Boob Is Hell
Big boobs can be a lot of fun -- unless they're yours. A bunch of guys sees -- firsthand -- how the top-heavy other half lives:
Reminds of those stupid classes for expectant parents that make the men wear some kind of maternity smock that supposedly simulates pregnancy. As if attaching external weights could even approximate pregnancy.
This is just as dumb.
at February 10, 2017 6:44 AM
I think it's hilarious. And I say that as a person whose bra size is "Is this for the circus?"
at February 10, 2017 7:55 AM
Point to Patrick.
Amy, don't be such a *girl* about matters of sexuality.
at February 10, 2017 8:05 AM
Patrick, as I understand it, the device is more sophisticated than you might think. Among other things, it gives you a feeling for what it's like to have to bend over constantly when picking up a small child's messes while being pregnant.
From the Empathy Belly site, it says that the wearer feels:
1) Weight gain of 30 pounds (13.6 kg.)
2) Fetal kicking and stroking movements
3) Shallow breathing and shortness of breath
4) Increased blood pressure, pulse and body temperature
5) Bladder pressure and frequency of urination
6) Low backaches; shift in center of gravity; waddling
7) Fatigue, irritability...
Also from the site:
"As numerous studies in education have proven, one of the most important cornerstones of effective learning is:
"Tell me, and I might forget"
"Show me, and I might remember"
"Involve me, and I'll understand and remember!"
Pulitzer finalist Derrick Z. Jackson wrote about the experience in 1990(?) for the Boston Globe, but I can't find the article. He would have been about 35 at the time. I DO remember that he said something like: "This clinches it. God is a man. No woman would inflict something like this on a woman."
at February 10, 2017 8:33 AM
Well, here's one man's experience, anyway...
By Geoff Williams.
"...Full of bravado, I insisted that I would also wear the belly at night, so that I'd have it on a full 24 hours. That was before we learned that the makers of the empathy belly suggest wearing it no longer than three hours at a time. (Something to do with not wanting the husband to freak out by the instant changes, collapse, and suffocate, I believe.) It was also before I knew that wearing the pretend pregnant belly for even a few minutes would try my physical strength. The empathy belly isn't for sissies, and neither, I've come to truly understand, is pregnancy.
"But it took fake breasts and a bladder pouch to get me to realize that. I borrowed my 33-pound empathy belly from the College of Nursing at the University of Cincinnati. It's not just a belly though: The contraption consists of two foam breasts; a rib belt designed to constrict the lungs and make it harder to breathe; two seven-pound lead balls inside the belly; a two-pound suspended weight that simulates a baby's kicking; and a weighted pouch that represents the baby's head on the woman's -- or in my case, man's -- bladder...
"...I wasn't mad at my dad for sending the photos (to my mother-in-law). But I was mad at him for telling Susan (my wife) that I had said, 'Wearing this empathy belly is much more difficult than actually being pregnant.' My wife quickly replied, 'Tell Geoff that if he likes, he can try being pregnant for five minutes, and he will see how comfortable the empathy belly is.' And then she reeled off a list of things that the empathy belly would never do, like 'give you insomnia, give you hemorrhoids, and make you push a baby out of an opening the size of a lemon.' She also took issue with the fact that I could take the empathy belly off at any time and leave it in a box...
"...And if the experience was strange the day before, now it was surreal. We all sat down to lunch. My Uncle Joe was annoyed that I was sitting beside him, because I seemed to take up all of the space around me. My Uncle Larry just appeared amused. As did my brother, his girlfriend, my parents and my wife, who all asked at regular intervals how I was holding up, as if they thought it would be funny if I wasn't holding up so well. At least my grandmother seemed supportive. Until, that is, after dinner, when she looked my way and offered a challenge: 'I'll bet you can't tie your shoes.' Et tu, Grammy?..."
at February 10, 2017 8:55 AM
It's not merely a question of how realistically the device simulates pregnancy, it's the fact that someone is determined to make men experience this.
Unless you're a seahorse, males don't get pregnant; that's just the way it is. What is this obsessive determination on the part of those who manufacture such a device (and those who incorporate them into their expectant parent classes) to make men experience this? Does this make them better fathers? How about we instead encourage men to do well in the parental roles they can assume?
Maybe we should start giving women testosterone shots, enhance their musculature, add some body hair to various places, increase their height and strap on a dildo. (Although just adding testosterone is likely to take care of several of those other characteristics by itself.) I'm told our brains also function differently, but I have no idea how to change that.
There. Now you know what a being a man feels like. Do you feel enlightened? Does this make you a better woman?
What is the point of this? You cannot become a man, no matter the gender reassignment surgeons and the social justice warriors try to tell you. I cannot get pregnant. There is no point in trying to simulate a role for me that I can never assume.
at February 10, 2017 9:13 AM
> the device is more sophisticated
> than you might think.
Yeah, PATRICK. Don't you understand??!? This device is sophisticated... Oh-kaaayyy?
This isn't some simplistic piece of hinged vinyl!
So, then, don't go away from this blog item imagining the whole trite skit is a milquetoast and mundane little fantasia from underfucked housewives who've not made peace with the lives they've chosen for themeselves, or anything like that.
No, Patrick, no... This device is
S O P H I S T I C A T E D
So don't you go thinking that it is, Patrick.
at February 10, 2017 9:34 AM
I don't know... when someone invents the Emphathy Wallet, then come back to me and we'll talk. And I say this as a guy who has never gotten any woman pregnant.
at February 10, 2017 9:56 AM
Does this make them better fathers?
For SOME men, I'm sure it helps them to become better PARTNERS, at least.
It would certainly help them to understand why it's harder for a housewife to keep the house clean and organized when she's in her third trimester - and from what I heard, pregnant women have it relatively easy in the second trimester, but NOT the first - because of the nausea and resulting lack of energy, of course, but there could be more to it than that.
So a hostile man who expects supper on the table at exactly the same time every day, and who lacks sympathy for a woman in her third trimester, might need to wear the device before he has the slightest sympathy for a woman in her first trimester.
I expect the device might make teenage boys think twice about not using condoms, too. Or about abandoning a girl they helped to get pregnant.
(In the article, Williams also noted how difficult it must be to have to sleep on your side, night after night - how would you really feel rested in the morning?)
Btw, a former member here - PK (aka Polish Knight?) - got banished by Amy because of his issues with women, as she said. I don't remember most of his posts, but in one thread, he seemed to imply that even a housewife with a newborn baby should be expected to keep the household as smooth-running as before her pregnancy, when anyone who's known a new mother knows that she's often pretty short on sleep.
at February 10, 2017 10:33 AM
I can't remember when, exactly, Amy started this blog. But I know it's well over a decade old.
Crid and I have been posting on it from the beginning.
I think this makes time number... three? that Crid and I have actually agreed on something.
Thanks, Crid. And you actually made me laugh with that last post.
at February 10, 2017 11:43 AM
"And I say that as a person whose bra size is "Is this for the circus?""
I always wondered where the expression, "the Big Top" came from...
I appreciate your sacrifice!
at February 10, 2017 4:20 PM
> when someone invents the
> Emphathy Wallet...
at February 10, 2017 4:38 PM
HELLO ALL YOU LITTLE FUCKERS!
The perfect guy to serve as chief executive, right? Darling.
at February 10, 2017 4:48 PM
> I don't remember most of his posts,
> but in one thread, he seemed to
> imply that even a housewife with
> a newborn baby should be expected
> to keep the household as smooth-
> running as before her pregnancy,
> a when anyone who's known a new
> mother knows that she's often
> pretty short on sleep.
Geez! The nerve of some peepulllll! Can you imagine such a thing???? How could a total stranger to you, a person who is essentially anonymous, only half-remembered, indeterminately sincere and utterly inconsequential to the events in anyone's personal life BE so INSENSITIVE??? It's kind of a sad commentary on the state of gender mores, isn't it?
I remember, it was, oh, about 2005, when a man in a comment on this blog said he didn't want to die at work.
And do you know what happened?
Some woman put up reply comment that said "Stop being such a candyass pussyboy. You need to eagerly do whatever's necessary to care for your family, and that includes sympathizing with your wife, who has minor problems sleeping on her side during a pregnancy that you didn't want to happen anyway."
I'll never forget that comment.
I might have got the date wrong.
Also, that's not a direct quote.
Also, I made it up. TITS, right? Sometimes, when someone smirkingly says "You don't know how it feeeeeyuls," the only proper response is "Get over yourself."
at February 10, 2017 5:26 PM
"The perfect guy to serve as chief executive, right? Darling."
Well Shazam. That right there has to be the biggest scandal ever in the history of politics. And I mean EVAH.
The dastardly deeds that were done to keep this whole thing secret - I mean it just bobbles the mind. Oh, it was just a response by Kellyanne on TV - not in secret code. Nevermind.
Well dear folks, we the deplorables made a huuuggge
mistake electing Trump. It don't matter though since we are irredeemable. Nothing we can do about - way it is for irredeemable little fuckers. Right Crid? You've morphed yourself into Patrick's PDS.
Breitbart is here.
at February 10, 2017 7:44 PM
"Unless you're a seahorse, males don't get pregnant"
Why are you denying the pregnancy experience to noncisgengderedtransqueermen who identify as female seahorses?!
I'm not saying it's a thing. It's just that somewhere there's a furry who wishes he was a seahorse. Probably.
at February 10, 2017 9:58 PM
> Breitbart is here.
Breitbart is dead.
at February 10, 2017 10:27 PM
Some lives make a powerful mark on earth before they depart. Breitbart is one of those. To someone blind to reality like you Crid can't appreciate it. But that's OK you did your moral thing and voted for the Libertarian (the worst presidential candidate we've ever put up).
The media still does not know who the Trump supporters are. I believe you do not know either. You've been gone from lake country for too long. Most of the movement don't support Trump in the usual way. They know he will never wilt from the bad media or the intractable government.
Breitbart is here.
at February 11, 2017 6:04 AM
"This is just as dumb." - Patrick
Agreed. There are legions who cry that no one understands how hard they work.
at February 11, 2017 9:30 AM
Crid, my point was that that was likely just one of the MINOR reasons Amy considered him sexist enough to be ordered to leave.
(Btw, one thing I forgot was that since it can be difficult to get enough sleep when you have to sleep on your side, that can easily hurt your sex life - and your partner's, of course. Again, a non-pregnant partner who has a distinct lack of empathy could probably use some help in getting some empathy.)
Anyway, I found the Derrick Jackson article. From what I know, he is almost certainly not the type to get impatient or hostile toward a pregnant woman, even when HE's been working hard all day, and only wore the device so as to have a story to write, but it seems he did gain some valuable knowledge from wearing it - even after just one hour.
Last two thirds of the article:
...The Empathy Belly is a new device found in some local birthing classes and teen-age pregnancy workshops. First, you wrap a belt around your ribs until you suffocate. Then you put on a heavy vest, with the breasts and belly of a woman who is eight months pregnant. Six pounds of lead buckshot press on your bladder. Eleven pounds of water and 14 pounds of cannon balls slosh in the belly. A 2-pound ball swings in the water to simulate a kicking baby.
This adds up to 33 pounds of pure misery. I tried on the Empathy Belly at Newton-Wellesley Hospital. The moment I put it on, gravity nearly pulled my face to the ground. Lee Gosciminski, the hospital's education coordinator, asked me what I thought.
I said, "Bowling ball."
Gosciminski became my boot-camp instructor. She asked me to tie my shoes. I almost fell foward into a somersault. I had to squat and come up by using my legs, unless I wanted to throw out my back, just as my wife did a month ago.
Gosciminski threw toys onto the ground. I picked up a ball. When I tried to gather up a scooter, the ball fell back to the ground. When I reached again for the ball, I lost the scooter. I gave up and picked up one toy at a time. I also realized this could take six weeks.
"Bet you'll never come home again," Gosciminski said, with mischief in her voice, "and ask your wife: 'Why isn't the house clean, the kids washed and dinner ready?' "
Common moments became tragedies. I sneezed. The recoil of the lead weights crashing into my ribs made me feel I had just been run over by the Green Bay Packers. I lay down on a couch on my back. The vest caved in my real stomach.
I sat down on a recliner. To get up, I had to dig a knee into the side of the chair, twist around and push out. I managed to stand. I lost the knee.
I walked up two flights of stairs. I needed to hold on to the rail. An ex-marathoner, I was panting. I waddled like a duck. I lurched like an oxen. I felt like a hippo.
Swaying from side to side, the 2-pound "kicking" ball rattled around. I patted the outside of my belly, and it felt like bubbling blueberries. The vibrations against my real stomach made me think more of a prisoner rattling a cage.
I became thirsty. The belly made me bounce off the water fountain. Then I walked outside to unlock my bicycle. I reached over the bicycle for the lock. The bicycle seat pressed into the fake belly. The fake belly pressed onto the fake bladder. The fake bladder pressed onto the real bladder. Now I have to go to the bathroom.
"This clinches it," I said to Gosciminski. "God is a man. No one would self-inflict themselves with this."
As I took off the Empathy Belly and became a man again, several thing occurred to me.
- One, I will try very hard to be nice to my wife.
- Two, give me a marathon any day.
- Three, some courtroom judges could use a few Empathy Bellies, too. No macho man would cheat on child support if he knew the sentence was walking around in public for a year with a lead vest with big belly and breasts.
"You look like you survived today in pretty good shape," Gosciminski said, "but you just wait. We have yet to devise anything that will simulate labor and delivery."
at February 11, 2017 1:20 PM
my point was that that was likely just one of the MINOR reasons Amy considered him sexist enough to be ordered to leave.
I.e., just the tip of the iceberg.
at February 11, 2017 1:22 PM
> Some lives make a powerful mark
> on earth before they depart.
He was a great guy. He was not pompous, derogatory, conclusive, hurtful, apocalyptic or close-minded. He had a number of kids; despite their early bereavement, I'd be surprised if they didn't shine his same omnidirectional warmth from their own hearts; They truly are his legacy.
The things you so eager besmirch as "Breitbart" got nuthin' to do with him... He ought not be tarred by their repugnance, and you should be ashamed for so glibly tossing his name around.
The man's dead.
at February 11, 2017 2:21 PM
> Anyway, I found the Derrick Jackson
Lady, STOP. Your enthusiasm for these trite skits is pornographic. And blindly stupid, like teenage masturbation. We're embarrassed for you.
at February 11, 2017 2:25 PM
"He ought not be tarred by their repugnance, and you should be ashamed for so glibly tossing his name around."
I have no idea what you are saying other than shut up. "Their repugnance" - care to explain?
at February 11, 2017 10:21 PM
The Choir Invisible. Toast. Vapor. Outtahere. AWOL. A memory.
If he watches from on high, he probably thinks you're a total Prehistoric Flying Dorkasaures.
at February 13, 2017 5:49 PM
"If he watches from on high, he probably thinks you're a total Prehistoric Flying Dorkasaures."
TDS has reduced you to resorting to eight grade taunts.
"The Choir Invisible. Toast. Vapor. Outtahere. AWOL. A memory."
And you denigrate my use of "Breitbart is here" and "I am Breitbart." Funny that.
at February 14, 2017 8:16 AM
People drive to work in cars or pirates? (required):