He's not that into you,
But you will do,
Until he finds someone new.

I don't believe in being honest to the point of cruelty, especially if the problem is something the other person can't change about herself.

I DO, however, think the kindest way to dump someone is to tell him/her, "You're wonderful and I don't regret the time we've spent together, but this relationship isn't what I'm looking for. It just doesn't feel right, and I'm not happy. I can't see myself being with you for the long term."

You know, something that doesn't leave room for interpretation ...or hope.

"You know, something that doesn't leave room for interpretation ...or hope."

I have to agree. The worst form of cruelty in this is letting them down so easily that they think there is still a possibility of the relationship working.

"I don't believe in being honest to the point of cruelty, especially if the problem is something the other person can't change about herself."

Some people don't seem to know the difference. And then there are the ones who do know the difference, but enjoy being cruel in the name of honesty.

I heard a conversation between a couple of guys on a bus about that very topic. The one who was called out, for being cruel to a girl they knew, got very defensive. Then the one who called him cruel said "Hey, I'm just being honest!" And around and around.

Words mean nothing. Your words, and other peoples words. Words are a facade.

In the face of this harsh reality, it is best to communicate by actions. Let YOUR actions replace your words. Listen to people LESS and watch their actions more.

By communicating via actions instead of words, you will both cultivate more peace in your heart AND become more effective at life.

Let go of your irrational attachment to words as a substitute for reality.

Once you do this, you can start using words in all their glory for what they are designed for: to persuade, to entertain, to sell tens of millions of dollars of product and garner millions of dollars in commissions, to self-promote, etc...

And then you will be AMAZINGLY more effective at life.

Very cool comment Peter!
Perked up my day.

I disagree Peter and I think your comment is self-help bullshit. It's always important to observe if people's actions match their words, and making sure yours do (you know, that old-fashioned thing called 'telling the truth') is good too. But words are important to communication. Not everything can be conveyed through actions.

Plus if you don't understand how to express yourself accurately with text why read or comment on a blog?

Once you do this, you can start using words in all their glory for what they are designed for: to persuade, to entertain, to sell tens of millions of dollars of product and garner millions of dollars in commissions, to self-promote, etc...

Are you trying to sell us something? Maybe if you lose the caps your comment will look less like an infomercial.

(sorry, I'm a bit snippy today)

"In the face of this harsh reality, it is best to communicate by actions. Let YOUR actions replace your words. Listen to people LESS and watch their actions more."

Peter, I could not agree more. If you don't like the way a person treats you in a relationship that is your first clue that it isn't working. All the honeyed words in the world will not change that. As a woman I think the biggest problem with trying to communicate with a woman verbally is that women read far to much into what is said and what is not said and trying to let her down gently often just prolongs the agony of the failed relationship as she tries to figure out the ""meaning" of the gentle let down you are trying to give her. Nothing gets my attention like a man not calling, changing his plans at the last minute or ignoring me. However, there is an exception to this. If you have a man who has autistic tendencies, you can only judge their level on interest by how they treat you when they are with you as they will often not call or avoid social situations that make them uncomfortable that most woman would interpret as a lack of interest. I have found that the engineering and science professions has a high proportion of men who have no idea how to communicate with a woman verbally and after saying the wrong thing and being punished for it, they eventually just clam up.

Thanks for the kind comments!

Embracing, not lamenting, the slipperiness and duplicity of words has moved me past the anger that is the typical reaction to the everyday hypocrisy in our lives.

Ironically, it has helped me cultivate empathy and sympathy in its stead, not the callousness one might expect.

On a slightly different note, anyone know how to generate and detect neutrons cheaply at home? I want to demo the effectiveness of a neutron absorbing material and I need to wave it in front of a neutron source and watch the detector counts drop in order to realistically do so.

Otherwise I'll have to find a university prof that has paid 20 grand for a recent radioisotope source, plus supporting hardware and detector :(

Re neutron source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Hahn will take you to the nuclear boy scout, who solved the very same problem.
--
phunctor

Peter "Embracing, not lamenting, the slipperiness and duplicity of words"

No, the slipperiness and duplicity you refer to is the MISUSE of language, not the USE of language nor an inherent quality thereof. Throwing out words because they're often misused is like throwing the baby out with the bathwater, and leaves you with ... nothing, really. Learning to distinguish between the misuse of language and the correct, precise use of language - and cultivating same in your own use of language as an example to those around - is a more correct and appropriate response to the rampant misuse of language. And, it also just happens to be the only way to learn to think correctly. Read 'Less than words can say' by Ritchard Mitchell (it's free online, just google), this essay expounds on this particular topic humorously and effectively.

LTW "(sorry, I'm a bit snippy today)"

No, I think you're spot on, embracing 'actions' sounds like some airy-fairy feel-good rationalisation for substituting 'thinking' with ignorance.

No, the slipperiness and duplicity you refer to is the MISUSE of language, not the USE of language nor an inherent quality thereof.

Yes! I hate when people decry the use of words because of past miscommunication. That just means you need to learn how to communicate better. Lobster's right, that's what language is for. I'm all for paying attention to actions, because they can be effective as communication even if the person acting doesn't know it, but not in place of words. I, personally, get frustrated with myself when I can't articulate my meaning accurately. I feel I owe it to whomever I'm speaking (or writing) to communicate clearly.

Are you trying to sell us something?

My first thought, too, Ltw. I expected there to be a link to some sort of "you, too, can make $3000 a month just using your home computer" website. A guy who once tried to rope me into a pyramid scheme said effectively the same thing.