I hadn't considered trying the approach that says, "This makes me feel uncomfortable" as opposed to "You need to stop hitting on me."

Excellent advice.

Had she asked me, I would have just gone with the direct approach. Yes, it might have created a rift, but seriously, is this person such a big loss? I'd say good riddance, if not for the fact that she's friends with this tramp's girlfriend.

I'm glad she wrote you and not me.

Wet pirates drove their cars into dry telephone poles.

no offense, patrick, but i suspect your being a dude (gay dude, maybe more relevant? no clue) accounts for your "is it that big a loss?" attitude. women don't usually toss their friends as easily as men, and decidedly not as easily as you (yes, I've been following you, as well as others, on Amy's column for the better part of a year. you're not the warmest). the point being, the useful commentary here is what Amy said: have you tried direct communication? No? then try that before dumping the issue on the hitter-onner's partner. If I were in her shoes, that would be my first question.

Rachel, perhaps you need to read my response again. I suggested that being confrontational with the girl who's all hands might cause a rift between LW and girlfriend's friend. And to that, I said, "No big loss." And it wouldn't be. She does not describe this person as a friend. She calls her her "friend's girlfriend."

I was not describing the potential loss of her friend as "no big loss." I was describing her interaction with her friend's girlfriend as "no big loss."

And you'll also notice that my "I'd say good riddance," came with an addendum, "if not for the fact that she's friend's with this tramp's girlfriend."

And if you've been following for a year -- way to make a good first impression, by the way. Could you possibly come across as any creepier? -- you'll also know I have no patience with people who cannot grasp simple English. Nothing was complicated in my original post, yet somehow it was all over your head.

Amy's advice is sound as usual. The LW may not be the only one who gets creepy vibes from that woman. So if she speaks up, others might feel encouraged that they can too or at least know that they are not alone.

I'm concerned that she feels its either go out with them (what I'm hoping is a group of friends containing that couple, as opposed to just the lw & this couple going out) or have NO social life. It might do her good to branch out and make other friends. Not necessarily drop the old friends. Just spend some time with other people and see how it goes. She'd feel less trapped at least.

There's definitely a creepy couple that's formed in my group of childhood friends. He flirts, she notices and reacts nastily towards him and whoever he's talking with. Its awkward. Thankfully I have other friends I can spend more time with when they're in town. I don't know if its cold that I avoid them. I just think they are not a couple capable of interacting in a polite or sane manner with single females.

I just suddenly get busy with friends I've made more recently from work, gym friends, book club friends or just stay home with a book. Following Amy's advice (in calling them out on the specific behaviors as they happen) would be satisfying and interesting to see how they react and how everyone else in the group reacts, "Excuse me, please stop trying to rub my arm, your wife is standing behind you and glaring daggers at me and I feel uncomfortable." I think things would either come to a head to some sort of breaking point (me being ousted or them being ousted or them breaking up with each other, the group splintering off I'm not sure...) or they'd back off and I and whoever else the make uncomfortable would be happier.

Women don't toss their friends as easily as men?
Um...it happens so frequently that its become a pop culture gag on various comedy media from Family Guy to South Park to standup Comedy.

The reverse is so rare that there isn't a comedy film or t.v. show out there that I've ever heard of that has even ever tried the "Guy can't stay friends with guys" bit, and if one tried, it wouldn't have any credibility. The closest they ever got to that was the Ben Stiller film where he got married and had no best friend, not because he dropped his male friends, but because he never made any while dating a girls.

Following Amy's advice (in calling them out on the specific behaviors as they happen) would be satisfying and interesting to see how they react and how everyone else in the group reacts, "Excuse me, please stop trying to rub my arm, your wife is standing behind you and glaring daggers at me and I feel uncomfortable."

I'm not sure I'd do the calling out in front of everybody. Since the goal is to get the person to stop, I think I'd try telling him or her privately at first, and only doing it in public if I really had to.

By the way, I may be really off-base here, but if the groper were a dude, would the question, or people's reactions, be the same?

Patrick, I re-read your first post, and I beg to differ. It reads like you're saying that the friend (not her gropey girlfriend) is no big loss. I get what you explained, but just so you know, your first post needed that clarification. I figured you wouldn't like what I said - you're entitled. But please don't tell me you haven't been following the regulars on this blog too; I'm sure you notice and have opinions about the people who are regularly posting here. Also - "first impression"? I've posted on here many times before (not regularly or as much as you and others), but obviously you've never noticed.

I rarely comment on this board, and almost never follow in real-time. I'm just jumping on momentarily to say that Patrick's first post was both perfectly clear in meaning and pleasant in tone, which is more than can be said for the replies to it.

@ Old RPM Daddy. Good call on doing it privately.

As for the gender I think my basic response would be the same if it were or a man or woman doing the groping. What I thought was, "Awkward couple dragging other people into their drama." Although in the LW's case, one member of the couple is turning a blind eye while the other one seems to be the main culprit.

Now that I"m thinking about it more. I'm probably reading too much into my situation and the LW might be reading too much into her situation too. If the groper (sorry not sure what else to call her) is generally friendly and touchy-feely with everyone she meets, the groper's girlfriend might just be used to it and not deriving meaning from it the way the LW is. The drink thing may or may not be significant.

I can definitely sympathize with the LW. I find stomach pokes and shoulder rubs from casual acquaintances very irritating. But some people, I've noticed are comfortable being more touchy-feely with just about everybody they talk to and its not intended as a come-on

Thank you, No one special.

Um, Robert, using pop culture, comedy films, and TV shows as your reference points for how women behave in real life is a really, really bad idea. Pop culture is famously misogynistic, and almost all comedy films and TV shows are written by men.

It's like thinking you've learned everything you need to know about having a fulfilling sexual relationship with a real, live woman by watching porn.

"Pop culture is famously misogynistic, and almost all comedy films and TV shows are written by men. "

You're joking, right?

I'm afraid I have to agree Rachel, while Patrick does have a penchant for not being clear on some subjects, and a bad habit of PMSing all over anyone who points it out, in this case I understood what he meant.

"Pop culture is famously misogynistic..."

That is quite possibly the funniest thing I've read all year.

M'kay, I can concede to the majority. Must have just been me the day I read it. But I appreciate the point that Patrick PMSes over anyone who points out his imperfect communications.

I know the guys who don't believe that misogyny exists in pop culture will actually read the articles below, but here's a nice sample to get anyone started who is interested:

http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/jurisprudence/2013/06/why_cops_don_t_believe_rape_victims_and_how_brain_science_can_solve_the.html?wpisrc=most_viral

http://www.forbes.com/sites/erikkain/2011/11/04/ending-sexism-and-misogyny-in-pop-culture/

http://www.cracked.com/article_19785_5-ways-modern-men-are-trained-to-hate-women.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women_in_Refrigerators

NOTE FROM AMY: Please don't post multiple links. Predictably, this caused your multiple posts you tried to make go to my spam folder. I'm going to go retrieve them and delete the duplicates.

Well, Rachel, you're always free to skip over what I write. I certainly do that people that I have no use for. As for not being clear on certain subjects, I sometimes like to share information in a noncommittal way, seeing what the response will be on the board.

Some, such as Radwaste and luj, are driven to distraction by someone having the unspeakable nerve to share information without sharing their opinion on it, therefore they devolve into a kind of frenzy I normally associate with rabid dogs, and will accuse me of supporting it.

If I presented statistics on the holocaust, for instance, as to how many of each ethnic group were murdered, and didn't -- in the same post -- condemn it with every fiber of my being, I'd be accused of supporting it, of worshiping Hitler and celebrating his birthday, and having copies of "Mein Kampf" in every room of my home and a statue of Hitler in the garden.

Hi Amy - I didn't know about the no multiple links rule, my apologies!

I made multiple attempts to post because I got a generic error message. I don't know if you have any control over what the error page looks like, but a "your post was rejected due to multiple links" or something similar would have stopped me from attempting to make the post more than once. Again, my apologies for the inconvenience.

"I know the guys who don't believe that misogyny exists in pop culture will actually read the articles below" - womanon

1. I doubt it
2. I dont recall anyone ever saying they didnt believe - I think they were pointing out that there is more misandry

Patrick, when you parrot info(info we are already aware of) scores of times, it comes ascross as an endorsement, especially considering your refusal to disagree when specifically invited to do so

lujlp - I agree that there is plenty of misandry in pop culture, too. The relative amounts of misandry versus misogyny is a tar pit I don't care to wade into.

"Some, such as Radwaste and luj, are driven to distraction by someone having the unspeakable nerve to share information without sharing their opinion on it, therefore they devolve into a kind of frenzy I normally associate with rabid dogs, and will accuse me of supporting it."

And now this is about Patrick - once again. And that statement is false.

It could just be the difference between someone who is very touchy-feely and one that is not.

I tend to feel uncomfortable when someone outside of my nuclear family gets all huggy and touchy with me. Other people do not feel the same.

This might be a POV issue.

Of course, it might also be a groper run amok amidst the lesbians.

This thread has been helpful to me. I am suffering through witnessing the full-body-press hugs from a sexy young thang who seems to need to greet my bf this way every time. In a large group of friends, I become so embarrassed. I don't want her body against my man's body, even if she is of the touchy-feely genre. I mean what is she-a down syndrome toddler? She doesn't do it with husbands at all. That, and her boyfriend is standing right there, too. Maybe this says more about my man allowing it. Hmph.

I call this type of woman a "hanging from the ceiling girl". She will come at you at full volume with her arms in the air until you embrace her back. Totally awkward.