Moustache-gate:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OuMxfTjLa-I

Ah, I was wondering when this column would come up, as it was a hot topic on the blog for a while.

I know I told this story on the original thread, but once a coworker didn't tell me I had the back of my skirt (long with a slit, so it wasn't indecent, thank the gods) tucked into my tights. For two hours. She told me she thought it was on purpose, even though she'd seen me before that fateful trip to the restroom, and let me walk around talking to customers like that. LW, if you're reading this, think of the mustache like she's got her skirt tucked into her tights. Assume she'll want to know and try to handle it tactfully, like Amy's examples above. If you do it nicely, the worst that will happen is that she'll tell you that she knows and doesn't care. More likely she'll be grateful that you care enough to not let her embarrass herself.

On this subject, you might also try to get her to install different lights in her bathroom. The "daylight" CFLs (available at Home Depot) caused me to take better care of my eyebrows. What I couldn't see in my bathroom with regular light bulbs (even regular CFLs) was plainly visible in the daylight outside. They're also better for putting on makeup because you lessen the risk of looking harsh in the light of day.

I would want to know if I had a mustache. Some of us ladies are just too busy to scrutinize ourselves in the mirror every morning for every stray hair or mascara fleck on our face. I myself have three VERY black (even though I'm a natural blond) hairs that grow underneath my chin. They tend to have a little curl to them so they are not easily visible to me unless I'm able to see my profile in my mirror. If someone says something to me, I'm very grateful and promptly tweezing at my next trip to the restroom. Ladies, we have to help each other out when we notice others with a problem that is clearly visible.

Why not find an excuse to talk about mustaches in general? "How would you get rid of one anyway?..." that would help you gauge her interest in those pesky little beauty issues that some women would fix asap if brought to their attention. Then ask her how long it's been since she had a makeover by her beautician. Somewhere in all of this is a clue that she needs help. You might have to be more direct if she's not getting it.

I'm guessing the LW is a woman? Is it easier for a woman to do the telling? I would think it is, but I couldn't say why I think so. I have no idea what I would do. I mean, if I see one of my female coworkers with a wardrobe malfunction (e.g., a loose zipper, or an obviously missed button), I'll discretely let her know, but a mustache? I dunno.

Oh yes, letting the person know discreetly is the beings friends thing to do.

Depending on her general grooming (and where you live in the country) you could also suggest trying threading. I love threading for my eyebrows - and they do upper lip and full face too. Sometimes in the winter I get my upper lip done ... .

Be straightforward. Just say it outright - nicely of course, and make it clear you are helping not being mean - but don't stammer over it and don't apologise. If you show you're not embarrassed there's much less chance she will be.

Ltw's got it right, you have to be matter of fact about it, but nice, of course. I would certainly want someone to let me know! In fact, I was at the salon with a couple of girlfriends for manicure/pedicures, and then we were going out for drinks, and I decided I needed to get my eyebrows waxed. One of the other girls (who has olive skin, and yes, a bit of a 'stache) said, "oh me, too!" and off we went. While she was getting her brows done, the asked her "upper lip, too?" and the girl looked at me, horrified, and said "do I really need to?" And I just shrugged and said "couldn't hurt." So she said yes, it was done, and when we met up with the other girls at the drying table, both of them said "oh, that's great, you got your lip done!" And girl #1 was all, "I wish you had told me sooner, I would have it had done before now!" As far as I know, she's kept up with it regularly and gotten good feedback about it. So ya never know. Maybe they do know, but are embarrassed to acknowledge it.

Heh. For some reason the word "beautician" didn't post! But it was the beautician who asked...

Couple weeks ago I went to visit a friend, and we spent the day together shopping. At the end of the day we went into a clothing store and looked in the mirror... there was a huge slit in the front of my dress! You could see my tummy! And I am not a svelte teenage goddess who runs around showing her belly. And if I WAS, I wouldn't do it via the slit.

My friend was all "Oh, sorry, I thought you knew!"

Why would I run around in a ripped dress showcasing my less stellar attributes on purpose??? If she had told me earlier I could have popped into a pharmacy and invested in some tape or a safety pin.

Tell her.

... of course, if it turns out she knows already and is making a statement, let the matter drop.

One time I was at a very formal dinner, formal as in sorbet-to-cleanse-the-pallete-and-5-courses that followed dinner, and my skirt decided to greet my ankles. My skirt was so comfortable as was I, that I didn't notice until ten minutes later when a girl discreetly whispered that erm, my underwear was showing. And this was not modest white or beige underwear--this was print cotton "comfy" underwear. I was grateful that this was just ten minutes thanks to this girl's mercy, and not a mortifying oblivious two hours or worse: me getting up from my seat and showing more of my fashion choices.
So yes: either it is 30 seconds of embarrassment or countless hours in humiliation...I would pick the former.

old rpm daddy - as far as coworkers go, that's a hard question. I would probably not go there for someone I only spoke to at work.

On the other hand, a woman (total stranger) stopped me on the sidewalk a couple weeks ago to tell me my polo shirt was inside out (can you say, VERY sleepy morning?). The worst part about that? I had ridden the bus to downtown, with people I talked to regularly, and they didn't say a thing.

Or maybe there's the possibility she knows and doesn't care. Or knows but is still kinda sensitive about it and just doesn't want to put the money/time into maintaining it--and would be hurt/uncomfortable if you mentioned it.

I put it in a different category from food in teeth/inside-out shirt/skirt tucked into undewear. All of those are clearly mistakes and ones that can be fixed easily.

I'd put it in the same category as maybe acne? Or a unibrow? Things that are a bit harder to fix and that cost money to do so. Things that people *probably* know they have but are tired of trying to constantly fix and are frustrated with and sensitive about.

Sofar, acne and a unibrow are not in the same category. One can be fixed quite easily and fairly painlessly, the other cannot. I have a tendency toward the unibrow and in recent years have developed mild/moderate adult acne. Guess which one you never see? And I'm always doing something to combat the acne, but it takes time and effort. Actually, acne treatments are far costlier than dealing with facial hair (unless you laser, I guess). A decent eyebrow wax can be yours for as little as eight dollars for a professional and even less if you wish to do it yourself. Tweezing yourself only costs as much as the tweezers you buy. You don't get frustrated with trying unsuccessfully to fix a unibrow. You fix it or you don't. This puts it in the same category with the mustache but not the acne. Unwanted facial hair is easy and pretty inexpensive to take care of.

The real issue is the one that you mention first, that she knows and doesn't care. But I think a friend should be able to take that risk in telling her, especially seeing as how she thinks vision problems may be the reason. If the LW mentions it once and gets the feeling (or the direct answer) that the friend doesn't care, then they can both go about their lives. LW isn't trying to force her own opinions on facial hair onto her friend; she's concerned that the friend isn't aware of the issue.

Spirinolactone. It's a diuretic that for some reason lowers the androgens and turns the black hair lighter and thinner and then largely gone. I remember the first time in my adult life that I didn't have to worry that I would forget to tweeze or shave or whatever. There was a time when I was trying to get pregnant and then nursing, when I couldn't take the medicine. I knew people were uncomfortable, but laser or that much electrolysis is expensive. I finally saved up the money for laser hair removal (twice) combined with electrolysis. I remember the day that I ran back into the house as we were leaving to go somewhere, terrified because I had forgotten to check my face. I looked in the mirror and there was no moustache or 5 o'clock shadow. The feeling of liberation was unbelievable. Over time, the medicine loses its effectiveness, and the hair turns gray or white and isn't amenable to electrolysis.

By the way, electrolysis and laser hair removal (at least of that much hair) on the face is extremely painful. And causes burns (it burns up the hair under your skin) and rashes. I couldn't go out of the house for days. It looked like somebody punched me in the face. It's also necessary to let it all grow out before the laser removal, which is difficult to do. Two-four weeks of isolation. Then extreme pain, then 3-4 days of isolation and pain as the burns heal.

I second that she just might not care. I'd never been to a beauty salon until just before prom, when a friend and I went ostensibly to get our eyebrows waxed. When we got there my friend (who maybe also had her upper lip waxed; I can't remember anymore), said, you should do this too and pointed at her lip. I was like, huh? Really? So I did. It hurt. Years later I had a boyfriend who occasionally mentioned that I had a mustache, but other than him, nobody else has brought it up, so whatever. My current boyfriend has never mentioned it but he did imply that he'd find it more attractive if I rid myself of, uh, "bikini line" hair. I agreed, if he'd shave his face. We both did it once or twice, and that was pretty much it; we're both too lazy to shave/wax/whatever regularly, I guess. On the other hand, I don't shave my armpits either, so I guess I am just not as offended by body hair as everybody else is.

Acne: ask your doctor about tetracycline. I did a 30 day cycle after a surgery and it cleared up my acne as a teenager. Note that this is not to be used if you are a sun worshiper.

Shaving: It is a myth that if you shave your "beard" will get larger, harder, etc. Fast link or a Google of "shave your "beard" will get larger myth" will give you thousand of links.

I had a friend with a mustache. She knew she had it because it was neaty trimmed and shaped. I would have just shaved it off instead of shaping it.

This girl I work with was walking around with baby/talcum powder visibly showing out of the crack of her ass in black pants, every body was giggling and making fun talking bout her powder puff ass, and all saying they were afraid to say something to her about it, in fear of being "mean", and yes, I was giggling too, cause it was kind of funny looking, but I didn't want her to walk around like that all night, so I just walked up to her and simply told her, your butt has powder all over it, and that I would rather have somebody tell me about it than letting me walk around like that, and she appreciated me telling her. I believe in, just be frank and honest, just the way you would want somebody to be with you, if nobody tells you there's a problem, how can you fix it? and I don't believe the other girls were afraid of being "mean", I think they just liked having fun at her expense, so why say anything? She still walks around with same powder butt, but at least I made her aware of it, should I say something again? I don't know lol

I have found the best way to tell a someone something personal.

1st: Ask them, if they would want to know if they had something stuck in their teeth.

(they always say yes)

2nd: Ask "What if it was more personal"

3rd: Then you can tell them they have a mustache or that they smell too ripe or that there are mystery stains near their crotch.

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