Introverts On A Plane
From my new book I hope you'll consider buying, "Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck."
Many introverts don't see what's so bad about snakes. (Snakes so rarely try to strike up a conversation.)
Introverts On A Plane
From my new book I hope you'll consider buying, "Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck."
Many introverts don't see what's so bad about snakes. (Snakes so rarely try to strike up a conversation.)
I score 90% to 100% introvert on the Meyers-Briggs tests. For me, social interaction is tiring. My social skills are not lacking but after a while I just want to go home and read a book, work on a program or just watch a movie. That does not means I cannot work as part of a team but I will not be the charismatic guy who talks the most and, often, the loudest.
I dislike it when strangers try to start up a conversation with me just for the sake of conversation. When they don't take the hints to just leave me alone, I start contemplating the value of violence in human relations. I really wish those extroverted types would get that.
Parabarbarian at June 20, 2014 5:25 AM
I'm with Parabarbarian. What is the problem with silence once in a while?
MarkD at June 20, 2014 5:50 AM
Parabarbarian;
Are you sure that they really are extroverts? Maybe you mean the folks who like to talk and it doesn't matter if you have a conversation with them or not - they just like the sound of their own voice and drone on and on and on . . .
I can be something of an extrovert and will strike up conversations with strangers standing in line, etc. But, I also realize that some folks aren't like that and respect their wish to not engage in those around them.
Those folks who just talk and talk and talk are most annoying.
Charles at June 20, 2014 6:20 AM
Good morning, Amy! I just finished this book and I think it should be REQUIRED reading for ALL high school freshmen, in every high school in this country! And their parents should be required to read it too! I'm sending a copy to my mom (who actually asked me to after I read her a couple of passages over the phone), and to a few of my clueless friends who desperately need to read it. Not that they will, mind you, but it's something I feel I just have to do.
Thanks SO much for such a good read! When's the next one coming out??
Flynne at June 20, 2014 6:57 AM
I know that just because someone is friendly he isn’t necessarily an extrovert. I am friendly when the circumstances call and allow for it -- just don't expect me to overdo it. Similarly, someone who is quiet is not always an introvert. Even the most garrulous person has to shut up sometime. However, I do, generally, figure the talk-just-to-hear-himself-talk person is an extrovert -- he is just being an asshole about it. Even if I am wrong about that, it doesn't really matter from my point-of-view whether the annoying person next to me is a genuine extrovert or just an assholevert.
Well, introverts can be assholes too. More than once I've found myself falling into that that trap. One reason I really appreciate Amy's book is because her advice is agnostic about in, out, up, down, strange or charmed. She seems to be an extroverted person who gets what it is like to not be an outgoing, charismatic, media-friendly member of the human species. Also, so far and in my small tests, her advice works.
Parabarbarian at June 20, 2014 8:26 AM
From 1994:
Film director John Waters tells US magazine that he used to read the book "Lesbian Nuns" when traveling by plane so no one would bother him. But now, he has discovered a better book "that is guaranteed to ensure privacy," he says. "It's the paperback called 'Urge to Kill'...Read that on a plane, and I swear you will have hours of uninterrupted peace."
More of Waters' quotes on reading in general, if you like:
https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/17366.John_Waters
One of them, that refers to the importance of reading fiction, amused me because it reminded me of this anecdote:
When Abe Lincoln was a boy, he was reading Aesop's Fables aloud. His cousin, Dennis Hanks, said, "Abe, them yarns is all lies." "Mighty darn good lies, Denny," Lincoln replied.
(I'm guessing it wasn't just illiterate people who thought as Hanks did - fiction was often considered evil and corrupting in the 19th century. Especially that new invention, the novel.)
lenona at June 20, 2014 9:16 AM
Flynne -- thank you. Means so much to me. And I'm working on the next one!
Amy Alkon at June 20, 2014 10:09 AM
The one thing guaranteed to put me in a foul mood? Having my (introverted) train of thought interrupted, as I stare into mid-distance in some public place, by some rude strange man leaning in and telling me, "Smile!".
This happens too often to me (well, once is too often for me - but even by a normal person's standards). I'm rarely in a bad mood, and I am certainly not being rude, so why is it required to be perky in public?
I will remember Parabarbarian's "assholevert" comment. Maybe that'll make me smile. Probably not in the happy way I was commanded, though.
flbeachmom at June 20, 2014 11:35 AM
The one thing guaranteed to put me in a foul mood? Having my (introverted) train of thought interrupted, as I stare into mid-distance in some public place, by some rude strange man leaning in and telling me, "Smile!".
I hate that, too. If I'm just not having it that day, I'll make eye contact and say "My [fill in family member here] just died." I've only done this a couple times, but it's so much fun! And, ironically, watching them hustle away awkwardly DOES make me smile!
As for the stranger on the plane thing, I'm an introvert, but I don't mind when strangers strike up a conversation, especially if it's about the book I'm reading or where I'm flying. Because I'm not obligated to impress them or entertain them any longer than I want to and can just smile and say, "I'm REALLY out of it. I'm going to stare at my book for a while and zone out." Every single time, people understand.
What DOES drain me as an introvert is attending parties. Parties where I'm obligated to talk to people and nourish a future relationship (either because they're coworkers, or friends of my boyfriend). Random conversations with strangers I'll never see again? Great! Conversations with people I'm obligated to talk to for god knows how long and make a good impression on before I can go home and watch Netflix? Torture.
sofar at June 20, 2014 1:34 PM
flbeachmom:
"some rude strange man leaning in and telling me, "Smile!"."
THAT kind of jerk deserves a smack on the face!
Really, who the hell is a stranger to tell you how to feel, think, etc.
Yes, sofar is close, for you may have just lost a loved one and this is your first time out of the house since.
And sofar, I think I will try your suggestion some time even if I didn't have someone die - it must be a real hoot - it would make me smile too to watch them slink away red-faced!
Charles at June 20, 2014 2:39 PM
"Really, who the hell is a stranger to tell you how to feel, think, etc."
Maybe the type of person who thinks your outfit is beautiful?
Radwaste at June 20, 2014 4:12 PM
On another angle – what are the odds that someone who needs to read this book actually reads?
Radwaste at June 20, 2014 4:13 PM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2014/06/20/introverts_on_a.html#comment-4781861">comment from RadwasteThe truth is, we all -- myself included -- have areas that we need to improve in. It's the nature of being human.
Amy Alkon at June 20, 2014 4:15 PM
When someone tells me in an airport, that their mother just died, which one crying woman did a few months ago, I tell them I am sorry for their loss, enquire if they are ok, and ask them if there is anything I can do to help them get where they need to go.
While I would never approach a stranger, and tell them to smile, I do try to help people in obvious distress.
Scuttling away in embarrassment from the bereaved is not in my adult nature.
Isab at June 21, 2014 6:15 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2014/06/20/introverts_on_a.html#comment-4784027">comment from IsabI write about this in the book, Isab -- when to approach a person crying in public, and you're right on with this and your approach, which tells people that they aren't alone but in a kind and non-pushy way. Kudos to you for being the kind of wise human being we need more of.
Amy Alkon at June 21, 2014 7:00 AM
Thanks. I am far from perfect. I tend to yell on my cell phone, usually because I am talking to my extremely elderly, and hard of hearing mother, who does not know how to text, but I try not to do it in public.
I have learned a lot about manners, and helpfulness from my husband, a natural gentleman, who is a very good influence on me.
He doesn't nag, just personally sets a very good example of how to treat other people.
Isab at June 21, 2014 9:45 AM
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