No.

In PUA, men who beg for morsels of womens' attention are called "table dogs".

Does she even need to ask if it's worth saving?

I got as far as "...started behaving badly" and lost interest in helping her.

Lori has just summed up the entire comment thread in one word - and without even saying "first"!

"Is this relationship worth trying to save?" Oh cripes, really? Leave out the skirt-chasing, and the LW could be talking about an incorrigible eight-year-old boy. Hopefully, reading her own words might give her a little more objectivity.

My cat got hit by a car about 4 months back. I burried it in the back yard. All stiff and pretty badly banged up. It would be easier to save that cat than this "relationship". My cat would have deserved it, though...lovely animal.

I'm trying to be sympathetic, and I can even understand giving the guy a second chance but this is ridiculous. Do you really have to ask this, LW? REALLY!? Hiding in closets while you dutifully prepare his supper? Lounging around while you work? Breaking things? Talking loudly over you? Taking food from your plate?! I'd compare him to an animal but that's not even the behaviour of a well-trained dog! Besides, dogs are loyal companions so it wouldn't even be a good comparison anyway.

I suspect that you already knew the answer before you wrote this, LW. I have no doubt that you were just looking for some sort of affirmation. Well, here it is, LW. The answer is no, it's not worth trying to save. Kick him the fuck out of your life and never, I mean NEVER, EVER, let him back in again. Every time you even think about it, read your letter to Amy and imagine it's your daughter/sister/best female friend and ask yourself, "Would I encourage her to stay with this man?"

The "talks loudly and nonsensically over me" is enough of a deal breaker in my book. I hope she can get this guy to move out of her home without requiring the police.

Well, there's got to be some reason she took him back! Was he good in the sack?
Hey, LW? Sometimes a big dick is just that.

This "relationship" was never a relationship in the first place. The only "relationship" your ex had was with himself.

Let him go.

Seriously though, if she can get over the behaving badly, no housework, misusing tools and appliances, never buying anything or replaces things he breaks, including major appliances, talking loudly and nonsensically over her, inspecting her dinner plate to make sure I don't have more food than he does, reaching into her food and helping himself, disappearing and later claiming he was with a female coworker and, supposedly, her husband, and retreating to her closet to talk to another woman on the phone while she prepared dinner—then I believe these kids have a real shot at making it.

So much bad in this, where to start?
To me the real question is why a second date, let alone marry this guy?
No where does she attempt to even say his behavior had chaged since they started dating or had gotten worse over years, so this is probably pretty much how he was from day 1.
Did he chage what she complained about after she took him back? Honestly I can't tell. Did he stop heavy drinking, or taking drugs? Sounds like a no on the quit skirt chasing. But most of her complaints after taking him back sound new, or were they minor league compared to the first group. Heavy drinking vs misusing tools, drug use vs not buying new appliances. No job/not contributing financially vs no housework.

This has you asking the entirely wrong question, "Is this relationship worth trying to save?" The essential question (about this or any relationship) is "Does this person make me feel happy -- and loved?"

THIS!

I think so many people fall into the "relationships take work" trap. Sure, some aspects of some relationships take work -- merging finances, sharing living space, spending time with your significant other's crazy family...

But, if it's more work than fun (and this guy does not sound like fun at ALL), you have to be willing to walk.

Another thing: this guy treated you better when you weren't together than he does when you are. That speaks volumes about him.

You get the love you think you deserve. The LW needs to figure out what she needs to change to feel happier with herself. Whatever she thinks is lacking...support, optimism, self esteem, energy, faith... She must do the work to put it back ie socialize more, counseling, cognitive therapy, volunteer, work out, attend service. Then feel proud about the work. Good will come of it. The a hole guy isnt worth discussing.

Sabrina - I agree with you, except for one little thing. That's not even the behavior of a sort of, half-assed trained dog!! :)

CC - I agree! My pup is insulted - she would never take food off my dinner plate...

Sofar - spot on! So many people get caught up in that cliche that relationships take work - and obviously to most people work isn't fun - so it easily transposes to sufferance. What I like to say, is "relationships take effort - not work". If you are doing anything for someone else that you could make a career out of (i.e. housekeeper, babysitter, resume writer, therapist) something is wrong.

In LW case it sounds like she's running a full blown hotel, with complete amenities and not only comped the room but forgot to get his credit card number for damage and towel theft.

I disagree Sofar: '(and this guy does not sound like fun at ALL),'

Heavy drinker, drug use, no job...
I think he sounds to many young adults like the epitomy of fun. Too much fun.

What he doesn't sound like is a responsible adult. Probably not fun for a responsible person to be around.

Hell yes its worth saving!

Why?!

Because someone so incredibly stupid as to ask that question is not going to get anything better!

Good god, I there isn't even an argument here for anything else, so to quote one of the dumbest characters in movie history:

"Run bitch! RUUUUUUUUUUN!"

Is this relationship worth trying to save?

I'd recommend that you get in touch with this woman: My husband was a heavy-drinking, drug-taking skirt-chaser who worked only sporadically, so I divorced him three years ago.

"I think so many people fall into the "relationships take work" trap"

Relationships do take work.

But some are best abandoned, this is one of them.

Does she even need to ask if it's worth saving?

Yes, she needs to ask. Emotionally abusive relationships wear down your self-esteem until you think it's all your fault and that you need to save the relationship. He's cheating? It's not like he loves the other woman. He plays games with your head? Oh, he's trying to be funny. He didn't mean to upset you. Etc., etc., etc.

He probably does love her, maybe because she puts up with his crap, but it seems irrelevant as he is emotionally abusive.

"Because someone so incredibly stupid as to ask that question is not going to get anything better!"

I think intelligent people also sometimes put up with abusive relationships. E.g. they might be inadvertently recreating a relationship pattern that might be all they know, e.g if her father was emotionally abusive then 'playing the role' of the victim of emotional abuse might be all she knows. It somehow becomes your 'normal', and you lose the requisite perspective to see how absurd it is to, say, angrily grab food from a partner's plate. I had an abusive and controlling father, and for my first relationships I subconsciously chose abusive and controlling women, it took me almost a decade to even realize I was doing this. And the longer you go, the more you re-entrench in your brain that what is happening is 'normal'. Her 'benchmark of normal' was previously the heavy drinking and drug taking, so to her the current situation may even seem 'good'.

Bottom line, she's not happy with the relationship, for seemingly legitimate reasons, and the main reasons for that look extremely unlikely to change.

She should spend more time with normal, decent people, who don't grab food off their partner's plates, until such behavior seems obviously absurd.

Sabrina - I agree with you, except for one little thing. That's not even the behavior of a sort of, half-assed trained dog!! :)

Yes. On second thought, I ammend my statement.
This guys behavour is more comprarable to an un-domesticated wild animal. The only difference being the opposable thumb and indoor plumbing.

Yep, go get him. Before someone else snaps him up. One gals heaven is anothers insanity. Do you need to ask? lol Ouch.

Okay, he might not be the best hubbie in the world, but he's probably better than most.

If a woman wants to be lonely, she can start getting uppity. Oh, there will be plenty of lovers who will just walk out.

This guy has not walked out. He is a hero, trying to make the marriage work, despite the wife's nagging.

He's cheating a little? So what, man is not monogamous. Or is the news?

LW: Is this relationship worth trying to save?

No.

Not that I think this is any mitigating factor, but it sounds like the LW's beau has OCD, if he's worried about the amount of food on her plate. But then again, that's merely one issue out of many. He's probably covered in several chapters of the DSM-IV.

Conan might be able to shed more insight as to what the gentleman's problems are.