Absolutely! Writing is a solitary event. And your advice shows him how to explain this in a tactful and diplomatic way.

If she's at all interested in the topic, there might be a way to include her in this process. He could bounce ideas off her, and see what she thinks.

Caution: only do this if you're positive she can provide constructive feedback. If you start to do this and discover her opinions are about as useful as a square tire, she's going to feel rejected if you suddenly stop including her.

On the positive side, I like the way the man explains his writing for what it is: essentially, it's a hobby with aspirations.

Some people who haven't made a single dime off anything they've written like to call themselves writers.

There's a joke that goes like this:

"What do you do for work?"
"I'm a writer."
"I meant, what do you do for money?"

Telephone poles are often cowed by wet pirates driving dry cars.

"And when you aren't blackening pages, maybe make an effort to be extra-affectionate in addition to expressing appreciation for her support."

Especially recommended. Spent time with her over breakfast, then.

MAN

(Leans forward, tenderly kisses her on the forehead)

Thank you for a wonderful evening, darling. I have to retreat into my cave to get my morning word quota. You'll be all right? You can let yourself out?

WOMAN

(Smiling at him)

Of course, babe.

MAN

(Gently touches her cheek)

I love you. See you at lunch?

[Fadeout]

Most computer programmers have learned the art of interrupt processing. The person being interrupted realizes that the interrupting person is there, and (sometimes) makes some subtle gesture to acknowledge, then keeps working. The interrupt is held at the back of the mind until the person working reaches a convenient break point. The interrupter makes their interrupt, realizes that the interrupt has been received, and then waits. They may be waiting for several minutes. They realize that their presence is known; they know not to interrupt any further, and they don't take it personally.

I'm not sure that comparison is valid, Cousin Dave. A computer programmer might have a couple of options to get from point a to point b, but essentially, it's an exact science. A creative process has more options, some better than others. They might be racking their brains for that perfect word or phrase. And any interrupt could cause them to lose it.

Wow, sorry Patrick, but you really do not understand computer programming at all. Programming is highly mentally complex, you are juggling not 'a couple of options' (wow, just wow) but never less than 'dozens', and sometimes even hundreds of complex little mental details that you have to attend to and think of in your mind at once, all while thinking about and analyzing the overall structures and framework and logic ... interruptions are a MASSIVE and well-known problem for the programming industry. There have even been articles written on this, and one of the primary and most difficult goals in startup management, is interruption management. The significance of this point has even been focused on in movies - e.g. Social Network - they aren't exaggerating - it is 'make or break' - if you can't manage those interruptions, your startup is going down. If you are doing some complex programming work, it can literally only take one or interruptions in a day (and sometimes even just the *expectation* of being interrupted is enough), to obliterate your productivity for the entire day. It can take hours to build up the complex mental 'stack' for a challenging programming task, and just one interruption can make it come crashing down. It's even a common reason for bugs in software - if you have a mental stack of 30 details to attend to, and that's destroyed by an interruption - you're going to forget something.

This letter really hits home for me, we had some tension in our marriage as I - being under stress etc. - was overly harsh on my poor wife at some stage in trying to get the 'please don't interrupt when I'm concentrating' boundaries right (especially as I have a home office).

http://blog.ninlabs.com/2013/01/programmer-interrupted/

"Programmer, Interrupted"

Cousin Dave/Lobster - you are bang on target. My father, who was a theoretical physicist, taught this to me well. When he was in his study at home he wasn't generally available for chats etc (he was available to me a lot so this wasn't a problem for me). If I had to interrupt him, I'd walk in and hover silently. He'd lift his index finger above his head (head still down) which - as you so rightly indicated - told me he knew I was there. At some point he'd look up - ready to listen. I only ever did this for stuff I thought important otherwise I would leave him alone.

The LW's best bet is to try to do this with his girlfriend and overtly carve out time for them to bet together - the over breakfast is perfect. I'm warning him though, she might just not get how devastating even a brief interruption can be to the creative process. My mother never did and would shout into my father's studies general chit-chat. It drove him up the wall.

@Patrick:

> A computer programmer might have a couple of options to get from point a to point b, but essentially, it's an exact science. A creative process has more options, some better than others.

As a software engineer and a novelist, I couldn't disagree with your more, Patrick.

The two disciplines are VERY similar. There are a thousand ways to solve each problem, and - more importantly - the act of tearing down a "close-but-no-cigar" solution and rebuilding a "yes-this-is-right" solution in its place can involve a few dozen remembered details, ideas, and threads that need to be resolved. And that's for both novel writing and big software projects.

@CousinDave is exactly right - the one tool that works for either software or novels is to hold up one finger, mutter "later" and keep working.

"My mother never did and would shout into my father's studies general chit-chat. It drove him up the wall."

I have a software consulting business, so interruptions can be particularly stressful - as if I don't get my work done, we can't keep paying our bills, it's that simple. I don't think I handle that stress very well, but I try keep in mind my wife cannot 'sense' the pressure I'm feeling.

I can't say I've found adequate solutions either, to be honest :/ .. so I don't even have much useful advice to offer LW, other than that already offered in the thread. I mean now we have a two-year-old around the house, too .. that isn't conducive to 'no interruptions'. My daughter loves to visit me in the office. I'm just 'getting by' on my work at the moment.

'Managing' interruptions is really something you have to work at though, I think, and probably your entire life. E.g. learn habits like turning the phone off for X hours or whatever. In the long term, try avoid life-distracting things like moving house - I moved way too many times.

Lobster - can you do more work outside the home, especially while your daughter is so so young she can't know better. Can you use an ipod to tune out things? Sounds like your wife, like my mother, doesn't really understand the carnage or interruptions on doing good work.

My father went to the University every day and his study was in the basement, where I wouldn't generally play, which kept the general noise level around him low. I think that really helped him.

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