Oh, please. I know a LOT of people who do this. It's much preferred to not sleeping at all.

If my boyfriend and I lived together, you can bet we'd have separate rooms. He sleeps like a cat, only a couple hours at a time, and he flips the radio or TV on at all hours of the night. Now, I can handle this on the weekends because I can sleep until 9 (and I do sleep like the dead, for the most part). If I had to get up for work, it would not happen.

Factor the actual cat in there who does not like him being on "her" side of the bed and you get the picture.

LW, your boyfriend likely isn't really worried about what your friends will think of your sleeping in separate rooms, especially, as Amy notes, because how will they even know? Unless he's the most insecure man I've ever heard of and has to run every life decision by those in his circle, he's really worried about what you think. He's probably equating "Not compatible sleeping in the same bed" as "Not compatible in the long run." He's seeing the beginning of the end when all you want is a good night's sleep.

Like Daghain says, lots of couples do it because separate rooms beats no sleep for one or both of you. Explain it that way, separate from any sexual context. Make sure to tell him that part's not going to change and that it will actually be better for your relationship if you can sleep at night. Also, think of all the fantasies you can have about sneaking around the house to have sex.

I recall my grandparents' house showed that they obviously slept apart though I didn't figure it out for years. There were two rooms with small beds in them that were full of personal items, presumably his personal items and hers separately. Then there was the master bedroom with an immaculate double bed that looked like it was never slept in and the room was nicely but sterilly decorated. Two rooms for sleeping and one for show.

Well, sometimes BF and I sleep separately, but more often not. Depends on the snore factor, and whether or not he falls asleep while watching TV. I'll usually just go to bed without waking him. Whether he ends up in our bed later is on him! But for the most part, it's not an issue. Once I'm asleep, I'm out until the alarm wakes me.

What kind of friends do you have that they'd come over for parties and inspect your home for signs of sexual activity?

My friends do this all the time and it's really annoying. We'll invite them over, and the next thing you know they're upstairs sniffing the sheets and running all over the upstairs looking for bodily fluids.

Fluff the pillows on your satin-sheeted separate beds, and pepper the vicinity of each with sex toys, handcuffs, feather ticklers, and containers of erotic lubricants and edible body paints. A coital swing hung onto one of the bedroom doors might not hurt, either.
Then get a good night's sleep.
Or... Start drinking Nyquil.
It's none of your friends' damned business whether you're having real or perceived sexual problems... But if you're not getting any sleep, soon you may just not be getting any.

Wow, his priorities are kind of weird - love that his first concern is the chance that a friend may see two bedrooms and immediately leap to the conclusion that he's been neutered or something, not the fact that he's sleep-depriving his girlfriend (there's a reason sleep deprivation is such an effective form of torture!).

I booted my Dearly Beloved out of my bed when we lived together briefly, because he kept rolling over and hitting me in the face with his elbow (he's really tall). My bed was too narrow for the two of us, really, so he ended up in another bedroom and we had sleepovers on weekend nights.

Getting a larger bed may solve the problem. He have a king now and it's not an issue anymore because we're not crammed up next to each other. If we end up living together I'd want separate bedrooms.

If I am ever rich enought to build a house exactly as I'd like, I'd have a master suite that had a common sitting area, and two seperate sleeping rooms. (Oh, and we'll throw in seperate master baths, closets, and dressing rooms, too, since this is a fantasy...)

It could be that LW's boyfriend is getting plenty of sleep, so he can't empathize with her.

As Choika mentioned, a king-bed is worlds better than a queen for someone who shares a bed with a fitful sleeper. I don't see the problem with having one's own bedroom, either- we know lots of couples where the wife sneaks to the guest bedroom once hubby's snoring/kicking/crocodile rolling starts. Even if other people do know something about your sex life (or sleeping situation), they really don't care.

Shouldn't this boyfriend need a trip to the doctor? Most people are relatively still in their sleep. As I understand it, when we are asleep, we produce a chemical that induces mild paralysis, which prevents the kind of thing that she's describing. Sounds like his chemical production factory needs to be checked.

I'm reminded of when a long-time family friend finally came out of the closet. He said he had been sure for a long time that we all knew, and were avoiding the subject, talking around it, etc. I answered honestly: "Really, hon, I've given your sex life remarkably little thought over the years."

I talk sex with a few very close girlfriends. Other than that? I really don't spend much time speculating on other people's sex lives, and I never had the feeling they were speculating on mine.

When I moved in with my bf almost 2 years ago now, it quickly became apparent that we do not sleep well together. I snore horribly and he is a very light sleeper. I went to the dr and had a sleep study, but no sleep apnea.

Add to the mix the fact that he doesn't like the fan on, I can't sleep without one, he likes the room light, I prefer absolute darkness, both of us like to sprawl out and I steal blankets and it just wasn't working. After 3 months we were ready to strangle each other.

I started sleeping in the other room as a trial and it worked. We go to bed at the same time, in his room. We read a little, cuddle some, have some couple time in bed. Then, when one of us is falling asleep, I kiss him goodnight and go sleep in my room. It works perfectly.

I told my husband pretty early on that I meant it literally when I said I wasn't the easiest girl to sleep with. For the most part we do okay if I have my own blanket (I alternate between coccoon and all blankets on the floor). Half the time I rack out on the couch because I want the firmer support of the futon. I'm also a biphasic sleeper so it's not unusual for me to wake up for an hour or so in the middle of the night and while it away with a novel or some TV.

My parents don't sleep in the same bed most nights either, even when they are both home. (He's a pilot, she's a consultant. There's a lot of time on the road). My mom actually prefers to sleep on the floor to a soft mattress.

TL;DR: Lots of people sleep in seperate beds/ rooms.

As I understand it, when we are asleep, we produce a chemical that induces mild paralysis, which prevents the kind of thing that she's describing.

That's only during REM sleep, while you're dreaming. The paralysis is to keep you from acting out your dream actions, and is thought to be partially responsible for night terrors, when one wakes up while the paralysis is still in effect, so that the person realizes that they can't move.

BF's should figure out what his real problem is with sleeping separately. I finally broke up with a man who even in a king sized bed had to cuddle all night and despite me moving and moving until one night I actually fell off my own bed, I tried to adjust. I talked to him about it and he said if I loved him I could sleep HIS WAY! Separate rooms were out of the question for him, and after months of no sleep, I got rid of him.

One of the most loving couples I know have separate rooms for sleep. They claim there sleep has never been better and even though they are in their late 50's, the wife said they have sex 4 or 5 days/nights a week. She laughed and said thought sometimes they have sex in one of the beds they are more apt to be more inventive about where and how they have sex.

Separate beds do not mean less sex, for that couple it meant more sex.

Exactly, Worthit. LW should tell her boyfriend that separate beds/rooms will make her more satisfied in their relationship, not become a signal they're headed for complacency. That's likely what he's really worried about.

Try shutting the doors to all rooms that you don't want inspected by your nosy visitors. It can't take very long to walk through the place and shut all the bedroom doors when someone drops by.

I do that when my mother comes by. I'm private and she's nosy. A couple of times telling her "it is rude to open a closed privacy door" and she's better behaved. As long as the door is shut.

I for one have my own room. And I love it. I hav peave. I can sleep peacefully without the noise that bf makes. I dont have to share a bed. And I can turn my light out when I get ready. I think having your own room is a sense of tranquility.

I for one have my own room. And I love it. I hav peave. I can sleep peacefully without the noise that bf makes. I dont have to share a bed. And I can turn my light out when I get ready. I think having your own room is a sense of tranquility.