That men should be available at a moments notice to cater to whatever emotional needs/desires she has, without her telling him when or what they are.
He should not have any emotional needs of his own, though.

Put down the drill, come down from the ladder and listen to me

It means "emotionally available TO ME but self posessed and socially dominant to everyone else"

Believe it or not, I am acquainted with the person who coined the term. Her name was Sandra Hardy and she was an instructor in the Theatre Department at the University of Maine at Orono.

Emotional availability refers to that state of mind that actors are in when they're prepared to respond emotionally (as opposed to drearing their way mechanically through their lines). This does not necessarily mean that they're going to get emotional (not much need to respond with passionate love or mortal fear when someone asks you the time), but they are sufficiently engaged to give an appropriate emotional response.

I'm guessing that when women apply this to their partners, they mean that they wish their partners would engage them with their emotions, as opposed to emotionless responses.

My experience has been that phrase means a man should reveal himself enough so she can get her hooks into his psyche and begin the manipulation process. It's not always suicidal for a man to be emotionally available, but I don't recommend it for the weak.

"Put down the drill, come down from the ladder and listen to me"

step
step
step
*Yes, dear?*
"We need to talk."
*Yes, dear?*
"Sometimes I feel like you're not emotionally available to me."
*What do you mean, dear?*
"You see? You SEE! THIS is why I've been blowing the mailman!"
*Ah. So if I engage my emotions now and punch you in the mouth and then lay in wait for that bastard and smash his face in with a hammer, will I be right or wrong?*
"Wrong, of course! Real men don't resort to violence!"
*Ah. So I can go back up and finish working on the house I bought you now?*
"You bastard!"

Emotionally available = Be my emotional pack mule while I dump everything on you.

It means he's "shit-testing" you.

She's going to try to see how low she can bring you, and then use it against you (should you give her any of what she's asking for) when she does her bi-daily reassessment of your masculinity and how satisfied she is with it, as compared to the orbiters (i.e: prospective partners) in her life.

Should you fail the shit-test (i.e: do as petitioned), she will begin to doubt your masculinity and, by extension, your ability to protect her and/or provide her with strong progeny, which will cause anxiety and more frequent shit-testing. As you might imagine, it quickly turns into a downwards spiral, and it ends with you getting dumped and/or her cheating on you until she can secure her next long term partner to jump to.

...that was easy to follow, right?

TL;DR - Do not become more emotionally available. Just don't.

They want their men to become women with penises?

It means she wants a relationship. And as long as she does't want to get married, I'm emotionally available. Marriage however, is a government sanctioned financial institution, heavily weighted to the female perspective, so I will not be entering that without an ironclad pre-nup agreement.

Unless she's rich.

it is a made-up term of no consequence, and is to be ignored by men. See: Jack.Rayner above for one of a myriad of potentials.

I have heard it most often explained, as reacting to things as she, herself, would... which is preposterous. you are, after all, not her.

In trouble ratings, it is equivalent to: "we need to talk."

What Gog said. Also, closely related to the way some women expect men to magically read their minds.

Just yesterday, my wife was moping around the house, clearly upset with me. I racked my brain, but had no idea what I had done or not done to upset her. Eventually, I asked, but the answer was to be expected: "nothing". This translates as "if you can't read my mind, I'm not going to tell you".

What's a guy to do? Me, I went outside and worked in the garden until the storm blew over. Gals, please don't do this; it just puts your guy in an impossible situation.

When a man is acting obviously angry or jealous or hurt, but when questioned states, "I'm not angry/jealous/hurt." He is clearly demonstrating emotions that he then denies he feels.

Also, perhaps a man who shuts down when something bad happens to him and I'd like to help. A boyfriend who when he was laid off didn't want to see me for several days. My ex-husband who had to put his dog to sleep and was upset but didn't want me to accompany him to the vet or talk about it afterward.

The latter is much more acceptable to me than the former. Some people can't bear to have a wound probed.

Probably means never start a sentence with the phrase "Would you make yourself useful and ..."

I have always understood that to mean that he isn't completely emotionally invested elsewhere. For instance, a man who is still emotionally attached to an ex would likely be emotionally unavailable. Another example is a person who hasn't let go of a late partner.

This doesn't just apply to men nor just to partners. I think many women get so wrapped up in their kids' lives (esp. single moms) that they are emotionally unavailable for new partners in their lives (or sometimes for existing ones).

Basically, if 80% or more of your thoughts or emotional energy are with somebody else, you aren't emotionally available to give/receive significantly for another person. So, say you start dating and 8 months in your new partner's parent dies, you aren't in a place to actually be supportive.

That's how I understand it anyway.

I'm reading such hostility about desiring emotional availability from a partner.

To me, it is truly listening and caring. It's making your partner your priority.

I'll give two counter-examples. One is that I felt like my parents never listened to me, so over breakfast, I told then that my best friends father had just died. Their replies were "Uh huh" and "that's nice."

The other is that my husband took me to the emergency room when I requested because I was having neurological symptoms. He was casual and rolled his eyes as I described my symptoms. I was diagnosed as psychosomatic. It happened again and I was taken by ambulance. My experience was totally different.

I believe that emotional availability can be a matter of life and death, both physically and emotionally.

If no one is listening to me, it is usually because I am talking too much. A bad habit of mine, and one I am working very hard to overcome.

It is like leaving the TV on. Everything you say becomes background noise.

Do you think anyone seriously still listens to Obama?

What would be the point?

The only time I encountered that phrase was with a girlfriend who assumed that I must have this amazing and deep emotional life that I didn't have. Because I wasn't sharing my emotions all the time, I must be deliberately withholding them. (Sample conversation: "What are you thinking?" "Um, whether the Braves enough hitting to win the World Series." "Hmph. Come on, you can tell me." "Seriously, that's what I was thinking.")

Needless to say, the relationship did not last.

@Mike: Yah, we guys are pretty shallow that way. On the other hand, I don't really think women are any different. They just think about different shallow things...

I'm reading such hostility about desiring emotional availability from a partner.

Right? What's up with that, anyway?

To me, it is truly listening and caring. It's making your partner your priority.

Amen, sistah. That's where I'm at with this. And it's not just about men being emotionally available. I think we all need to demonstrate emotionaly availablity with each other. Otherwise, what's the point?

All the negativity is spot on.

Fuck emotional availability. She wants emotional availability, let her hang out with her female friends.

It either means she wants to dump a load of hot steaming emotion.
OR
It means she wants to mess with your head and possibly guilt trip you on what a failure you are as a woman.

Its never had a good meaning for men.

To me, it means he isn't so embittered, burned, and angry about a past relationship that I don't have a chance.

The meaning varies by person using it and situation.

Usually it has something to do with the man not doing or reacting to something in the way the woman wants. Generally dangerous for man just like -as someone early said - "We need to talk."

"If no one is listening to me, it is usually because I am talking too much."

Probably one of the truest statements that applies to so many people.

"I'm reading such hostility about desiring emotional availability from a partner.Right? What's up with that, anyway?To me, it is truly listening and caring. It's making your partner your priority." -flynn and jen

The crux is that men and women listen and care in diffrrent ways, but the 'emotional availability' question is a quandary because it is a woman's perception.
"carry me across a river?"
'sure, hop on my back.'
"kill the dreaded spider?"
'where is it?'
"I'm in trouble."
'I will do whatever you need.'
"tell me what you are feeling?"
'I feel tired'
"your dog just died, how do you feel?"
'bad.'
"you have to tell me everything."
'I did.'
"no you didn't, your just emotionally unavailable!"
'yup, that MUST be it.'

listening and caring? are you sure you are doing that? men and women often use language differently, and if they pay attention, certain things ring true... sometimes she just wants to talk, she doesn't need a solution. sometimes he doesn't want to talk, he just needs you there.

I have found over time that the emo unavailable is often a projection of her discomfort in not knowing, all the while not realizing that some feelings for men, HAVE NO WORDS.
meanwhile men are no paragons in teasing out her feelings if she won't voice them either...

so, it becomes a standoff.

importantly, I've never heard a guy use this term, but have heard an astonishingly stereotypical number of women use it. it's a woman's term, and it is never a good thing when she says it.
she's already decided you are wrong.
hence the hostility.

"To me, it means he isn't so embittered, burned, and angry about a past relationship that I don't have a chance."

"I actually think it suggests she's been burned and expects the next man to behave like the last one."

Judging from the answers here to this question, both sexes are a bit crispy on the edges.

I have no idea what "emotionally available" means. I assume that "available" means "ready to use/abuse" -- so taken together, this means that she wants to play with my emotions while pretending to want me to care about hers.

Pass.