Why I Live In California And Not Florida
I like Florida except for the humidity, the alligators, and how the cockroaches are only distinguishable from compact cars because they don't come in cute colors.
Of course, the truth is, I LOVE CALIFORNIA! Even if it is run by thieves and idiots.
Alligators rule!
DaveG at July 1, 2013 11:42 AM
Aw, c'mon! You're afraid of mosquitoes the size of a 737? Grotesque insects that don't exist anywhere else on Earth? Roaches that knock over buildings? Humidity that will grow mold on you if you stand still for five minutes?
Cousin Dave at July 1, 2013 12:03 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2013/07/01/why_i_live_in_c.html#comment-3780125">comment from Cousin DaveEeuw!
Gregg said yesterday about Florida humidity that every one of his videotapes grew mold on it. Yick!
Amy Alkon at July 1, 2013 12:25 PM
I spent twenty years in Florida and hated it for the cockroaches, mosquitoes, humidity, daily rainstorms, frequent lightning strikes, rednecks, serial killers, and Florida Gator fans.
Now that I've been away for a while, I kinda miss it.
Florida is the only state in the union that is its own literary genre: Elmore Leonard, Carl Hiassen, Dave Barry, Edna Buchanan, Tim Dorsey, Randy Wayne White, John D. MacDonald, et al.
Florida has to be experienced to be believed.
Conan the Grammarian at July 1, 2013 1:37 PM
I love Florida, lived there 6 months once. But I adore humidity.
momof4 at July 1, 2013 2:45 PM
"I like Florida except for the humidity, the alligators, and how the cockroaches are only distinguishable from compact cars because they don't come in cute colors."
You had something like that.
You paved it over.
Radwaste at July 1, 2013 3:48 PM
Florida is the only state in the union that is its own literary genre: Elmore Leonard, Carl Hiassen, Dave Barry, Edna Buchanan, Tim Dorsey, Randy Wayne White, John D. MacDonald, et al.
I adore Carl Hiassen's work most of all. Don't get me wrong, I cut my teeth on Mr Leonard's stories, and used to steal the John D's with the lurid covers from my uncles, but Carl Hiassen makes me laugh like no one else can. Florida's greatest and maybe only cultural contribution is the Florida Wacko Genre of literature. Long Live The Skink.
bmused at July 1, 2013 4:16 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2013/07/01/why_i_live_in_c.html#comment-3780742">comment from bmusedElmore lives in Bloomfield Village, Michigan, I'll have you know. I've fallen asleep on his couch!
(He has written a number of Florida stories, all of which my boyfriend has been the researcher on, which is how he ended up living down there and getting mold on his videotapes. Thank goodness for "Get Shorty," or he never would have moved out here to LA.)
Amy Alkon at July 1, 2013 5:57 PM
But somehow Florida doesn't have a 20% income tax and you don't lose your home in bankruptcy or earthquakes.
If I had to choose between Florida and California, I'd be living in Texas.
Jim P. at July 1, 2013 7:48 PM
Be careful where you move in Texas, Jim P. As I can relate from beautiful Corpus Christi, the humidity on the Gulf Coast of Texas is horrendous and this Dallas boy is only now getting used to it after 13 years.
causticf at July 2, 2013 4:43 AM
Speaking as someone who currently resides in South Florida, I can't say I blame you. I haven't had a good hair day in over 6 years since we moved here. I tell people we only have two seasons here, Summer and hurricane. We are right in the beginning of hurricane.
But, we got no income tax, damn good seafood, good beaches, and a helluva good arts scene if you're into that.
Sabrina at July 2, 2013 5:06 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2013/07/01/why_i_live_in_c.html#comment-3781877">comment from SabrinaI haven't had a good hair day in over 6 years since we moved here.
I do not do well in humidity but my vanity, especially, does poorly for the reason you note!
Amy Alkon at July 2, 2013 6:53 AM
Sabrina, I lived in Ft. Lauderdale for five years. Yeah, the roaches were impressive, and so was the weather sometimes (although I managed to miss Hurricane Andrew). But the food was damn good. And once you've lived there, you never quite get all the salt water out of your veins. If my job hadn't torpedoed, I might still be there today.
Another advantage of South Florida: not too many Gator fans.
Cousin Dave at July 2, 2013 10:36 AM
I do not do well in humidity but my vanity, especially, does poorly for the reason you note!
Yeah. My vanity suffers a bit but i've learned to work around it. Ive become the master at the "bump" and ponytail look. I am usually in wigs on stage anyway too soooo... Bonus! :)
Cousin Dave, I'm in Palm Beach County. We only moved here because this is where my husbands job and family was, otherwise, we'd still be in NYC. (although the direction THEY are going in I might have left anyway...). I've honestly don't have too many complaints other than the unpredictable nature of the summer storms and my constant frizzy hair. Though, the Gator fans do seem to be moving south... I'm seeing a LOT of orange Gator tees lately. Apparently, it's trendy to be a Gator fan these days. Awesome.
Sabrina at July 2, 2013 12:03 PM
I would wish to be west Texas -- San Angelo type areas. Small to medium cities that have a grasp on reality. The two seasons are hot and hotter.
Jim P. at July 2, 2013 10:21 PM
A moment of sanity as a California court declares that yoga does not actually twist your child into a Hindu.
Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at July 2, 2013 10:54 PM
I don't think the problem is that it is run by thieves and idiots. Like you, many, many people love California. It's popular, maybe too popular. It knows it can afford to be vain, callous, engage in frivolous endeavors. You'll still want her, I mean it.
smurfy at July 3, 2013 11:14 AM
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