The Art Of (Very Practical) Charm
I was just on a terrific podcast -- Jordan Harbinger's The Art of Charm, discussing tips from the dating chapter of "Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck."
The podcast was especially great because he works so hard to keep it practically focused, sending guests a long sheet of pre-podcast questions, most of which are focused on making sure you give real benefit to the listeners.
Well, people seemed to like it...
Some of what I talk about on the podcast:
There is a happy medium between being a jerk and being a pushover."People will tell you what they're about if you're willing to listen." -Amy Alkon
The Cheat Sheet:
•What's the "spilled drink test" and how can you apply it to your dating life?
•How to be a nice guy and not get stepped on, according to science.
•What is an "in vivo" experience and how can you apply it to your life?
•The error management system: what is it and why do you need to know?
•The three keys to a first date to help you figure out if she wants you or your money.
•And so much more...
And I hope you'll listen -- and share it.
"The three keys to a first date to help you figure out if she wants you or your money."
Can't I want both?
Ppen at February 9, 2015 9:20 PM
Women evolved to want men to be "providers," and evolutionary psychologist Bruce J. Ellis writes in his chapter in The Adapted Mind of these feminist leaders (back in 70s, I think) who talked about the sort of man they wanted. They used words like "rich," etc.
Amy Alkon at February 10, 2015 6:20 AM
In all honesty Ppen all women want the money. From a man's perspective it is about eliminating gold diggers. I.e. those women who are unstable with money, will take every dime you have, and once it is all gone will leave. The gold digging philosophy isn't just for the rich. I've seen gold diggers go after guys with near minimum wage income. Once they spent any savings he had they were gone. This also spills over into child support. When you expect to get robbed there is little reason to generate and less to save money.
It is one thing to share a life with all it's ups and downs. It is quite another when one party bails the moment things get rough.
Ben at February 10, 2015 10:53 AM
Oh, please. I don't need your money or anyone's money, and I never did, even when I was a starving student. I've dated lots of men who've made less money than I do, including my current boyfriend. Date higher quality women.
I get so tired of men choosing to date gold-diggers and then whining about how all women are like that. No, you make shitty choices.
Gail at February 11, 2015 12:54 PM
Fine Gail, the vast majority of women want the money. Is that now accurate enough for you?
Ben at February 12, 2015 6:57 PM
I've calmed down a bit no. Gail's comment got a bit under my skin. Not only for it's ignorance but also for it's mischaracterization of what I said.
If you don't believe in female economic hypergamy then that is your problem. It doesn't take much experience for guys to notice it. And the science is quite clear that it exists.
Similarly with disbelief in more aggressive male libido. The only way you don't know these things is ideological blindness. It is like not believing in potatoes.
My point was that female economic hypergamy is not an issue for most men. As Amy points out women have wanted wealthy men for thousands of years. This is nothing new and it in itself is not a problem. The issue is when financial instability causes relationship instability.
Maybe none of this applies to you personally Gail. But it does apply to the vast majority of people.
And I have dated and married a higher quality woman. I didn't make shitty choices. But part of not making those shitty choices is being able to recognize them. It is pretty obvious there are a lot more shitty choices out there than good ones.
Ben at February 13, 2015 10:06 AM
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