The Crime Of Letting An 11-Year-Old Who Wanted To Wait In The Car Wait In The Car
I was babysitting for money at 12. Yes, being paid to watch over and protect other people's children while they were out. And I was very careful and responsible.
Children throughout the ages have worked and cared for their brothers and sisters and others' children. It works like this, at least according to my experience: Give a kid who's mature enough a responsibility and they rise to the occasion.
Well, now an 11-year-old might as well be a 2-year-old. A mom was charged with a crime for letting her daughter, 11, wait in the car. At reason, Lenore Skenazy writes at reason:
A mother in Bristol, Connecticut, was charged with leaving a child unsupervised in a car Wednesday. How old was the helpless tyke?Eleven.
Why was she in the car? She asked her mom if she could stay there.
Was she in danger of boiling to death? According to WFSB:
When officers opened the car doors, they said the child was responsive and not in distress, and that the car was not "excessively hot."In other words, the 11-year-old girl was indisputably fine. Not overheated, not abandoned, not upset--nothing.
So don't just ask why the mom was charged with a crime, ask why is this a crime? Why does the law get to decide how a mom should raise her kids? Why does the law treat a self-sufficient 11 year old as a helpless forsaken baby? Why does the law allow cops to harass tweens and moms just going about their day?
The answer: Our laws leap to the very worst case scenario first--a child could die!--and refuse to make any distinction between an infinitesimal risk and a huge one. Everything is dangerous when it comes to kids. Even a normal wait in a car.
Good thing my parents died before they could be convicted for behaving normally.
MarkD at July 13, 2014 5:00 AM
And, unfortunately, it becomes a vicious circle - normal parents turn into busybodies with other people's kids and criticize the parents for normal behavior. Worse, when it comes to VALID criticism of the KID's behavior, parents assume that every criticism of their child is either a lie or an attack on the PARENT.
From the HuffPost: "5 Reasons Modern-Day Parenting Is in Crisis, According to a British Nanny"
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/emma-jenner/modern-day-parenting-in-c_b_5552527.html
3....They want their child to appear perfect, and so they often don't accept teachers' and others' reports that he is not. They'll storm in and have a go at a teacher rather than discipline their child for acting out in class. They feel the need to project a perfect picture to the world and unfortunately, their insecurity is reinforced because many parents do judge one another. If a child is having a tantrum, all eyes turn on the mum disapprovingly. Instead she should be supported, because chances are the tantrum occurred because she's not giving in to one of her child's demands. Those observers should instead be saying, "Hey, good work -- I know setting limits is hard."
(I don't completely agree with that one - not giving in should not include letting a kid scream indoors. Take the kid outside and make whatever threats are necessary to get the grocery shopping done in relative quiet. Also, sometimes kids shouldn't be there at all. Preschoolers shouldn't have to sit quietly in a boring, dead-silent fancy restaurant when they can stay home with a sitter - if you can afford the former, why not the latter?)
lenona at July 13, 2014 12:08 PM
Ahem, If I were the mother I'd be mad at the kid for opening the car door to strangers!
Charles at July 13, 2014 4:39 PM
I am so confused about when it is mandatory that we take responsibility for other people's children, and when it is mandatory that we go nowhere near them.
Cousin Dave at July 13, 2014 6:44 PM
I wonder if the child were merely waiting by the car, instead of in, would there still be an issue? I'm guessing no. They might assume that the child was unaccompanied to the store. (Or is that now illegal to let 11 year olds go to the store alone?) Or they might assume that the child was on her way to join her mother.
Patrick at July 13, 2014 8:43 PM
I just recently read that in my state you can be left alone once you are 10 (I have not attempted to verify whether or not this is correct). This is something that I see discussed regularly on parenting forums and it seems most parents think children are incapable of being alone and responsible until high school. I recall being left home alone for short periods of time (an hour-ish) or asking to stay in the car to read while my mom did grocery shopping when I was in second grade, so 7-8. I also remember the lecture about not unlocking the car or leaving it for anyone for any reason or I'd lose the privilege I was trying to earn. It's ridiculous to me that someone several years older can't be expected to handle the same responsibility and it's a crime to even allow it.
I think my children are too young to handle sit down restaurants and all the time involved with ordering and waiting to be served. My FIL does not and always wants to go to these types of places, then complains when the kids start acting up because they can't handle sitting for so long. Our oldest is 3. He can handle fast food restaurants reasonably well now and the nearly 2-year-old is getting better at it. I think these are more age appropriate for them and also helps them learn to behave in a restaurant setting without them being expected to sit still for long periods of time with nothing to do.
Modern society is so weird to me in that there are expectations that children be able to handle situations as if they are just shrunken adults yet at the same time they are to be coddled and not allowed to learn responsibility along the way.
BunnyGirl at July 14, 2014 1:14 AM
I can't find this online, unfortunately, but I distinctly remember that in the infamous 1993 Shoos case in the Chicago area (the parents left their 9- and 4-year-old daughters alone from Dec. 21 to Dec. 29 while they went off to Mexico and told them not to answer the phone or door), a Boston Globe article quoted at least one psychologist as saying that when it comes to leaving kids for more than an hour at home, it shouldn't be done at all if the oldest is under 12. The reasons were: Kids all too often panic in an emergency, even if you think you've drilled them well, and it can be difficult to remember: If there's smoke, what do you do first? Check for fire? Get everyone out? Find the cat? Dial 911? (Of course, most people didn't have cell phones back then.)
And for those who don't know what the Schoos did after they were arrested and indicted:
http://www.nytimes.com/1993/07/12/us/couple-who-left-2-daughters-at-home-give-them-up-for-adoption.html
lenona at July 14, 2014 6:27 PM
Whoops - that's Schoos.
lenona at July 14, 2014 6:28 PM
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