What happened here? You caught a lucky break.

The fact that she immediately broke up with you after you suggested that the gift was more her taste than yours (which it obviously was) means you're better off without her. Good thing you found this out after only five weeks.

Narrow escape! Good job.

Alternative: marry badly, divorce, and pay $50,000 a month in alimony. Forever.

http://news.yahoo.com/brendan-fraser-going-broke-155454332.html

My new squeeze gave me a pillow with a printed carousel-horse pillow case.
I think it sends a lot different message!

I'm wondering just how "gently" he broke it to her.

I'm wondering just how "gently" he broke it to her.

Well, if he didn't already have a collection of "decorative" plates, I'd say he must have been pretty calm about it; he probably dodged a B-I-G bullet here.

Did he like Lewis Carroll? Had they shared a love of his works or the movies of Disney or Tim Burton? How girly was it? (I googled Alice in Wonderland decorative plates to see if there were any non-girly ones out there. I came up empty handed.) A decorative plate is a bad bet for most men, but I bet this wasn't totally random.

Regardless, the fact was he didn't like it, and he couldn't help that. However, she may have been raised to believe that you always appreciate and pretend to like a gift--i.e., you have enough respect for the other person to lie. She may have interpreted his rejection of it as a shortage of feelings for her. "If he really cared about me, he would be protective of my feelings." Or "He should love it because it came from me."

And some smitten men DO feel this way, especially early in the relationship. Maybe she realized he wasn't that smitten, and it made her angry.

Maybe it's some kind of test she uses to see just how badly a man wants to be with her.

Or maybe it's her break-up method. Give the guy an inappropriate gift and then be so hurt at their reaction that you just can't bear to see them ever again.

Or maybe she's batshit crazy. Count your blessings, in any case.

"I'm wondering just how "gently" he broke it to her."

Unless he hit her with it, or skeet shot it. I doubt it was too harsh.

Gotta agree with Nicole here.

Unless she's a total whack-job, which is possible but unlikely, then he did something or said something he isn't telling Amy about. Nobody flies off the handle like that over a gift, unless they are completely whacko. Again, possible but unlikely.

I think the LW is trying to figure out how to spit out his shoe.

"Nobody flies off the handle like that over a gift, unless they are completely whacko."

wtf I disagee, Although I do question the stability of anyone who thinks that would be a good gift for a guy. We have all known normal sane people that for whatever reason something sets them off.

I think it was a 1 -2 punch to her. Punch 1: Her idea of him being a guy who would like the plate is shattered. And 2 that the gift was rejected.

"The problem may have been that he said something immediately."

I think this is right. I would have thanked the person and expressed my appreciation, and then brought it up later, carefully, when she wasn't so invested in the moment.

Perhaps girlfriend felt that LW had slipped down the rabbit hole and was ready to break it off anyway. The plate was probably a re-gift from some crazy cat lady. LW should feel lucky he didn't invest any more time in this relationship.

Haha! That whole scenario is crazy! The LW is going to have a good chuckle for years to come when he tells this story. Even 33 year old women have no use for decorative plates.

Heh, I'm surprised nobody has brought up the possibility that she was marking her territory with a fruity plate that screams "eat me, bitch, he's mine"!

Not that I have a clue what her intentions were, but the imagery in my head was amusing.

If she really was marking her territory with a fruity plate that screams "eat me, bitch, he's mine"!, he is lucky to get away from her. Although having a girlfriend who would actually say that is an experience I will long for but probably never have.

Two words, dude: bullet dodged.

Bullet dodged--by her. She was giving of herself something she valued. He rejected it.

How hard would it be for you to just keep the plate and appreciate the love it was sent with?

Well, Paddler, if that was the case, she should have said something. "This is one I love from my collection or from a movie we both loved or whatever." His reaction might have been way different. Plus, I'm betting she didn't have a collection or shared movie reference given his bewilderment. So how could this random plate be something she valued?

How hard would it have been for her to explain herself or the significance of the gift, even if she was hurt, instead of pitching a hissy and breaking up with him? Her immaturity level showed in her choice of gift and her reaction.

Bullet dodged by her? Paddler you are nuts. If I like fishing and my wife hated it, I wouldn't buy her a fishing pole for her birthday. If I loved chocolate but my wife hated it, I wouldn't get her a box of chocolates as a gift. That I was giving something "of myself" in that instance would make it MORE narcissistic, not less. If you love someone, you give them something THEY enjoy, not that YOU enjoy.

Hell even Homer Simpson learned that lesson. (Old episode a number of years ago, character sees a bowling ball, buys it for his wife in spite of the fact that she does not bowl, she gets mad because it was another selfish gift tailored to his tastes, not to the one he was giving to)

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And Insufficient Poison...therein lies the problem, you are approaching his reaction from a distinctly female perspective, a man typically does not give a faux reaction and then raise the matter later. He reacted as a man does, and quite frankly the problem was on her end expecting him to behave as a woman would.

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I tend to think he did try to break it to her gently. He didn't outright reject it, instead suggesting they keep it at her place. He did make a point of writing that he felt trapped and "confessed" a word that is usually used by men when they know they have done, or have to say, something uncomfortable.

But what are his options? If he'd reacted with faux enthusiasm, he'd be looking forward to a lot more decorative plate gifts in his future.

Frankly, he was nicer about it than I would have been. I'd have asked her to please point out what in my home suggested I was a big fan of Alice in Wonderland OR decorative plates.

After 5 weeks its easy to shop for most guys, hell after 5 hours even. Men are easy to shop for, see an Xbox 360 in his house? Check out his game selection to figure out his favorite genre, then go buy the latest hot release in that genre. See barbecue sauce in his fridge? Take him out for a big steak dinner. And if you don't see any clues...give him a birthday lapdance and a blowjob.

A woman so utterly clueless that she'd buy a decorative plate for a normal man in his 30s is a woman so wrapped up in making men fit into her custom built box that she is oblivious, and indifferent, to what makes them men in the first place, its no surprise to me that she flew off the handle and broke up with him.

I say he dodged a bullet, but if he has a garage, I'd lock his car in there so she can't come back and vandalize it later.

My interpretation of "Feeling trapped, I gently confessed..." was that she very possibly hounded him by asking him *specifically* if he LIKED the gift, probably more than once, possibly brushing aside more polite comments such as "oh how sweet of you." "what a nice thought" or "thanks for thinking of me" by asking him again "Yeah, but do you LIKE IT??" until his only option was to lie or tell the truth.

Obviously we don't know exactly how it went down, but for all those suggesting that he should/could/would have handled it better, maybe should/could/would not have.

I have to say, I like LW's tactful response. More your taste than mine...why don't we keep it at your place? Nicely done!

Her loss if she dumped you. Most of the guys I know would not have been nearly as nice about it.

"I'm wondering just how 'gently' he broke it to her."

I'm always amazed by some women who, no matter what the situation is, will always blame the man. She gives him a girly gift, he doesn't like it, she's probably been to his place enough times to see what his taste in decor is, and he finds a tactful response that ultimately doesn't reject the gift, but places it in a more appropriate venue...but somehow, "Well, he was probably just a rude, boorish PIG about it, and she's better off without him, the JERK!

Some might say they were only "just wondering," but would you be "just wondering" the same thing if LW had been a woman who had gotten a mountable deer head from her boyfriend?

I was looking for a good analog gift from a guy, and Patrick nails it. It's like giving her a mounted deer head. W.T.F.?!?

5weeks is too soon for gifts, really...and the whole thing screams 'shit test'

The LW was quite correct that once accepted, she had expectations... It's just that the whole thing is so far afield...

I'd give a guy a b-day gift at five weeks (okay, depends on the situation), but it would be a trinket style gift, or dinner and drinks or something. Nothing that screams "you're mine", etc.

I was thinking about Amy's comment that maybe it was the timing of the response, and that makes some sense to me (from my POV at least). It's tough in a new relationship, because you don't know the person well-enough to give a truly thoughtful gift, but you don't want to just ignore the fact that it is their bday, and have them think you don't give a shit.

I have never given a man a plate unless I was serving dinner, and I'm a little bit confused what would inspire that, but I've also flubbed gifts more than once. The year I met my ex-husband, I bought him a couple of gadgets for xmas. One was a coffee mug warmer, which he liked a lot and used daily. The other was an electronic name plate for his office. Cause every man wants that, right? I found its dusty corpse in a box years later. By that time it was quite safe for him to tell me he never liked it. We had a good laugh and tossed it in the Goodwill box.