Shouldn't you be using a bad Chinese accent?
"Wo-de xiao gou! Ching ni, chi ni-de han!"

I love Asian accents, but I'm a terrible, terrible actress and an even worse mimic. (For anyone about to sound the alarm to the PC police, I have a tiny Chinese Crested.)

I went to a holiday party for my then boyfriend's job. We were imbibing and chatting with many of his coworkers, and spent some time talking with a gentleman who was working on losing weight. He recently dropped about 60 pounds, and we congratulated him on his hard work. Immediately after we ran into another coworker and my boyfriend asked him how he was doing. He said pretty well, and he had dropped another 20 pounds. Without being provided any kind of context, I of course just coming out of the previous conversation congratulated him. He kind of smiled and paused for a beat, and said that actually it was due to pancreatic cancer. He was dying, and that was the cause of his weight loss. So very embarrassing - he was nice about it but still. Similar to learning that one should never ask a woman how far along she is... sometimes the woman isn't even pregnant or already had a baby.

OMG, too many to count. Take for instance this (and it happens way too often for my comfort!): Saturday I went to my brother's house because he was having a tag sale. Brought #2 with me. We went in the house (me and #2) to talk to his wife while Brudder was still outside. All of a sudden, this handsome gent comes in, grabs me up in a big bear hug, and says "Hey Flynnie! Been a long time!" I'm all like, yeah, it has. Then he looks at #2 and says to her "long time friend of the family", obviously waiting for an intro, and I *gasp* have no clue who he is!! So I was all, yeah, this is my daughter, #2. He went outside, so I followed him out and heard him say to Brudder "Flynnie is SO fried, she didn't even recognize me!" I piped up, "I'm SO sorry! I STILL don't!"" Brudder starts laughing and says "Flynne!! This is SS from the old neighborhood!" and as SOON as he says the guy's name, I DID recognize him, and I'm all "OMG!! OMG!! O SS I'm SO sorry!!" and he was such a good sport and laughed it off, but still.

I hate when that happens!

o.O

1. Falling out of bed during sex. She thought it was hysterical. (There's a humorous followup which is best left unsaid in public.)

2. Meeting a newly appointed head of an agency at a reception. Our hands extend, but there's a person half in front of me who moves just in time so he gets poked in the back. I try the other side and the same guy turns clumsily, knocks the drink from my left hand, which splashes the new agency head.

3. Bending down at work and having the seat of your pants split wide open. Had to walk through three city blocks to get to the store. Borrowed a female co-workers sweater and wrapped it around my waist, which probably just drew more attention.

Flynne is right - so many incidents to choose from! How about having the boyfriend introduce me to their staff attorney. Boyfriend thinks this would be a good idea as I work in the legal field as well. Probably would have been fine, but again it was at the same holiday party mentioned above and we had been throwing back a few. So the attorney starts talking about a colleague of his whom he admires, a person with the last name Barnum. There's something scratching at my brain and without thinking I ask if he's with Barnum and Bailey. The guy didn't even want to look at me to say that no, he wasn't part of the circus. So dumb.

My junior year in college. I woke up and could not find my car in the dorm parking lot. I reported it stolen to the university police. Later in the afternoon, I got a call from the police that they had found it in the parking lot of a Mexican food restaurant near the campus. I walked over and met the officer there. The officer then asked me if I had eaten there last night. Actually I had. I had driven my car to the restaurant and walked back to my dorm room, forgetting that I had driven there. (I had a tendency to walk more than I drove in college.) This wouldn't have been so bad, but because there were other students I knew at the restaurant at the time, word traveled fast around the campus. I felt like I was in high school again.

most embarassing to me, is talking on the phone with female someone that you have a decent rapport with, and accidentally saying "luv ya" [or similar] out of habit...

prolly most people ignore, but I got a startled "WHAT?!?!" from one lady... instead of passing it off as 'not talkin' to you' or something, I just explained, that It was a casual habit, and I was being absent minded... so I got a laugh. But man was I red faced.

1. Having to get out of my fiance's parents' car and pee in a ditch while they were driving us to begin a camping trip in Great Sand Dunes National Monuments. No trees, No bushes.

2. Getting the hem of my skirt stuck in my waistband after visiting the restroom and leaving the restroom displaying my butt. This happened twice, both at meetings or workshops, and with some of the same people.

3. More times than I can count: having a conversation with someone and then realizing I have spinach or something similar stuck in my teeth.

4. I have a reader's knowledge of history and current events, which means that I sometimes pronounce things incorrectly.

Hiking alone in the woods in Sonoma County... hot summer weekday, didn't see a soul for an hour. There was a cute little waterfall I passed on the way in, with a hollow at the top, big enough to hold four people. I peeled everything off and climbed in, it felt great!
Just then a group of forty kids from the Christian summer camp appeared on the trail below...

I went to a friend's cast party after watching a play he was in. I was hanging out with one of /his/ friends, a woman still wearing her thick pancake makeup, heavy contouring, and eyeliner. I said, "I bet you can't wait to go home and scrub all that crap off every night." She said, "I'm on the crew."

There are so many that I'm finding that when I should be embarrassed, I don't even bat an eye. This s just life for me.

The most recent occasion was at a movie theatre. I had such a coughing fit that I had to leave the movie theatre. It didn't let up. I was doubled over, obviously wetting myself in the hall when my friend's teenage son walks over to see what is happening. Oh the look of horror on his face!

My most embarrassing moments I will NOT share on a public blog - no matter how funny you all might find them. I simply will not give you that joy at my expense!

However, I will admit, just like Christine above, I also have a "reader's knowledge" of a lot of things. But, worse than Christine, I truly suck at the proper pronunciation for even what many of you might consider to be the well-known, proper, pronunciation. And not just sometimes - all the time.

Okay, I'll share one - Om NEE po TENT- I truly had no idea for years that it wasn't pronounced that way. Seriously, I didn't. Which kind of makes it more embarrassing when finally, after many years, someone points it out to you.

Just today, I had a coworker point out my shirt was on inside out.

I should probably look in a mirror before I leave the house.

From 1968 (yes, I'm old)second grade. Girls were not allowed to wear pants to school and mom always suggested I wear a slip under my skirts but I rarely did. Until the day I went down the slide at recess, stood up and my skirt fell down--the button broke and I had zero hips--and there I stood in blouse and panties with my skirt around my ankles. I didn't cry until I got home but to this day, if I'm wearing a skirt I'm wearing a slip! I also reinforce the stitching on the button or snap or whatever is fastening the thing.

In a meeting of a book club I had just joined, the conversation turned to absurd laws. I remarked "Utah's so weird," and then detailed a law my brother had told me about there, not noticing that our charmingly-accented hostess (whom I happened to be looking at when I began with "Utah's so weird") looked upset and the rest of the table was strangely silent. They had all thought I'd said "You talk so weird" instead of "Utah's so weird". I about died.

There's also the time in high school when I hopped into my surprised history teacher's car, thinking it was my dad's rental.

Addressing 900 people at a company meeting, I mispronounced the name of the Chinese networking manufacturer 'Huawei'.

Ah, fuck 'em. Those commie bastards put more spy crap in their routers than the NSA plugs into ours, and I can pronounce NSA just fine.

In a debate competition in HS - Semi-finals I think - anyway lots of people watching....instead of Charles Manson I said Charles Bronson - a number of times and didn't notice. At the end the judge says, "I know I am not supposed to do this...Did you mean Charles Manson instead of Charles Bronson?"

About a year ago I was attempting to chat up a young lady. After a minute or so I asked where she was from, I loved her accent. She says, "Seattle" and I realized it was a lisp/speech impediment.

Due to nearly freezing to death in high school I no longer have a circadian rhythm. While this is great for jet lag, and the occasional 5 days without sleep, the down side is my body temp is a flat 96, and sometimes I'll sleep for a straight 60 - 90 hours.

One day I woke up, looked at the clock to see I was running about 45 minutes late for work. Jumped in the shower, and off to work I went. I pulled in to the parking lot only to realize I wanst wearing shoes, or pants, and just had on socks, a tee shirt and my boxer shorts. It also turned out to be 6pm on a Monday, not 6 am on a Friday

Oh, maybe every time I've ever tried to sing karaoke...

Oh Amy, I had an experience that will never be forgotten.

As I waited for the elevator at the newspaper, an unknown lady walks up to me and plants a big kiss on my cheek while saying hello Eddie. After making some small talk I finally asked whom she was? To my surprise we had worked together, but had not seen one another in over fifteen years, and she had put on many pounds in this time period.

As we entered the elevator I asked "When's the baby due?", and I was horrified when she said "I"M NOT PREGNANT".

I have shared this story with my children and grandchildren so they will never need to endure this embarrassment as I did.

"'What are ya, blind?' I said."

This could have been me!

My most recent gaffe took place at the local pub where I'm pretty well-known and well-liked. A close male friend came in and joined me at the bar. He's one of the few men that I handshake/hug when we meet. The bar was very crowded, and people were sort of in our way as we greeted one another. We both zigged when we should have zagged and ended up practically kissing. I mean, his nose smudged my eyeglasses. Our group of friends, and about half the people in the bar, laughed uproariously as we both backed away going, "Whoa, whoa, whoa!"

This incident has since become known as The Bro Hug Gone Wrong and is still discussed at that bar. Tony and I laugh about it now.

"Om NEE po TENT- I truly had no idea for years that it wasn't pronounced that way."

I once went to a lecture where the speaker told a story about a certain historical figure. I did not recognize the name of the person he was talking about, but the story kind of sounded like another historical figure who I was familiar with. At the end of the lecture, when the speaker was taking questions, I asked about the other historical figure that I knew about. Turns out that was who he was talking about in the first place! I had never known how to pronounce the person's name properly, so I didn't recognize it when the speaker said it. Did I look like an idiot in front of a whole room full of people.

☑ Whittington:

> I have a reader's knowledge of history and
> current events, which means that I sometimes
> pronounce things incorrectly.

Exactly.

It's only become apparent in recent years, as Twitter has —by the paradox of its 140-character limitation— sent me to ever-more refined articles and commentaries on public events. (The trick is to follow the right twitterers, much as the trick is to read the right authors.)

After a few years of this, you notice that people who're good at pronunciation of new nouns from world affairs (and who're inclined mock those without silver tongues) often have a headline-shallow understanding of events... And no principles deeper than NPR's mundane prejudices by which to reflect on them.

My daughter saw a little person for the first time this weekend. She was walking around with my husband, her father, and couldn't stop talking and giggling about the "kid with the beard!" Her dad didn't realize what she was talking about so I'm sure the "kid with the beard" heard her. When they got back to our table I told her to stop talking about it right there and that we would talk about it in the car. It was pretty funny but embarrassing also. Kids.