> How do I get past feeling totally dumped?

Beer and strippers have worked well for many men.

This all blurs together as garden-variety crazy...until you get to that one line about the LW "correcting" his stepkids so severely that their father was awarded a restraining order. Now it's possible the whole that was made up and the ex is crazypants too, but I didn't think judges handed out restraining orders lightly, especially in a court system that favors the mother. Maybe LW thinks to think less about his dating life and more about anger management and appropriate childrearing behaviors. In the meantime here's to hoping that the ex gets full custody as he seems to be the only sane adult in this situation.

Shannon: didn't think judges handed out restraining orders lightly, especially in a court system that favors the mother.

And you'd be mistaken, because that's exactly what judges do. A restraining order is given out based entirely upon the "victim's" fear. No evidence is needed. The person being served a restraining order can say anything, whatever horrible things about the person seeking to gain a restraining order they can think of, and it doesn't matter. The person seeking a restraining order need only convince a judge of their fear, and the order is granted.

> Beer and strippers have worked well for many men.

Loads of hot, nasty, hairgrapping, ass-slapping, steamy, dripping sex did wonders for me.

Anyways, I love Amy's blog even though I sometimes do disagree, one thing I've truly taken with me is this advice that seems to pop up every now and then; observe! People show you what they're made of all the time. Observe how they behave amongst others, do they treat the waiter politely when nobody's watching...and, of course, how do they raise their childen. This woman must have shown you what she was all about from the beginning, but you didn't pay attention.

How do you get past the feeling of feeling totally dumped? You don't. You DID get dumped. Feel it, deal with it. But more importantly, how do you make sure you never do something so blatantly stupid again?

The letterwriter seems upset.

He should be celebrating; he is out of the tornado, still alive.

How do you get past the feeling of feeling totally dumped? It's easy. Tell your kids you love them, and you almost made a terrible mistake.

How do I get past feeling totally dumped?
What were you thinking?!? Oh, wait, let me guess, the 'little brain' had all the blood and was making all of the decisions for you.

First of all, you owe your kids a great, big, sincere appology for what you made them live through. Do you realize what having a StepMonster and her brood move in and disrupt your life is like to a kid who has already gone through the pain of their parents divorce?

Second, you need to sit yourself down and tell yourself what you have learned from this. You are not a 'single man', you are a 'single parent'. Package deal, Dad+kids. Every single decision you make from now until they move out must take that into consideration. If someone you want to date does not treat your kids with respect, then you should not subject your kids to what will eventually become at the very least an emotionally abusive situation.

Third, you need to work on being a better judge of character. This woman USED you, boyo, and you didn't see it coming. You still don't see it. Time to take off the rose colored glasses and actually pay attention, and not go all "She likes me! She really likes me!"

Dude, you have no idea how lucky you are!

With a few minor changes, she could be an old girl-friend of my husband's, who played the same games on him way back when. (Except my husband has no children, thank gawd.)

In both cases, it's the guy who was being used who finally found his cojones and ended the crappy relationship.

She moved on fast because that's who she is. You say she's happy, I bet the old boyfriend is now wondering what's happened to his life.

Don't be surprised if she comes sniffing around you again. But for the sake of your kids, don't let her in.

This letter is the exact reason why I think civil marriages should be binding contracts with a five-year minimum timespan. You may move in with someone you don't know, but you'll know everything you wanted to and didn't want to by the end. And who knows, maybe love will bloom, just like it does in Hollywood!

#dumbass

LW tells us, "I got sick of this and ended it" right after he's been told by whack-job GF that she is dating an old flame as a backup plan.

Good for you LW. It took some doing, but you found your balls. You may feel like you've been dumped, but from what you write above, sounds like you did the dumping.

Now listen to the good advice you are getting from Ms Alkon (and the gallery) and you'll be fine.

PricklyPear makes an excellent point that this guy really needs to hear: She will probably be back. The crazy ones always seem to show up again. LW needs to make sure he's taken Amy's and all the other advice from the peanut gallery to heart and really learned from it, and backs her off with a hot poker.

The woman's a psychotic and she'll "Hoover" him back in after the other romances flounder.

"How do I get past feeling totally dumped?"

Let it sink in that the ex bf wasn't plan B, you were. Engaged to you + still dating someone else. who she knew longer than you. Nope you were plan B. It will hurt but you will be much better. Make sure you change the locks or you will find her and the kids moved back when she has a fight with old-bf.
SHe will either go the I change my mind route or the sympathy route, he beat me and kicked us out and will sleep in the snow, if you don't....

@Shannon: " the LW "correcting" his stepkids so severely that their father was awarded a restraining order."

A few things don't add up about the restrining order. It's against her, not the LW. If it was about him disiplining the kids it would have been against the LW not her. My guess she did something extra stupid, to her ex now that she was living with new guy, and had a backup plan, ex bf. She probably told the LW it was about him. If it had been about him 'correcting' the kids, he would have gotten a visit from CPS, or an attourney working for Dad trying to get custody, not a restraining order against her.

Re: The restraining order - it was against her, but not to prevent her from seeing the kids, but to prevent her from having the kids around him. So (assuming that that is correct), it was about him, not her. This makes sense, since the court is going to see her as the master of where the kids go. I imagine that the judge in question wasn't too impressed by the mom shacking up with a guy she'd only been dating for a few months, but the ex probably would have had to have alleged something happened (overly harsh physical discipline, threats thereof) to get an actual order. (I'm a family law attorney.) So, yeah, that gave me pause, too. But who knows? Neither one of these folks has exactly shown good judgment here.

Some woman in New Mexico got a judge to issue a restaining order to stop David Letterman from harrassing her every weeknight at 10PM on public television.

Restraining orders are easy to get

In ID they have this thing called No-Contact Orders (might also be called Protection Orders, not sure). They're super easy to get. A male friend, who is in custody-battle, received one from his ex. The police delivered the thick document one night, and the ex texted a few moments later. He texted back confirmation that he received the order and she and her atty had him arrested for violating the order (the rules about no texts, etc. were tucked back in the document, which he hadn't gotten to yet, and the police just told him he couldn't get within a certain distance of her work, home, etc). He received a domestic violence conviction for that. No lie.

Here's the real problem -- forget about restraining orders -- be a parent first. It's not time for you to bring new people into your children's lives. Man the fuck up and be a parent. Your dick can wait. Meanwhile, just pull one off in the shower and, suddenly, it'll be the last thing on your mind and you can concentrate on being a parent to your children.

As far as women are concerned, you can still fuck them, just don't start introducing them to your children. Keep them the heck away. Your children have a mother already. They don't need some bitch and her clearly contentious family problems trying to fill in. Also, HER children don't need some douche-bag like you hanging around. Protect your family from this sort of immature bullshit while not horning in on someone else's family. Yeah ... you're that guy. Fucking douche-bag.

On protection/restraining orders, while sitting in a classroom one someone asked the cops instructing about them; he said that unless he gets more information than "There's a protection order against him/her", he considers them toilet paper. He put it that "I could get a protection order against any of you tomorrow; it would be garbage, but you'd have to get a lawyer and fight it, or it can become permanent." So while there are those given out for solid reason, there are a lot that are given because, as noted above the 'victim' told the judge she was scared/had been threatened/whatever.

On this particular case, kids involved and moving in together? After six months? Were you insane?

@whistleDick- Nice. Glad to know that parents are never ever supposed to have relationships at all after divorce.

I agree that moving in after six months was premature, but I met my boyfriend's kids after we'd been dating a few months and we're going on five years now. We live together, and they spend visitation weekends with us, as well as summer vacation. I'm the "not-step-mom" and their mom and I buy Mother's Day cards for each other.

The issues isn't that this guy introduced his girlfriend to his kids, the issue is that they moved too fast and the kids probably have whiplash.

I got sick of this and ended it.
Get over it. You didn't get dumped, you dumped her!