Fucking hilarious!

Maybe he can program the Roomba to give her a little farewell sumpthin'-sumpthin'.

You're the kind of guy who wants to dump a girl via text message, and you actually find a girl who "really likes" you enough to date you for two months.

Are you sure that you want to dump her? Because I predict that you are going to have a long, lonely stretch of life ahead of you, Champ.

Jeez, at least send her a video message

(If your girlfriend doesn't have unlimited text messaging, it could even cost her 20 cents to find out "its ovr.")

That cracked me up, especially "its ovr." Good one, Amy.

When you break up with someone, I think it should be done in person or at least over the phone. On the other hand, I suppose a case could be made for emailing or texting. If you do that, the person you're dumping will (or should) clearly see your lack of character and that may help them get over you faster.

Yeah, it's uncomfortable to break up with someone. But at least you're the one in control, the one who's making the choice. Being the one who's dumped is always worse.

Jeezus tap-dancing Christ! It's not supposed to be comfortable, you gutless wonder! It's supposed to be awkward and awful and guilt-inducing and a huge relief when it's over. And if you're lucky, maybe you even learn something, even if it's just how to do a better job next time.

"If you do that, the person you're dumping will (or should) clearly see your lack of character and that may help them get over you faster."
Yup.
A guy I'd been seeing called it off via email once. This was before all cell phones could text. Anyway, when he came back around later, indicating that he was now ready for a relationship, it made the decision to reject pretty easy for me. I did, however, have the courtesy turn him down over the phone versus the internet. I guess the other great thing about dumping someone in writing is that they can retain the proof of your assholiness indefinitely, and have written proof of your douchebaggery to show their friends.

I agree with Pricklypear. Dude: it's supposed to be uncomfortable. That's how you know you're not a sociopath. Although, I also agree with Jim: you should think a little more about how it feels to be the one getting dumped. Even though you're "not feeling it," strap on some balls and do it in person. I do give you credit for worrying about it instead of just doing it, but the longer you wait the more attached she may be getting. And it's only going to get harder for you, too.

Smartphones make life easier, but not everything in life should be.

This will be the title of my memoirs, likely written from prison after I bludgeon someone to death with a rotary phone because he complained one too many times that I didn't text him back while I was in history class. Just because I can be reachable any time doesn't mean I will be, people.

I guess the other great thing about dumping someone in writing is that they can retain the proof of your assholiness indefinitely,

ahw, I like "your assholiness. I bet that's how bishops refer to the Pope when he acts like a jerk.

The ONLY time one can break up by text is if you have never ever met the girl in person. You sir have been seeing her for a couple of months and it sounds like you have been having sex. IF you have been having sex in person you own her a face to face break up.

Man up and break up in person. You have been thinking about this for a while. You are in control and know what you want and you want out.

I hate to say this but the mere suggestion of a text breakup is so low, I can barely comprehend it. If you are in the same social crowd and you break up with her by text, e-mail or voice mail. You can count on her tearfully sharing it her friends. You will then get the prize for nastiest bottom feeder in your group.

Not too long ago, I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. I finally decided to get out, but I was terrified of the other person's reaction. I was afraid things would degenerate into the thousandth iteration of a pattern--a vicious, cursing rant from them with me pathetically sobbing for mercy. I didn't think I could prevent it, and had no wish to go through it again. So I sent a long and, I believed, respectful breakup email on my Blackberry, and never saw them again.

Never heard from them again either until months later, when I received several emails full of rage at my breakup method plus some pretty cruel insults, old and new. I blocked any further emails.

Today, I wish I had had the strength to break up face to face. That person was poison to me, but perhaps even they deserved the dignity of being told directly. Their reaction was up to them, and I could have just walked away. But then, if I'd been stronger, I would have walked away much earlier.

By at least offering them the dignity of an in-person breakup, I might also have preserved some of my own. Instead, I took the quickest and easiest escape, like a small rodent diving into a hole. I did feel like a coward. At least I no longer live life that way--although I still have a soft spot for rodents!

So yeah, as long as you're not risking physical harm, just grit your teeth and do the deed in person. To do otherwise undermines your own self-respect, adds insult to injury and gives the other party one more thing to throw in your face later. Trust me.

Times are changing! 1 in 7 people have been dumped by text or email:
http://www.reuters.com/article/2007/12/14/us-britain-text-idUSL1323642420071214

Maybe LW could tweet her instead?

I have a friend whose long-term girlfriend broke up with him by voicemail. Although we all think she did him a favor (she was trouble squared) the manner in which she dumped him left him a wreck. It was a cruel thing to do.

NumberSix:
"This will be the title of my memoirs, likely written from prison after I bludgeon someone to death with a rotary phone because he complained one too many times that I didn't text him back while I was in history class. Just because I can be reachable any time doesn't mean I will be, people."

That has to be one of your best ever... thanks for the laugh this morning!

Amy: On the nose, as per usual.

There are many things about being an adult that suck and are "uncomfortable." Paying bills. Job interviews. And breaking up with people. I agree with everyone else who has said that break-ups ARE uncomfortable. Breaking up via text is just not something grown people do.

Jim: ahw, I like "your assholiness. I bet that's how bishops refer to the Pope when he acts like a jerk.

When is Ratzinger NOT acting like a jerk?

I thought that's what Facebook was for. Ah well, I am of the punched card generation after all.

You people - including Amy - are all freakin' hilarious! Thanks for the laughs today!

And have y'all seen this one?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nb0s1AePP2g

Breaking up by text is a horrible idea, but for an entirely different reason than what most people are saying here. Most people are thinking of the other person (which don't get me wrong is a completely valid argument in and of itself). My argument is entirely selfish, as people like this often are.

When you put something down into text form, it is preserved forever. Every misspelling, every poorly-worded email, every drunken Facebook post, all of it is stored on a server somewhere. Deleted messages can be recovered, and have been used as ammunition in court. Even comments made years ago on random websites can be found now and then. In this day and age it's all preserved, and it's all too easily made public. A private, quiet heartfelt talk is not.

So, you break up with a text message. Now your ex-girlfriend has a play-by-play of your breakup to show to all of her girlfriends, and possibly post on one of the websites dedicated to this sort of thing. Then your text breakup will be mocked and ridiculed and you will have thousands of strangers say what an ass you are. Not only that, you also have the added stigma of not even having the guts to break up with her in person. And if you say she won't do that... People tend to do wretched things when they're cruelly wronged.

So, is the possibility of all that really worth skipping the five minutes of terrible awkwardness when breaking up in person?

Yeah That Somebody, there is a time and a place when doing something this pathetic is justified, and your situation is it. You may not see it as abuse, but the verbal beating you were getting from the ex was just as abusive as if he/she punched you. And that sort of behavior often escalates into physical violence. So don't feel the least bit undignified. You did exactly the right thing.

This little worm who just wants to save himself the pain is another story. Man up, dude, and make her day.

Thank you Laurie. Yeah, it was a matter of self-preservation. I don't really feel guilty. I do regret that a civil breakup was impossible for us.

This topic of ending relationships by Blackberry just set some echos in me.

All of this is reminding me of my first breakup, back when I was fifteen. It had begun in a fairly casual way, instigated by him. A couple of weeks later, he ended it, with the old "let's just be friends" crap.

My heartfelt response, after taking a moment to absorb that we had even been going together was: "Okay."

I guess that was the wrong thing to say. We parted on amicable (to me)terms, but after that he hated me and was calling me every name in the book.

Years later, when my friends and I were strolling down memory lane, we decided that he probably was counting on me being all "Oh what can I do to keep you?" and putting out. I'll never know what was really on his mind, but it gave us a good laugh. Ah, guys. I love 'em.

I've never really been dumped. It's not a pleasant feeling to have to sit there and watch another person weep(and for God's sakes, I'm the girl). However, imagining myself in the position of adoring someone who didn't want me back, I think I would be less mortified if he didn't insist on seeing me in person. Therefore, I could do my crying, angry yelling, etc., without the prying eyes of someone who really doesn't care about me.

Now I'm seeing the scene in Soapdish where Sally Field's character is dumped "On the machine, Rose! On the masheeeen!"

I disagree, I've never wanted the dumper to see me cry

Define "dating for a couple months." If you've been seeing each other exclusively and spending a lot of time together, then yes you owe her an in-person explanation. If you've just gone out casually 5 or 6 times over the course of 2 months, then I feel like a text is sufficient. It seems unnecessary to make the other person come out and meet you just to tell them that you aren't feeling it.

Rep. Weiner, you should probably consider stopping your cell-phone service for awhile. It's not doing you any good.