Fry, Fry Again
I walked into my apartment and, to my horror, thought my boyfriend had been electrocuted. He was sprawled on the kitchen floor by an open electrical outlet with wires sticking out. There was a screwdriver near him, and the skin on his arm and hand was discolored. I ran over and started crying and shaking him. He started laughing and yelled, "April fools!" It hadn't occurred to me that it was April Fools' Day, because I truly thought he was dead. He says he thought I'd freak for a moment and then bust out laughing. I'm finding myself unable to forgive him, despite the fact that he says he is sorry and meant it to be a joke.
--No Laughing Matter
You, like a lot of women, probably love surprises -- just not the sort that leave you kneeling over your boyfriend's lifeless body, wondering whether to call EMS or the coroner. (What, was there no Saran wrap he could put across the toilet bowl?)
The power of laughter can get a little oversold. (If it truly were "the best medicine," hospitals would skip the morphine drip and hang a chimp in overalls from that metal pole by the patient's bed.) Laughter does seem to be pretty good medicine for relationships -- assuming a guy's attempt to make a woman laugh doesn't make her hold a grudge. Researchers have found that the ability to be funny is correlated with high intelligence -- a plus in a partner -- and with what Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman deems "the Woody Allen effect," the possibility for even geeky-looking guys to get and hang on to girlfriends. (Woody Allen didn't attract the ladies because, in pitch darkness, he looks just like Clive Owen.)
As for why your boyfriend pulled this stunt, the phrase "Seemed like a good idea at the time" comes to mind. A guy can get so caught up in making authentically gruesome char marks on his arm that he never considers how hilarious you're likely to find it when the man you love appears to be lying dead on your kitchen floor. As for your inability to forgive him, it probably feels "safer" to cling to your grudge because it puts distance between you and the potential for future hurt. Unfortunately, it also distances you from the good stuff -- love, affection, connection, and the continuation of your relationship.
To decide whether to break up with your grudge or your boyfriend, ask yourself a few questions: Does he now understand why you were so upset? Is this number 3,024 in a long line of painful idiocies or just a one-time painfully stupid thing? And outside of when he's pretending to have died horribly, does he show you he cares about your feelings and well-being? Unless you have reason to believe Faked Death: The Sequel or other major insensitivities will pop up in your future, it's probably time to give that grudge you've been holding a pat on the butt and a bag lunch and send it on its way.
Very good advice, Amy. If the man were a habitual prankster, I'd say, "Tell him good-bye, and that you're not joking."
Sounds to me like this was a one-time thing. It would have been hilarious had he done it with his guy friends, but with his girl friend, it's just not cool.
Patrick at May 21, 2013 6:33 PM
Amy Alkon
https://www.advicegoddess.com/ag-column-archives/2013/05/fry-fry-again.html#comment-3716059">comment from PatrickThank you, Patrick!
Amy Alkon
at May 21, 2013 7:01 PM
My now ex-husband decided to tell me our marriage was over (on April 1) before he presented me with some trinket. He was amazed that I didn't get over it and that I wouldn't wear the trinket. We split less than a year later.
Abby at May 22, 2013 12:34 AM
"Sounds to me like this was a one-time thing. It would have been hilarious had he done it with his guy friends, but with his girl friend, it's just not cool."
I'm not even sure about it would have been that funny with his buddies. But yeah, it might have been a one-off, but the boyfriend comes off as kind of a jerk.
Old RPM Daddy (OldRPMDaddy at GMail dot com) at May 22, 2013 5:30 AM
That's it, if I find myself hospitalized, I am demanding a chimp. No excuses.
Amazed_476 at May 22, 2013 6:00 AM
That would have been better as a Halloween prank. I don't think that could be a habitual thing with him, because if it was I'm sure she wouldn't have believed it.
My sister loved to do that sort of thing. It would have backfired on her if she truly was in trouble, because if would have cost her precious time while we decided if she was faking or not.
Well, time to get out there and milk them telephone poles, before they get ornery.
Pricklypear at May 22, 2013 7:22 AM
Its been my experiance people how love a good joke/prank can be the biggest assholes when one is pulled on them.
Did the guy go too far, in hindsight yes. Had he not miscalculated his girlfriends reaction we'd be saying how lucky his is as opposed to calling him a jerk.
This is one of the times I'd like to know the out come. THis was in the papers on the ninth, meaning Amy probably got done with he corespondence with the LW around the 1st of this month.
I wonder what her decision wound up being
lujlp at May 22, 2013 7:35 AM
To LW,
Stop posturing as a pope contemplating forgiveness of a mortal sin.
I bet you played his emotions so many times that you don't even have right to complain about this joke.
mere mortal at May 22, 2013 9:12 AM
Dick move. I don't get why people like practical jokes. I've never enjoyed getting my jollies at the expense of others.
MonicaP at May 22, 2013 11:18 AM
If you are going to try to be funny, BE funny.
You don't want to be that guy who comes up with what you - and only you - think is a real knee-slapper, and then be the only one sitting there laughing.
Pirate Jo at May 22, 2013 2:16 PM
I hate practical jokes that involve actually scaring someone. There's a video that went viral a few years ago where a dad gets his little kid to stare at an image on a computer screen, and after several long seconds the image suddenly turns into a terrifying face and screams. The poor kid had a meltdown, and everyone passed this video around like it was hilarious.
There's a new one from South America (I think) where people are set up to believe they're trapped in an elevator with a ghost. Their reactions are terrible to watch in my opinion. I just feel so sorry for them and what they're going through in that moment.
My husband knows I don't like to be scared. He put a rubber snake in my underwear drawer when we were dating. With my heart still racing I told him jokes like that, plus jumping out at me, etc., are a no-go. He's never done it since, so there's no reason for me to hold a grudge.
Insufficient Poison at May 23, 2013 6:39 AM
It is not just about letting go of the hurt. It is that he used an appalling lack of judgment and now her trust in him is rattled. I totally get it.
LauraGr at May 23, 2013 8:50 AM
Amy, my husband Vinnie love to joke around with folks who share our eccentric sense of humor, but we don't pull THAT kind of mean-spirited joke, even if it's NOT April Fool's Day. We've known folks with twisted senses of humor, but only with friends who we know would actually enjoy that kind of macabre humor. Those kind of practical jokers should, to borrow a lyric from WEST SIDE STORY, "stick to (their) own kind!" :-) (Perhaps Prince Charming needs to grow up just a tad?) Anyway, great response to your LW, as always!
Dorian Kathleen Tenore-Bartilucci at May 24, 2013 11:48 AM
Your first sentence shows the deadly importance of commas. "You, like a lot of women..." would become "You like a lot of women."
Wouldn't that be awful?
Patrick at May 28, 2013 3:04 AM
You mean, this one?
I always thought it was cruel, myself. A parent is supposed to be a protector, but this father (amidst the sobs, I can hear the child refer to him as "dad") scared his kid, and continued to video record him even as he was bawling. So, he not only placed his kid in danger, he humiliated him afterwards. That kid is going to have severe trust issues.
Patrick at May 28, 2013 3:14 AM
We all have done stupid things because we thought it would be funny or cool. If we were raised by/with assholes, we probably did more than average people. What's important here is if the LW learns from this miscalculation or if he continues with his asshole ways. Tell him why it backfired and ask him to think three times before putting your feelings at risk again. Give him a chance to be a stand up guy.
If we rejected each person based on one asshole event, life would be pretty lonesome.
Jparkerboy at May 28, 2013 10:52 AM
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