You could lose 120 or more pounds all at once - dump the bitch.

You've lost 27 pounds and continue to lose one pound a week - that's very reasonable. But that's obviously not good enough for your wife who incessantly attacks you rather than supporting you. You don't need that crap in your life. That's not a loving relationship.

I think 1 pound a week makes sense. If he loses weight very quickly, he's probably more likely to gain it back.

Subtract the "bitch" and I think Snoopy has got this all wrapped up.

You're doing amazing well with the weight loss. I can't even imagine criticizing somebody for "only" losing 4 pounds a month.

I know marriage counseling is kind of a cop-out as advice, but I wonder if this is really about weight. Or maybe you can make a joint visit to your doctor and talk about your diet together. Maybe your doctor can put her straight on what is a reasonable, sustainable rate of weight loss.

I open a fresh 2-liter Mountain Dew each day. I weigh 175.
I also do hard physical work. High stress jobs do tend to throw our body chemistry out of whack-- her cooking (does she?) may not help.

I agree with a protein, veggie and fruit for treats diet. I also have two servings of grain four days out of the week. Those grains are oatmeal and quinoa. I lost 65 lbs in one year. Some people thought that was too fast. I do not think so.

I will tell you anger and resentment are the biggest enemies of your weight loss regime. You two need counseling. She needs to learn to support you and you need to learn to tell her when she needs to back off. It sounds like your goal weight is between 170 to 180 lbs. That means you have at least another 60 lbs to loose. So you have another year to go. You do not want to live like this for another year. GET COUNSELING or LEAVE.

Proteins and good fats will make you feel full faster and longer than sugar, white flour, rice and potatoes. Fill your plate 2/3 with veggies, (and use a smaller plate) then on the other portion put a protein. For dessert eat some fruit. Read up on the paleo diet, I can tell you it works.

A related diet (and IMO easier to follow) is the Slow Carb diet outlined in Tim Ferriss' Four Hour Body. I've been following it for the last year after failing to do low-carb previously. He has some great tips about how to handle the psychological aspects of dieting.

Oh and best to get that cheeseburger sans bun.

I've lost 33 pounds since the start of the year doing a combination of Weight Watchers (emphasis on Protein and veggies and cutting back on carbs) and supplementing that with a cycle of P90X. I'm down to the 190s for the first time since high school and I feel absolutely great. Well, except when I'm sore from working out. At my last physical a few weeks back my doctor discussed the possibility of reevaluating in May and based on results possibly taking me off of BP meds completely.

My weight loss has been roughly 2 pounds a week and that's pretty much at the upper limit of which Weight Watchers recommends without medical supervision - since losing too much weight too rapidly can mess with electrolyte levels and whatnot and have cardiac complication.

I agree with the other poster who said this sounds like it is about more than his weight. She sounds really belligerent and resentful. Does she blame LW for her own weight gain or is something else going on? Amy is right, when you are in a loving situation this type of talk is never helpful. You will not shame someone into losing weight. His goals sound reasonable and he has made progress. She should be celebrating that and not bringing him down. Counseling might help them get to the bottom of their issues.

Amy you are so right on in the food department. Eades is amazing. It's too bad I can't get the people I work with to understand. There are a few people at work who are trying to loose weight and all they eat are salads and low fat stuff. Or a sandwich that is all carbs, no protein. I sit and eat cheeseburgers and they drool. LOL. They actually kind of glaze over when I try to explain that what they are doing is not going to work. I guess time will tell. It amazes me that people cannot see this when it is so obvious to me.

My parents have asked me on several occasions how I lost a bit of weight I had gained from a move up to Alaska. (not sure what happened, I have been thin all my life and very hard to GAIN). Anyway, I tell them good protein, fats and low carb. Yet, they keep on eating low fat high carb. They think fruit and veggies. bread and no fat will keep them healthy. Neither of my parents are healthy and have health issues.

I agree it sounds like this is about more than the LW's weight. I wonder if his wife is this nasty and unreasonable about other issues. She needs to support him, not tear him down.

Add me to the list of people for whom low-carb was a Godsend. I whole-grain-and-beaned my way up to a size 20. 17 years of meat and eggs, and I'm a size 10. (No, it didn't take me 17 years. I'm just pointing out that the people who say "Oh, but you can't eat that way long term!" are full of crap.) I have literally been stopped in the hall at the doctor's office and had the nurses demand the secret of my HDL and triglyceride numbers. I suspect that "Three eggs a day and all the red meat I can scarf" was not exactly the answer they'd expected, but it is the truth.

I've been fortunate enough to hear Gary Taubes speak; the man is brilliant. Very much worth looking up his lectures on YouTube.

I'm going to weigh in on the side of the LW's wife, because I have been in this exact situation. My ex and I both let ourselves go. I had a bout with breast cancer, when I recovered I resolved to become more healthy all over. I started watching what we ate, working out, you know the routine.
I dropped 60 pounds, got toned and felt great. He continued to eat crap at work, and actually gained, went over 300lbs at 6'2". I felt that all of my hard work and care was not only being undermined by him, but totally devalued. If he didn't care if he was healthy, or attractive to me, why should I? Our sex life was non-existent, and to add insult to injury, he didn't even care.
All of that frustration translated into what I'm sure was complete bitch mode in his eyes, but it was a build up of feelings over a very long time. I didn't start out a harpy, but in the begining, he didn't start out a slug, either. His attitude of not caring about himself, or how his health and appearance affected me, caused the eventual breakdown of our intimacy, which sent the dominos of our relationship tumbling.
LW, you owe it to your wife to try harder. Talk to your doctor, join a gym, try weightwatchers, drink 8 16oz glasses of water a day, stop making excuses and start making progress. You are not only doing this for her, you are doing it for yourself.

> I have been in this exact situation

> [My ex] continued to eat crap at work, & actually
> gained, went over 300lbs at 6'2". I felt that all
> of my hard work and care was not only being
> undermined by him, but totally devalued. If he
> didn't care if he was healthy, or attractive to
> me, why should I?

Did you read the same letter I did? LW is indeed trying to lose weight, has in fact lost 27 pounds, and continues to lose one pound per week. LW does indeed care if he is healthy and is working on it.

Is it bitchy of me to want him to answer: "Yes, I love this cheesecake way more than you. It doesn't belittle me relentlessly"?

Maybe it is.

LW, don't listen to the people telling you to leave. You have kids. Leaving them because your wife is calling you a fatty in not in anyone's best interest. However you choose to lose the weight (obviously, whatever you're doing is working), I think all you can do is ignore her and keep going.

I read it. One pound a week, and kicking and screaming all the way. He doesn't say how many weeks he stayed the same or went up, anyone who has ever lost weight knows it can be a rollercoaster unless you are very, very committed. I am calling BS on his commitment if he calls his wife "self-centered and narcissistic" for trying to get him to see that losing weight is an important part of his health, both physically and in their marriage. You can safely lose 2-2 1/2, or even a little more at higher weights if you are losing water weight at first. I can lose a pound a week without even trying.
He mentions children. What kind of roll model is he for his kids if he doesn't take care of himself, and does he ever stop to consider how the health risks he is putting himself in affect them? My little brother had a heart attack at 37, he was 6'6" and *only* 280. He wouldn't listen, either. Thank the gods he got medical help and survived.
LW's tone comes across as "How dare she try to deny me my god given right to cheetos and Dr Pepper?!??! I can eat anything I want, dammit, she married me, I don't have to change now!"
Wrong. Marriage is not a single-state, constant, set in stone at the moment of consumation. If you are not willing to work together as a team, be each others best friend, be sexy for each other, supportive and kind and romantic til the end of your days, you might as well just go out and get a dog. You get your unconditional love that way, without the hissy fit when you call her a bitch.

I am a naturally slender woman. I'd been eating moderately low carb more for general health than weight reasons for the past three years. After reading about the book Wheat Belly here and elsewhere, I decided to give wheatless living a try. And holy cow, did it make a difference in my life.

I lost 20 lbs the first three weeks. I did not need to lose that weight and I could not believe the scale, but there it was. Other than some withdrawal the first three days I felt absolutely great. What's more, my lifelong mild anxiety and depression suddenly lifted in a way I hadn't known possible. I took Zoloft for a few years, and it helped me, but I stopped taking it for various reasons. For me, the effect of going off wheat is stronger than taking Zoloft. I began to sleep better at night and was bursting with new energy during the day. My incredibly frustrating adult acne, for which my doctor nearly prescribed Accutane, cleared within a couple weeks. I'm now convinced that wheat is the worst carb of all, at least for me.

The biggest downside of avoiding wheat for me is not the inconvenience, or missing certain foods, those are totally manageable and worth it. It's that I have trouble keeping my weight UP! After losing the 20 lbs, I kept losing, and while I felt great, I didn't want to be skeletal or have to buy a whole new wardrobe in XXS. With a total loss of 30 lbs my weight was about to slip below 100 (I'm 5'6") and I HAD to start eating more non-wheat carbs like potatoes and rice to keep from shrinking further. I've been back around 107 the past couple weeks. I admit I don't feel quite as great now that I'm eating more carbs, but my moods, energy and skin are still worlds improved from before I gave up wheat. And I still eat lots of fat.

Anyway, that rambled a bit, but I just wanted to offer my experience to suggest that everyone--even low carbers--may benefit immensely from eliminating all wheat from their diets. If you're like me, you'll hardly be able to STOP losing weight once you do!

Kat, I don't think I've ever seen a more clear example of someone viewing someone else's situation through the prism of their own. 265===>238 is not not not the "exact [same] situation" as over 300+ and rising. It's great that you can lose a pound a week without even trying, hopefully you've found happiness with someone as perfect as you.

My advice to LW is, ignore people who hold him in obvious contempt.

I don't think I've ever seen a more clear example of someone viewing someone else's situation through the prism of their own.
Pray tell, if I don't see things using my own experience and judgement, do I get a gold star? Is your fluffy-bunny-hug of acceptance going to show LW what he's doing wrong, and help him fix it? Did I say his wife was right for going ballsout shrew? Nope, but if you can't understand *why*, then you just haven't been there, and you probably haven't learned how to deal with that situation first hand, like I did.
Anyways, if his wife had written that her weight loss was due to a health issue, and that she was trying to get her mate to do the same, but all he did was whine and complain about what he was missing out on, rather than what health benefits he was gaining, how she loathed having his piggish rutting body on top of hers anymore, sweating and grunting for the whole 5 minutes he could keep it up, you'd be telling her to MOA.
Face it, he's not really trying, he wants you to pat him on his wittle head and tell him it's ok to have that ice cream, and that she's the "self-centered and narcissistic" bitch he says she is. He says:
When I contemplate going on a stricter diet, what comes to mind is feeling angry, tired, and hungry at my high-stress job.
Translation? I can't think of any way to de-stress or feel good other than eating. I don't know how to eat a full meal without eating in an unhealthy manner. I don't know What kinds of delicious food to eat that doesn't make me fat. And I'm too damned lazy to try and find out. His 238 is still at least 50lbs overweight and flabby. If he thinks his snails pace loss is fooling anyone, he's mistaken. He has been "losing" the same few pounds over and over again, with a net loss of 27 pounds.
For the record, I'm not perfect, we are all works in progress, but I did find a man that is as willing as I am to work on himself and our marriage.

Anyways, if his wife had written that her weight loss was due to a health issue, and that she was trying to get her mate to do the same, but all he did was whine and complain about what he was missing out on, rather than what health benefits he was gaining, how she loathed having his piggish rutting body on top of hers anymore, sweating and grunting for the whole 5 minutes he could keep it up, you'd be telling her to MOA.

If it weren't for the kids, I would probably tell her just that. She shouldn't stay with someone she detests; it would be more humane for her to free him to be with one of the thousands upon thousands of women who would be perfectly happy with with 6'2", 238, losing a pound per week and gainfully employed.

More Humane?!?! You talk about him like *he's* a rescue, not a lifemate. Why should she have to settle for a guy who doesn't take care of himself? Who lets his looks and health go to pot, is unwilling to admit that he's not really trying? Look at what he wrote, and tell me you *really* believe he's making an honest effort. Because he isn't, he's just losing water weight over and over again to shut her up. Nowhere does he say how long he's been doing this, or how often he's backslid, or why he views losing weight as a deprivation rather than an investment in his good health and happy marriage.
Sniping at her about her "self-centered and nacissistic" POV, when she obviously took the weight loss seriously, the health of her family seriously, and has probably tried to encourage and support him til she's tired and frustrated and sick of repeating herself. Stop telling this man what he wants to hear, and tell him what he needs to hear. Get up, go for a walk. Drink more water. Join a gym. Do it for your health most of all, and the looks and energy will take care of themselves.
Your lazy, 1 pound a week is not real progress, stop trying to justify it and start working on this for real. Shower, shave, look yourself in the mirror and say "Today I start getting healthy. Today, I am going to learn how to eat properly. Today, I am going to stop the vicious cycle of comfort eating. Today, I am going to be a new and better and happier me."
/cluebyfour

"His 238 is still at least 50lbs overweight and flabby. "

That depends a lot on his build. At 6'2" and 170 he'd be damn near anorexic unless he has an extremely slender build. I'm 6' even and I'm currently at 217; I'd like to get to 205, but I defy anyone to call me "flabby".

And I think it's a lot better to lose weight gradually if it means a diet that you can sustain over the long term. You probably know from your own experience that crash dieting and rapid weight loss isn't very effective. I wish the LW had written more about what he's doing: what kind of diet and how much physical activity he engages in.

6'2", 210 here. Should be ~200.

But there's more here than the LW says. High-stress job?

Weight changes are a symptom of something else, not a cause.

You're right, Amy. The fact that I said "probably" and "likely" does indicate how sure I was that I knew what I was talking. I'm sure I sounded so pompous and idiotic. You're right; I'm not an expert on weight loss. I'm sure everyone else who replies on this forum is a serious expert. What do I know? I'm clearly clueless. Thanks for pointing it out to everyone so gently. I'm sure you'll correct everyone else, too when they get it wrong.

I know that a few times when I did lose weight quickly, I gained it all back immediately. I probably should have just said that.

I guess I'm just used to comments from everyone being a little more casual and based on their own experiences. If I'd known I was supposed to be an expert, then I never would have posted.

Sorry if I sound bitter. I'm sure I'm taking this too personally, but somehow I feel like the only person getting slapped in the face for a comment that was supposed to be friendly.

"Your lazy, 1 pound a week is not real progress,"

Yes it is.

It may not be fast-as-he-can progress. It may not be by-god-I-will-do-everything-in-my-power progress. It may not even be particularly speedy progress. But if he is losing 1 pound a week and keeping it off then, by god, he is making real progress.

I only hope that Kat isn't volunteering at a suicide prevention hotline.

More Humane?!?! You talk about him like *he's* a rescue, not a lifemate. Why should she have to settle for a guy who doesn't take care of himself?

I think my position is the opposite of viewing him as a rescue or charity case. She's the one trying to rescue him, not me. And I agree with you - she *shouldn't* have to settle for for a guy she's physically repulsed by and has no respect for (again, putting the kids aside for the sake of the discussion). We both agree that we would advise her to MOA if she wrote in as you suggested, but if sniping provides you the same type of joy that ice cream does to the fatties, then snipe away.

Who lets his looks and health go to pot, is unwilling to admit that he's not really trying? Look at what he wrote, and tell me you *really* believe he's making an honest effort. Because he isn't, he's just losing water weight over and over again to shut her up.

Well, that's the incentive structure she set up, isn't it? If the message really is "you love food more than you love me, then "I'll do what it takes to shut her up" is a perfectly natural response. If she cares about his health more than he does, than maybe *she* should be the one to get off her duff, study Amy's links and provide him with the information on how to eat healthfully and provide the right kinds of foods in the house. Even Amy seems to think he's making an honest effort, just a misguided and misinformed one.

FWIW, I don't view this as "he's perfect, she's a bitch". The problems run both ways - she can't *make* him lose weight, and he can't *make* her not care about the weight or stop nagging. If each really thinks the other is narcissistic and self-centered, the marriage would be in trouble whether he checked in at 238 or 218 or 158.

Doug, nah, people looking to take the chickenshit way out can't handle the truth any better than you can.
If I haven't been clear, I appologize, but what I have been saying all along is:
Whatever this guy is doing now is wrong, it makes him feel deprived and his forward progress is crap. It is a source of stress and frustration to his wife because he refuses to change it up or try something else. He needs to talk to a nutritionist and maybe join a gym with personal trainers to get back on track, because the path he is on is going to continue to frustrate, and demotivate him. He doesn't have to deprive himself, I ate like a horse and still lost weight because I ate the proper foods, I learned to understand proper nutrition. Instead of throwing him a pity party, pay attention to what Amy is saying, read the links she is giving you, educate and motivate yourself.
Geebus jumping on a pogo stick, how many ways do I have to say this?

If she cares about his health more than he does, than maybe *she* should be the one to get off her duff, study Amy's links and provide him with the information on how to eat healthfully and provide the right kinds of foods in the house. Even Amy seems to think he's making an honest effort, just a misguided and misinformed one.
Here's the problem. Who says she hasn't done this? She obviously found a way to lose weight, she must have done some research. He doesn't say whether she tried to help him, just that she got frustrated when he dragged it out. You can't lose weight for another person, and when you try to help someone lose, only to see them undermine by backsliding, binging, listen to the self pity excuses when you've already been there, done that and know how hard it is, yet you made it thru, it's no wonder this guys wife is at the end of her frelling rope. It's his body, she can help him, but it's his responsibility. She could do all of the grocery shopping, and all it would take is one phone call to Dominoes to blow that days calories to hell, and he's got to chose not to do that for himself.

A low-carb diet might very well be the best way to lose weight, but it's not going to work if someone can't stick with it. Low-carb eating would be a miserable diet for me because I don't like meat very much, so it would limit dramatically the things I could eat and enjoy. I still managed to lose 15 pounds and keep it off by eliminating most processed food and cane sugar from my diet. I get a lot of carbs that come from plain yogurt, cottage cheese and vegetables.

LW, the issue of weight loss seems to have gotten bizarrely heated here, but if you're feeling hungry all the time, you probably ARE doing something wrong. Putting your issues with your wife aside for the moment, weight loss doesn't have to be hell. You might have to try a few different diets (low-carb being one option), but the best one for you will be one that works, doesn't leave you starving and cranky, and is one you can stick to for the rest of your life.

As for his wife, while she isn't the one writing in, I have to think that berating and guilting someone into losing weight is the best way to get them to stall out of spite.

She didn't write me, and many people are in the habit of believing the government and the AMA -- both of which have put out dietary "science" for decades -- on how to eat. Look at the people here putting forth what they believe to be solid dietary information -- which is anything but.

No argument with that, or with your original answer. If he's here and willing to listen, he does need to educate himself and do the work. My statement was in the context of my discussion with Kat, who asked me what I would say to her if she had written in.

It seems to me that they're both in the same boat. He's on some unspecified deprivation diet and is unhappy with the results. She's nagging and guilting him, and is unhappy with the results. Kat interprets this as him being a whining fat piece of crap not making a real effort, and her as the sainted martyr wife. The earlier commenters interpet it as him doing just fine, and her as a shrew bitch who should be dumped. I think LW and his wife could both do a bit better.

the issue of weight loss seems to have gotten bizarrely heated here

LOL It would be bizarre if a weight loss discussion *didn't* get heated!

I don't know the man's body composition, but I can't think that 238 lbs. at 6' 2" is anything to stand up and scream about.

He probably looks like "You could stand to lose a few pounds" as opposed to, "Oh, how nice of you to roll in!"

For my own part, I find portion control works fine for me. I don't feel deprived. I applaud Taubes and Dr. Eades for their championing what has been so obviously successful, but the simple fact of the matter is, I can't do it. Nothing tastes good.

"What??? You wouldn't eat a bacon cheeseburger? That doesn't sound good?"

Sure does!

"But no bun..."

Okay.

"No cheese..."

Uh...

"No ketchup..."

Tell you what. Go tenderize a hockey puck. I may as well eat that.

No one ever understands this, but my own...I don't want to call it an objection, so let's say it's a "reservation"...about the low-carb eating is that I feel it's out of balance.

A diet that allows you to lose weight, without doing a lick of exercise, is out of balance.

Now, whenever I try to present this argument, the argument comes, "Oh, but I exercise! Dr. Eades recommends exercise!"

And that isn't what I said. I didn't accuse anyone of getting NO exercise or recommending NO exercise.

I'm saying that a diet that can cause you to lose weight, EVEN IF YOU DO NO EXERCISE, is out of balance.

Put another way, if you're following a healthy eating plan, but refuse to get off the couch, you should NOT still be dropping pounds. On the contrary, you should be GAINING pounds. That's nature's way of telling you to get your lazy ass off the couch and MOVE!

Again, it's not how much exercise YOU do or how much THIS EXPERT recommends. It's about the balance of a diet that permits weight loss EVEN IF YOU DON'T EXERCISE. Hell, starvation can make you lose weight without exercise. That doesn't make it healthy or smart.

For my own part, I find portion control works fine for me. I don't feel deprived. I applaud Taubes and Dr. Eades for their championing what has been so obviously successful, but the simple fact of the matter is, I can't do it.

Agreed on the portion control. I don't feel deprived at all. I just eat less food than I used to, which, it turns out, is still enough food to not feel hungry.

And the problem with saying, "This is the best way to lose weight" for any diet is that it doesn't take into account psychological factors. For people who don't like a lot of low-carb foods or for whom eating low-carb would be socially difficult, it's going to feel like an awful diet, even if, nutritionally, it's a rock star. Someone who's a vegan for ethical reasons isn't going to start eating bacon every day just because it might be healthier.

People need to find diets that are realistic for them. Sometimes a good enough diet is better than the best diet.

Cousin Dave: I'm 6' even and I'm currently at 217; I'd like to get to 205, but I defy anyone to call me "flabby".

Now, I wanna see a pic!

"I'm saying that a diet that can cause you to lose weight, EVEN IF YOU DO NO EXERCISE, is out of balance."

Not really.

To maintain my weight at my current level of (not much) activity I need to eat 1800 calories. If I'm eating whatever the hell I want I can pretty easily consume 2000 calories. However if I'm doing lowish carb (under 150g) then I naturally stop for the day at about 1500.

So there you are, weight loss without any uptick in exercise.

Elle: Not really.

Yes, really.

No one is going to change my mind about this...now, or ever...if you are eating a balanced diet, but with all the activity of a garden slug, you are supposed to be gaining weight.

Well, not if the calorie intake is so low that they burn everything off.

So, a person can still get 100% of the U.S. R.D.A. of all nutrients, and still consume enough calories so that even maintaining no activity at all, they still lose weight?

That prospect is, to say the least, doubtful.

"Doug, nah, people looking to take the chickenshit way out can't handle the truth any better than you can."

Nah, Kat, the truth is I think you sound like a damned harpie and if somehow you came into my life giving me advice I'd be running for my shotgun to stop the awful sound of your truthful compassion. But don't worry, as I pulled the trigger and blew you out of the sky it would be strictly in the interests of bringing you to reality and helping you live a better life.

Nah, Kat, the truth is I think you sound like a damned harpie and if somehow you came into my life giving me advice I'd be running for my shotgun to stop the awful sound of your truthful compassion. But don't worry, as I pulled the trigger and blew you out of the sky it would be strictly in the interests of bringing you to reality and helping you live a better life.
Wow. Just...wow. I don't even have the words to reply to this. Except to say that I'm really glad you are just pixels on a screen and not anyways near me, because if this is how you react to people who disagree with you, you need professional help.
If I'm a harpy, so be it, I don't believe in coddling a grown man who should know better. At least I don't threaten the life of someone I don't even know for words on a screen.

Don't worry, if I need professional help I'll send word to you. Your advice is golden and for the ages.

"But don't worry, as I pulled the trigger and blew you out of the sky it would be strictly in the interests of bringing you to reality and helping you live a better life."

You know, I was just about to ask how Kat got into the SKY in this scenario, and then I realized she's supposed to be a LITERAL harpy. Now I get it. Whew. For a second there, Douglas, you sounded a little crazy!

One tiny data point for slow weight loss: I'm in my fifties, six feet tall and peaked out at 210 pounds when I went on Atkins in 2007. (Atkins seemed weird, but worked: long a man who lived to eat, Atkins reduced my appetite and I became a man who eats to live, making me less attached to food.) I'm moderately active as measured by my pedometer (daily 12,000 steps). The weight, for me, came off slowly: I took almost 18 months to drop 39 pounds, and I've stayed there with the same walking, more calisthenics, and weight training. It helped that I did it with my supportive long-time live-in girlfriend, the one with Amy's proportions.
I travel a lot for work, and look for sashimi, but often eat at diners. They're still not used to customers who tell them to hold the home fries, toast, bread rolls, french fries, potatoes, and rice, all the things they use to bulk up the plate. Be sure to skip the salad dressings that sneak in sweeteners, the meat loaf and tuna bulked up with bread crumbs.

A year after a fat person goes on a diet and has lost 50 pounds, it's best to tell them that they're still not skinny enough and you simply disapprove of their approach.

Two years after a fat person goes on a diet and has lost 100 pounds, it's best to tell them that they did it the easy way and therefore their achievement has no meaning.

Three years after a fat person set out to lose 100 pounds and has now been healthy and fit for over a year, it's a good strategy to constantly remind them that they never measured up to your standards and they'll probably relapse because they're just a loser anyway. You might want to pull out old photos of them to pass around so others can join in as you mock their obesity.

This completely logical progression in no way reveals you to be a bitter, hateful harpy determined to spitefully attack those who do not meet your exquisite standards of fitness and behavior.

On the contrary. It proves both your superiority and their innate lardass loserliness.

A year after a fat person goes on a diet and has lost 50 pounds, it's best to tell them that they're still not skinny enough and you simply disapprove of their approach.

Two years after a fat person goes on a diet and has lost 100 pounds, it's best to tell them that they did it the easy way and therefore their achievement has no meaning.

Three years after a fat person set out to lose 100 pounds and has now been healthy and fit for over a year, it's a good strategy to constantly remind them that they never measured up to your standards and they'll probably relapse because they're just a loser anyway. You might want to pull out old photos of them to pass around so others can join in as you mock their obesity.

This completely logical progression in no way reveals you to be a bitter, hateful harpy determined to spitefully attack those who do not meet your exquisite standards of fitness and behavior.

On the contrary. It proves both your superiority and their innate lardass loserliness.

Kristina L: it WAS a rude response. Most of us knew what you meant.

"Anyway, that rambled a bit, but I just wanted to offer my experience to suggest that everyone--even low carbers--may benefit immensely from eliminating all wheat from their diets. If you're like me, you'll hardly be able to STOP losing weight once you do!"

This sounds to me like a gluten intolerance, which is pretty common and often goes undiagnosed. Someone with your symptoms would absolutely benefit from eliminating wheat from their diet (in turn with other common allergens like soy, corn, dairy, etc) just to see what happens, but someone who doesn't have such an intolerance to wheat isn't going to see such dramatic effects from giving it up (ie not everyone who eats wheat has acne in the first place, for instance). I've heard of people having similar responses to yours by giving up dairy, which is another big intolerance food, but that doesn't mean the rest of us have to give up dairy too. All the more reason to keep an open mind and listen to your body rather than jumping on any kind of diet bandwagon!

My wife said that I obviously love food more than her - if a guy said that to his wife(or even if he didn't, but the woman claimed that he did), he would be charged with domestic violence.

What your wife is doing to you is domestic violence, plain and simple.

What your wife is doing to you is domestic violence, plain and simple.

Oh god, here we go. I thought the discussion was quite reasonable till now.

On the LW's weight - I had to pull up the calculator and do a bit of pounds to kilos conversion to make sense of it. Turns out I'm 6' and maybe a bit under 195lbs. And I don't feel fat. I won't be modelling swimsuit collections anytime soon, but I've held that weight for 15 years and no one comes after me with a harpoon so I guess that's where my body is most comfortable. With a lot of pushing, years ago, I got it down to 165lbs, but that was starvation territory.

He doesn't sound huge to me.

Ok I wasnt going to weigh in (no pun intended) but- skinny isnt necessarily healthy. I have a girlfriend who is 5'7" and 120 lbs and has no cardio endurance and no physical strength- it took her 30 mins to run 1.5 miles. On the other hand- I'm 5"5 150 lbs and can run 3 miles in 40 minutes and lift weights every other day. I might be "fatter " the she is- but physically I'm actually in much better shape.

I recently started watching my diet and exercising three times a week. At 50, my main goal is for cardio-vascular health. If I lose ten pounds, great (I'm already at a fairly normal weight.) That said, and conceding this is purely anecdotal, when I visit various forums discussing diet and exercise, the most consistent story in weight loss failure is people not eating enough!

Also, don't discount genetic metabolism. The males in my family have a very hard changing our weight one way or the other, then it will suddenly happen. I gained 15 pounds in less than nine months when I was 25 and stayed at 150 for almost twenty years. In my late forties, my weight went up again, just like my paternal grandmother. I'm now losing some of that, but if I continue to be like her, I'll end up skinny as hell again in my 70s and 80s and live into my 90s.

Thanks for bringing that up, his princess. My sister was essentially vegan for 10 years. She weighed about 90 pounds at 5'2". In 2005, my dad and I went to help her move from Portland to San Francisco, and we did 95% of the work because she could barely lift anything.

"Does being overweight mean you don't love your significant other?"

You can be totally committed to her and lose because you cannot bring the heat. You have to do TWO things: be reliable, and be her fantasy on a regular basis.

Maybe she will be quiet, waiting for you to get the hint: chub is not hot. When you don't take it, she'll quietly ask around, getting agreement from friends on her side.

Then she'll leave. At that point, all you will be able to do is wave - if you can even rise from the floor in your misery. Tell yourself, the therapist or a shotgun barrel how pure of heart you've been if you want, she won't be back.

Your wife is attacking you to assuage her guilt over cheating on you and very likely planning to divorce you. Talk to a lawyer about protecting your assets.