Sure, if I'm the brute brutally dispensing the brutality.

Otherwise, forget it. Opinions of others are just opinions, as much as we'd like to wear the Laurel of Superiority as we dish 'em out.

The Laurel of Superiority, by the way, is often awarded with a Hardy Handshake.

Paraphrasing Mel.

I think we all benefit from being honest with each other if its done in the right spirit.

Brutal honesty requires being honest with yourself before being honest with another. Otherwise, it's just brutality.

Most people get tripped up on that part.

All cruel people regard themselves as champions of honesty.

In the book "Brit-Think, Ameri-Think," American journalist Jane Walmsley pointed out that one difference between Brits and Yanks is that Brits so respect their spouses' privacy. Quote: "In fact, once married, they see no further need for conversation. This is why it takes them ten to fifteen years to find out how their partners like coffee."

(The book was published in 1987 and reissued in 2003, with a couple of extra chapters.)

All cruel people regard themselves as champions of honesty. - Trust

True, but many self delusion people label truthful people cruel even when they arent

The trick is be true in the Rogerian sense (Carl Rogers was a humanistic psychologist.) It's a technique where you are real with expressing what you're feeling without all the pain/anger that can typically accompany those statements.

It's a place of vulnerability for the person being honest. I was talking with a friend the other day about her drinking. She was not hearing what I was saying -- typical in those type of situations -- and I said bluntly that I was afraid for her. That worked.

lujlp: "...but many self delusion people label truthful people cruel even when they arent..."

Which is one reason why...

Ms Alkon: "What's wise -- and positive -- is judicious honesty: judging whether people can hear and take in and make positive change with whatever you're thinking of being honest about."

"What's wise -- and positive -- is judicious honesty: judging whether people can hear and take in and make positive change with whatever you're thinking of being honest about."

Which too many people who claim to be "brutally honest" forget. They just forge onward, neglecting, almost zealously, to realize or care about the hurt they inflict in the name of "being honest". As long as they're (they think) in the right, sparing your feelings isn't in the equation.

There's an old proverb that says that if you speak the truth, keep one foot in the stirrup.

I had a boyfriend would criticize me, constantly and then say, "I am just being honest." Needless to say, it didn't last long and it would have been over quicker if I was older.

It's sadism.

"I'm just being honest . . . " or "I'm just saying . . . "

Are usually followed by some asshole remark from someone who considers him/herself your better.

There's honesty and there's "brutal honesty." The two are not the same.

So, no, I vote for, as you say, judicious honesty. Which, if you care about someone, would be supportive honesty.

Since when do cruel people justify their cruelty by declaring themselves to be honest people? Is deception never cruel? Is honesty the only ostensible reason given for cruelty?