One Surprise Fits All
I've been with my boyfriend five months, and want to make him a romantic dinner. What should I serve? What should I wear? What would make it romantic, fun and special for him? How can I surprise, excite and charm him?
--Clueless
I find that nothing says "I love you" like a case of anaphylactic shock -- when the dinner meant to take a guy's breath away becomes the dinner that causes him to stop breathing. A severe allergic reaction is the sort of thing that can happen when you ask a total stranger what your boyfriend of five months would find tasty, romantic and sexy. (Don't bother making dessert. The hospital will give him a fruit cup after he's deintubated.)
What's actually romantic and special is getting the sense that the person you're dating gets you -- that they've been paying attention to what you're into and even remarks you've made in passing. This evening should reflect that, and you should have fun figuring out what, exactly, would surprise, excite and charm the guy. If you're totally at a loss, pay attention to what he says and does in the future, and for now, do as I do: Come to the door naked with a chicken on a spear. (My UPS man really seems to like that.)
Simple answer LW
Steak and BJ Day
Problem solved.
Ltw at February 15, 2011 5:54 PM
Grrr, link not working. Cut and paste people.
http://www.steakandbj.com/v2/
Ltw at February 15, 2011 5:58 PM
Ltw's suggestion for the win!
Snoopy at February 15, 2011 6:18 PM
"Come to the door naked with a chicken on a spear." That is one of the best things you have ever written. Insanely funny and exciting at the same time.
alittlesense at February 15, 2011 6:25 PM
Amy Alkon
https://www.advicegoddess.com/ag-column-archives/2011/02/one-surprise-fi.html#comment-1844729">comment from alittlesenseThank you, alittlesense!
Amy Alkon at February 15, 2011 6:39 PM
Yes the naked and spear line made me laugh too. I needed it.
John Paulson at February 15, 2011 10:43 PM
I want "Come to the door naked with a chicken on a spear" on a t-shirt.
AV Flox at February 15, 2011 10:53 PM
"Come to the door naked with a chicken on a spear."
LOL, Amy! In my case, though, it would have to be a venison kabob. Either way, it's bound to make for a little excitement!
Flynne at February 16, 2011 6:31 AM
"What should I serve?"
You. Then Food. In that order. Steak is a good idea, if you actually have experience cooking a good steak properly. Most people do not, I find.
"What should I wear?"
Little to nothing, unless he is into some sort of costume or such. Then you should wear the costume.
"What would make it romantic, fun and special for him?"
He doesn't care about romantic. Let me repeat that: he doesn't care about romantic. He only says he does because he thinks you want him to. Again, understand something: he doesn't care about romantic. That is a woman thing guys go along with to get laid. Period. Any XY human saying otherwise is lying to get laid.
"How can I surprise, excite and charm him?"
Sex. If you are adventurous, make it the kind he looks at when viewing porn. (See costume comment above.)
Finally, you know all those ideas Cosmo and other chick magazines suggest? Ignore them. That is what women want men to want, not what men want. (See comment about romance.)
Spartee at February 16, 2011 6:45 AM
Avoid raw cabbage. (I tell you that from experience...)
If you don't know how to cook, order in. You'll have plenty of time to practice your culinary skills for him if you stay together for a long time.
ahw at February 16, 2011 7:46 AM
Spartee FTW. Although I have actually dated a guy who was a bit soppy and romantic (saved the movie ticket from the first film we ever saw together, that sort of thing), we still missed almost every romantic dinner we ever planned because we were rolling around on the bed, naked and sweaty. And I am pretty sure that even the soppiest guy will still take a blowjob (preferably, one performed enthusiastically by you while dressed in whatever lingerie he finds sexiest) over a hand-picked bouquet of wildflowers any and every day of the week.
That said, the time I offered to cook him dinner, and then quickly changed into lingerie and thigh-high boots while he was in the shower--so when he came out, I was making pasta in that get-up--did impress him. That dinner was served a little late too . . . but after I hopped down off the kitchen counter, it was nice to have a meal waiting. (P.S. I wouldn't try this trick with the standard aphrodisiac food, bacon. Just sayin'.)
Anathema at February 16, 2011 8:03 AM
I too want "Come to the door naked with a chicken on a spear" on a t-shirt. I can envision a nice, blue silhouette of Amy...
I sense a merchandising opportunity, and the opportunity to get the Syracuse paper to drop that generic, geriatric, petrified advice columnist they use and start running your column regularly again.
The T-shirt is for my wife to wear to bed. I'm stupid, not suicidal.
MarkD at February 16, 2011 9:44 AM
"Although I have actually dated a guy who was a bit soppy and romantic (saved the movie ticket from the first film we ever saw together, that sort of thing), we still missed almost every romantic dinner we ever planned because we were rolling around on the bed, naked and sweaty."
Yeah, what Spartee said isn't so true, or at least for every man. My guy is far more romantic than me. He saved every cork from each bottle of wine we shared for months before I caught on. I was like, "Why do you have all these corks? Do you collect them?" He's also more likely to be the one to buy the sappy card, and he makes a point to watch all my favorite TV shows, just so we can share them (often at the exclusion of football), so he's very romantic...and sexy and manly, so it's not just wimpy guys who like romance.
lovelysoul at February 16, 2011 12:31 PM
Psst, dudes, check it out! Lovelysoul's guy friend really has her snowed. shhh. Don't mess it up for him; keep it down, you hogs! Guy code! Remember the Guy Code!
Spartee at February 16, 2011 1:03 PM
Well, yeah, I guess so, Spartee. For over 3 years, and I'm marrying him in April, so he must be really good at pretending.
I believe men are just people and people are all different. Most women are into romance and others aren't, and same with guys. It's hard to generalize purely based on gender.
lovelysoul at February 16, 2011 1:09 PM
Steak is a good idea, if you actually have experience cooking a good steak properly. Most people do not, I find.
Unfortunately Spartee, this is true. That's why I always have to cook the steak. It's especially true if, as I do, you like it blue. There's nothing worse than an overdone (i.e. cooked) steak.
I'm going to disagree with you a little bit though and say some men do like romance. Cards on the pillow, chocolates, that sort of thing. I have a hidden box of notes, cards, special photos, etc, myself. But you are right that the LW is over-thinking things, it doesn't take much before the sex to keep even us romantic guys happy :)
Ltw at February 16, 2011 5:23 PM
Amy Alkon
https://www.advicegoddess.com/ag-column-archives/2011/02/one-surprise-fi.html#comment-1845452">comment from LtwHmm...I love steak, and Gregg makes it for me often, but it's not a great suggestion for everyone. Some silly people are vegetarians.
Amy Alkon at February 16, 2011 6:04 PM
I think this letter is cute. How nice to see someone so eager to please!
NicoleK at February 17, 2011 4:02 AM
If he had any allergies that she knew of, I think she would have told you before asking advice on what to prepare. Also, after five months of dating, which presumably includes dining out, she would probably know of any existing allergies.
You might have advised her to seek out her boyfriend's mother for information about what he likes. This serves the twofold purpose of getting the best information for her purpose, and perhaps getting closer with his mother.
Patrick at February 17, 2011 5:22 AM
Lots of guys I've dated have been more romantic than I am. I cringe at sloppy sentimental stuff, and have known several guys who seem to genuinely like it. Maybe opposites attract?
Gail at February 19, 2011 2:08 PM
This LW sounds like a nice young girl who sent her question to the wrong columnist. Did she actually expect to get a Martha Stewart-ish answer on creating a perfect romantic evening? Advice Goddess and her readers say: go at it like grunting pigs on the floor and maybe order a pizza later. Don't know why LW is looking for a box of Godiva chocolates on the bottom shelf of the candy section of Big Lots.
anon at February 20, 2011 6:40 AM
Forthwith, I am getting a job at UPS.
BOTU at February 21, 2011 10:26 PM
"For over 3 years, and I'm marrying him in April, so he must be really good at pretending."
Ha! You come with your own boatyard and trailer park. It could only be better if you owned a liquor store!
{Good luck, best wishes, hope the hurricanes miss you, etc.}
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