Smashing writing.

Smashing writing.

Second that! And good advice as well. Problem is, some women (not saying the LW, but others) start out with the best of intentions, but if that desperation vibe is going on, all is lost (well, the bra and panties, anyway!).

Just sayin'!

say something like "Hey, I'd rather take things a little slower."

I agree with Amy. You don't need some special line. The only thing I'd add is that if you just say that, the guy may think it's your polite way of saying "it's never gonna happen", so, assuming you like him and are attracted to him, you might consider letting him know that's how you feel.

If the guy likes you and is attracted to you, and is interested in more than just a one-night stand, telling him you want to take things a little slower isn't going to be a turn-off. In fact, while I've never turned down a woman's invitation for first-date sex, I like waiting if that's what she wants to do. I find the anticipation sexy (especially if she's great at kissing.)

Suggestion: don't shave your legs either. Also wear old underwear

You don't need to have sex with someone just because he wants to have sex with you. If I did that, I'd be sneaking into dark alleys with drunks twice a month.

A male friend of mine used to say regarding the 'don't shave your legs' rule that he has sex with a lot of hairy-legged women.

"Violate your latte" Ha!

You know what's worse than first date sex?

Twelfth date sex that's mediocre. So let's give it another shot on dates 13 through 22. And by then you're stuck, since you don't really feel like ditching someone you can see yourself caring about and besides—you've already spent all this time and energy and maybe the sex will get better and if it doesn't well, sex isn't that important anyway.

Is it?

You don't need a line.

Don't go to his apartment.

If he kisses you good night, kiss him back, pull away, whisper "Good night" as you step away, still looking up at him. Let your hand linger in his and then gently pull it out.

You can now say, "I had a good time" or something like that. Then end the evening.

@NicoleK: "If he kisses you good night, kiss him back, pull away, whisper "Good night" as you step away, still looking up at him."

That sounds about right. A little body language can go a long way.

I can't wait for the follow-up letter: "Why Won't He Have Sex With Me?"

"Hey, I'd rather take things a little slower."

Actually - that one bugs me. It says "I'd like to have sex with you, but I need you to jump through these arbitrary hoops I put up, first."

I'm not a big advocate of first-date sex, mind you. I neither look for it or expect it. In fact, if it shows up, it's kinda like reading the end of a mystery novel first. It robs the rest of the novel of some of it's merit.

Mind you, I also tend to be a third-to-fifth date guy. If, by the fifth date, a woman's not into me enough to have sex with me, we're wasting each other's time, and we both need to more on.

Lamont

I don't like first-date sex either, because it comes across as a presumption or makes the date a means to an end. But I don't like people who wait and wait and wait and wait either. You turn into friends at that point, or you've got something to hide, or you suck in bed.

@ Katieo " Suggestion: don't shave your legs either. Also wear old underwear"
Except no man really cares about that first time, not sure why women think guys care so much.

As to the OP, really? Theres no chances to say no, or to end the date between dinner and we are basking in afterglow. Seems to me there are many chances between the two. I know some women are supposidly conflict avoiders.

As to good ways of stopping for now but not breaking up, just add in a future date possibility.
So "Hey, I'd rather take things a little slower." is ok. But guys have been dumped by those words.

But if followed up by a positive, like "I'm free next Sat." gets rid of the sting.

Here's a good line: 'I prefer to get to know a guy first before I sleep with him'. Simple, honest.

"Wait, wait. We're still getting to know each other."

Nicole, great advice.

Mind you, I also tend to be a third-to-fifth date guy.

That's about the same for me, Lamont. While I like the anticipation of waiting, I also don't like waiting too long.

The only thing I'd add is if your kissing hot and heavy and then say that DO NOT lean in for more kissing - it makes you look like a bitch and a tease.

Its fine to want to take things slow, its fine to get a little lost and ratchet things up, its fine to back up and articulate to the guy you want to go slower, its not fine to rev a guy up(inadvertantly or not) back things up and go in to rev him up again

Well, you could meet the guy at his house before the date, and give him a quick blow job.

Then the date will go smoothly, with no pressure, and you will have to find things to talk about and find out if you are really interesting people or not.

If both of you survive that process---which I doubt--then you can go on.

If you're weak willed wear underwear you'd be embarrassed for anyone to see. Granny panties, a massive stain or hello kitty underwear

Hey, I'm quite proud of my Hello Kitty underwear.

Hello Kitty underwear is nice, but greeting him at the door with your Hello Kitty AK47 will tell you more about whether he is a "keeper" or not. :-)

Both you AND your date deserve someone that desires you enough to desperately want to fuck you on the first date.

Ethically speaking, you can't blame a guy for not pursuing if you don't put out or come close to it immediately.

Dating people with no self respect is always an option, of course....however convenient in the short term the long term has problems though.

The amount of self delusion displayed by the LW is irritating.

Hey - be consistent, here. I think some of youse guys have amnesia!

Amy gets thousands of letters describing horrible situations people have gotten into because they flatly do not know who they've been sleeping with.

Remember that.