Why Does Feminism Mean "You Can't Say That About Women!"?
Feminism, too often these days, means treating women like eggshells, not equals.
If you talk about a woman's looks -- and maybe criticize how much she cares about her looks -- you are stomping on hallowed ground, and you're in for a media reaming (if you make your criticism at all publicly).
By the way, we care about women's looks -- and women care about caring for and showing off their looks -- because of our evolved sex differences. Women prioritize status and power in a man and men prioritize physical attractiveness.
This isn't all we care about in a partner, and it isn't all we use to judge another person, but these preferences evolved to promote our mating and survival, not out of nowhere. We are living in a modern world with pretty antique psychology -- perfect for life in an ancestral environment -- so these sex differences in our psychology remain.
I write about these differences in our preferences in my science-based book, "Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck":
Many women think men are pretty rude to care so much about a woman's looks. In a just world, men would have the hots for women simply for the beautiful people they are on the inside. Unfortunately, in the real world, this is just not how male sexuality works. (The penis is not a philanthropic organization and will not get hard because a woman bought a homeless guy a sandwich.)Because male sexuality is all about the visuals, men's magazines are filled with pictures of naked women with freakishly large breasts and women's magazines are filled with pictures of beauty products and ass-cantilevering $2,000 stilettos. Men evolved to go for signs of reproductively hot prospects--an hourglass figure, youth, clear skin, symmetrical faces and bodies, and long shiny hair: all indicators that a woman is a healthy, fertile candidate to pass on a man's genes. Women co-evolved to try to make themselves look reproductively hot, though that's not how we think of it.
In other words, women compete for men by looking hot. (And, these days, some also compete for media attention and endorsements.)
I also explain in the book that men compete mainly by being successful:
Although women will go for man babes if they can get them (and studies show that most do at least want men who are taller than they are--by about six inches), they prioritize seeking men with status and power. In one of the more hilarious studies reflecting this, anthropologist John Marshall Townsend and psychologist Gary Levy showed women photographs of attractive and homely men wearing business attire or a fast-food worker outfit. The women overwhelmingly went for the ugly man wearing a Rolex over the handsome guy in the Burger King uniform, whether they were pairing up for the long haul or the short roll. In other words, if you're a man seeking a woman, your first step should be seeking extremely gainful employment, which tends to be far more productive than lying on the couch in your parents' basement pounding a six-pack and whining about how "shallow" women are.
People who are clueless about our evolved sex differences tend to see any sort of concern for or interest in a woman's looks as some sort of horror. Criticizing a woman for being looks-driven is also beyond the pale.
Accordingly, Olympic champion Adam van Koeverden posted one of these virtue-signaling horrified blog posts we're seeing quite a bit of during the Olympics, about how (gasp!) people care about women's looks and maybe even sneer at women's concern for and promotion of how they look:
This week my friend and fellow Olympic Champ boatsman, Adam Kreek made a mistake that I hope can prove to be a learning experience. While chatting with Ron McLean on CBC television, he expressed his opinion that Eugenie Bouchard may not be committed to winning, evidenced by her selfies, interest in fashion and social media presence. You can watch the clip, HERE.
"Learning experience"? How condescending.
Van Koeverden goes on:
To add fuel to the fire, when three fellow Olympians whom I admire very much; Marnie McBean, Chandra Crawford, and Annamay Pierse, expressed concern over twitter, he emphatically defended his commentary.
I don't think Adam is an expert on tennis. I'm certainly not. So I initially questioned why he was commenting on Eugenie's game at all. But at around the one minute mark, I realized it wasn't a lesson in tennis Adam needs, it's a lesson in feminism.
After Adam made a few sweeping generalizations about a woman who has gone farther and done more in the sport of Tennis than any Canadian woman in generations, he questioned whether or not she actually wants to win. He referenced her enthusiastic desire to talk to the media, her prolificacy on Instagram and her interest in fashion and beauty as evidence that she may have a stronger desire to be a media darling than an Olympic Champion. He even did a girlish impression of her "trying out different hairstyles", seemingly as evidence that she isn't focused on winning, or that having an interest in fashion, beauty or anything else might detract from one's performance. Since when is having a pastime a bad distraction?
He may as well have asked her, as one Australian reporter did a few years ago, to "give him a twirl."
This is the kind of tired, regressive, paternalistic, arrogant and sexist commentary that female athletes put up with all the time, and it needs to stop.
Speculating that somebody's distracted by all their selfie posts -- or by ping pong, dog grooming, or whatever -- isn't anti-woman.
I hear the guy on the video -- Adam Kreek -- sounding a little miffed that she's somehow sullying the sport by going for endorsements.
Is this really a big deal, and would it be a big deal (ginning up the blog post engine) if somebody made that statement about a man?
Why is this -- criticizing an athlete for taking selfies and being all "Smoochies, media!" -- something we need to stop doing?
Once again, feminism seems to be about shutting people up in order to treat women like eggshells, not equals.
Count me the fuck out.
P.S. As I think I noted in the comments a few days ago, I'm 52, and at a recent ev psych conference in Vancouver, a bunch of us went to a restaurant, only to find that the wait was too long.
My friend Jessica was behind me, and as we walked out, she saw a man turn around and fall over looking at my ass. My 52-year-old ass.
Woo hoo.
More, please.
@vankayak post via @YoniFreedhoff
"As I think I noted in the comments a few days ago, I'm 52, and at a recent ev psych conference in Vancouver, a bunch of us went to a restaurant, only to find that the wait was too long.
My friend Jessica was behind me, and as we walked out, she saw a man turn around and fall over looking at my ass. My 52-year-old ass.
Woo hoo.
More, please."
Kudos. (I already said that via Twitter. But this an exzellent accomplishment, calling for uncommon praise. Beats the formal Olypmics, too)
Stephan (@Sevens_2) at August 13, 2016 7:23 AM
On the one hand, I'm rolling my eyes a bit at the idea that an interest in fashion is incompatible with a successful career in tennis, given that the Williams sisters managed to find the time to attend a fashion design school as a precursor to founding their own clothing line. It's certainly possible to be OBSESSED with fashion and looks to the point at which you neglect your sport, but women, on average, are much more experienced at juggling thoughts about looks/fashion than men are. Simone Biles posted something on Twitter on Thursday morning wondering what makeup she should wear that day; she went out and won a gold medal that afternoon without a single smear of her glitter eyeliner. (By the way, if I have to read one more article bemoaning the fact that female gymnasts are now allowed to wear crystals, makeup and earrings, I will lose it. Does anyone really believe that teenagers and young women in their early 20s are feeling forced to make themselves more glamorous? *I* may prefer a no-sparkle, low-makeup look, but that doesn't mean that most women are going to feel that way, especially when they are on international TV.)
On the other hand, I have had it up to HERE with the pearl-clutching/virtue-signaling over the idea that -- GASP! -- male and female Olympians are not absolutely the same. Yes, it IS a big deal that Katie Ledecky can beat elite male swimmers at races at times, and when her male teammates say that "she swims like a guy," they are not being unregenerate sexists. Is the difference between male and female athletes smaller now than it was 50 years ago? Sure. Is it ever -- short of significant genetic engineering -- going to go away? No. Simone Biles is an incredible athlete, but there's a reason that she doesn't compete on the rings or the pommel horse (both of which require immense upper body strength). On the flip side, the greatest male gymnasts of all time might, if their lives depended on it, be able to do a forward roll on the balance beam, but that's about it.
marion at August 13, 2016 8:40 AM
Actually, the two Adams need a few lessons in economics and business. Eugenie Bouchard is certainly a good tennis player - top 50 in ranking - but not top 10, who would be expected to dominate the sport for the next 5 to 10 years. She, also, slipped and fell in a locker room, suffered a concussion and didn't play professionally for about 6 months. Still, she's signed several endorsement contracts, with companies like Coca-Cola and Nike. As May West so clearly explained: "Sex sells." Unlike the Adams boys, she has figured out where to make piles of the dirty dinero while she can, before retiring to her gated community in Miami, where, if she wants a hot hunk, she'll hire him to clean the pool and tend the tennis courts - or, more likely, she'll associate with her Daddy's investment banker friends. Overly concerned with her looks? No, you dweebs. She's investing in her future.
Wfjag at August 13, 2016 9:13 AM
Another aspect of the female that seems to me to register with males is that a slim woman (especially small waist) has probably not had children. For the primal male, he wants all the children that woman can produce, not the last one or two.
Craig Loehle at August 13, 2016 12:11 PM
"My friend Jessica was behind me, and as we walked out, she saw a man turn around and fall over looking at my ass. My 52-year-old ass."
"I hate to see her go, but I'd love to see her leave..." --- assorted songwriters
Yeah, that!
Radwaste at August 15, 2016 2:05 AM
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