically weak. One night, though, I got really tired of the pots and pans flying at my head, said, "fuck this", and called the police.
When the police arrived, she was still swinging away while I took my beating. The police said to themselves, "damn, this bitch is crazy" and took her, not to jail, but to a mental institution for which I got a bill for $7000. It would have been worth it had it done any good, but I knew better than to call the police again. Jesus, divorce is great.
whistleDick at May 26, 2013 5:12 PM
It's very simple.
If you lay hands on someone, be prepared to have them lay hands on you.
I detest this idea that since someone is smaller and weaker than you it gives them carte blanche to smack the shit outta you without retaliation.
I happen to be a woman, and I wholeheartedly believe that women are getting to be way too big for their britches these days, at least as pertains to domestic violence. These women abusers ARE abusers BECAUSE of this antiquated idea that men can't hit women.
D'ya think if they knew that men could hit them back, that they could defend themselves, they would be quite as brave?
I know I wouldn't be.
My brother is 6'5 280 lbs. His wife is 5'2 100 lbs all soaking wet. Now, she doesn't smack or otherwise abuse him, because she loves him and doesn't roll that way. But honestly, if he ever smacked her back in a fight he'd kill her. One shot, no question.
But then, abusers are cowards, so wouldn't hit someone if they might get hurt, so I guess it applies to men as well as women.
As far as the police are concerned, bring them BOTH to jail. Sort it out there, and have the guilty party pay all costs. Not an ideal solution, but at least that way the guilty party is charged.
wtf at May 26, 2013 5:47 PM
If I am to be completely honest, I should also add that during my drinking days, I was prone to extreme anger, especially with tequila or whiskey.
I slapped my husband one night, sure in my (extremely) drunken state that he was cheating on me.
He sat on me till I calmed down, and then locked me in the bedroom, telling me next time he would hit me back.
I never raised a hand to him again.
Applause to my husband. That was the night I realized I had a problem. 15 years later, I love him more than ever.
wtf at May 26, 2013 5:57 PM
WTF, I like your suggestion of arresting them both. If they're both going to accuse each other of instigating violence, then fairness dictates that one person's word is as good as the other's. Therefore, they both should be arrested, and let the court decide who's responsible.
Patrick at May 26, 2013 10:08 PM
"WTF, I like your suggestion of arresting them both."
Great suggestion. That is, if you're wanting to make damn sure that one party will just take their beating without calling the police.
whistleDick at May 27, 2013 1:04 AM
Arrested, not charged. Take them both to the station. Do the interviews there and then let them walk home if they don't want to press charges.
Unfortunately many states now have a required arrest and the local prosecutor presses charges, not the "victim". So if the guy is picked up after slapping her once and she's the 5'2" 110 woman that has been slapping him all night he probably won't have evidence that she did it.
Oh, and a DV conviction disqualifies you from exercising your 2nd amendment rights for life, unless you through many thousands to get it removed.
Jim P. at May 27, 2013 8:10 AM
"Great suggestion. That is, if you're wanting to make damn sure that one party will just take their beating without calling the police."
A) Most victims don't call the police anyway.
B) If my husband slapped the shit outta me, I'd WANT to go to the police station, mostly to charge him and tell my side, but also for protection.
How many abusers do you see that WANT to go to a police station? If I were a cop on a domestic violence call, in my mind the guilty party would be the one who didn't want to talk to me.
wtf at May 27, 2013 8:22 AM
I witnessed DV last night outside my window. There was a lot of yelling and screaming. A young Indian couple were fighting. I looked out my window to see him hitting her, and was alarmed, but as I watched I saw that he was probably just defending himself as she repeatedly surged at him with fists and claws. In the end he left peacefully, while she lay on the driveway howling like a demon. I don't know what the argument was about, as it was in Hindi, but I suppose that if I had of reacted immediately to what I saw, I may have got it wrong. They say there is never an excuse to hit a woman - hmmmm - I think one has the right to defend oneself. Anyway, it petered out and I suppose to an extent, people have a right to sort out their own mess.
Bernie G at May 27, 2013 3:18 PM
Amy knows the truth about women and DV. I know the truth. So why don't the President and Vice President of the U.S. know the truth?
By the way, with all this business about women being just as capable in combat, and all the ass-kicking the girls do in the movies, it's nice to know that women can take a good beating, right?
I teach martial arts. Women are usually delusional and generally have NO idea how much harder men can punch.
Jay R at May 28, 2013 12:36 PM
MISOGONIST!!! RAPIST!!! MALE!!!
Dont you know that by walking away and not letting his wife hit him HE was COMMITTING ABUSE!!!
And you aided and abetted him
lujlp at May 28, 2013 12:41 PM
I R A Darth Aggie "Did any one pay attention to the studies that attempted to survey the rates of domestic violence among lesbian couples? Apparently not, as the rates were very similar to those of straight couples."
Thanks for reminding us all of that: I read about that back around 2000, and encountered strong resistance when I citing it in debates about domestic violence.
pst314 at May 29, 2013 2:44 PM
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