20 Days To Good Manners! Today: The Trash That Found Its Way Home
My science-based, funny manners advice book, "Good Manners For Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck," will be out on June 3.
There's a misconception -- one I really hate -- that being polite means shutting up when people are rude. Sometimes, it just isn't productive to fight it out with somebody. But here's a quote from my book:
You can't always stop people from kicking you when you're down, but you don't have to roll over for them so they can land better blows.
Also, the more rudeness we roll over for, the more we enable future rudeness. That's why, when I came home to bags and boxes of trash dumped on the grassy strip on my cute street, I went all Nancy Drew in rubber gloves.
Upon figuring out that it belonged to a top foreign surgeon and his wife, apparently vacationing in Los Angeles, I messaged them on Facebook, demanding they come pick up their garbage. No response.
Well, surely, their trash had to miss them. I boxed up a sampling of it, and, for a very well-spent $3.69, mailed it to them, care of their LA friend at the ritzy address where they'd had the wife's box of window treatments sent.
The box included a photo of the trash dumping and this note: "Our street is not your personal trash dump. What kind of upbringing did you have that you think this is okay?"
My neighbor ended up throwing away their trash, but I feel all warm inside every time I imagine their friend placing an international call to them to ask, "Hey, did you maybe leave some of your garbage in Venice?"
Also, the experience underscored something I'd learned while tracking down my stolen pink 1960 Rambler (which I eventually recovered, no thanks to the police): Even if you never get your perp to return what they took or otherwise make amends, one of the best ways to stop feeling victimized is to refuse to roll over and take it like a good little victim.
About the book: I did put in a few funny (and essential) basics on table manners (for anyone raised in the wilderness by coyotes), but, otherwise, the book generally excludes prissy etiquette advice designed to help you fake your way into posh British society.
The book focuses, not just on explaining human behavior and how we can stop ourselves from being rude, but on how we can stop other people from taking advantage of us and everybody else -- sometimes, with proactive measures. And I base much of my advice in science, rather than giving arbitrary advice on what you should do, like the traditional etiquette aunties advise.
Please consider pre-ordering. The book is discounted from the $14.99 retail price to only $9.48 at Amazon and $9.67 at Barnes & Noble.
Pre-orders help give the book "heat." (Also, every time you pre-order a copy, a kitten lives and my electricity stays on for another 20 minutes!)
Too late, Amy !! Pre-ordered quite some time back. . . .
And you should have sent the trash Certified Mail, Sign by Addressee. Another 6 bucks well sent. . .
Keith Glass at May 14, 2014 9:35 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2014/05/14/20_days_to_good.html#comment-4627568">comment from Keith GlassKeith, thank you, thank you!
Amy Alkon
at May 14, 2014 10:01 AM
It's pre-ordered and sitting in my cart even now.
BlogDog at May 14, 2014 10:27 AM
BlogDog, thank you. Every book counts. Plus I worked really hard on this and I think it's the best thing I've ever written. Please recommend it to people if you like it, and if you have ideas of any media outlets you think should cover it, please let me know -- or tell them.
The clean title for media mention:
"Good Manners For Nice People Who Sometimes Say The F-Word"
Amy Alkon at May 14, 2014 11:07 AM
To sound like a teenage girl for a second...
OMG OMG OMG! I've, like, totes been waiting for this book for, like, ever! Y do U take so long, Amy?!
Sabrina at May 14, 2014 12:57 PM
So that's out of my system...
Mines already pre-ordered. THANK YOU for making it available on kindle! I don't like to carry 'books' around. They get damanged easily, I spill crap on them, and they take up more space in my already overloaded bag. I take my kindle everywhere and this will defintely come in handy on those long breaks between rehearsals!
Sabrina at May 14, 2014 1:06 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2014/05/14/20_days_to_good.html#comment-4628730">comment from SabrinaThank you so much, Sabrina! I can't wait to hear what you all think of the book.
Amy Alkon
at May 14, 2014 3:48 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2014/05/14/20_days_to_good.html#comment-4628738">comment from Amy AlkonBy the way, there's also an audio book version of my book. I was a little nervous about this because I find that a lot of women read "cutesy." Brilliance, which did the audio version, got an absolutely awesome actress with a rich, deep voice to read this. I can't wait to hear it.
Amy Alkon
at May 14, 2014 3:50 PM
Pre-ordered the book for Kindle. Looking forward to.
But I still say that the response to the dumped-trash incident was unjustified by the circumstances. The assumption that trash found in the street containing personal details of an individual was most-likely dumped there by that individual - that there is no other more-likely explanation for its presence - is simply unrealistic. While I'm all for calling out bad behavior whenever found, you can't assign blame solely on the basis of the first plausible explanation that comes to mind. There's a million pieces of trash floating around in public that can be associated with an identifiable individual. Nobody would suggest that they were all dumped in the street by the person whose name appears on them. Why would you assume that the trash you found is any different? Bad example, IMHO.
But, based on the teaser snippet, I'm sure the book is good.
llater,
llamas
llamas at May 14, 2014 4:56 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2014/05/14/20_days_to_good.html#comment-4629351">comment from llamasLlamas, thanks for ordering it, but sorry -- you're wrong.
This was tourist trash -- numerous price tags of staple items like socks, etc., from the Cabazon outlet mall, fast food wrappers and food you can eat in the car (boxes of berries), and identifying info from both the husband and wife.
The fact that all of this was consistent -- accumulated and repeated in each box and bag -- and accompanied, in separate boxes and bags, by identifying paperwork for the husband and the wife, and how different it is from house trash -- from a person who lives here, says it all.
I messaged both on Facebook and messaged a friend of theirs. They could have denied that it was theirs. They did not. My neighborhood is now "hot" and happens to be on the way to the airport. People who live here in LA do not dump trash on the grassy strip along your block. They might use your trash cans, but they go behind your house and do that. As you can see from the parking post from today, the cans line the alley.
It was actually quite obvious, from the nature of their trash, what was done here. Still, I allowed in both the book and the post that it COULD have been brought to my street by a trash robber in the Pacific Palisades (the tony neighborhood where the curtains were sent -- miles and miles away from my house). Ummm...highly unlikely!
Chances are, as per one of my contentions about rudeness, these people didn't think of those of us who live here as people or think of us at all. We tend not to care for strangers. People also tend to think they can get away with shitting on strangers. And they often can.
Just not in my neighborhood. Have rubber gloves, have broadband, good at Google.
Amy Alkon
at May 14, 2014 7:20 PM
Hey Amy. I loved your last book, "I See Rude People", so I can't wait for your next one. News flash: It's available in the iBooks store! I pre-ordered it just now.
Jim Simon at May 14, 2014 11:45 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2014/05/14/20_days_to_good.html#comment-4631228">comment from Jim SimonJim, thank you so much! On both counts!
Amy Alkon
at May 15, 2014 5:23 AM
Leave a comment