What Are Your Rituals?
Ritual isn't the superstitious crap it's often made out to be. The same goes for ceremony and ceremonies.
I've been reading research on ritual -- on how ritual can, for example, decrease negative feelings a person has about themself and increase feelings of control.
So ritual -- per the findings I've been reading -- is actually effective and smart.
It would help me to know what rituals you perform, when, and why. Or if you know of interesting rituals other people perform -- famous people or ordinary Joes.
Is Rational Ritual what you've been reading?
Dave at August 29, 2015 11:54 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2015/08/29/what_are_your_r.html#comment-6170275">comment from DaveNo, I'm reading scientific papers on ritual, and I'm looking at personal rituals, not group ceremonies.
Amy Alkon at August 29, 2015 12:04 PM
Every time I leave for work, I tell my sweet little old pug lady, Ava Mae, the same four things:
1) Be a good girl.
2) Guard the house.
3) I love you.
4) And no sad faces.
Pirate Jo at August 29, 2015 12:04 PM
Love that, Pirate Jo. What do you feel that does for you? Or, if it's a better question, why do you do this?
(I realize that it's possible that you may not have come up with a specific reason.) I know that repeated behavior feels comfortable for me. It makes life predictable in important ways. Sheena Iyengar has done research on how too much choice is taxing (Barry Schwartz also researches this.) Having "predictabilities" in my life -- like how I have the exact same breakfast every day -- allows me to be more wild and creative in other arenas.
Amy Alkon at August 29, 2015 12:46 PM
I always have my wallet in one pocket and two pens (one red, one black), my keys, and my phone in the other pocket when I am public. They are my talismans, they show I am ready.
I used to always take a shower at the same time in the morning. I broke that ritual because I found I could not wake up or function if I couldn't take that shower. I was effectively drunk for the day. But in some ways I miss that ritual. It helped to impose order.
I still try to go to church. With a 3mo old child I'm not as successful as I would like. But the whole stand, sit, kneel, stand, sit, kneel helps me meditate and center. It gives me time to think long term about what I am doing and how I am doing it.
Rituals are kind of like autohypnosis. You are using external stimuli to setup an anticipatory hormonal response. The human brain is an amazing pattern recognition and pattern replication device. By following a pattern repeatedly you can train yourself to respond in a fixed predictable way.
Another aspect of the same phenomenon is how people react to clothes. A t-shirt or a dress shirt both provide the same physical comfort. But dressing for work is different than dressing for play. I know a number of people who are contractors. They work from home. No one sees how they dress most days. But a number of them still dress up for work. By putting on work clothes they are signaling to themselves it is time to work. While I don't usually take advantage of this I have the same response. When I dress for work I do work longer and produce a higher quality of output than when I dress in a t-shirt and shorts.
There is no magic in the ritual itself. The magic is in the mind performing the ritual.
Ben at August 29, 2015 2:06 PM
Amy, as you know, I'm an airline pilot.
An entire flight, from pushback to shutting down the engines, is supposed to be ritualistic.
Jeff Guinn at August 29, 2015 3:20 PM
Meditation twice daily.
Exercise every day.
Ron at August 29, 2015 3:52 PM
It would be interesting to see the results of how much ritual plays in everyone's life.
I have a friend who, for lack of a better phrase, is a very "devout" atheist. She so firmly believes that there is NO god that she is often trying to "convert" others. Sometimes to the point of being obnoxious about it. Just like a bible-thumper!
But, I have pointed out to her many times that, just like religious folks, she has her own set of "rituals."
The one that I always make fun of her for (and she is okay with being mocked about it; otherwise we couldn't be friends) is that she will, like clockwork, get an afternoon cup of coffee right after lunch and then not take more than 2 or 3 sips or none at all! But, she says it doesn't feel like lunch out if she doesn't order that cup of coffee at the end. She, of course, will return my mocking by stating that this isn't a "ritual" it is a "habit."
I guess one of the questions to ask is when does something change from "habit" to "ritual"?
charles at August 29, 2015 4:09 PM
Every day I go to bed in the late pm or early am and get up in the late am or early pm. Works for me so far.
Dave B at August 29, 2015 4:32 PM
Ben,
When it comes to work I think a lot of us have rituals. For one, it is something we do everyday, at the same place, and at the same time for 5 days a week.
Me, my ritual is all in the timing. I get up one hour before I leave the house for work. For example, my current schedule follows like this:
5:30 - 5:40 Get up, brush my teeth, and get a cup of coffee.
5:40 - 6:00 Have 2 cups of coffee and 2 cigarettes, watch local morning news (always channel 5).
6:00 - 6:20 Shower, shave, and get dressed.
6:20 - 6:30 Last cup of coffee and cig.
6:30 - 6:50 Drive to work.
7:00 Start work.
It was always hard the first few days when I went on the road as I hadn't got my schedule down. Once I did I felt more on my game.
David Crawford at August 29, 2015 4:46 PM
When I catch the time as triple digits, I repeat a mantra that many times. Usually something short like "peace and happiness" three times for 3:33.
Esther Ford at August 29, 2015 6:50 PM
I guess I should clarify -- sorry...should have done this in the post. I mean things like rain dances or shaking keys before doing something.
Thanks for all of this input -- interesting and appreciated!
Amy Alkon at August 29, 2015 7:32 PM
Exactly David. Does it matter if it is two cigarettes or three? When it is you I assume definitely. When it is someone else, not so much. There really isn't much difference biologically between people getting together once a week to do the hokypokey in a fancy barn with a cross and the people who go out once a week to hookup with a stranger in a club. It is just their ritual.
Interestingly this is the same reason fake sugar is bad for non-diabetics. The body tastes sweet, it then anticipates sugar hitting the gut at a fixed time interval, it ramps up insulin production to match the anticipated sugar's arrival. When people with normal pancreatic function eat fake sugars (be they aspartame, stevia, or any of the others) there is no sugar for the insulin to work on. If this happens often enough you end up with diabetes as the pattern breaks down and you lose insulin control. The sugar ritual no longer works.
Ben at August 29, 2015 7:50 PM
"I guess one of the questions to ask is when does something change from "habit" to "ritual"?"
The difference is in the connotation. Look how Amy referred to rituals being called "superstitious crap". So 'habit' is odd but socially acceptable but 'ritual' is odd but not socially acceptable.
Ben at August 29, 2015 7:59 PM
As a hotel night clerk, one of my tasks is to pack up the day's paperwork for storage, it goes into a 11"x14" yellow envelope. This has to be filled out with date and who performed that night's paperwork. The ritual begins when I take the envelope from the envelope box:
I flatten it on the desk.
I pull a Sharpie from the pen cup.
I write the old day's date on it.
I then write the words "NIGHT AUDIT" beneath the date.
I then, instead of signing my name, make a flourish on the paper that, with a few dots at one end, two dots and two slashes at the other end, becomes a stylised rattlesnake - - something I began long before the Tea Party came along.
I cap the Sharpie with a firm, decisive motion and drop it back into the cup.
I place the paperwork into the envelope, and toss it back over my shoulder onto the file cabinet.
Finished!
Robert Evans at August 29, 2015 8:00 PM
Multiple MotoGP champion Valentino Rossi grasps the footpeg of his multimillion-dollar racebike, sits on his heels and has a moment of silence before every race.
Much like faith, some rituals enable the user to focus and cope with some important task.
Radwaste at August 29, 2015 8:14 PM
Hi Amy, sorry for getting back so late in the thread. I used to have the same ritual with little Holly-berry when she was alive, every time I said good-bye to her. Be a good girl, guard the house, I love you, and no sad faces. It was a bit of a joke, because of course she made terribly sad faces. Those were my last words to her when I said good-bye to her for the last time, too, and that time the joke was on me because all three of us (me and the two friends who were there at the hospital with me) were crying our eyes out.
For the month after that, when I didn't even have a dog anymore, I would say those words to the empty room before I left for the day.
Now I have Ava Mae and the ritual is still going. She acts pretty much the same way Holly did - gives me a withering look that tells me what an asshole I am for leaving and then hunkers down for her nap.
I guess I do the ritual because it's a way to touch base with my dog every morning and remind myself how grateful I am to have her. Serving the Children of the Great Pug Buddha is a great honor!
Pirate Jo at August 30, 2015 5:53 AM
Amy Alkon
http://www.advicegoddess.com/archives/2015/08/29/what_are_your_r.html#comment-6171425">comment from Pirate JoThat is so sad (about doing that at the end, too).
And I get that look, too, when I put Aida in her little bed on the couch when I'm going somewhere.
I love that as a gratitude ritual. That's really nice.
I really try to remember to be grateful for so much in my life. Especially my dog, my boyfriend, and that I'm alive and American now (as opposed to being a woman at any other time and place in history) and that, ridiculous as things have gotten in terms of writer pay, that I still get to write for a living.
Amy Alkon at August 30, 2015 7:57 AM
I get it, Amy! My personality is such that I tend to get sort of absorbed in solving problems, which isn't all bad because I don't allow bad situations to just go on and on and fester in my life. I do actually get my problems solved, sooner or later. But it can lead to negative thinking because of the focus always being on the next problem.
I have to remind myself to rest on my laurels once in a while and feel proud of the problems I've ALREADY solved, the things I ALREADY have to be grateful for. In order to keep from ruminating endlessly on how to fix this or that next thing that comes up, I am mindful to sometimes just shove everything into a drawer and focus on showing love and gratitude to those (like Mike and little Ava Mae and a few close friends I have) who have been at my side through everything.
I think my morning pug ritual is also one of continuity. Dogs just don't live as long as we do, and I understand that, it's just that after nine years with Holly (she was already four or five when I adopted her), it was really hard to let go. Now there is Ava Mae, but she was already ten years old when I adopted her back in February. I'll outlive her too, and then there will be another sweet little old rescue put who will need me. The little pug I say good-bye to each morning may change over the years, but my role as their caretaker won't. Even when I lose one, there is this sense of an ongoing role in my life. If that makes sense.
Pirate Jo at August 30, 2015 8:14 AM
I had a "restart the day" ritual that was used when the day started off bad - e.g. spilled coffee then missed the bus. It changed over time but it the main part was to focus 110% on something that can't go wrong for you for 10 to 15 minutes. The goal is to get out of the mind set it is bad day so the day will go better.
It works sometimes for me..sometimes not so well.
I also have setup and breakdown "ritual" at work where I setup my desk for the day and then pack it up. This to ensure I don't get caught with my phone not setup (it works through my computer) or leave something at my desk I shouldn't.
The Former Banker at August 30, 2015 8:59 AM
When ever I board an airplane, I lay my right hand on the side of the plane as I walk in.
Stormy at August 30, 2015 9:57 AM
Athletes, amateur and professional, have more rituals than I have seen on any non-athlete. Of course a pitcher is going to go through the mechanics of the pitch the same way, but it's the maneurisms leading up to the pitch that fascinate. Watch that one guy blow snot rockets after every batter or Rafa Nadal dig underwear out of his butt between each point when his undies aren't even up his butt. It's not supposed to be part of the process of gameplay, but in actuality the ritual becomes a part of it.
gooseegg at August 30, 2015 1:51 PM
I "quack" out loud when I push the button to drop my garage door when i drive out. If I do that absurd thing, I find I can remember that I did indeed close the garage door if a doubt arises in my mind.
BlogDog at August 30, 2015 6:37 PM
Evening: Review the day; plan tomorrow; prepare the coffee altar.
Morning: Coffee-making ritual. Sometimes I chant to the magical beans, too.
Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at August 31, 2015 7:55 AM
"When ever I board an airplane, I lay my right hand on the side of the plane as I walk in. "
Some years ago I worked on a space experiment that was to be exposed to space for a long time. The day before it was to be put on the truck to go to Cape Canaveral, a bunch of us, one at a time, put on bunny suit and gloves and went into the clean room to grab onto the payload's handrail for a moment. We'd say to ourselves, "The next person who touches this handrail will be an astronaut". (Which wasn't quite true... a payload integration person at the Cape had to handle it first. But close enough.) It was kind of odd because we'd been in daily contact with it for months, as it was built and tested. But then it was just a bunch of parts on a bench. The day before it left was when it became something that was about to go into space.
Cousin Dave at August 31, 2015 9:42 AM
I always keep a penny in my mailbox. I like the idea of having money in the mail. Every time I get the mail out, I look in there and see that penny to help me remember to have some gratitude for having enough money in my life. I just sold my place and pulled that penny out of there. It will go into the next mail box I own.
justme at August 31, 2015 4:56 PM
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