> My boyfriend isn't overtly weird

Given that the topic is a guy wandering around in public masturbating, this writer and I seem to have different definitions of the phrase "overtly weird".

This one had me laughing out loud. Yes, laughing out loud, not LOLing. :)

The dude is sick, the chick is sad, but damn this is funny.

Mere nakedness shouldn't bother anyone. (If it did, I'd never get a date. Oh, wait: I never do get a date. Cancel that sentence.)

On the other hand, it is Bad Form to pull one's pud in public, although it's a really good way to get oneself onto a sex-offender registry.

I read the first two sentences of this letter and I thought, "Okay, that's rather eccentric, but whatever." And then it got weirder and weirder...

I have trouble believing this letter. It's pretty difficult to masturbate while walking, and even more difficult to do that regularly in public without getting arrested. And what's the boyfriend doing in the Vermont winter?

Red flag alert, LW:

Also, he can't get aroused with me unless he's been on one of his walks.

Momentarily putting aside the legality, is this really what you want your relationship to be? If you were into this "hobby" with him and also got aroused, this would be a different story, but you sound merely resigned. Would you be upset if he could only get aroused with you after going to a strip club or visiting with your sexy neighbor?

Practical solution: if you're not totally put off by the nature of the "hobby," maybe you can try together to wean him off this extreme version of his fetish and help him to indulge his exhibitionist fantasy in other ways? If he's not completely pathological (like Amy describes above) and is interested in being sociable with the neighbors/not going to jail, he'll at least want to try.

Words fail me, LW. And for me, that would be a HUGE red flag alert, #6. I don't think that would be an acceptable "hobby" anywhere, really. Not among normal people, anyway. It's too, well, squicky.

o.O

My only thought while reading this...

ewwwww...what the hell is she thinking? He's whacking in public!!

Say they settle down and get married. Is she going to be okay with him whacking off while they're taking their baby for a walk in the stroller?

This word, "weird." I do not think it means what you think it means.

My husband likes to go nude...in Jamaica, on the beach, not wandering around a neighborhood (though perhaps they're very rural?). I've gotten to know quite a lot of nudists, or naturalists, and one think they universaly do not do is masturbate openly. This guy has some other issues with his sexuality.

And LW, when a guy says he "can't get aroused with you" except by doing some other thing, what he's really saying is that he's NOT aroused by you. It's the other thing that's arousing. You need to ask yourself why this would be acceptable.

It's pretty difficult to masturbate while walking,

Not really

Jeez, what is it with so many women? The world is full of nice guys who would make great boyfriends/husbands yet can't find dates. At the same time so many women chase after wierdos like this or "bad boys" who knock them up and abandon them. What a world!

Once again, we have a winner in the How Low Can You Go game of dating standards!!

I live in a state that even getting seen through your window naked can land you on the sex offender registry. While I think that's taking it too far, this guy isn't a nudist, he's a predator. Involving an innocent bystander in your sexual life is predatory behavior, and it's probably only a matter of time before he ends up getting arrested. He can stroll around nude in the jail showers, though - he'll probably have lots of admirers.

I have to admit, though, I'm really curious about the logistics of this - they've been together for two years, how often are they having sex? I would imagine that Vermont would be too cold for naked walks a good six or seven months out of the year, right?

I think the LW needs some therapy, too, to figure out why she thinkgs that someone who likes to dangle his wangle all over the neighborhood isn't "overtly weird" (hint: they are).

Once again, we have a winner in the How Low Can You Go game of dating standards!!

Runner up: the guy from a column a few weeks ago who pees in bottles and leaves them around the apartment.

"My boyfriend's really nice, except that he's a pervert..."

Does anyone else find it weird that it's legal to walk about naked in public places in Vermont?

What compelling reason did the legislature have for legalizing that?

And why have legislatures elsewhere had to pass laws making it illegal to do this?

Doesn't it go without saying that when you're headed to the corner store for some smokes and lotto tickets, you should put some pants on? If only for the pockets....

Are you into what he does? No, obviously.

Are you willing to tolerate being known among friends, family and even total strangers as "That Nude (And Occasionally Masturbating) Man's Woman"? (Or later, have your kids known as Nude Man's kids?) No, I would guess.

So leave, because he is not going to be a different person, no matter how much you wish it. When it comes to a fetish like this, you cannot "therapy away the fetish" any more than you can "pray away the gay".

The dude is who is he, and what turns him on now will likely still turn him on in 10 years. Guys don't suddenly change over time about that sort of thing, unless they are actually just coming out of the closet about what they *really* liked all along. This fellow is, obviously, very, very much outside the closet in terms of what he likes already, so I would expect no sudden revelation that he is actually keenly interested in the vanilla sex life you would prefer.

So, find someone else. Good luck. And remember, just because he has this fetish, and it makes for incompatability, that is not your fault...OR HIS. You guys are simply not compatible in your preferences. Stay friendly, even if you don't stay friends. No need to go all nasty on him about it, and he should not be nasty towards you.

I grew up near Vermont and the very cold winters are what I remember most. In the mountains summer nights can get chilly as well. So my reaction whenever I hear about Vermont's nudity laws is "who wants to freeze their ass off?"

Now Hawaii or Arizona should have legal nudity. Wait, lots of snow birds in Arizona. Forget it.

Even before Westernization, most people covered their genitals in public.

There were exceptions, such as in pre-war Japan where rural farm families conducted their business nude, probably to conserve clothing. They also had nude town public baths, men and women and families together. But then, everyone knew each other anyway.

All through S. America and SE Asia, above the waist nudity was the norm, and total nudity not the big shock is has become. Public bathing, for example, was common pre-Westernization.

However, walking around with a boner is probably only good for carrying your girlfriend's purse. And, in this case, she is not along, to make use of that big boner.

I call that a waste of a love muscle, and thus a crime!

Now Hawaii or Arizona should have legal nudity. Wait, lots of snow birds in Arizona. Forget it.

I was gonna say, please don't wish that on us, there are a lot of people I *really* don't want to see naked.

As for this guy, when I started reading this I thought it was gonna be a "walk naked in the woods worshipping nature" deal. Ok, I can handle that, startle the occasional hiker but whatever. This is full frontal child eyerape. He should already be locked up.

"My boyfriend's really nice, except that he's a pervert..."

Hey now, lots of us perverts are nice, er, normal people who indulge in our perversions in ways that do not involve going out in the streets and frightening the horses.

Me, I enjoy being tied up and beaten. My boyfriend like being suspended from the ceiling with ropes. Ya know what we do? We do it inside with the curtains drawn. Just sayin' . . .

Anathema, I'd say that's kinky, not perverted. I know people who like to be hung from hooks through their back skin, but they don't do it in front of children and families.

To each his own... unless you're masturbating in front of my daughter (or me. Ew.)

"Sex researchers Masters, Johnson, and Kolodny"

SERIOUSLY???

"Masturbates while walking"? Strange visual.

That reminds me of the "Seinfeld" episode where Jerry wakes up to find a naked fat man sitting across from him reading the paper.

Naked man: "I'm not ashamed of my body."

Jerry: "That's your problem, you should be."

Seriously, tell Crocodile Dundee that he should consider others when he's on his next wank-about.

Wow. The weird-o-meter just went off the scale...

I'm going to take a wild leap in the dark here, and assume this guy is well-hung and proud of it. I'm no prude and I'm comfortable with my equipment, but no woman is allowed to see me unaroused until the second time in bed. Just to be sure. I can't imagine walking round outdoors like that. From a morality point of view - well, it's not on in our culture, but then go through some back issues of National Geographic and maybe it doesn't seem so important. Needing it in order to get it on with his gf - yep, that's a serious problem right there.

I'm guessing no one thought there was any need for a public nudity statute in Vermont. If I had to do it, I'd be masturbating too, just to stay warm :)

I do love the little twist that he doesn't choke the chicken when he has someone to come home to. Give him some points for being considerate.

It's pretty difficult to masturbate while walking,

Not really

Ah, but luj, have you ever done the deed on a long overnight drive? Make sure you have a long open stretch of highway, especially if you're driving - ahem - a stick shift.

And try to pick a straight section for the finale. Just saying.

Wow. The weird-o-meter just went off the scale...

Yes, it really puts that whole 'Thank You after sex' into perspective...

LW, the problem is that you are at best a sex toy to this guy. Don't leave him mad, just leave him.

Ah, but luj, have you ever done the deed on a long overnight drive?

Even better, rush hour 7am, on the highway interchange

Hmmm, potential for an inappropriate lane change and a *very* embarrassing exchange of insurance details vs running off the road at 60mph. I'll have to think about that.

Also, he can't get aroused with me unless he's been on one of his walks.

Actually, I'm a bit fascinated by this. Does he get aroused during the walk in anticipation? Or is it the memory of it that gets him going? How long is the window before she's out of luck and they have to start over? So many details we will never know...

Got to love the sliding definition of what "weird" and "nice" means.

Thinking back to things women have called me weird over.
1. Having facial hair.
2. Liking "They Might be Giants"
3. Not being in debt.
4. Not liking seafood.
5. Enjoying hiking and the outdoors, clothed. Apparently if I did it naked I'd be considered normal.

Arrggh! This is one of those guys who gets off on scaring women and girls when they see him erect and/or touching himself. It's not the women/girls he lusts after, it's their frightened reaction. I bet he wanks it while they run away, terrified. I've sat next to these types on the bus...I've heard horror stories of these types assaulting my loved ones...this guy is the lowest of the low!

This POS better not cross paths with me and my nice hot canister of pepper spray. Just sayin.

And LW, really???? I would bet dollars to donuts that you wrote Amy because people who care about you are wondering, vocally, WTF you're doing with this guy. You don't seem to have enough sense/self esteem to see what a nightmare this whole situation is.

Get out before you're 'that sex offender's poor wife.' Or is Vermont the kind of state that guys like this can hide out in because of the nudity laws? Kinda like the FLDS polygamists/child rapists in Utah hiding behind Freedom of Religion. Sickening.

"Sex researchers Masters, Johnson, and Kolodny" SERIOUSLY???

The problem is...?

Just that they are sex researchers and one's name is Masters (as in baters) and Johnson (as in fat dick) and Kolodny (idk sounds like some anal sex fetish)....sorry....I guess I'm weird, too!

This POS better not cross paths with me and my nice hot canister of pepper spray

Ouch - my eyes are watering just thinking about it. On the other hand, he might get off on that. You never know.

A friend of a friend got flashed on the train. She was an arts student and was carrying her 'tools of the trade' with her. So her response to him "freeing willy" was to take out a very large and sharp pair of scissors and ask him to bring it closer.

He got, ahem, the point.

I consider myself pretty good at picking up double-entendres but even I was stumped at that one, the only one I could see, upon making an effort, was "Johnson", the rest seem rather a stretch.

@ her response to him "freeing willy" was to take out a very large and sharp pair of scissors and ask him to bring it closer.

Yeah, if a man were "to take out a very large and sharp pair of scissors and ask her to bring it closer" upon a woman flashing her breast at him
he would be in prison now.

See a problem with it state of society?

Alls I know is that after this, I can't wait to see a letter about a boyfriend who is overtly weird.

I tell him that women find this upsetting, but he is really turned on by being seen naked by them

ie, he gets off on their scared/freaked out reactions. Really LW, you see no problem with that?

Yeah, if a man were "to take out a very large and sharp pair of scissors and ask her to bring it closer" upon a woman flashing her breast at him he would be in prison now.

Few problems with this idea.
1) breasts do not equal dick in the degree of sexuality. Or do you consider breastfeeding the same as a guy flashing his dick?
2) Intent. Male exhibitionists typically get off on the fear and alarm their display causes. It's extremely alarming for most women because they are now wondering if this guy is going to follow and attack them, if they can find a safe space to escape, and (especially if it happens in a quiet/secluded place)if they can manage a quick call to the police or to loved ones to let them know where she was just before she disappeared.

Does that sound even remotely like what a woman is after when she intentionally flashes her breasts in a sexual manner? Does that sound even remotely like the common reaction in men's heads?

I have such a hard time imagining how this guy hasn't already been arrested. I feel like any reasonable person seeing that behavior in public would call the police immediately. Also this girl needs to realize her level of denial...her question sounds more like an attempt at justification of something she is unhappy with and sees as unacceptable than an actual dilemma.

It's Vermont, folks. This is a state where a man can rape a 5-year-old girl and only get 60 days. http://bit.ly/ruldSo

This is a state that believes that pedophiles can be rehabilitated and released safely back into public, despite some disastrous results. http://abcn.ws/8L3I7

This letter doesn't surprise me one bit.

this guy sounds like ted bundy in the making

wow, is this lady 4 real? This guy is insane. I really learn a lot about the modern world when reading Alkon's column. Are there so many desperate women who will tolerate this kind of behavior? I think the cure is for all of us to raise our standards of behavior and disapprove of strange, sick behavior.

DrMaturin: Jeez, what is it with so many women? The world is full of nice guys who would make great boyfriends/husbands yet can't find dates. At the same time so many women chase after wierdos like this or "bad boys" who knock them up and abandon them. What a world!

Many women may very well be that way but are men really any different? Don't you think a lot of guys go after women who aren't very nice but are fun and attractive and sexy?

DrMaturin: Jeez, what is it with so many women? The world is full of nice guys who would make great boyfriends/husbands yet can't find dates. At the same time so many women chase after wierdos like this or "bad boys" who knock them up and abandon them. What a world!

Jim: Many women may very well be that way but are men really any different? Don't you think a lot of guys go after women who aren't very nice but are fun and attractive and sexy?

ure there are Jim, but guys arent so shallow as to lie about the attributes we care more about.

Guys dont insist that we want smart funny nice women regarless of their looks.

Naked Jackin'Joe and friend...I find them equally disturbed, do NOT want them disturbing me. In what alternative life style does this woman find any of this "normal?"
Trust that neither will be on my guest list for those dinners I no longer throw!

Why can't this guy be normal like everyone else, and get a raincoat? What's the fun in sticking it out, if they can see you coming?

lujlp: Guys dont insist that we want smart funny nice women regarless of their looks.

I agree with you about that. I think guys are much more honest than women about looks being important to them.

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