Venus Envy
Self-defense for men is karate or maybe Krav Maga. For women, it's ducking mean remarks...
Emily Postal
According to annoyed caterers ranting online, lipstick on glass has staying power second only to nuclear garbage and nightmare party guests ("But there was no checkout time on the invitation!"). So, it's possible this woman is a well-meaning etiquette activist acting on behalf of beleaguered dishwashing staff everywhere. Except -- wait, she also bashes you when you're drinking out of a plastic cup, and I'm guessing the garbagemen don't get miffy when there's a lipsticked Dixie cup next to the corpse in the dumpster they're emptying...
Adoptee Strainer
We all have to deal with rejection, but most of us get our first taste of it at 6 -- years old, that is, not six minutes after a nurse cuts our umbilical cord...
Son Of Clam
If only the Rosetta stone had included a fourth language: Heterosexual Male.
Catty Litter
Nothing like women celebrating other women: "Yay, you, getting in regular workouts doing the walk of shame!"...
Talons Show
Imagine if there'd been three women in the Garden of Eden -- one wearing a fig leaf a little on the small side and two to ostracize her for flirting with the snake...
Vicious Recycle
When you put your old couch out on the curb, you don't get to make a bunch of restrictions about who can pick it up: "Free sofa!* *Except for that hussy Linda and her nasty sisters."
Twisted Sisterhood
If only these two would do as a 60-year-old dude in the U.K. just did to dispute a ticket he got on his motorcycle -- invoked what The Telegraph called "the ancient right to trial by combat." Not surprisingly, local magistrates decided to stick him with a fine instead of accepting his proposal of a duel "to the death" with a motor vehicles clerk, using "samurai swords, Gurkha knives or heavy hammers."
Business Meating
This is like your telling somebody who wants you to dog-sit "Sorry, I'm allergic to dogs" and having them come back with "Actually, he identifies as a parrot.
Venus Envy
Inner beauty, unfortunately, only turns heads of people with X-ray vision: "Excuse me, miss, but has anyone ever told you that you have a very pretty appendix?"...
Lewd Skywalker
As a means of communication, hinting to a man is like having a heartfelt conversation with your salad...
The Gift Of Blab
Being compatible with somebody doesn't mean you're like them in all ways. I'm an extrovert, which is to say I see a dead car battery as an opportunity to learn about some tow truck driver's childhood in Guatemala. Contrast that with my introvert boyfriend, who recently turned down an invitation he got to this really cool event, telling me, "I already said hello to somebody this week"...
The Mummy's Cursor
Who says men aren't emotional? "I don't wanna talk about it!" is an emotion...
When The Gooing Gets Tough
There are a lot of ways a man can show that he loves you. Does it really have to be "Hold on, guys, while I give my balls to my girlfriend!"?
The Alone Ranger
Just like women, men often verbalize complex emotions -- for example, "I want sausage AND pepperoni on that"...
All The Single M'ladies
Especially if you're under 30, expecting a man to open a door for you can be a bit like expecting him to remove his cape and lay it across a puddle or challenge your neighbor to a duel for blocking your driveway with his trash cans...