Try to be realistic about this, too. If he's the guy I know who paved an acre of prime Florida barrier island - one with flora otherwise not found north of Cuba - you might not want to take too much credit for driving the Prius in the driveway.

There are other ways to make your guy green. For instance, it is a seriously conservative tactic to buy a mint 15-year-old Buick with a V6 from some retiree than it is to drive the market for hybrids, which have terrible overall ecological costs (fuel is not the whole story).

I loved the first sentence. I was wondering, "Is she a pretty girl who happens to be green? Or is she a girl who just happens to be pretty green?"

Such ambiguity. As Kermit tells us, "it's not that easy being green."

Now, you've hit on my favorite question. It's the question that people ask that starts with, "How do I get him to...?"

You don't.

She has the possibility of perhaps influencing his habits for the better. Or he might not. If that's the dealbreaker, she needs to say good-bye.

It reminds me of the woman who wrote you some years ago who gained a lot of weight after having her two children, whose husband kept buying her clothes in her old size. Her question was, "How do I get him to accept that this is the way it is now?"

Oh, the irony. I agree with Patrick: you can't.

What was Amy's response to the woman with the clothes in two sizes?

Just like cat people should be with cat people and dog people should be with dog people, sanctimonious scolds should be with sanctimonious scolds. This relationship won't last.

I dunno. I color myself medium-green. I'm an old boy scout. My wife, on the other hand, is electric lime green. Accordingly, she bikes to work, and I drive. She composts, I use the disposal.

We've managed to stay married for 25 years or so.

Lamont

Milk drives to work in telephone pole shaped pirate cows.

@Patrick: Such ambiguity. As Kermit tells us, "it's not that easy being green."

Heh; I hadn't though of it that way! But now that you bring it up, what's the first image that comes to mind?

Sorry, I was geeking pretty seriously, there. But back to the subject at hand: One can debate endlessly about the effectiveness of this or that approach to conservation (and I'm sure the LW has). However, she's got to decide for herself whether she can live with her boyfriend the way he is, because there's no way she can make him change, or make him do anything, for that matter.

...because there's no way she can make him change, or make him do anything, for that matter.

This is such a hard lesson for people to learn. Seriously. Because a lot of people don't see the situation in terms of "how can I be a better influence on them?" so much as they see it as "how can I make them do what I think they should do?"

If we want the other person in our life to be more like us, wouldn't we just find someone who is already? Instead of trying to change them? Reminds me of that play "I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change"

Julie, Amy's response to the woman with clothing in two sizes was that she should take the weight off. Her husband likes what he likes, and men are hardwired to prefer women who display the visible signs of fertility. Therefore, the only adjustable variable in the equation was the woman's size.

Old RPM Daddy, I was thinking when she described herself as "pretty green," I was thinking, "Yeah, my skin is green, but not as green as this woman.

Is There An Eco In Here?

Another good one!

the Great Pacific Garbage Patch

On a related note, I just finished reading an interesting book, which I'd recommend: Plastics: A Toxic Love Story. Among the things I learned: it was a Wyeth (from the painting Wyeths) who invented polyethylene teraphthalate (more commonly known as PET.)

Yeah, my skin is green, but not as green as this woman.

Damn!

Keep nagging him. Something will happen.

Dog and cat people CAN live happily ever after... provided it's not due to a serious allergy. We have both. Life is good. :)

That said, the only bit I'd add to the advice given here is, given that the relationship is fairly established but still new, it might be worth it to say something like, "I know you aren't as into the green movement as I am, but it would mean a lot to me if you'd be willing to help me in what I do because I feel so strongly about it." Of course, I belong to the "can't hurt to ask" community. Stating that it's something you'd like gives him a chance to say yes or no. You can then move accordingly.

To me, this is not that different from somebody who loves to paint. You don't have to love to paint to make your partner happy by going to the art museum or go along on a trip to the art supply shop. BUT... the painter can't expect the partner to magically know it'd make him/her happy. Ask for what you want and you give your partner a chance to make you happy.

That said, I do smell the dose of "you're doing it wrong, you need to be like me" in the writing. So, the question about a relationship versus a 2-person political movement is spot-on.

Shannon, eco at the level that the LW is talking about is a religion, and a very close-minded and intolerant one at that. As is the case with anyone in a cult-like community, she needs to either stay inside the sect, or renounce it. That is, if she's really looking for a mate, and not just being an evangelist disguised as a girlfriend.

@Patrick--Well, that one could go both ways, right? Husband can't make his wife to lose weight, he can only accept her how she is now--or not.

(Of course, I get that Wife was the one writing in, so directing advice to the husband wouldnt have been helpful.)

What do you want from this guy? Are you viewing him as a potential husband or as a fun-for-now guy? Be honest with yourself.

If you're viewing him as a temporary guy, who cares. He's effectively a friend. Do you require such vigilance from all your friends?

If he's a future husband or common law husband it is a bigger issue, because you don't want your home to be a place you consider immoral. Would you be willing to do the heavy lifting of making your home a green home? Would you provide the bins and bring everything to where it needs to go if your city doesn't pick it up? Would you do the research about solar roofs and wash the cloth diapers and what not?

If you're willing to do the work to make it happen, and not resent him, then I see no problem with it. I have a similar situation, I'm veg, my husband isn't. I am not comfortable living in a house that has meat in it (I am not writing this to enter a debate about this, I know this board's opinion on vegs, I've been here since circa 2005, you haven't changed my mind). My husband and I discussed this. He eats meat outside the house, the house is veg BUT I do all the cooking and grocery shopping and prep. I'm the one with the issue, it's up to me to do the extra work.

If you can accept that his eco standards are more lax, and you can do the extra work to make your home comfortable and compatible with your morals, it can work.

If not, then no, you need to move on.

Shannon, very true. It does work both ways. She can decide -- as she told Amy -- "this is the way it is now."

Unfortunately, that's not her husband's taste, and he's not likely to change that. So if she's going to decide that she's going to live the rest of her life as a plus-sized woman, she'll also have to accept the fact that she has a husband who is not attracted to her, and possibly repulsed by her.

Of course, I don't remember the letter verbatim, or Amy's response, but what I got from her letter, also, is the sense that she's now "stuck" as a plus-sized woman, couldn't change if she wanted to, and that the husband has to accept that. Amy did also address that, pointing out that it doesn't have to be that way.

In a way, it's also somewhat dishonest of her. She has a model's figure when she was single, and now that she's got a man to make a lifetime commitment to her, she's got the right to grow to a plus size and the husband has to accept it, or he's just a mean old sexist pig.

Fair enough.

But as Amy also pointed out, supposed she was attracted to a high-powered CEO who made millions every year. Does he suddenly get to decide, now that he's married, that he gets to quit the stressful job and move into a two-room shack?

"Hey, you promised me at the altar, 'for richer or poorer.'"

A milky pirate cowed a wet telephone pole while driving to work.

"My husband and I discussed this. He eats meat outside the house, the house is veg BUT I do all the cooking and grocery shopping and prep"

I like this arrangement. I'm not a veg but if I had a partner that made nothing but vegetarian dishes inside the home I could easily adapt.