Pathological Altruism: There Can Be Negative Outcomes From Empathy
James Taranto writes in the WSJ about what he calls a "fascinating paper," "Concepts and Implications of Altruism Bias and Pathological Altruism," published by Dr. Barbara Oakley in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences:
The paper is a concise summary of an innovative idea that informed Oakley's two recent books: Cold-Blooded Kindness: Neuroquirks of a Codependent Killer, or Just Give Me a Shot at Loving You, Dear, and Other Reflections on Helping That Hurts(Prometheus, 2011) and Pathological Altruism
(Oxford University Press, 2012). The former has been described as a true-crime thriller; the latter is a dense, 496-page collection of 31 academic papers, edited by Oakley and three other scholars.
The PNAS paper has the virtue of brevity, running only eight pages despite including 110 footnotes. Yet it's remarkable for its breadth and depth. It introduces a simple yet versatile idea that could revolutionize scientific and social thought.
Oakley defines pathological altruism as "altruism in which attempts to promote the welfare of others instead result in unanticipated harm." A crucial qualification is that while the altruistic actor fails to anticipate the harm, "an external observer would conclude [that it] was reasonably foreseeable." Thus, she explains, if you offer to help a friend move, then accidentally break an expensive item, your altruism probably isn't pathological; whereas if your brother is addicted to painkillers and you help him obtain them, it is.
As the latter example suggests, the idea of "codependency" is a subset of pathological altruism. "Feelings of empathic caring . . . appear to lie at the core of . . . codependent behavior," Oakley notes. People in codependent relationships genuinely care for each other, but that empathy leads them to do destructive things.
Yet according to Oakley, "the vital topic of codependency has received almost no hard-science research focus, leaving 'research' to those with limited or no scientific research qualifications." That is to say, it is largely the domain of pop psychology. "It is reasonable to wonder if the lack of scientific research involving codependency may relate to the fact that there is a strong academic bias against studying possible negative outcomes of empathy."
There's much more at the link to Taranto's piece, and you can, of course, read the whole paper at the link above.
Love this!
My mom suffers from pathological altruism.
Her biggest fantasy is for her husband, to help him out when he is so crippled he needs his diapers changed. Right now he's healthy but I've never once heard her talk about taking a vacation with him when he's retired or having dinner or anything.
Her only convo about him is he's going to be so crippled, and since all his children hate him she will be the only person there for him. I'm not joking that that is her biggest fantasy.
Last week she dumped one of her projects on me. She is always helping people, but if the person needs someone to really come through she will dump them, get frustrated and angry.
She can only form superficial friendships with people that are in need. If you are normal, you will never be her friend. She needs to be the "martyr".
People however, don't really seem to love her.
Ppen at June 15, 2013 3:29 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2013/06/15/pathological_al.html#comment-3750327">comment from PpenPpen, sorry to hear that but it's great that you get it. So many people are in the dark -- often because they don't want to know -- about the flaws of those close to them.
KateC posted something I admired on Facebook -- something about recognizing, on Mother's Day, those who had difficult relationships with their difficult mothers, and recognizing friends who came around for them in important ways.
Amy Alkon
at June 15, 2013 5:44 AM
I wonder if it's just a case of full-blown empathy or something more, pertaining to self-interest. Ppen said that her mother had to be the "martyr." Maybe such people want to feel good about themselves as "hero" or "martyr", or maybe their own lives are so pathetic, that they need something to fill the void.
As an aside, why the hate on people with Asperger's syndrome? Their lack of empathy means that they certainly won't have this problem.
mpetrie98 at June 15, 2013 2:04 PM
Oakley was also very insightful about pathological altruism underlying the Community Reinvestment Act:
Pretty much the left in a (pardon the expression) nutshell.
Jeff Guinn at June 15, 2013 6:15 PM
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