Sounds like she's afraid of being alone. If BFF betrayed her trust, shouldn't that have been the end of the relationship?

And unless there's an "understanding" between Fling Guy and his girlfriend, shouldn't he be hands off?

And this is without even considering that being with one makes her long for the other. Seems like being with two losers is preferable to being with no one.

She's made her choice: both, and she's not satisfied with it. The problem is between her ears. That's not a moral or social judgement, just an observation. It happens. Change, or decide to live with your choice.

Don't lose heart, LW! Just get the BFF into a relationship, and see if the sex doesn't get better.

There,I fixed it.

I'm wondering why women dont ever try and tell guys how to get better in bed.

-I'm wondering why women dont ever try and tell guys how to get better in bed.-

I think that might fall under the "Well, if you don't know I'm certainly not going to tell you!" category.

We don't like having to tell guys anything. We want them to just know.

Yes, I've let the cat out of the bag--Hahahahahaha!

An alternate answer is: Because they never LISTEN!

Damn I'm in a good mood today.

I do believe this would be an excellent example of what the manosphere calls "alpha fucks, beta bucks."

The beta "BFF" (seriously?) gets to be her emotional and probably financial tampon while she enjoys getting banged by the alpha stud on the side. The end of this is predictable: she gets knocked up by the alpha stud but convinces the beta that the kid is his. The Beta BFF then dutifully helps raise the alpha's child while the LW continues to run around banging other guys who are better in bed than the Beta BFF.

I'm generally the person posting in favor of (honest, trusting) open relationships, and responsible nonmonogamy but this seems . . . unhealthy. I'm all for a situation where you have a primary partner whom you love with all your heart, and secondary partner(s) if all agree to the set-up, or occasional threesomes just for fun, or the like. Not for everyone, I'm not one of those poly evangelists who says, "No one is really monogamous" because that's BS. Everybody's different. MikeInRealLife gets to have his awesome world in which men are "tampons" (sounds like fun!) and I get to have my amazing husband, boyfriend, and girlfriend. Everybody's happy!

And while it doesn't work for me, I'm also all for people who really enjoy being a little slutty, playing the field, having adventures without settling down until they want to (if ever).

All of that said, I don't hear that from her. It's not "I'm so happy but my family doesn't approve" or whatever. Maybe she's afraid that she is constitutionally nonmonogamous and no one would ever accept her having a solid relationship *and* the occasional fling. If that's the case, checking out local poly resources in her area (or online if she lives in somewhere less tolerant) might help. Also, agree that if fling dude's GF doesn't know, that is not okay.

Tampons. Wow. Hey, I guess that means they're surrounded by, er, ladyparts at all times. So that's a good thing in alpha-male-land, yeh?

I seem to recall from years back some politician's correspondence to his mistress wherein he said he would like to be her tampon. I cannot remember who and when. And I'm too lazy to research it. Damn.

Anybody else remember that?

So LW has two men in her life, and neither is terribly satisfactory. One can't be trusted (her admission) due to something that happened a long time ago. The other can't be trusted (not her admission) because he cheats on his girlfriend. Left unexplored is how either of these fellows feels about the LW. I can't imagine their esteem for her is that high, given how they seem to be sharing her without complaint.

Unless she's particularly happy that way, she could be doing much better than this, no matter the short-term discomfort.

By the way, Flotsam and Jetsam are recurring characters in a series of Joseph Wambaugh novels about the police in Hollywood. Gnarly surfer dudes, but honorable cops.

I've said this before but there are loads of nice, kind, lonely guys out there who would make wonderful boyfriends and husbands for your letter writers, yet these women are just unable to leave the creeps that make their lives miserable. I just don't think I'll ever understand this.

Old RPM Daddy, I love those Hollywood Division books. Especially his Hollywood Moon moments.

Thanks, Amy. I remember now. I said it then and I'll say it now--eww.

I'm wondering why women dont ever try and tell guys how to get better in bed.

Some do. Years ago I had a girlfriend who spelled out for me exactly what she wanted, and once I learned to follow her directions, she told me I was the best she'd ever had (and she was NOT one to flatter a guy's ego). Certainly she was the best I ever had.

FLotsom and Jetsom are also the evil eels from The Little Mermaid.

I just came to say Amy's answer is brilliant - funny and correct.

Carry on.

What is she complaining about?

Maybe there just isn't anyone who meets all her needs. Oh well. But even if there is, he's not going to get involved with some woman who's had two boyfriends for TEN YEARS.

I doubt her situation will ever change.

"yet these women are just unable to leave the creeps that make their lives miserable"

It's because there are those moments where the creeps are very nice and loving, and actually come through. And when the women are separated from these creeps they think back on those moments, and the creeps start acting nice, like they can't live without them, & that everything has changed.

That is when those women call you an asshole for pointing out that it's only temporary what the creeps are doing. They get back together and it all starts again.

My Mom is like that. It was great when I over heard her tell her friend "The worst of it isn't that he is treating me badly, but that Ppen was right as always"

This is the ultimate example of "Two wrongs don't make a right!"

Well, 3 wrongs, if you count the LW.