I married into a family who could not stop talking aobut my exhusband's 1st wife. ARGH. According to them she was perfect and me? I was a younger woman who would never live up to #1. I grew a callous about it until I had children and watched them give my stepson wonderful presents and my daughters the left overs that did not sell from their garage sale.

Think seriously about this relationship. Is it worth what you will go through? Are you sure he will always stand up to them? My ex talked big to me but rarely said anything to them. I finally had to start saying I was uncomfortable with the admiration society of my stepson's mother which went on with me there alone, with my husband, and with my stepson, and in front of my daughters. I won awards and the words were barely out of my husband's mouth with out a remembrance of something the ex had done. I was married to the man for 20 years and the ex who was with him for 3 years was the woman his mother considered his only wife. Nothing I did was ever enough. She did the same thing to my sister in law only in her case it was not an ex wife it was the former girlfriend. We found a photo album labeled The Boys and their Wives. Not one picture of us or our children.

Unless there is an apology, a sincere apology and soon, I would run, and run fast and long.

Only you can decide if this is a life you want to live. Unless your husband is willing to not have much contact with his family you are facing some pretty nasty times

Let's see: you've been dating this guy for a month, you're only 19, and his family already is sending out red flags.

"Run" is spelled R-U-N. And don't look back.

One month of dating and his family even knows your name? That's weird.

The family is getting involved in such a childish way? That's weird.

The guy you've recently begun dating, note that I didn't call him your boyfriend, has declared to his bizarre family that you are "in his life"? That's weird.

At your age, you'll be getting excited about guys quite quickly and you'll consider each person you date as a potential lifetime mate. Don't do that. You'll understand one day.

Just enjoy dating and don't think of each one as the man you might marry. If he's marriage material, that will become evident without anything being forced. Take it easy.

One month into a relationship, you should not be having these sorts of considerations involving family and future. It's weird and it's dangerous.

Be wise enough to understand how young you are. Good luck. I really wish you well. You seem like a very bright girl. You write very well and are clearly from a good family. Ask your parents about this. They'll know.

The Goddess writes: "In many families, there's some Voice of Maturity who steps in when a squabble gets out of hand. In your boyfriend's family, they apparently leave that to the parrot: 'Hello! Hello? CRAAAACKER!'"

Thus far, her boyfriend is acting like The Voice of Maturity. He handled it right, at least. Score one for the new boyfriend.

whistleDick, I don't know what you're used to, but there's nothing weird about his family knowing her name after an entire month of dating. Nor is there anything weird about her boyfriend stepping up and putting his family in their place. What would send up red flags is if he didn't.

Yes, the family's reaction was weird; I'll grant you that.

The rest of you were too quick to scream "RUN!" Should boyfriend ever fail to step up to Wicked Witch of the West and her Flying Monkey, I will add my voice to the clamoring chorus urging her to fly like the wind. But so far, he hasn't. So put a sock in it until he does.

Sorry, I think WhistleDick is dead on. The "bizarre" family is a deal-killer, and the fact that the "dating partner" even has to go through the trouble is a HUGE red flag. There are far too many other people to date without having to get into flame wars on Facebook only a month in.

It has been a month. For the love of Christ, calm down.

There are far too many other people to date without having to get into flame wars on Facebook only a month in.

Amen, Razor. Afreakinmen.

Is it possible that the mother and sister believe that LW had something to do with the breakup of his last relationship? Maybe there was another woman involved and they're assuming it was her?
Otherwise, these people are nuts and potentially dangerous. Seriously, "Watch your back?"

Their relationship is not about the boyfriend's family. Maybe I'm the odd one out, but why would an adult tolerate this from anyone? Sorry mom, but you made your choices, and I'll make mine.

You get what you tolerate. The guy needs to tell his family where to stop, which was before this nonsense started.

Thus far, her boyfriend is acting like The Voice of Maturity. He handled it right, at least. Score one for the new boyfriend.

I agree. It's possible to deal with a crazy family IF and ONLY IF your significant other is willing to go to bat for you and, when the time comes, choose you if his family forces him to choose.

My boyfriend's family is...well...intense. Not mean. But very intense. And they'll get mad at me for silly things (cultural differences I'm not aware of, mostly). But ALWAYS, my boyfriend is not afraid to step in, tell them they are being ridiculous, and defend me.

So I'd recommend that the LW watch her bf's behavior rather than his family's. If he's willing to stick up for her, I'd say they've got a chance.

Good old Facebook. So easy to get sucked in to a high drama situation with someone you don't know. (Not that that isn't fun, but maybe not a good idea when it's with your boyfriend's sister. Or his mother.)

This could have been handled by simply not responding. If they aren't interested in meeting you anyway, ignoring them could hardly damage the relationship.

But since it's too late for that, I have to agree with MarkD. This is the guy's family. I would have shown him the post from his sister, maybe asked him "Do you want to handle this, or shall I do it?" and give him a chance to show me what he's made of.

But whatever that turns out to be, I would never air my family problems on Facebook, or any other of these social networking sites. Never. Never. Never!

I'm too selfish to feed other people's voyeurism the way they feed mine.

I'd also suggest that LW make sure that her FB profile is private (you really have to stay on that, since FB tends to change default privacy setting on a regular basis), and that she block his sister and mother.

I've disliked many of the girls my brother dated (and the one he was married to very briefly)... but I don't bring it up, because it's really none of my business. I don't get to decide what's best for him. I will say, though, that a great way to ensure that your new BF's family will think you're a skank is to have a bunch of pictures of yourself drunk/partying/making out with your girlfriends/spinning on a pole/dancing on a bar/in a bikini with a joint in one hand and a beer in the other.

I had a boyfriend whose mother was openly hostile toward me when I was LW's age... it's pretty upsetting when you're young and naive and just want everyone to like you. I wouldn't put up with that now, but I'm old and don't have time for that sh*t anymore. Your relationship, though (if you can call it that- it's still pretty early), is with him, not them. So, if he handles it appropriately... carry on.

"...you're unlikely to change that by clamoring for a part in his family's trashy reality show, 'Don't You Be Goin' Near My Son!'"
HA! Loved that line!

Oh, yes! A flame war on Facebook with a relative of his. Deal-killer if there ever was one. Facebook is just so...so...so important, after all. It's the lifeblood of the nation! (And it's not as if Facebook has any features that allow you to block obnoxious people.) Getting into a whizzing contest on Facebook??? How could anyone ever expect to cope with such a disaster? Wars, recessions, natural disasters, terrorist attacks...all pale in comparison to a spat via Facebook.

I mean, don't even give the guy a chance to reign in his obnoxious relatives! Don't even allow him the opportunity to choose, to decide maybe he's better off without his looney-bird mother and half-witted half-sister, if he can't get them off your case.

Just send him to the curb with your boot-print on his ass through no fault of his own.

Guys, if any of you are seriously thinking of breaking up with someone because a couple of his relatives act like idiots -- especially via an internet application like Facebook, as opposed to doing it in person -- I submit you need to visit a biologist, pronto, because an invertebrate strain of humanity should qualify as a new species, and the textbooks need to be updated. (Although thankfully, your species will soon face extinction. Excessive timidity around difficult relatives would certainly prevent any breeding.

Gay Guy Card Time (You don't want to hear it, Crid? Then stop reading. Simple, right?): If gay people considered obnoxious relatives to be a deal-breaker, no gay person would ever be in a relationship. What do you think are the chances that we're going to meet someone, and each and every relative is just peachy-keen with same-sex relationships? Seriously, how often do you think that happens? I myself would never have had a single date. I've got relatives who are less than accepting, myself. I sure am glad the guys I've dated aren't as thin-skinned as some of you. If every guy I met applied your rather nancy standards, my entire sex life would consist of anonymous one-minute stands. Gee, thanks for wishing that on me.

If I met a guy's family and not a single relative so much as looked at me cross-eyed, my initial feeling would be suspicion, not gratitude. The statistical improbability of such a thing would make gratitude a very long time coming.

Yep. Just hold out for a guy whose relatives all toe the line of being gay-affirming. The minute his brother, for instance, suggests that his brother was never gay and that I somehow seduced him and turned him gay, or his fundamentalist preacher uncle pronouncing fire-and-brimstone, well, I gotta end the courtship right there. "Hey, sorry, dude. Your relatives just killed the deal. Good luck. Bye."

I think you're all missing the real opportunity for making a quick buck or two. This has real media potential.

Jerry Springer types and reality shows love it when bottom-of-the-barrel troglodytes tell a 19 year old girl to "watch her back" for dating their family member.

I say dive in to this cesspool of low-rent morons and start up some real trouble. Maybe the LW can get into a spitting and hair-pulling contest with the mother and sister at Thanksgiving dinner.

The LW just needs to carry a video camera and get herself an agent. I smell money!

I agree with whistleDick. While it's not his fault, the dude's family is weird and she may want to consider that fact: just because he handled them "well" this time is no guarantee he doesn't get similarly insane with more provocation; he is part of this group after all - and she's only 19. I know lots of us thought we had life figured out at that age, but LW will find in time that life is too short to deal with this crap, hopefully she can believe that, and she should just enjoy the dude while she can and not get involved with his family. She also might want to consider the term "people-pleasing."

Yep. Nothing like the fairness of guilt by association...because sometimes...well, thinking for yourself just hurts.

Of course, if you're so convinced the guy should be let go, it won't be long before he fails to step up to his family anyway. At least then, she'd have a reason to kick the guy to the curb that she can blame on him, instead of looking like a total wuss. "His mother and half-sister were mean to me on Facebook. I had to kill it right there."

Patrick, I totally agree with your snarky opinion that she needs to ignore what his family thinks and concentrate on how she and the guy mesh. We see eye to eye on that point.

But the part about facebook not being important? I read something recently that said young people, including young adults, log in to see what's posted an average of 22 times a day! They concluded that seeing a facebook post was the equivalent of an endorphin rush. This new generation is so invested in facebook that it far surpasses face to face conversations. Trying to get her to understand that a facebook comment is not important is about as useless as telling her that she need not breath oxygen.

Oh, and I also totally agree with Amy (and several others) that this young lady needs to stop thinking of this as "the one" and invest more time in figuring out what she wants out of life before she decides what the one really looks like.

"His mother and half-sister were mean to me on Facebook. I had to kill it right there."

So, by your logic—a guy can be a complete douche to a girl he's just met... but because it hasn't met some arbitrary time frame, she should continue to see him and give him another chance?

Uh, no.

Razor, I haven't the vaguest idea of what you're saying. Are you suggesting that the guy was a complete douche to her? He wasn't. His mother and half-sister were. And he, quite appropriately, stepped up and told them to back off.

If this is a hypothetical guy, no, I never said he could be a complete douche to some girl he has just met, and that she should give him another chance because his douchiness didn't occur in a particular time frame. And I don't see how you can infer that from anything I wrote.

Let me rephrase it this way: there are too many fish in the sea to worry about going through the process of removing the mercury from the one you happened to pull on board the boat. The fish may look good—but it may also make you really, really sick later on. It's better to simply throw it back and hope for better luck next time.

In other words—the "relationship" is too nascent to worry about repairing it—LW should end it now, chalk up the experience and go look for someone else. Why? It's highly unlikely things will get better—and if Mom and Sis can't be nice to someone they hardly even know or respect their son/brother's attempt to make something out of his love life (including the fact that it was on Facebook, for God's sake), then what makes you think that they're going to actually LISTEN to him? Or apologize? Or change their behavior? They've set a precedent at this point. It's probably not going to change.

It seems to me that a guy with a crazy mother and sister better be pretty wonderful to make up for it. I kind of agree with the "run" advice. That's a lot of crazy to put up with, even if he always supports her.

In many families, there's some Voice of Maturity who steps in when a squabble gets out of hand.

I'd bet that the BF comes from a female dominated household. Their behavior is indicative of that dynamic. When women dominate a family, it's very common for them to try to control the men and sabotage their relationships. One way that they'll do this is by bullying girlfriends and wives.

I think that the LW can give the boyfriend a chance to prove his mettle. He may be intent on getting away from these women. But if not, then I agree that she should MOA, because it will mean that he's damaged and they're going to make her life hell for as long as they're together.

And no, don't bother trying to appeal to them. You're dealing with white trash, or the trash version of whatever race they are. Any overture will be taken as a sign of weakness and only cause their behavior to escalate.

Well, if you guys are determined that she should run from him, all I can say is, I feel bad for the guy and I hope for your sake, none of you find yourself in his position. He didn't do anything wrong, so far, and did everything right.

But through no fault of his own, just the straightjacket clad looney-birds he's related to, you all think he should be kicked to the curb.

Some of you seem oddly convinced that this is going to happen, since he's related to them. But if you're certain, what's the harm in waiting for it to actually happen.

Perhaps you'd be a little more sympathetic if you ever found yourself being judged for someone else's actions, even when your response was appropriate.

And of course, the bitches of Eastwick will now have total control of his lovelife for the rest of his life. All they have to do is be their insufferable selves, and every girlfriend who comes along -- who isn't his former fiance -- will be sent packing.

So, apparently, his only recourse is to disown the whores of babbling-on-Facebook, never see them again, or else become a monk. Very sad...for him. I think he deserves better.

How about we at least wait and see if he can actually persuade mom and half-wit half-sis back off first? Is that so much to ask? Are two nasty messages on Facebook really the deal-breaker to end all deal-breakers that you seem to think it is?

Are two nasty messages on Facebook really the deal-breaker to end all deal-breakers that you seem to think it is?

Many people (not me, but many people) are of the mind that an essential part of a serious relationship is being "close" with the family -- or, at the very least, civil with the family.

For me, as long as my boyfriend didn't expect me to interact with hostile relatives (granted, we don't have kids), I'd be fine -- in fact I would LOVE an excuse not to have to drive up to effin' Dallas every few months for a bday or baptism.

My guess is that most people haven't dated someone who is totally worth it -- but who has crazy family members. Patrick, you mentioned how being gay basically guarantees that some relatives would give you the stinkeye. Some of my friends in interracial relationships deal with this too, as well as open hostility.

It's not the Facebook messages themselves that could be a deal-breaker, it's what they say about the people who posted them. Seriously, how childish is a mother who puts down her son's new girl using Facebook?? And that is the woman who raised him. You can learn so much about the relationship you will have with a potential partner by looking closely at their family.

Even if the guy does the right thing and continually sticks up for the girl to his folks, well, it's still going to be a combative relationship for everyone. It could work out beautifully between the guy and girl, but it's important not to assume things will get any better with the family in the future. They might, but many people don't change, and even if the ex-fiancee fades as a topic of contention, something else could take its place. Keep that rather big downside in mind--having to deal with his hostile, immature family--when deciding where you want to take this relationship.

I do see Patrick's point--if we all rejected significant others on the basis of unpleasant family members then the human race would probably have died out years ago. On the other hand, there's a difference between relatives who merely give you the stink eye versus relatives who are so actively hostile and willing to flout social conventions to send nasty facebook messages before you've even met. It's so much drama, so early on, with people whose lives are most likely a continuous white-trash dramafest. As "Yes, that Somebody" points out above me, even if you manage to win over the mother and sister it's likely that issues like this will arise in every aspect of your interactions with them.

I don't think I'd end a relationship with someone I really liked over this, but it would certainly give me pause. I'd also be really curious about the situation with the ex-fiancee, and wonder if there's more to that story than he's letting on. (Was that break-up more recent than 6 months ago? Did he cheat on her, and does his family think that you're the one he cheated with? Does she still wield influence with his mother and sister and is she perhaps initiating the facebook attacks? How do his friends and other people in his life feel about the situation--are they unfriendly too?) This seems like a high-volatility situation and LW would be smart to tread carefully.

Buzzard daughter....hahahahaha!

Love it!

I bet the half-sister was the aforementioned former fianceé.