"It's supposed to be a process of finding out about a person, not "I baited the hook; I caught the fish; now let's decide what's for dinner at the wedding!""

This is perfect. This absolutely sums up what is wrong about online dating expectations. I was home from work today and, sadly, watching the Steve Harvey show. There was a woman on there who was lamenting that she can't seem to get the online dating thing down. Her complaint was that she, "couldn't get to know everything about someone within the two or three paragraphs allotted."

This is the misconception that turned me away from online dating very quickly. That is, that you should be able to completely know someone based on their online profile. No! That's not the point! The point is to be presented with people that you'd be interested in getting to know while spending time together on a date or two, or three.

If you're on an online dating site, you should be interested in dating. That means that you'd be interested in getting to know the person "off-line". You needn't know them completely through five hundred emails and seventeen phone conversations before you ever meet for a goddamn cup of coffee.

By the way, what is the letter writer's friend whining about? I'm betting that he paid for the fucking dinners, etc.

Well, after all that ranting, I'd have to agree with the letter writer's girlfriend. Those online people are fucking out of their heads, bat-shit, crazy. I wouldn't do it again.

I got rejected once by a woman who posted at LotsofFish, that she wanted a fly fishing partner. I love fly fishing, but haven't actually killed any fish lately with my vintage cane fly rod. Mainly, I haven't found anyone to go with. I dodged a bullet that time-- she'd probably have some other hoops lined up for later.

For example, if you want a guy who likes art museums and going to cultural events (which she does), you'd better hang out in an art museum to find a date.

Adorable. On the whole, it will probably be true that a guy she meets in an art museum is a guy who is interested in art, but it will also be true that a few of those guys will be hanging around an art museum to find a woman looking for a date. Just being in a place at the same time isn't enough to judge on, LW's friend. Going on the above statement and the "The internet was mean to me" attitude, I think Amy's right about Friend's real problem. She's expecting the Dating Gods to throw the perfect man at her because she showed up at the right place wearing lipstick. Vet, Friend. Vet early and vet often.

I think it's a mistake for her not to keep online dating, because I think she'll meet a lot more men.

Dear Friend,

Mind your own damn business. It's her life, not yours.

Boston MFA used to have a singles night every week.

My primary hobbies are reading, cooking, gardening, and mountain biking. Which club should I join? Only two of these were interests when I married: I'll ask my husband if he thinks I pulled a bait and switch.

If she truly can't live without someone who loves art museums, then she needs to be clear about that in her profile. No "I love art and culture," but "I love visiting art museums, and it's vital to me that my partner does, too. If you don't love art museums, good luck in your search, but we're not a good match."

Then she needs to get to know people in real life. He might love art but have other attributes that turn her off. He's not likely to admit that he picks his nose in public on his profile.

I like going to art museums, and I met the last woman I was with on one of our "First Thursday" artwalks in the Pioneer Square neighborhood. She actually approached me and started chatting/flirting. According the the Law of Evolutionary Psychology, I was supposed to be appalled and repulsed by her initiative but, since I'm a lawbreaker, we started seeing each other.

Going to artwalks, or individual museums, seems to me to be a good place for women to meet men, at least here in Seattle. Every time I've gone on one of these artwalks, or to a gallery opening, there are always more men than women.

J'étais un tigre.

Got to agree with MonicaP on that. Too many people put rather general stuff on-line and expect people to know exactly what they meant by it.
To me one of the most cringe worthy phrases was I like good music. Which means what? that you consider the music you like to be "good".
Going to museums is probably the best way for her to meet a guy, but will take some work on her part. It also doesn't mean you burn bridges because the first guy you met on line wasn't perfect.