The Marines have a cure for that. It's just a bad habit. She doesn't care. Live with it, get her to change, or leave. You can't fine her, reduce her in rank, or put her in the brig.

I learned, in my 40s, that one of the known side-effects of my lifelong neurological disorder (right-brain complex partial seizure disorder, to be specific) is an inability to accurately estimate time. That was a great relief to me to learn. I'm not an idiot who is always late because she thinks she can sort out the sock drawer, translate the Iliad, and do microsurgery on the cat before heading to work. Just . . . challenged. What I do with that information is not say, "Oh that's just the way I am, love it or leave it." Instead, I treat it like any other disability. I know I have this problem, so I stay aware of it. If I find myself thinking, "I'll just check a few blogs before leaving to meet mom" I stop, realize this is "one of those times," and don't get sucked into an activity that will make me late. It sounds so simple, but it's really been a process of self-training. And if little ol' neurologically challenged me can do it, surely the LW's girlfriend can.

Any time someone makes a choice to do "one more thing" before they leave to meet someone for a planned activity, they have consciously or unconsciously prioritized the thing(s) that made them late ahead of you, and your time.

Being habitually late is rude, and self centered. It doesnt matter how inoucuous your intentions are. This is a bad habit that no friend or lover should be willing to put up with.

In essence it is a malignant form of procrastination.

Get over it or find yourself running around with a lot of similarly unreliable friends.

If you are a willing doormat for this sort of crap,you have bigger problems than the habitually late.

If we're just talking a few minutes, it really isn't anything to get all stressed out about. You can let her know that this bothers you, but trying to force her to change is likely to work out as well as it always does, i.e., not.

If she's someone you otherwise want to be with, you can work around this problem. If there is some fixed time you have to be somewhere, like getting to a concert on time, then plan to meet a bit early for an aperitif; if she's a few minutes late, no big deal.

It can be the overly punctual people who are "controlling", trying to the other people and the whole world to march to their schedule. Relax, have a cup of coffee, read a couple of pages, check a blog. Drumming your fingers in impatience doesn't improve anything.

No way, random guy, it's the late people who are control freaks who think everyone is their b@#$h and has nothing better to do than sit around and wait for them.

If you and I agree that we're going to meet at 7:00, then that's something we're doing together. It's not part of a sneaky plan for me to show up on time and get on your case for being late. It requires a bit of planning to be there on time. I will do whatever it takes to figure out how long it takes to get there. This has to do with considering my friend's comfort instead of wanting to get a few more things important to me personally done at the last minute. So in the end, it comes down to "Am I going to make the effort to meet my friend" versus "I'm going to do what I want to do, and my friend has to adjust to that." It has nothing to do with a tight-ass insistence on abiding with the clock, it has to do with cooperation and agreement with a friend.

Nothing more than self centered arrogance. If it wasn't something done on purpose, she'd show up on time at least ONCE by ACCIDENT!

Lateness is a deal breaker for me. Once you reach adulthood, you should have this skill mastered. The Wall Street Journal has an article about extreme lateness out its site right now. what floors me is the number of people who think its okay to be HOURS late to parties , dinners, or wherever bc lateness is a cultural thing. Here is the link:

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887323566804578549652780855048.html?mod=trending_now_1

Seems to me the comments section is pretty hostile towards this woman. My husband is always late. He has NO sense of time, just none. He's not being rude, or controlling, he just has no idea how time works.

And I can nag him all I want, but all it's going to do is cause unhappiness. So, instead, if we're supposed to meet somewhere, like we have dinner reservations, I'll tell him the reservations are for 7:00, when I actually made them for 7:30.

In my experience, telling someone that events start at an earlier time, setting the clock back half-an-hour strategy might work for about two weeks. After that, the habitually late person factors in the extra time and starts being late again.

Where is all this extreme anger coming from? Yes, lateness is an annoying habit, but calm down people. You're scaring me. The LW is not a murderer or child abuser.

Correction: I meant "the LW's girlfriend" is not a murderer or child abuser. Do we have to have her so much?

So, instead, if we're supposed to meet somewhere, like we have dinner reservations, I'll tell him the reservations are for 7:00, when I actually made them for 7:30.

My friends used to do this with me, too. Unless it was for something like a concert, which states on the ticket what time it starts, I was chronically late for stuff, until I figured out my friends were telling me to be somewhere half an hour before they wanted me there! Then I made it more of a point to be on time, every time. Now, half the time or more, I'm always a little bit early for things. (My boss loves that!)

I have a few friends who are chronically late. One routinely arrived 30+ minutes late for dinner plans. I sat outside her house for 45 minutes once, waiting for her to get home from a dinner she thought she could squeeze in before our plans to go out. I simply stopped waiting for her, without malice or rancor. She got a little defensive at first, but really seems to make an effort now to be on time.

The other friends, all siblings, we just joke about running on their own, slower, sense of time. They're awesome people, generous, intelligent, and caring. I've found that just going with their flow results in a far better time than insistence on adhering to a schedule.

I second the book recommendation. I read it for work, and it's definitely a help for those who need time management help.

I wonder how many non refundable plane flights you have to miss due to chronic lateness before you decide that this is not a good lifetime plan?

Anf if you can control your tardiness when it costs you out the ying yang, what does this say about your priorities?

I was once stood up on a date, or at least, I thought I was. I was (I kid you not) EXACTLY 12 minutes late - she wasn't there, I naturally assumed she was just late, so I dutifully waited an hour for her - nothing, no show, and she'd turned her phone off. Her explanation afterwards was: "I waited around for 10 minutes and you didn't come, so I left!" .. wtf .. and she was the indignant one :/

if you can control your tardiness when it costs you out the ying yang, what does this say about your priorities?

Really good point. I have a very close friend who was chronically late for all social obligations (half an hour at least). And yet she was always on time for work...and for flights.

I think anyone who's feeling like a doormat because of chronically late people in their life just need to refuse to tolerate their lateness. Stop putting up with it. Pick a threshold (20 minutes late? 30?). And then, once that threshold is reached, leave. Text the late person that you have to cancel. Give then consequences.

Going back to my chronically late friend, it took me ONE time to retrain her. We had reservations at 7 for a really tiny tapas place that is always super packed. I showed up at 6:55. By 7:20, the waitress was starting to give me the stink-eye. So, I apologized, paid for the drink I'd ordered and left. I then texted my friend that I felt "Really bad depriving the waitstaff of income due to this delay" -- And that I'd meet her at the pizza joint across the street. She arrived at 7:45, muttering how hard it was to find parking in that neighborhood and angry and disappointed that she was going to have to eat pizza instead of getting the fancy tapas she had her heart set on. But you know what? She cooled down and apologized. She has never been late for me since then, although she is still late for others in our social circle.

Consequences, people. They work wonders.

Where is all this extreme anger coming from?

People on this blog excel at being Very Angry About Everything. It's good to be good at something.

It's good to be good at something.

Keep working on the snarkiness. You'll be good at it someday.

I run into this issue with my husband a lot. He insists that when people say they want to meet at 7 pm, they really mean between 7:30 an 8, and showing up on time is rude, because they won't be ready. I told him I'm not a seer. If people want me there at 8, they should say 8, because otherwise I will be there at 7.

It made me a little nuts that we were late for everything right after we had the baby. He was still operating on no-kids time, where we could get ready to leave in 5 minutes. Now we need to add 30 minutes to our departure time, at least.

I go by the five-minute rule. That is, I'll assume one watch is 2.5 minutes fast and the other 2.5 minutes slow. So, you get there within 5 minutes of whatever time it's supposed to be and THAT is the on-time window.

There are little fluctuations in life that can cause a few minutes of delay here or there, like randomly hitting all red lights or getting stuck behind somebody who mistakes 35 mph as 15 mph.

That said, I don't like lateness beyond my 5-min allowance. I'll put up with it on occasion (you know, snow storms and such), but not much more.

I will add though that I'm a bit shocked at the vitriol at the "one more thing" notion. Yes, it is rude and inconsiderate if it makes you late. However, if it doesn't, well, then what's the harm?

Say you're doing dishes and you have one spoon left, it's not going to make or break your arrival time! Obviously, if it's weeding the garden or balancing the checkbook, you need to consider how much time you have, but it's not selfish to check the clock and do one more thing if you can reasonably get it done in time. I'm thinking of cases such as you got back from the grocery store 10 minutes before you expected, so you decide you have time before meeting a friend to do a 5-8 minute chore like starting a load of laundry or something.

a_random_guy: It can be the overly punctual people who are "controlling", trying to the other people and the whole world to march to their schedule. Relax, have a cup of coffee, read a couple of pages, check a blog. Drumming your fingers in impatience doesn't improve anything.

Nicole: No way, random guy, it's the late people who are control freaks who think everyone is their b@#$h and has nothing better to do than sit around and wait for them.

To me, you're both right, depending on how late someone is. I think someone who gets bent out of shape over a person being just a few minutes late is controlling. But if a person is consistently very late, forcing others to wait for them for quite some time, then I think that's controlling behavior.

I was once stood up on a date, or at least, I thought I was. I was (I kid you not) EXACTLY 12 minutes late - she wasn't there, I naturally assumed she was just late, so I dutifully waited an hour for her - nothing, no show, and she'd turned her phone off. Her explanation afterwards was: "I waited around for 10 minutes and you didn't come, so I left!" .. wtf .. and she was the indignant one :/

Lobster, "being on time" was obviously on her short list of must-haves. Since you were 10 minutes late, I have to guess you aren't her type. Hopefully it was a first date, and no harm, no foul. No sense in either of you being indignant.

The elephant in the room here, is that "no one " in this digital age needs to sit by a landline drumming their fingers waiting for someone to either show up, or call and explain their tardiness.

If you are running more than five minutes late, it is really inexcuseable to not call someone proactively and say, "i am so sorry, something happened, can you wait a few more minutes for me. If not, I will completely understand if we need to reschedule"

Even when I am in Japan, I can receive a freakin text for five cents.

See how easy that is?

Ah, Isab, the rules, the rules.

Here's one for all of you tech-never-fails types: I was on my way to a coffee shop to meet a fellow job-searcher (a very by-the-rules, self-important, my no-longer-existent-job was bigger than your no-longer-existent-job type), and my phone died. The charger was in the trunk. There were two accidents on the two freeways I needed to travel, and I was twenty-five miles from the coffee shop, inching along.

I got there an hour late, plugged in the phone, but he never answered my calls/messages again (ever); I got home and emailed him and explained what happened.

He was furious, adamant that I had slaughtered all the blue-eyed blonde-haired little girls in the state during that missing hour, reversed the Earth's rotation and thrown half the world's population into orbit by surprise, resurrected Jesus and stabbed him in the eye with a pen, and failed to recycle my water bottle.

He never spoke to me again, even in person at our group meeting. I'm sure he relives the horror of that lost hour over and over to this day.

No great loss.

You see, unlike your business acquaintance, i would have probably forgiven a one off.

However, i would have stopped and pulled the charger out of the trunk at the fifteen minute mark. It is the polite thing to do.

I was thinking more of the day I lost in Germany in 1982 when I stayed home waiting for a friend from the US to call me from the nearest train station so I could pick her up. This is the same friend who once missed a plane from Denver to New York, leaving me to spend most of the day waiting at the Newark Airport.

We are no longer friends, Guess why?

"However, i would have stopped and pulled the charger out of the trunk at the fifteen minute mark. It is the polite thing to do."

I suppose I could have exited the car in the middle of the creeping-around-the-wreckage freeway.

But then I'd be telling this tale from a wheelchair, so fuck that.

As I said before, Otherwise courteous and thoughtful people are forgiven a rare lapse of an hour or more.

People who are 20 minutes late every---damn---time without calling ahead are passive aggressive assholes, and not worthy of your time.

But seriously, what businessman keeps their charger in their trunk? My husband doesn't even do that, and he has lost every single coat, I have ever bought him, and every pair of sunglasses he has ever had.

Time is tricky. I am a "right on time person" most of the time. I do get to work early because there is always an endless stream of work to do, but get somewhere early just to sit around? No.

My husband is an early person and it drives me crazy. I have a hundred and one things to do at home, but we have to rush out the door so that we can stand around in the movie lobby for an hour before they will let us in? A two hour concert costs us 6 hours because he like to come in early and leave late. And when we are getting ready to travel, time floats. He tells me that we will leave at 3:00 and then changes it to noon and tells me at 11:30. Of course, he is upset because I am "late". I follow the 5 minute rule. If I am within 5 minutes + or - its good enough. Just let me know what "on time" is - as soon as possible.

My husband does not understand that I cannot just compress time. He'll suddenly say that we need to leave in 20 minutes. Okay I do it. I'm ready. Yes, I'm quite adaptable. But then he'll complain that I didn't shower and wash my hair. Um. I can't do that in 20 minutes. I end up starting over because we actually had more time, but he was trying to get me to hurry. This wastes time and drives me crazy.

My sister on the other hand - oy. She is always late - usually by about 2 hours. Somehow it's MY fault. I should have called her. I should have told her to be there early, etc, etc. the last time, I called her before I stepped on the plane to visit her and she complained that I was calling her too early. She asked me to call her when I got off the plane to help her be on time. I did so before I even picked up our luggage, and she screamed that I did not give her enough time.

"But seriously, what businessman keeps their charger in their trunk? "

Not your husband, that's for sure. Poor bastard. No Mistakes Allowed. There Are Rules.

My husband is not a businessman who has to rely on arranging meetings at coffee places, through electronic means.

He is on no tether at all, and for ten months out of the year, we live and work 8000 miles away from each other, but he is an extremely courteous individual who is almost never late to any event with anyone. West Point kind of beats that into people. When he is late, it concerns me a great deal, because like Amy, i know there is a strong possibility that something bad has happened.

Men tend to be a little more blase about these things than women do, because their attitude is, "if someone was killed on the freeway, they will read about it in the paper tomorrow, so no worries, right?

I am an army brat and work in show biz where time is money so I am usually running ahead of schedule. (On time is late) I also have a lousy sense of direction and tend to get lost in unfamiliar surroundings so I make sure to allow myself time for that as well. I tend to arrive places at least 15 minutes early. I don’t expect people to be as early as I am, but I do expect them to at least arrive within a reasonable window of time, or in the very least text or call me if they are running late. If it’s something where time doesn’t matter, I’ll patiently wait. If time matters, I can usually find a way to help them out (like getting the tickets, or getting a table, etc..) and will wait as long as reasonable before it becomes a problem. If necessary, I have no problems rescheduling for someone who is generally contentious.

I have a girlfriend who is constantly late. As in, by half hour - two hour stretches. It almost inevitably makes whomever was waiting for her late for something and almost always when time matters. She actually lost a gig once because of her continual tardiness to rehearsals.. She once was so late getting ready to go to a show that we were all attending together that it actually caused an enormous disruption when we tried to get to our seats.

I should note that she's diagnosed with a social anxiety disorder and OCD so doing “one more thing” takes her more time than the average person. For instance, washing a spoon would take less than a minute for most people. For her, it’s a five minute stretch of just washing as well as drying, and while putting it away she’ll see that the spoons aren’t organized so she’ll fix those really quick and the next thing you know, washing the spoon becomes reorganizing the entire utensil drawer. She also gets lost easy as her sense of directions is worse than mine.

I know she doesn't do it on purpose but I also don't allow myself to be held hostage by her inattentiveness to time, either. I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve just stopped waiting for her. I arrange to meet her somewhere and if she's late, I go on without her. Her husband drives separately so he’s not late. She knows by now that I will allow her a ten-fifteen minute window but after that, I’m going with or without her. She won't come at all to certain events now because by the time she's ready, it's nearly over and then she gets expresses her annoyances that she's missing stuff or losing money on her ticket because she's late. I have no tolerance for her bitching. In my opinion, because so many other people have coddled her for it, and have just accepted that she’s going to be late, she’s become comfortable using her disorder as an excuse. I don't accept those as excuses for continual excessive tardiness because they are manageable. And, she manages to get to work on time. Her problem is she’s inconsistent and unpredictable. She also sometimes takes it personally when I tell her that I will NOT wait for her if she’s late so she needs to hustle. Her husband and her have actually argued about it. She thinks he’s too anal, he thinks she’s too lax and doesn’t respect peoples time. I tend to side with her husband when she bitches to me about it. She knows she has these issues and yet, she’s not really going out of her way to make it better so she’s not earning any points from me.

Conscientious…. not contentios...

Agreed, JD, and it depends for what event. I'll generally give leeway of 15 minutes to half an hour. Also if people tell me AHEAD of time I don't think it's rude, as in, "I'll try to be there by three but it depends what time the baby wakes up from his nap" or something.

For parties, people usually show up half an hour after the start time, I find. I serve appetizers for the hour following the start time, then the meal if there's a meal.

But if it's something like a rehearsal or meeting where a whole bunch of people took time to be there and need to get started, NOT cool.

I guess the reason I'm so hell bent about being on time is because, for me, time is precious. I have VERY little free time. I work a full time job on top of running my theatre company and working as a professional actor. I plan very carefully so if someone is late, it throws my entire schedule. Even if it's just social, it usually involves something that has a time restriction. And, being late for an audition or rehearsals in my line of work can cost you a gig, thus costing a paycheck. My mindset is always "Time is valuable". Again, I do make exceptions for one-off situations but chronically late people garner no sympathy from me.

To me, the message that a chronically late person sends is "I don't care about your time." It's inconsiderate and in some ways I feel it's a passive-aggresive way of being controlling when you force people to wait for you. So, I don't wait. If my time isn't valuable to you, than you're friendship isn't valuable to me.

Your* not you're... Jesus.... two for two today...

I don't understand the chronically late, either. The message being sent is that they don't want to go where they're going so they put it off as long as they can.

As for being late for auditions, I'm surprised so many actors have not read Michael Shurtleff's book, "Audition." It is truly the definitive work for actors trying to land a part and even how to improve their acting.

When you're late for an audition, there's only one thing to say, "I'm so sorry I'm late. I got held up at another audition."

It's a perfect excuse because it tells people that you're desirable, if someone is detaining you at an audition. And it's also a reason they readily understand, because regardless of how much directors, producers and managers claim they are sticklers for time, they have kept people late during auditions.

Regarding Amy's advice, I'm certain it's good, but the problem is, she didn't write him for advice. He did. He can lead a horse to water, and all that.

If it's that important to him, his only recourse really is to dump her.

"and for ten months out of the year, we live and work 8000 miles away from each other"

I don't blame him.

How about we talk about how people are early to everything too. This pisses me off so damn badly I want to scream!! I have an certain family member that I told to come at 5pm for Christmas dinner even though I told everyone else 4:30. Guess what time she showed up?? 4:00!!
I am more of a 15 min late person but no entire big group shows up to a party or dinner exactly on time and dinner is never ready then either. I don't try to do it at all. I am not a self-absorbed jerk by any means. For whatever reason I can't always time things right. Maybe it comes from a mom who will be late to her own funeral because she certainly will not be ready! I don't know. Other than that I'm a nice person, I swear! Also, seriously, you are totally in love with someone and you'd break up with them for lateness? Good luck being alone forever!

Uh, CC. Not everyone is chronically late. So, if the LW chooses to break up with his girlfriend because she's chronically late, all he has to do is find someone who isn't.

It's that simple.

I telephoned a Pole and dryly told him about a pirate driving a wet cow to work.

When you're late for an audition, there's only one thing to say, "I'm so sorry I'm late. I got held up at another audition."

It's a perfect excuse because it tells people that you're desirable, if someone is detaining you at an audition. And it's also a reason they readily understand, because regardless of how much directors, producers and managers claim they are sticklers for time, they have kept people late during auditions.

This is brilliant and soooo true. Too bad, half the actors I know aren't smart enough to do that. They'll make up excuses about traffic, or whatever... I've discoverd that I actually book more work, when I'm already working on a project, than when I'm not working at all. Appearing in demand is essential. They'll usually make allowances for time if you're working; That is generally one of the only exceptions.

And, I don't think I've ever been to an audition that wasn't running behind anyway. But being that it's ultra competitive, I believe in giving myself every advantage by being on time and making myself appear professional throughout the whole process.

Most times, showing up a little late to an audition isn't the end of the world, unless its a screen test. Half the time they won't even know anyway as you check in with a monitor who'll send you in when they are ready to see you. Showing up late to set, or rehearsal on the other hand... you might as well have been off killing babies.

"...she’s become comfortable using her disorder as an excuse."

@Sabrina: Your friend HAS to be my ex-wife! Describes her to a T. It's a primary reason she's an ex. The interesting thing (in hindsight, anyway) is that it got progressively worse through the marriage, when we were dating and early-on it wasn't too bad. Then it just became another scene in the never-ending power struggle. Ah, good memories!!

I once had a prospective employer who was extremely late for a job interview. After agonizing over what to do (Did not want to just leave the impression that I had nothing else to do) and after having had second thoughts about how badly I wanted the position, I decided I had had enough and got up to leave just as she waltzed in the door, apologizing. We chatted briefly and I finally told her I was no longer interested.

I once had a friend who was always so very late.
This was when we were in our early 20s and big into alternative music and the NY club scene so we liked meeting in Manhattan.
I had to drive in from Jersey and he'd take the train in and we'd meet at his stop.
He was so chronically late it was ridiculous and I am an on-time person. I would be circling the block for an hour or trying to find free parking, etc.
He finally owned up to having OCD when he went to a therapist and got put on meds.
What a big difference in his life that made! He was always stuck home "checking" things and turning the light switch up and down and washing his hands. He'd get all the way to the train and be sure he hadn't locked the door or had left the iron on. He was a slave to it until the behavioral therapy and medication!

I was invited to a small afternoon couples baby shower once, starting at 2 p.m. There was a lot of traffic, and we were 10 minutes late arriving, which I was embarrassed about, being very punctual as a rule.

The hosts weren't even ready--the husband was in the shower and the wife had just gotten out of the shower and was putting dishes in the dishwasher. She said, "Oh, sorry, I should have sent you text--we're running about 45 minutes late." Great. My husband and I sat in their living room watching sports while they finished getting ready and prepping stuff around us.

Most of the rest of the guests showed up around 3:30. The guest of honor didn't show up until 4:30. They made a joke about it being their "culture" to always be late (both host & guest of honor and the rest of the other guests are from a different country originally), but then TELL ME THAT in advance so I don't sit around like an ass, waiting for everyone else.

As it was, we left shortly after because we had plans that evening, mistakenly believing that the party was going to be an afternoon party.

They're not bad people, but I know now not to believe any start times they propose.

Amy, this is great advice - thank you for sharing it and for he book recommendation.

I cobbled together that approach under duress (threatened with being dumped) about 18 years ago, and your blog could have spared me a lot of counter-productive distress.

Keeping the log didn't solve all of my time related problems, but it improved my performance noticeably in short order (which bought me a reprieve from the girlfriend) and gave be a great foundation for figuring out the other pieces of the puzzle that is my experience of time.

The girlfriend is now my partner of nineteen years, made possible in part by the precedent set when she piped up and then trusted me as I hustled and fumbled
to bridge the gap (we've both become more graceful over time). Your advice up front could have saved us a lot of grief and aggravation!

"Lobster, "being on time" was obviously on her short list of must-haves. Since you were 10 minutes late, I have to guess you aren't her type"

For the record, she was the one interested in me back then, I wasn't interested in her (she even tried to kiss me once). We're still friends today, incidentally. I think the episode had more to do with the fact that she had a bunch of emotional issues .. e.g. she ended up cheating on her boyfriend, a.o. things, and has recently become a single mom. (Turning off your phone and letting the other person wait for an hour is not a case of 'I'm not your type', it's a case of being inconsiderate and self-centered and overly-dramatic.)

"When he is late, it concerns me a great deal, because like Amy, i know there is a strong possibility that something bad has happened. Men tend to be a little more blase about these things than women do"

Not this man :/ One of the reasons I was upset at the aforementioned turning off her phone and letting me wait is precisely that I began to worry something bad had happened to her. A close friend of mine was killed in a traffic accident just a year or two before that and so when someone is late and you can't get hold of them, it's the first thing that runs through my mind, as that's what happened with my friend.

Lobster, You clearly get it, about why being habitually late, is rude, and why the well mannered dont make it a habit. Anything that causes unnecessary worry and concern to your friends and loved ones, is something that kind people try to avoid.

It is just my perception, since most of the men in my life are engineers,that it is never malice that keeps a man from being concerned, it is just that they usually dont multi task well, and when they get really focused, they tend to forget the small stuff.

This woman who left after you were ten minutes late, did you an extremely big favor. She seems to have ssues that make her kind of unreliable, to put it mildly.

What an interesting thread! I am one of the punctual types. I don't like to keep people waiting, as I think it is incredibly rude and sends the message that I think MY time is the most important. This is also true for appointments with manicurists, hairdressers, etc. Because it throws off their timing for all their clients for the rest of the day. Not cool. Someone said something about being TOO punctual. What does that mean? Early? That is not good either. When I give a dinner party or whatever, I try to be ready half an hour or so early so I can relax, have a glass of wine, and be ready for my guests. If they showed up an hour and a half late we would eat without them with no second thoughts (besides never to invite them again).

When I was in college, we were expected to wait for an instructor according to his or her rank. An associate professor, 10 minutes, a full professor 20 minutes. After that we could leave. In the Air Force, I learned of the Mandatory Military 15 minutes early. If you show up for a military appointment or FAA event after the scheduled time, you will find the door locked, and you will have to reschedule and face the unpleasant consequences. This is something that mostly men experience.

I have been out of the military for over 20 years, but I still feel the need to be on time.

Mrs. Teflon has always been chronologically challenged. As someone above noted, after a couple of weeks of telling her we had to be places an hour before we really dd, she self-adjusted and that stopped working. I have found it's best to tell her what time she needs to start getting ready.

I have a brilliant friend who's chronically extremely late. She's a perfectionist. It's insufferable. If she doesn't like the way she looks in an outfit, prepare to see every shirt in her entire wardrobe. I think it's just the way her brain is. In her case, I don't think it's about time estimation, but that she can't bear to go out not thinking that she looks perfect.

"Hello, my name is Jim, and I'm a time-a-holic. I am always trying to do one more thing and it often makes me late for something. I don't know when to stop trying to squeeze in one more thing. My wife often eats dinner by herself because I don't leave work early enough most nights. I lean on excuses to cover my ass. I try to convice myself that it is no big deal, that what I accomplish is more important than being late, that because I am doing something for someone else, it is somehow OK. I am such a fool, and I need help."

Ironically, once I started reading the comments this morning, I could not stop, and it made me late for work.

"Hi Jim."

I grew up being chronically late for things b/c of my dad. So I am, no matter what short of a heart attack, early for everything. Sometimes, this means I sit in my car a while as I know hostesses don't appreciate early guests. That's cool. I'd rather wait than be late.

I have a dear friend (and, obviously, my dad, as well as older bro and to a lesser extent younger bro) who can't be on time to save their life. I tell them to be ____ a good 30 mins before I want them there. I still wait a fair amount of time. I could froth at the mouth, or I could realize that this is the way it is and live accordingly. If I didn't get enough positives out of the relationship to balance out the late, it would be an issue. But I do, so I adjust accordingly.

Part of the reason I can adjust accordingly is I can realize I fall every bit as far on the other end of the spectrum. When I have to leave to get somewhere, I leave. Whatever I'm wearing or look like. Ditto for what my kids are wearing. So knowing that it takes opposites to balance the seesaw of life really helps.

"I'm not an idiot who is always late because she thinks she can sort out the sock drawer, translate the Iliad, and do microsurgery on the cat before heading to work."

Tip: knock the cat out first, it's easier.

I wonder: what does Bill Gates do?

Is there a correlation between success and timeliness?

"Is there a correlation between success and timeliness?"

Hmm, I think that's an excellent question ... I'd love to see some studies on this.

A quick Googling turns up this:

http://www.performwell.org/index.php/identify-outcomes/education/10-indicators/117-tardiness

Not exactly the type of study I'm looking for, but pretty close, and suggests you might be onto something there.