My boyfriend, now husband, gave me SMOKE DETECTORS for our first Valentine's Day, six months into our relationship. He wanted to keep me safe in my crappy apartment. I thought that was awesome.

This is why it's good to start dating people in the March-April timeframe. :) Worked for us!

Seriously, what Amy said. V-Day two months into a relationship is tricky. I'd put that in the, "well, should we get each other anything beyond a card?" category. (Though guys...flowers are typically safe. Few women mind a romantic cliche on Valentine's Day.) Stick around and see how he handles things as time goes on. Get him a not-bank-breaking but thoughtful gift for his birthday. See what happens.

What did she get HIM?

What did she get for HIM?

Flowers and chocolate people. Thelatter can be passed off as a friend gift if you made a mistake about where you are in a relationship. Always appreciated

I would have gone with dinner and a movie.

The gift basket seems like a nice idea, actually. At first I thought this was like the letter you posted recently, about the collector plate that a guy gave his girlfriend.

By the way, Amy, DUCK! I suspect you're about to get creamed by a few women who complain that it was okay for the guy to get rid of his girlfriend who gave him a gift plate, but you told the girl who got a bad gift to give it time.

Of course, you'll point out that the guy had been with his girlfriend for much longer and this relationship is two months old.

It may not happen, but I suspect it's going to. You seem to have women readers who just can't wait for you to give them something to pounce on. Remember when you advised a new mother to drop the weight rather than accept that she's going to spend the rest of her life fat?

I forgot to mention it, but I considered the advice in both columns to be spot on.

Yeah, given the short time this relationship has existed, it looks like a classic case of "trying to read too much into one data point."

Awesome, another "I didn't get what I wanted for Manufactured Holiday #12," letter. Next it will be: "My push present was the WRONG COLOR!"

People who write to an advice column complaining that the Valentine's Day present they got but didn't like is indicative that they are being used aren't being used. They are users.

Ah V-day, the day to show how much she is worth to you, how much you know her, in an itemized way.

I could go either way on this one.

LW, I went out by myself on Valentine's Day to a restaurant, with a book to keep me company, because it was my night out and I'll be damned rather than lock myself in the house because all the couples are out that night. It was a nice night by the way.

So you didn't like your present much. Cry me a river. Two months? He probably has no fucking idea what you want at this point.

It's not so much the matter of her not liking the present. It's that he regifted something from his mother's bathroom. You need to be really careful when regifting items to avoid situations like this. A gift, even a terrible gift, is supposed to say "I was thinking of you." This gift says, "I was thinking of you long enough to raid my mom's bathroom on the way out the door."

Still, it's not something I'd dump him over. Maybe he's really cheap, or maybe this was one clueless moment.

People trashing the LW: she's not beefing because he got her something she didn't like, she's calmly and rationally asking if it's weird that her guy gave her something she ALREADY SAW in HIS MOTHER'S BATHROOM. She's not hating on the fact that it's a creepy old-lady gift, she's questioning whether his re-gift is bizarre enough to signal a problem. Quit trying to crazy-lady or princess this malodorous unfortunate.

A possibility I'm wondering about.

Perhaps this isn't a regift, but just that he also gave a similar gift to his Mother. Is the basket at his Mothers actually missing?

Was just thinking that I often pick up and wrap a couple extra boxes of chocolates around Christmas time. For unexpected guests: say a forgotten cousin shows up or brother had a new gf with a gift for me, hey they get a box of chocolate in return.

dude is naturally clueless, because girlfriend is new... or something.

The question IS how long have they been dating? She met his parents, but was this the "We are exclusive now, d'ya want to Meet My Parents?" Or the "my mom wants to dump her leftovers and scope you out, so do you think you could go over with me for dinner?"

This makes a HUGE difference... we just don't know.

Maybe boya is sittin in mom's kitchen, and

motherdear says: "So, what did you get Phoebe for valentines day?"
boyo [deer in the headlights look]: 'um, I was thinkin' a card, after all we've only been dating since Christmas...'
motherdear: "oh, my that will never do, girls are very sentimental about valentines, you have to get her something!"
boyo [again with the deer in the headlights look, now with extra nausea thrown in]
motherdear: "don't worry, I have the perfect thing..."

This little tango is complex, and we only have disgruntled girlfriend's POV on it.

If she's lookin' for a dealbreaker, she should just MOA, or if she has been used by guys before, and still doesn't have a clue about how to figure it out, she needs more info.

Maybe he's not using her...I mean, she's met his mom, right?

My guess is he wasn't sure what to get her due to the newness of the relationship, and asked his mom for advice. She probably suggested the gift basket...because on the surface it IS a nice gesture, but it probably wasn't her 'kind of thing' either.

Flowers and chocolate people.

If I was going to give a girlfriend the latter, I'd probably go with a chocolate Kristin Chenoweth because a chocolate Louie Anderson would be a LOT of calories.

I love me some chocolate men. Lemme tell ya.

Especially the cream-filled kind.

Yes, I'm a slut and the opportunity was there to express it.

Ok, she's going the cliche female route. Over analyzing something so small, so closely that it looks like a mountain, rather than the mole hill it actually is.

OK, he regifted something, you've known the guy two months, what were you expecting?

Idiocy.

No man has ever given a crap about Valentine's Day .... ever. Of course he's going to regift something. Valentine's Day is all about getting the woman something to shut her up.

Of course he's going to regift something. Valentine's Day is all about getting the woman something to shut her up.

Maybe. But it should still be something he thinks she'll like. After two months he should have SOME idea what that would be.

My husband likes Valentine's Day. Our joint gift to each other is a couple's massage. He likes massages but would never get one for himself because it involves making appointments.

LW, I'm lucky I get a dollar store card and a box of stale Junior Mints (and most years I don't get the mints). And I get the card only because early in our relationship, I made it clear that even though money is tight, I expect SOME recognition for Valentine's Day...even if it's something he prints for (essentially) free from his computer.

My guy is GIFT CHALLENGED. I cannot remember the last time he gave a gift to anyone besides me (his GF of 20+ years). Not HIS family. Not MY famiiy. Not his friends. Nobody. But he doesn't expect any, either. "Gift" just isn't in his lexicon.

But he's a good, good man in so many other ways. He fixes my car without complaint. His bakes a wicked apple crisp. He's emotionally supportive. So I'm happy with my dollar store card.

Do I reciprocate? I've come a long way, baby, so you betcha! His last three computers and his new transmission were financed by yours truly. I bake a mean chocolate chip cookie. I am also emotionally supportive.

And he gets Valentine's Day cards. And lttle gifts along the
way as well.

LW, does your guy threaten or hit? Does he demean or control or blame? Does he lie or cheat? Does he steal from you? Does he suck the joy of living out of you? If the answer is "no" you're likeky doing okay.

I guess what I'm saying is that if he's good in every other way besides gifts, cut the poor bastard some slack...you're probably ahead of the game.

What happened to appreciating a gift because it's a gift?

Maybe he just forgot, and didn't want to look like a total douche. Maybe he was broke. Maybe it was mom's idea of trying to help.

Just say Thank-You.

Great title and column!

I don't care for regifting myself. I associate it with my mom, who is incredibly generous in many ways, but on the cheap side of frugal in others. However, regifting does not automatically equal cheapness, and even some cheapness does not preclude someone being an amazing person, as evidenced by my mom! The regift does seem to have been a blunder in this case, but alone it's not nearly enough to reflect negatively on the guy overall.

Also, I'm American but live in Germany, and the incredible and intensely commercial pressure of Valentine's Day seems really overblown when viewed from outside. My friends from the US were all, "Oooh, hope you're doing something special with your guy for Valentine's!" But truth be told, I wasn't expecting a thing, because it's such a non-event here. My guy also gives me lovely gifts whenever the spirit strikes him, and I can't ask for anything more romantic than that! But he did remember the day and wrote me a beautiful note, which touched me and which I answered in kind. However, I would have been perfectly fine if it had passed like any other day.

So I guess every couple needs to figure out what Valentine's means to them, and that's tricky early in a relationship. But in the end, it's just a day, and how a guy treats you on the majority of days is a far better indicator of his character than what he gives you on one.

DS, not all Americans are in to the fake holidays. They're for the commerce, not the love, and a lot of us get that. My husband and I haven't exchanged valentine's day presents in 20 years. I really couldn't care any less. We, like you, do stuff all year to express our love. So please, don't paint all Americans with the same brush. I hate when people do that.