I thought the leopard couldn't change its spots. How could it be okay for her to cheat then and not now?

"Once-a-cheater-always-a-cheater" may apply to most people who cheat, but I believe there are plenty of exceptions.

MEthinks LW is showing a touch of narcissism, eh?

It's not okay for her to not cheat? That's a new one.

Also, 37 year old more mature than 24 year old. (or whatever the ages are). Somebody get the fainting couch.

Did this guy pick his own nom de plume? Spurned? Really? Feelings hurt there, fella? Jesus, what a douche.

Good for her.

Why is he even writing to you? Was he hoping for some advice like, "How do I get her to lighten up and meet me for a quickie?"

Still, it was excellent insight into the nature of why people change. And also excellent advice for him, to show him how to value what he has.

On the bright side for the LW, she mentions still having feelings for him. Clearly that means she wants him and not anything like, oh, she's trying to let him down easy.

You should rent the house across the street from hers and buy some binoculars. Send flowers to her every day. Send her jewelry once a week. Make sure to use a credit card whose balance your wife doesn't check.

Stop by her kid's school and accidently run into her. Find out where she buys her bagel and order the same ones she does.

So, is LW a politician, or are my expectations about keeping promises so twentieth century?

Looks to me like the lady in question grew up. Maybe the LW ought to look into that himself.

"MEthinks LW is showing a touch of narcissism, eh?"

Ya think? Jeez, this guy's a bag. OK, he's reminiscing about some fun time that they had together years ago. I get that bit. But it's in the past now, and clearly she's changed her priorities for what she wants in life. (And maybe found herself a new husband with which she has a much better relationship than her prior one.)

I question the LW's assertion that he is "happily married". Clearly, the sex isn't good, so that's strike one. I wonder what else there is. The thing is, if you have problems in your marriage, a little on the side is generally not the way to fix it -- at best, it doesn't solve anything, and it usually makes things worse. It's the wrong solution to the underlying problem. Step one is admitting to yourself, and to the advice columnist that you write to, that there is an underlying problem. And then you go from there.

Sounds like this guy thinks having a prior sexual relationship with a woman entitles him to a lifetime, all-access vagina pass.

I agree with MonicaP. Having a previous fling with someone doesn't give you a lifetime pass to tap that. I really hope what she meant when she said she still had feelings for him, was really, I'm physically repulsed by the thought of what I did with you 13 years ago because it messed up my kids. Sadly, I doubt that's what she meant. But good on her for not hooking up with him. He sounds like a real pain in the ass.

I was really hoping Amy would give him a severe tongue lashing, commensurate with the smack down I want to give him just for being a douche nozzle.

The LW is correct: if she was low-rent enough to commit adultery once and he's enough of a scumbag to betray his own wife, he's looking in the right direction. Unfortunately for him, she's just not that into him any more.

Maybe he could put a PI on her and find out who she is cheating with, and blackmail her into sex.

Judging from the letter that seems about in line with his values.

Maybe she's not interested because you're an entitled asshole. Good Lord, you redefine "douchetastic."

This guy is a dense dumbass. How about he borrow the Kama Sutra from the Larry Flynt Not-So-Public Library or teach his wife the moves that the other lass used to make him so hot?

Funny to read the comments.
If LW were a woman, the tone would have been so much different.
LW is confused by her signals. Obviously she wants to keep him around, but at some distance for now.

Really? If the LW were a woman I'm thinking we'd be seeing "He's just not that into you."

If LW were a woman, the tone would have been so much different.

Ha! I encourage you to browse through the archives and see just how harsh the commenters here (including myself) can be on women who write in with similar situations.

The whole letter definitely reads like an application to the Douchecanoe Hall of Fame, but I may actually be most annoyed at his minimizing of the lady's new relationship. The "done so much" part is intended as a quote, but I'm thinking it's his skewed perspective that's describing the marriage as nothing more than gratefulness and guilt. I mean, it's possible it is, but taken with the rest of the letter, it just seems like a case of "she can't have an actual legitimate reason for turning me down."

Also: Yay! A new question at the bottom! Telephone poles! No, wait, milk! I said milk!

So do cheaters actually stop cheating?

Some do, Purp. Some don't. Depends on the situation, I guess.

You know, I do feel for this guy a teeny little bit.

Yeah - I have to leave the cheating out of it to do so. But I had a friend with whom I had a few booty-calls. They were good ones, but we weren't "couple" material for any number of reasons.

I was eventually made the Best Man toast at her wedding. She's totally monogamous, so that door is closed now.

And I miss it.

This guy is asking the wrong question... the question he should be asking is why does he think it's ok for him to cheat? DUH, Jess! Because he wants to, how neat for him!

Ha! I encourage you to browse through the archives and see just how harsh the commenters here (including myself) can be on women who write in with similar situations.

mere mortal won't do that. He has his interpretation of reality, and he won't dare let facts get in the way.

Holy smokes! I know it's all been said already, but what a narcissistic twat! So because she once made a mistake that means she's doomed to be a cheating bint forever? Or is he trying to say that he thinks of her as a two-cent whore who can never be a lady and wife? Or perhaps this is just the indignance at "how DARE she not want to hit THIS again? The sex was GREAT (at least in my mind) so who is SHE to tell ME no?" I'm guessing it's a combination of them all. What a tool. And it seems a little creepy too...maybe she moved away because she saw that he was a creepy sociopath with major possession issues. And his poor wife, I can only conjecture his feelings on his marital "rights".

"I'm perplexed. She cheated on her first husband with me, and we had lots of fun. I thought the leopard couldn't change its spots. How could it be okay for her to cheat then and not now?"

People cheat for lots of reasons, some of which include not having certain needs met in their present relationship .. maybe her new husband meets those needs.

Man, I feel bad for this d-bag's wife.