Dark Clouds On The Verizon

Nice one, Amy!

Whenever the phone rings during dinner, she answers

Maybe you should call her while you guys are having dinner.

I don't think it's as deep seeded as trying to punish him for something or abuse him into leaving. I just think she was raised in a barn and doesn't have proper manners. Worse than that, once it's pointed out how rude her behavior is, she simply discounts his very reasonable complaint.

The letter writer should throw her over and find a woman that comes from a good family.

Or, just for fun, bring a bucket to the dinner table and about halfway through the meal, begin urinating into the bucket as she eats. When she protests, just say, "What? Stop being so controlling."

to answer it -- even if we're having sex

Wow. Just...wow.

Some people are just addicted to being reachable, all the time. Email, SMS, phone, whatever: this is their life. Still, even during sex? It doesn't get more crazy than that.

Either he can accept this aspect of her behavior, or he cannot.

If this behavior is a deal breaker for him, then he has to make that clear. Tell her this gently but firmly, and tell her why this is so. The next time she answers a call at an inappropriate time, he gets up and leaves. If she gets the message, great. If she doesn't, then the leaving becomes permanent.

Um, I think it's fairly clear who's doing the controlling here.

If he(or she)didn't get up and leave the first time girlfriend answered the phone during sex, why will he do it now when she has him pretty well conditioned?

Hey, a new question! Now I have this image of milking a telephone pole, and it's dirrrrtyyyy....

Given that I have to answer the phone when I'm on call, can we just have Rachel from Cardmember services hanged, drawn, quartered, and her body fed to the vultures?

Sounds to me like another case of iOverinflated iSense of iEntitlement. She likes her phone. She likes to answer it. She likes it more than her BF. BF could call her on her phone and break up with her, and find someone who isn't so obsessed with her phone!

o.O

Get a porn dvd queued up and ready, the next time she answers the phone during sex turn on the TV and crank the volume up so the person on the other end can hear it.

That or tell her to invite whomever is on the phone to come and join you, again loud enough for the other person to hear

If she's old enough to be retired chances are she's of the generation before answering machines and voice mail. She probably came of age at a time when you always answered the phone, since you never knew who was calling or if it might be an emergency, and when telephone etiquette required continuing a conversation to it's completion. Many people from that era have adapted to modern technology but some haven't. The habit may be so ingrained that she's unable to ignore a ringing phone.

to answer it -- even if we're having sex

Wow. Just...wow.

Yeah, ARG, I caught that, too. You'd think if there were one time he'd have her undivided attention, that might be it. Maybe he didn't exactly send her into orbit in bed, but as a matter of simple politeness...

Sounds to me like another case of iOverinflated iSense of iEntitlement.

Ya kills me, Flynne!

It's "deep-seated," not "deep-seeded."

And it sounds like he's made his complaint in a reasonable manner. Since she's not willing to have the necessary surgery to remove the phone growing out of her ear, time to walk.

Dude, RUN! Run like the wind! Run like the Nazis are after you. RUN, RUN, RUN! Leave this b***h way behind in the dust!!! She will NEVER change, you will NEVER be important enough to her and go get your LIFE back! LEAVE!!!

Yes, this is from experience. GO NOW!

Personally, I'd DTMFA. But if you're determined to try to work it out, I'd suggest that every time she picks up the phone during dinner, you get up and leave. Go eat out. If, with the phone to her ear, she asks "Where are you going?" say "I can see you're busy; I'll talk to you later." Do this every. Single. Time.

As for sex, I'd at the very least get up, leave the room, and go watch a movie, read a book, or go online -- heck, go watch some porn and finish the job. Refuse to be drawn back into nookie should she ask. Tell her she ruined the mood.

But honestly, I'd just dump her.

I'll throw my vote into the "self-important" category. There are some people who LOVE getting phone calls and who LOVE making others wait while they're taking them. It makes them feel like a big deal.

Others just have a compulsion to answer a ringing phone. My friend is like this. When my phone rings when we're out and I ignore it, she'll always get all nervous and ask "Um, aren't you going to answer that? Could be important." Just the idea that a phone has rung and has gone unanswered makes her nutty.

Personally, as someone who used to have a job that required me to answer all calls from work, I now LOOOOVEE letting that sucker ring and ring and go unanswered. Even if I'm just sitting around reading. Ring, you little bastard. I don't have to answer you anymore.

DrMaturin, as someone who, like the LW's gf, grew up before cell phones, caller ID, etc., my take is just the opposite. People my age grew up and spent our early adulthood in a time when everyone was NOT connected 24/7, and everyone had times during the day when they could not be reached by phone, and could not reach others by phone. We just dealt with it. If someone wasn't home when you called, you just had to call them later or call someone else. As for always answering the phone when it rang, no, not all of us did that. Some of us were taught there were no phone calls during dinner, and we sure as hell wouldn't answer the phone during sex. And some of us learned the hard way than when you jumped out of the shower and ran naked and dripping shampoo to answer the phone, it was either a wrong number or a phone solicitor, so we didn't do that, either.

Sometimes I think there are two kinds of people in the world - those of us who pay for a phone for OUR convenience, and regard the cellphone as a useful tool - and those who choose to be slaves to a little plastic box of electronics, who think they simply MUST be at the beck and call of everyone they know 24/7, no matter what else they may be doing at the time. Some of us think than an unaswered phone call means the person we're calling must be busy - and some think they must be dying, or deliberately ignoring us.

There are those who can happily turn our phones off for an hour or so during movies, concerts, meetings, etc - and those who live in fear that some horrible calamity will befall their loved ones, something that they and they alone can fix, if they're not always available by phone.

LW's gf is apparently in the latter group, and as a member of the first group with loved ones in the latter, I can sure feel his pain.

Luj: "Get a porn dvd queued up and ready, the next time she answers the phone during sex turn on the TV and crank the volume up so the person on the other end can hear it".

This made me laugh. I needed it; thanks.

"Dark Clouds On The Verizon " is good, but this is begging for a Pavlovs dog title.
"Pavlov's girlfriend" ?
"Pavlov's IPhone"?

Theres also the thing I've heard of where people at dinner stack up the phones, if anyone answers theirs they pay for everyone. He could try something like that, phone call during dinner = you do dishes. During sex = ??

During sex = Hardcore S&M

"Hi!"

*FUCK YOU*

"Hmmm. I wonder if I can turn this into love."

"It's "deep-seated," not "deep-seeded."

Thanks!

It's "deep-seated," not "deep-seeded."

It would be deep-seeded if you were having sex (without a condom.)

And, I suppose, it would be deep-seeded and deep-seated if it was anal sex sans capote.

Gog_Magog!! For. The. Wwwiiiiiin!!

The letter writer should throw her over and find a woman that comes from a good family.

This. From my own experience people treat you the way you let them, and get annoyed when you try to make them treat you differently later on.

LW needed to nip this early. Nip it. In the bud. She's not going to voluntarily change - you could demand it, but that's a bad plan.

Other options, short of dumping her:

1. just keep talking to her like she's not on the phone
2. wait till she's done answering a call, then call her and then only talk to her over the phone, if she refuses to answer, leave a voice mail about "hey, you could let calls go to freakin' voice mail".
3. if she actually answers the phone during sex, get up, go to the living room and watch some TV. When she asks you if you want to finish, tell her your mood is spoiled.

Of course, if she's answering the phone during sex, you're doing it wrong. IMO, of course.

When she answers the phone, he should get up and leave. If she's not going to pay attention to him, there's no purpose in staying at the dinner. And he should tell her that's what he's going to do, so there are no surprises. If she still chooses to pick up the phone, he knows where he stands and should have no reason to come back.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s898wpcgcJM

She probably has a phone addiction. It's the new thing. There are actual, physical symptoms from not having in one's hand (elevated blood pressure and all that). A person doesn't have to be younger than 40 to become addicted to a phone.

Ya'll are right when you say, you either put up with it or you don't. Give her fair notice and a couple of whacks on the snout if she disobeys, some treats if she does obey, and after that if she can't mind the rules, take her back to the shelter and trade her in for one that can. Have some pride, man.

I didn't realize Paris Hilton was "retired".