Rude And Proud Of It? I'd Like To Help You Get The Word Out
That's what I did late Friday afternoon when some woman parked her silver car smack in the middle of two spaces on my block, instead of doing the polite thing and taking just one.
Now, not everyone realizes that my neighborhood has become a parking hell, and they may not think to park more considerately. I get that. We all aren't always mindful.
When I see somebody taking up two spaces, I tell them about the tough parking situation here -- politely...at first. People who aren't lazy assholes or who don't feel their one chance to have power is to behave with lazy inconsideration to another person will often move their vehicle up.
That's not what happened on Friday.
As the woman who hogged two spaces walked across the street to go off to the shop and restaurant area, I called to her, "Excuse me, ma'am -- we have really scarce parking in our neighborhood. Would you mind pulling up your car so you only take one space instead of two?
She looked at me and decided to be condescending instead. She just kept saying, "You'll be fine. You'll be fine. You'll be fine." And walked on. Continuing to repeat that.
I called after her, "No, I won't be fine because my boyfriend won't have a place to park because you've taken two spaces. And you're ill-raised. What kind of woman raised you to be so inconsiderate?"
I'm sure she's sure she won. Let's see if she continues to feel that way.
I fantasize that little notes like these below will make a cop more likely to pull some asshole over.
Or...at the very least, tomorrow or later tonight, when this entitled asshole gets home, she'll realize that -- oops -- her "fuck you -- I'm entitled!" rudeness wasn't the most winning strategy. I love the idea of loads and loads of people laughing at her as they pull up behind her -- and hope she thinks of that, too.
There is a point to this. If we shame the rude, they might think twice about being rude the next time. Not because they'll become better people, but because somebody has shown them there's a cost to being piggy -- even amongst strangers.
Here's the left side of the back of her car:
Here's the right side:
(I know -- I make such a poor victim, simply refusing to roll over!)
P.S. I actually thank people and leave nice notes when people park considerately in my neighborhood, like last week when I saw this guy taking pains to move his station wagon up to right before the red, so he wouldn't take more space than necessary. Nice!
Now those are lovely, thank you for posting them!
jerry at February 21, 2014 11:57 PM
Those are funny. How about 'I was raised by hyenas?' ;-)
What was she trying to do by saying 'You'll be fine.' Indicate that you were more upset than the situation warranted? Hint that you have a screw loose? What a rude person.
crella at February 22, 2014 12:32 AM
If you are lucky enough to live in a neighborhood where tow trucks can scoop illegal parkers without having to call the cops first, call them directly
lujlp at February 22, 2014 2:51 AM
Unfortunately, she wasn't parked illegally. There was a woman who would hit all our cars with her Mercedes and parked ON my neighbor's bumper one time! She clearly just didn't give a shit -- I saw her park. She just wouldn't take the time to do it -- just bumped the cars behind and in front of her. Well, one day, she was parked in the red, and did I ever find the number of parking enforcement fast. They ticketed her. I loved seeing it!
Amy Alkon at February 22, 2014 4:55 AM
"What was she trying to do by saying 'You'll be fine.'"
Be a condescending bitch -- like how crazy that I would ask her to not take two spaces in a neighborhood with a parking problem.
One problem is, people who live in a place don't feel they "own the place." I do. I feel responsible for not letting my neighborhood turn into a loud, rude, awful and unparkable shithole. And take action to that end. I encourage that -- a sense of ownership for your neighborhood, in my next book, "Good Manners For Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck," which is coming out from St. Martin's in June, 2014.
I also try to do nice things. I heard a kid crying outside my gate and came and looked over the fence. He'd skinned his knee falling. I offered the mom a bottle of water, mecurochrome, and a Bandaid, but she said they were close to home and they'd go home and do all that.
Amy Alkon at February 22, 2014 4:59 AM
By the way, a posted picture with no embellishment is totally legal. You didn't have to blank the plates at all.
Radwaste at February 22, 2014 5:43 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2014/02/22/rude_and_proud.html#comment-4277735">comment from RadwasteA friend pointed out that it's possible that the car could be registered to a different person than the one driving it, and someone could make the connection somehow and ding the registree rather than the rude parker for rudeness.
Amy Alkon at February 22, 2014 6:00 AM
I wish one of the posted notes said, "I hog parking spaces" or something else that would instruct other drivers in what not to do.
Thank you for doing this!
Michelle at February 22, 2014 6:46 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2014/02/22/rude_and_proud.html#comment-4277832">comment from MichelleThanks, Michelle -- I usually do that (being more specific).
Amy Alkon at February 22, 2014 6:47 AM
This is why I follow you, Amy. Love this.
ValiantBlue at February 22, 2014 7:43 AM
Maybe it is my eyesight, but I don't see any marked spaces.
And, it is not clear that her parking closer to ones of the cars would have given enough room for an additional car, unless she parked so close that you would need a fucking can opener to get out.
And, of course, if the car she parked in had been your boyfriend's, you probably would have posted the same notes on her car.
Makes me question who is the rude one here.
-Jut
JutGory at February 22, 2014 8:10 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2014/02/22/rude_and_proud.html#comment-4278047">comment from JutGoryNo, there aren't marked spaces, and it might not be clear to you that two cars could part there, but when her hogass left, two cars did. Comfortably.
For the record, my boyfriend wasn't coming over last night. It was simply an example I gave of another person being able to park there. And there would have been no "parking in" -- there was sufficient room for two spaces. There was more room behind her than there was in front of her; the space in front of her car is just more visible in the photograph.
"Makes me question who is the rude one here."
What an adorable cheap shot -- based on a lack of knowledge and, apparently, the notion that shared resources are okay to hog.
And yes, I'm "rude," if you consider looking out for some other person who's going to be needlessly driving around and around searching for a parking place, a form of rudeness. I consider it a form of community-oriented behavior.
Of course, the decent thing to do, when somebody points out that the neighborhood has scarce parking, is to say, "Whoops, didn't know that," and move up your car so another person can park behind you.
Amy Alkon at February 22, 2014 8:28 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2014/02/22/rude_and_proud.html#comment-4278048">comment from Amy AlkonAnd thank you, Valiant!
Amy Alkon at February 22, 2014 8:29 AM
Amy, I generally agree with you about boorish behavior, but I do have a question here. Was there any way (tags, for instance) to tell if the car was local?
Standards on how close to park vary geographically in my experience - and therefore, so do people's ability to get in and out of the same sized spot. I've noticed in some parts of CA, people park their cars so close you couldn't walk between them (how do they DO that???). In many parts of the country (rural and outer suburbs) I have been to, it is considered impolite to get close to another car because you are making it hard for them to get out - not impossible, but difficult.
The major difference seems to be how much parking is available in the area. Obviously, once you told this person that parking is a problem, she would have to be inconsiderate to not move her car... but I find myself wondering if she was going, "how will I get it OUT if I move it closer and somebody parks behind me?" Obviously, I can't know that, but having been there, I see it as a real possibility.
Where I grew up, there was no such thing as parallel parking. Sure, you might park along the curb, but even if your whole block was having big family gatherings, there'd be ample room to drive straight into where you parked (as opposed to the back and forth of parallel parking). The first time I really had to parallel park I was quite nervous about getting in (and out later) and about not being too close to block others in. The idea that I should be close enough to permit space for others was kinda not on my radar at that point. Of course, it helps if there are marked spaces because then it's not left up to personal judgement.
One last thing. I was once yelled at for parking rudely (not pulling close so I was taking up 2 spots) when, in fact, I had done so. The people in front and behind me when I parked had large cars (a extended cab pickup and a van, I believe). Before I returned, they both left and sedans took the spaces. The one behind me parked somewhat reasonably, although I had a good bit more room behind than before. The one in front, however, pulled really far forward. Where there had been reasonable space for one now looked like enough for two... if my car wasn't in the middle of the available space.
Obviously, this isn't what happened here, but I thought it worth sharing because sometimes people jump to conclusions and berate the innocent - and that's just as rude as somebody parking inconsiderately.
Shannon M. Howell at February 22, 2014 8:42 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2014/02/22/rude_and_proud.html#comment-4278108">comment from Shannon M. HowellShe wasn't from my neighborhood, no -- we know each other around here. Many people park on my block to go to the boulevard near me. But I made no assumption that she understood our parking problem, which is why I politely told her about it and asked if she would move up so someone else could park there. She had every opportunity to be nice. She chose to be lazy -- and this is the point of my books and theory on rudeness -- why? Because I'm a stranger and we can do shitty things to strangers without repercussion -- or so we think -- because we won't see each other again. I like to show people there actually can be repercussions, and encourage others to do the same, with measures like this. Also, it's fun!
If a person can't parallel park, they should pay for valet parking, not hog two spaces.
And again, I didn't berate her -- not until she showed herself to be an unrepentant hog of what is supposed to be shared space. Berating a person doesn't get them to do what you hope them to; it generally gets them to tell you to fuck the hell off.
Amy Alkon at February 22, 2014 9:13 AM
I'm glad you saw her parking so it clarifies everything, but I'd like to point out that there's domino effect bad parking... like one person parks badly, forcing the cars parking next to it to park badly. So if you see someone getting IN to a badly parked car bear in mind it might not be their fault, when they arrived the domino effect might have been set up already even if it is fixed now.
NicoleK at February 22, 2014 9:57 AM
"What an adorable cheap shot -- based on a lack of knowledge and, apparently, the notion that shared resources are okay to hog."
-Amy
Compared to "I drive like an asshole," "I'm ill-raised" and "I'm rude and proud of it!," yes, I suppose my response is more adorable and more knowledgable than your comments (i.e. do you know how she was raised or how she drives?) And, as far as the "shared resources" go, parking spots are renewable.
And, you say two cars parked there after she left. Well, had she left room for an extra car, one of the two that came after she left may not have found a spot, as it might have been taken up by someone else. Someone may have been inconvenienced, but someone else may have benefited from her conduct.
-Jut
JutGory at February 22, 2014 10:02 AM
The inept parallel-parker earned her asshole badge when she blew off Amy's concerns and request.
Not using profanity doesn't make what she did any less rude, self centered, and blatantly, intentionally dismissive.
There are women who put the hissing sound in the word "nice," and this woman was one of them.
I am so glad she got called out on it instead of dodging behind a cheap facade of propriety.
Thank you Amy!
Michelle at February 22, 2014 11:02 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2014/02/22/rude_and_proud.html#comment-4278303">comment from JutGoryParking is part of driving. She drives like an asshole. Check! The others also apply.
She was rude and proud and reflects with her behavior that she was ill-raised. (I was raised to be considerate of other people and to share, not to act like the world is mine for the taking.)
Jut, you're clearly working very hard to protect your self-image by strrrrretching to try to justify what you wrote -- points which I neatly decimated, if I do say so myself.
"Parking spots are renewable" is the dippiest argument I've heard all day.
A parking spot that could have been used by two people was hogged by one. This is rude and caused somebody to drive around the neighborhood searching for a spot.
This goes back to a point I made in I See Rude People: That rudeness is theft. In this case, it was a theft of time and peace of mind.
Amy Alkon at February 22, 2014 11:05 AM
Nicole, she just parked as I was coming home and just got out of her car as I was going in my gate. I'm mindful of what you wrote above -- that another car may have impeded somebody from parking well. This wasn't the case here.
And thank you, Michelle. You get it exactly.
Amy Alkon at February 22, 2014 11:23 AM
Just to be extra clear...
As I said before, once Amy told this person that parking was an issue and politely asked her to move the car forward, all my comments don't apply. Even if she'd been wondering how she'd get her car out (which would explain why she parked that way in the first place, not excuse her ignoring Amy!) she could have been polite and realized that a local would know if there's enough room or not (or asked if there was better parking someplace else nearby, etc).
Also, Amy, I wasn't saying YOU berated anyone - but that sometimes people (not you, that I'm aware of) get a bit carried away and there are instances where, when people don't see what happens, they DO berate innocent bystanders. That was my example with the van and pickup or what NicoleK mentioned.
Shannon M. Howell at February 22, 2014 11:24 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2014/02/22/rude_and_proud.html#comment-4278438">comment from Shannon M. HowellThanks -- and believe me, I'm no saint, and I've done things the wrong way, too, but I've learned that it's ineffective and I try hard to avoid blowing up at people and take the more effective approach: not assuming they willfully parked like a jerk, informing them that parking is tight here, and politely asking that they move their car up.
Amy Alkon at February 22, 2014 12:33 PM
These
http://ow.ly/tTyI1
are much less likely to blow off on the freeway...
flbeachmom at February 22, 2014 1:44 PM
"Be a condescending bitch"
Well in that, and that alone, she succeeded. What a nasty person!
crella at February 22, 2014 4:07 PM
"A friend pointed out that it's possible that the car could be registered to a different person than the one driving it, and someone could make the connection somehow and ding the registree rather than the rude parker for rudeness."
Doesn't matter. Check the difference between civil and criminal liability.
Again: doesn't matter. A picture of a vehicle in any position does not expose you to anything so long as the picture isn't faked.
Radwaste at February 22, 2014 5:17 PM
"A picture of a vehicle in any position does not expose you to anything so long as the picture isn't faked."
Posted by: Radwaste at February 22, 2014 5:17 PM
Maybe not legally (I'll take your word for it) but socially it could make an innocent person open to public social castigation. (Have you read the comment sections of other blogs? A lot of people are not necessarily deep thinkers.)
Michelle at February 22, 2014 7:46 PM
Will never understand why those who seek to point out others rudeness must use vulgar language to do so. It's the main reason I rarely read this page and will probably never support the author again by buying her books.
Maybe it feels good for a few seconds but IMHO it is nearly as inconsiderate as the rude examples. Surely one can communicate in a more acceptable way.
HubFlyer at February 23, 2014 5:29 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2014/02/22/rude_and_proud.html#comment-4279670">comment from HubFlyerWill never understand why those who seek to point out others rudeness must use vulgar language to do so. It's the main reason I rarely read this page and will probably never support the author again by buying her books. Maybe it feels good for a few seconds but IMHO it is nearly as inconsiderate as the rude examples. Surely one can communicate in a more acceptable way.
I don't swear around 4-year-olds or elderly aunts, but yes, I love colorful language, and "fuck" is right there in my next book title, "Good Manners For Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck." The difference of opinion here is in how we see what we consider manners: For me, at root of manners is empathy and how you're treating other people. I don't use swear words around children or people it would make uncomfortable because of that. For me, manners is about fairness to others, reaching out kindly to others, and not letting yourself get walked on (or your community get abused).
Amy Alkon at February 23, 2014 6:31 AM
Oh yeah, in short: I like to call an asshole an asshole after more peaceful and polite measures have been exhausted.
Amy Alkon at February 23, 2014 6:32 AM
My former neighbors did this all the time. At the time, there were a lot more cars on my street, and these lazy assholes took up two spaces in front of my house, then walked over the flowers instead of parking in front of their own house across the street. One day I turned on the sprinkler when they'd left their windows down.
Lori Miller at February 23, 2014 7:51 AM
This person was probably from a suburb where they have unlimited parking and they honk at anyone who pulls in front of them in traffic within 100 yards.
Lori Miller at February 23, 2014 7:58 AM
Possibly the person is from a city where parking close can get you boxed in. I've watched many a parallel parker in San Francisco leave the car with enough room to exit the parking space only to come back and find the spots in front of and behind their car now occupied by cars parked inches from their bumper.
Conan the Grammarian at February 23, 2014 9:51 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2014/02/22/rude_and_proud.html#comment-4280068">comment from Conan the GrammarianPossibly the person was from outer space. When I informed her that there was a problem in the neighborhood and asked her -- politely -- to move her car up, she could have then -- politely -- informed me that she was afraid of being boxed in, being attacked by flying cats, having her car disappear into a sinkhole.
This is not San Francisco and if you can't parallel park, you need to valet, not take spaces that two people could -- very comfortably -- fit their cars into.
Amy Alkon at February 23, 2014 11:19 AM
I have been reading this site for a long time, but until now I haven't registered to post anything. I just would like to add "Fuck you HubFlyer".
1hotmama at February 23, 2014 3:35 PM
I have to say, it looks to me like one big spot too. I'm surprised two cars fit there comfortably - they must have been small cars.
Which is not to excuse the woman. The proper course of action is to park about a foot away from one of the cars. If a car can fit in the remaining space fine, and a foot is enough to get out even if the car on the other side is right on the bumper.
kf at February 23, 2014 3:36 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2014/02/22/rude_and_proud.html#comment-4280446">comment from kfAgain, two regular-sized cars can fit that space with plenty of room to spare. It's a problem of perspective (of the photo).
Amy Alkon at February 23, 2014 4:44 PM
The picture certainly doesn't look like 2 cars - well maybe 2 Smart cars - could fit in the space. Since there seems to be some controversy over it I thought I would load it into a 3-d molder I had a licence to from school...unfortunately that license has expired. I tried a lessor photo manipulation program and came up with the following: Just trying the perspective analysis the space is about 1.8 lengths of the silver car...maybe 1.9, maybe 1.7. Trying to manually correct the perspective then analysis the space I get about 1.7. I then tried to different auto perspective corrections both resulted in about 1.8 but for somewhat different reasons...which if I chose to optimize for size on those two (e.g. the bigger estimate for the space behind the car with the bigger space in front) I get get 1.9-2.0. Of course that is not definitive, just best guess.
The parking job looks pretty good...good distance from the curb, etc.
Getting parked in can be a real problem, particularly if your vehicle doesn't have a tight turn radius (I had a old 4x4 truck that really had that problem).
I can't see anything to really fault the woman for, she could have handled Amy better. However, if we take Amy's description of the situation as fact, Amy was still the over the top rude one in the end.
The Former Banker at February 23, 2014 10:50 PM
I do appreciate your response, Amy. Guess we’ll have to agree to disagree on the proper way to handle a challenging situation.
Not sure how you know that “elderly aunts” won’t see your vulgar post-its on the car, or when they fall off into the street. My method of dealing with people like the selfish parker are to stand up for my rights, if they are being violated. Dealing with the manners of this inconsiderate woman don’t always reach the level of one’s legal standing. However, I definitely don’t approve of dropping “F-bombs” or calling people “A-holes” in situations like this. Clever vernacular has it’s place, in the locker room, at a bachelor party but not IMHO on a public website or on someone’s auto bumper.
As I said earlier, I have supported you through website clicks, book purchases but I don’t feel that I can be part of a community which condones personal attacks such as the one from “1hotmama.” I am under no allusion that the world will conform to my standards but I can vote with my feet, and dollars.
HubFlyer at February 24, 2014 5:25 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2014/02/22/rude_and_proud.html#comment-4282049">comment from HubFlyerI stood up for myself and my neighbors. That didn't work.
I don't have a problem with "vulgar language" -- or really any speech that doesn't call for violence, even speech I disagree with.
Are we really harmed by seeing the word "asshole"? In 2014? Let's get real on that.
Amy Alkon at February 24, 2014 5:41 AM
I'm amazed that anyone has to "take my word for it" on the legality of taking a picture of someone's car, showing the license plate.
If this were not legal, you could not take your camera out in public, then post any picture on the Web. A house, or a landscape is no less private than an automobile. Further, take a look at this commercial website.
Radwaste at February 24, 2014 6:59 AM
Former professional photographer here. It looks like enough space for two full-size sedans to me.
Lori Miller at February 24, 2014 9:40 AM
What we do in Chicago in cases like this, in the winter, is get a hose and encase the sumbitch's car in 4 inches of ice.
With all this global warming, we've had ample opportunity lately.
Chester White at February 26, 2014 12:44 AM
In Rio a few years back, I was amazed and amused to discover you were expected to leave your car in neutral, with the parking brake off, when you parked on busy flat streets. This allowed folks to gently move your car back and forth as needed to maximize the parking space. It was common to go in somewhere for drinks and dinner and whatever and to come out to find your car in a completely differnt spot somewhere on the same block.
Also, I hope you added some super glue to those notes, they don't look like they'd survive very long on this lady's ride back to Passadena or wherever she's from.
mrfreddy at February 27, 2014 2:03 PM
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