Childhood Is Now A Punishable Offense
Who here hasn't inhaled helium from a balloon and talked in a cartoon voice?
Valarie Honeycutt Spears, in Lexington Herald-Leader, writes that a 13-year-old boy got suspended from school for it:
LEXINGTON, Ky. - A Kentucky mother says she's upset because her 13-year-old son was suspended from middle school for three days because he inhaled helium from two Valentine's Day balloons he bought at school.Robert Rodriguez, an eighth-grader at Simons Middle School in Flemingsburg, told the Lexington Herald-Leader he inhaled the helium from balloons in class last week because "I wanted a squeaky voice." His mother Tonya Miller said her son merely wanted to sound like the cartoon character Donald Duck, but school officials viewed that as huffing and he was suspended Friday afternoon.
"If the school district considers helium a drug, why are they selling it to our children?" Miller said. "Students were unaware that this was punishable until after my son was suspended."
The Superintendent says there's more to the story. But that seems to be news to the mother. Also, it seems to run contrary to telling her it was "huffing."
Miller said Wednesday after she contacted the news media, school officials said her son was suspended for a safety concern, not a drug offense. Robert said he did not disrupt class when he inhaled the helium.
"Let's introduce this hazard to a classroom and then not tell anybody about it."
Because we need to overreact when the kids do something they've seen every comedian do.
Maybe he said something like Elmer Fudd's, "Be vewwy, vewwy quiet, we're hunting wabbits" and that was thought a terroristic threat.
Radwaste at February 25, 2018 10:23 PM
Time to correct that old chestnut:
Those who can, do.
Those who can't, teach.
Those who can't PULL THEIR HEAD OUT OF THEIR *SSHOLES teach.
There, fixed that for you.
Ben David at February 25, 2018 11:30 PM
At most, this should have stopped at the assistant principal, with a "stern" warning to the student (but maybe a wink and a nod, too), then a brief conversation with the teacher for their career development.
It was true back in my day, guess it's still true today, public school administration seems to attract some of the most humor-less, clueless people on the planet. One has to wonder if they were ever kids themselves, or if they are just cloned at some secret lab.
bkmale at February 26, 2018 6:40 AM
How do you inhale helium, talk in that funny voice, and not disrupt class? Middle school students are going to laugh. Suspendable offense? I’m not sure, but I can guarantee that it disrupted class.
Our students aren’t allowed to carry around anything Valentines; everything must be left in the office to avoid distractions.
Jen at February 26, 2018 6:59 AM
The third part of the saying Ben David quoted is, "Those who can't teach, administrate." And it certainly applies here.
Helium is the least reactive chemical element that exists. Until about 1980, it was not known to form any compounds at all; a few have since been identified, but it takes extreme measures to form them. Simple asphyxiation is possible from inhaling it, since it displaces oxygen, but the amount in a small balloon isn't going to hurt anyone in reasonably good health.
Cousin Dave at February 26, 2018 7:12 AM
> The third part of the saying
The version in my house was "Those who can do, do. Those who can't do, teach. Those who can't teach, teach gym."
Similarly, as inexpensive photocopying entered the administrative workplace:
Crid at February 26, 2018 7:51 AM
That one time in high school - a helium tank in the student council office, a bag of condoms from the friend whose mom worked at Planned Parenthood...
Two memories:
Putting my mouth on the open end of the condoms and learning that spermicide is slippery stuff;
Tying those balloons to the windshield wiper of a friend's car in the student parking lot.
A feeling of safety is necessary to create an environment conducive to long term learning. I hope teachers can navigate the art of classroom control in a way that allows for a feeling of safety that creates space for spontaneity, shared laughter, and joy.
Michelle at February 26, 2018 8:25 AM
Michelle, while this is different, a Georgia prostitute named Dolores French (she worked for the Mayflower Madam at one point) wrote of how she protected herself against STDs by blowing condoms onto her johns - while distracting them, of course. That is, one thing to remember was to use only unlubricated condoms, because the other kind tasted awful. (Also: Make sure the condom is facing in the right direction first.) The lesson turned out to be very important, later on.
lenona at February 26, 2018 2:59 PM
If a pop tart chewed into a gun shape is dangerous then inhaling helium to sound funny is huffing. See? Logical (in some alternate universe way).
cc at February 26, 2018 3:03 PM
Lenona - funny how in our playing around we were so close to putting together that important life skill.
They *were* memorably awful - but mostly, at that age, funny. Shortly thereafter I discovered women. We've seen a lot of progress since then - I hope the flavorings have gotten better.
Michelle at February 27, 2018 12:27 AM
Those darned kids and their noble gases!
Gog_Magog_Carpet_Reclaimers at February 27, 2018 6:07 AM
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