I agree with Amy for the most part—but keep in mind you don't have to telegraph the exact details of your situation when a "hey, let's take it slow" will work nicely. And keep in mind that despite what many people (politicians) will say—sex DOES come in all sorts of flavors and activities. The right guy for you will appreciate anything that feels good, and a mind-blowing handjob combined with some hot heavy petting and dirty talk can make for just as hot a time as anything else on the menu.

In other words—walk before you try to run. Sex is equal parts confidence, technique and attitude.

Sounds like good advice, Amy. I think she's "virgin" on gettin' laid.

"I'm almost 30 and still a virgin, but ... I have strong sexual urges,"

Compared to whom? Because the relatively stong-libido types I know could never, ever have achieved 30 years of age without sex unless you had locked them up before puberty.

I say that because the disparity between what you say and what I would expect in terms of behavior seems stark. I think you may want to reexamine what you think is a strong sex drive. For example, if you are thinking about sex about every 2 minutes, staring intently at every moderately attractive man walking past you, and fantasizing constantly, congrats: you have the sex drive of a below-average man. =
)

Putting that aside, I think Ms. Alkon is right. Don't treat your status as either impediment or Holy Grail, and most guys will not see it as such.

Like everyone else, I think LW is seeing problems that aren't really there. There's a difference between someone's past behavior being outside what we think of as average (and I'm not about to assess whether LW's is), and what might be considered a problem. And while I guess LW's self-conciousness is understandable, I really doubt her virginity would bother a decent boyfriend. If he likes her company outside of the bedroom, I don't think he'd be too concerned about her lack of experience in it.

I feel like people think it is weird when you're in your early to mid-20s, but admirable when you're in your late twenties.

I had a friend who didn't start dating until he was almost thirty; he married the third girl he went out with and they've been happy together for over a decade.

On the down side, he's become unbearably smug about it. Maybe not going through the same cycles of love and loss as his peers has something to do with it. Maybe empathy is a learned skill.

But he is happily married, so he's got that going for him.

Which is nice.

Love the Caddyshack reference!

(I'm not into casual sex.)

How do you know?

She should have her hymen cut by a doctor. The first sex can be painful and traumatic for both her and her partner. She should not put her partner through this unless he is a hyper-sexed drunk teen-aged boy.

Well Ltw I know because I tried to have casual sex as an experiment...only I ended up feeling very meh about the whole experience and didn't go through with it. Spartee, I do have strong urges but they only manifest when I am in love with the guy and that hasn't happened that often. And besides there is such a thing as self control and there is also such a thing as self release. I wasn't celibate by choice....it was more like there was no viable alternative. If the only guys available out there are frogs then I guess I will have to make do by myself huh ?

Oops...just returned to the blog after a while and didn't realize this was an old post !