They're Called "Lucky Charms," Because If You're Lucky, You Can Charm That Pretty Lady Who Hooks You Up For Dialysis
Yes, they're advertising, among other things, "Gluten-Free" Lucky Charms.
Great news for celiac sufferers. You, too, can eat highly unhealthy sugary breakfast cereals!
Saw and grabbed a shot of this commercial as we about to watch Confessions of a Dangerous Mind -- screenplay by Charlie Kaufman.
Charlie always has some fabulous fantasy stuff in his movies, but this advertising goes beyond fantasy to, well...why not just sell the stuff with, "Hey, here's some breakfast cereal for stupid people!"?
Gluten-free Lucky Charms! None of the gluten; all of the sugary goodness of diabetes! pic.twitter.com/41bWGbfHCn
— Amy Alkon (@amyalkon) August 13, 2017
"Gluten-free" is the scam companies perpetrate on ignorant consumers, who don't understand that it's carbs that are the problem -- whether they come from "gluten-free" flour or flour packed with the stuff.
Of course, anyone reading my blog over the years has seen evidence from, among others, Nina Teicholz, The Doctors Eades, Jeff Volek and Stephen Phinney, MD, and Gary Taubes, that it is carbohydrates -- sugar, flour, starchy vegetables like potatoes, juice -- that cause the insulin secretion that puts on fat and causes a host of other health problems.
Gluten-Free Lucky Charms has 22 grams of carbs. Manufacturers have to put the ingredients in the greatest proportion in a product at the top of their list, and check out the ingredients in Gluten-Free Lucky Charms:
Ingredients:
Whole Grain Oats, Sugar, Oat Flour, Corn Syrup, Modified Corn Starch, Corn Starch, Dextrose, Salt, Gelatin...
On a related note, the manufacturer advertises the regular (non-"gluten-free") kind of Lucky Charms with "Made with whole grain..."
Well, you could probably make Comet with "whole grain," too, but I wouldn't suck down a big scoop of it after you use it to clean the bathtub.
"'Gluten-free' is the scam companies perpetrate on ignorant consumers, who don't understand that it's carbs that are the problem... it is carbohydrates -- sugar, flour, starchy vegetables like potatoes, juice -- that cause the insulin secretion that puts on fat and causes a host of other health problems."
Gluten free isn't a scam. It's not about avoiding the obesity, diabetes, high cholesterol and metabolic syndrome caused by carbohydrates. People with gluten intolerance or sensitivity experience headaches, bloating, fatigue or diarrhea after eating foods containing gluten. People with celiac disease, an autoimmune disorder, have an even worse reaction. They react to gluten like it's poison.
A carbohydrate free diet would also be a gluten free diet, and much healthier. But gluten free flour and grains enable people with gluten intolerance and celiac disease to enjoy all the carbohydrate-laden, fat- cholesterol- diabetes- and metabolic syndrome-inducing cereal, bread, cookies and cake their hearts desire.
Ken R at August 13, 2017 9:51 AM
I had some gluten-free oatmeal once. I don't know what gluten is, but it must be delicious, 'cause that oatmeal ... wasn't.
On another note, if you don't like gluten-free Lucky Charms, you can get a box of whole-grain-oats-free Lucky Charms now.
Conan the Grammarian at August 13, 2017 10:44 AM
Why anyone over the age of ten would be eating lucky Charms is the question.
I hated them even as a kid. Anything oat based was kind of terrible.
Isab at August 13, 2017 11:35 AM
I know people who can't eat gluten and it's a nasty thing to have. Treatment for it is only partially covered by insurance even before Obamacare was expensive as hell.
They had to switch to the Paleo diet (doctor's orders). One of them misses cake and bagels, but on the bright side, a grain-free diet has the benefits of being much slimmer now.
Sixclaws at August 13, 2017 5:03 PM
The colors were so weird. Oats aren't supposed to be dayglo.
Crid at August 13, 2017 11:07 PM
Conan, Gluten is sticky glue-like proteins. If you want to make something fluffy you need that glue to hold the structure together. So bread, cakes, cookies and such where you want a spongy or aerated texture you kinda need gluten. Bread just tastes different when it is all fluffy and when you squeeze it back down into a dough ball.
Incidentally 1% or less of Americans have Celiac disease and are allergic to glutens. There are probably more people who are allergic to red dye #40 than to gluten.
Ben at August 14, 2017 6:14 AM
"People with celiac disease, an autoimmune disorder, have an even worse reaction. They react to gluten like it's poison."
Sure. But celiac disease is pretty rare. You can see what the thrust of the marketing is. Gluten is one of this year's Things That Are Bad For You, and a lot of people are convinced that it's an artificial ingredient that evil food manufacturers add in place of natural ingredients because profit motive, or some such. You see the "gluten free" tag being applied to foods that don't contain any flour anyway (I saw some "gluten free" ice cream yesterday), because for them, it's an easy virtue-signal.
Cousin Dave at August 14, 2017 7:00 AM
"People with celiac disease, an autoimmune disorder, have an even worse reaction. They react to gluten like it's poison."
Sure. But celiac disease is pretty rare. You can see what the thrust of the marketing is. Gluten is one of this year's Things That Are Bad For You, and a lot of people are convinced that it's an artificial ingredient that evil food manufacturers add in place of natural ingredients because profit motive, or some such. You see the "gluten free" tag being applied to foods that don't contain any flour anyway (I saw some "gluten free" ice cream yesterday), because for them, it's an easy virtue-signal.
Cousin Dave at August 14, 2017 7:00 AM
I react to all sorts of stuff it is made in a factory and loaded with preservatives.
Bet a lot of people who get a bad reaction to favory bread and other baked goods, are really reacting to something else.
Isab at August 14, 2017 9:21 AM
Dyes and preservatives cause a lot of food allergy issues. I mentioned red dye #40 because it is one of the better researched ones and is in lots of foods. It is what makes most orange sherbet that orange color. Otherwise it would be fairly whitish.
#40 causes mild cold like symptoms. Runny nose, congestion, mild headache, and such. If I recall correctly (but don't quote me on this) something like 20% of Americans have an allergic reaction to #40. But it won't kill you and people build up a tolerance after a few weeks. It still causes an allergic reaction but not nearly as strong of one.
Ben at August 14, 2017 11:45 AM
I call this the "TANSTAAFL" law of Ingredient Labels: If it says "X-free" on the label, it means they added extra "Y", and "Y" isn't that good for you either. See check the label on any Fat-Free, Sugar-Free, or Gluten-Free food.
Criticas at August 14, 2017 12:33 PM
"On a related note, the manufacturer advertises the regular (non-"gluten-free") kind of Lucky Charms with "Made with whole grain..."
The cereals were always inherently gluten free. What has changed is supply chain controls and processing controls to eliminate sources of cross contamination. They're made of oats, naturally gluten free unless you transport them in a shared rail car.
I think cross contamination controls are something that you should respect Amy. You strive for a rigid carb-free diet. Between msg, maltodextrin, and the griddle that just fried an order of french toast the outside world is ripe with opportunities for cross contamination. Fiance once got sick off of an omelette that we later found out contained pancake batter.
Poke fun at people's motivations for eating a rigid diet all you want - I know I do, but know that the GF label is just a shorthand for process control. And yes, the marketing value of that label must outweigh the cost of the controls.
smurfy at August 14, 2017 1:41 PM
Ironically, gluten free stuff has MORE carb in it, gluten is the protein of the wheat
NicoleK at August 17, 2017 3:07 PM
@Nicole: Not to mention whatever has been added to hold the food together in the absence of gluten. Very rarely, the substitute is eggs, whole or just the whites, but eggs cost more and may require re-working the recipe to the point where the result no longer looks or tastes like the original wheat-based product. Usually the substitute is corn starch or a seaweed extract, and I think both of these are highly concentrated carbs.
Of course, there are lots of foods that are naturally gluten free - just not most baked goods and other light, spongy food. If you are one of the 1% or less that truly have celiac disease and might get quite ill just because the flour mill that ground your oatmeal previously ground wheat flour, it's good that you can find food products where they were careful to avoid such cross-contamination. But if you're buying gluten free just to follow a fad, you are paying more for less healthy food.
markm at August 31, 2017 8:54 PM
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